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Jodie Nicole

PO# 128675
United States
United States
Writing is a beautiful and honest way to bare my soul. I love it. :-)
September 3, 2018
 

I do not need the recognition,
     Or the sales.
I do not required being seen,
       Just heard.

One voice among the millions,
    Easily drowned out
Except by those who need to hear it.
The ones whom my words touch,
The few that need the spark,
Those who need to know they are not alone.

~Jodie Nicole~

MAKE IDEAS HAPPEN
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September 3, 2018
 

I wake up, you're not here.
You were so vivid in my dreams
I could reach out and touch you
Watch you breathe, feel your hands on my skin, your breath on my cheek.
The anguish of you leaving...

Stays with me when I wake
       alone

My dreams haunt me,
   Reminders of that which I wish to forget

Plague me
   As my heart tries to heal.

Remind me
   That my bestfriend, lover, is truly gone.

And that the heart can be as cruel as it is kind.

~Jodie Nicole~

MAKE IDEAS HAPPEN
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September 2, 2018
 

I've known your answer from the beginning. I just wanted to hear you say it, but I know you too well. You'll sit in limbo until someone makes the choice for you.

Life is about change, as scary as that seems. Change is what makes life worth living, the break in the mundane, the excitement of the moment, the little adventures that come with learning something new.
The knowledge gained from loving someone as much as I've loved you.

October 29th will bring about a big change for me; one that's equal took place almost 17 years ago, when I was to naive to fully comprehend its impact. I'm older now, more knowledgeable and more terrified about the labor. While also more confident about the careta...

MAKE IDEAS HAPPEN
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August 29, 2018
 

Dear M,

    It's funny or maybe even normal, idk...but when I think about preparing for this baby (birth announcements, baby names, online photo album for family, etc) I find myself wanting to converse with you. Yet, that's silly, you've made your stance very clear, about the baby at least. Your stance about me not so much, you did say I could come to you about anything...so why can't I bring myself to talk you about this? Our...or my child? Because I do not want to manipulate your decision. I want you to make this choice from your heart, not your sense of obligation. Even if I know you'll avoid it for as long as possible.
So, instead of texting/calling you I'm writing you here. In a place ...

MAKE IDEAS HAPPEN
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August 23, 2018
 

I want...

To wake up with my bestfriend.
To fall asleep with him curled up beside me.

I want to love him, fight with him, make up...

I want the amazing days together, along with the boring tedious ones.

I want to watch him raise his/our children, with a laugh as they do something cute, or a scowl when they do something wrong.

To see his "discipline face" and know we will laugh about it later.
To see his "angry at the world face" and know I can calm him.

To watch him act like a boy with his friends, and act like a man with his parents.

To feel him watching me,  with that smile only I know.

I want all these things and so much more...
              But

They are not worth the happines...

FOLLOW YOUR HEART
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August 14, 2018
 

I feel weak.
   Thoughts of the past swirling
   around me.

Memories of us,
    Bestfriend, lover, safety net,
filling my thoughts.
   Despite your betrayal.

I can not allow myself to fully believe,
     that you are awful.

I do not want to believe,
      that you are selfish.

Yet, I have to believe you are gone,
     despite your quick responses to  
     my texts.

You want things to stay the same.
     Always the same, always me by
     your side, your silent partner
     in crime, and between the
     sheets.

Life should not work like that,
     when you claim to be in love.

I want the light,
     while hidden in the shadows.
I need reality,
    more than our fantasy.
I trusted yo...

LOVE IS ALL WE NEED
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August 11, 2018
 

Space, I've given you (again)
     when I know your answer.

Hope, (silly fool that I am) wants me to be wrong.

Time, (that your buying) will not change anything.
     Just elongates the deception, for your vanity does not want to accept the truth.

You are as awful as you feared.

~Jodie Nicole~

BE KIND
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August 9, 2018
 

     You were relieved when I did not get the abortion, you asked me to get. Not because you changed your mind, but because of the guilt. Guilt for asking me to commit murder, when you knew it could break me.  Guilt for knowing you wouldn't be there for me as I bleed out. Guilt for requesting that I murder our child, for you are the only killer between us. It was in the line of duty, fire fights happen in war zones after all, but he is still dead.
      I had thought you had changed your mind, about our child, I still hope that you do. I know you won't .
      Some say I should be angry, seek vengeance, force you to take responsibility  no matter the consequences. That if I don't do these th...

BE KIND
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June 23, 2018
Oconomowoc, United States

You send me your love
      But not your concerns
You send me your love
        Mixed with silence
You send me your love
         And continue your absence
You send me your love
          Yet take no action.
I believe you and it doesn't change a thing
I do not send back my love
      But I do love you
I do not send back my love
        Just my silence
I do not send back my love
          And continue to face this alone
I do not send back my love
          Yet hope you'll eventually take action

You sent me your love, thats nice, but it doesn't change a thing
       You still refuse to take responsibility.
  While I carry the full burden.

~Jodie Nicole ~

LOVING
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June 19, 2018
Lake Mills, United States

The thing with parenting is that you never know if your doing it right. You just hope that you dont screw up your kids to much.

CHERISH MOMENTS
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June 19, 2018
Lake Mills, United States

The worst and most frusterating thing in the world is watching your child respond to pain. Horrible when you can't do anything about it and frusterating when they are making it worse for themselves and not following any guidance you can give to reduce it.
I hate it when I lose my cool, but its more helpful than allowing my anguish to take over.

MOTHERLY LOVE
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June 16, 2018
Lake Mills, United States

Choosing the path of love can be the most difficult thing in the world, yet also the most gratifying.

JN

LIFE IS SIMPLE
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June 12, 2018
 

Dear Tess,
   Your Angel left, through no fault of your own. Yet he managed to blame you anyways. His moral righteous blinded by societies double standards, pushed you from the golden pedestal he designed for you. Woven from a book barely understood, with morals pulled out to abide societies snobbery.  
Yet, you remained strong, trudging your way through life. Keeping your head up, and your heart pure; for your love for him went deep, despite his betrayal.  You're strong, independent, willing to stand on your own two feet and forge ahead. It's ok to occasionally break down, you need to, to prevent the rush of emotions from breaking down your defences.
   Your family is your only weakness, an...

RESILIENT
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May 24, 2018
 

Dear Universe,
   The only thing I know for sure is that we are in love with each other.
The rest is just, reality...
I know his actions speak volumes contradicting this, and  I own up to his fear; along with his  innate desire to self-punish. Maybe I'm foolish, maybe just strong willed, or maybe the knowledge that he is and has been in love with me for years helps me let go.  For letting go is all I can do, for him, for myself, for the child in my womb.
I trust that all will be as it is meant to be, as long as I do not hold on to what I want it to be.

Love and Light,

~Jodie Nicole ~

WRITE YOUR OWN STORY
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April 22, 2018
 

My dreams speak of love, a new.
A crush turning into a kiss, as secrets spill.
A moment turns into a day, as he keeps watch over me, returning to me, kissing me, confiding in me.
Laugher and conversation flows, hope bubbles, but does not ruin the moment.
Plans made for future adventures, then I wake.
Happy yet confused.
For my last dream of him, woke me with a kiss.
And my reality of him, is non-existent.
Just a passing wave of smile, that I haven't exprienced in a while.

**ok, this needs work, but I wanted to get it out before I forgot.

EVALUATE YOUR LIFE DAY
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April 21, 2018
 

One door closes, another opens.
Time shifts, repeats, and moves forward.
You left me broken, he put me back together.
He's gone, you've returned.
His silence is deafening,
And your apologies mean nothing.

~Jodie Nicole~

EVALUATE YOUR LIFE DAY
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April 9, 2018
 

Wild Horse, roaming free
Just the way you were made to be.

"Why don't you tame him?"
They once said to me.

I smile, and watch as he gallops by,
Mane flowing, muscles tense, a sparkle of delight in his eye.

"I could tame him, break him down,
Make him mine for all to see.
I could show off his beauty, his grace, and pride myself on his docileness.
But he'd lose that spark of joy in his eyes, he'd lose his ability to gallop far and wide, and he'd begin to resent me.

So no, I will not tame him, the man I love.

I will not turn him into my hard won prize, my entitlement turning his joy into fear and uncertainty, as he yearns for the freedom he once enjoyed.

No, I will watch and wait,
I will ...

NOBODY IS PERFECT
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March 22, 2018
 

Double Standards

They will whisper that I am a whore.
Even though I am in love,
with the only man I've been with
for years.

The same man who cried his misery
In my arms, and told me I was the one he wanted to spend his life with.

The one I planned a future with,
Chosen baby names with,
Trusted, he'd always be my rock...

I shouldn't care what others think.
But I do.
This child, that I can not abort,
will never know his/her father.
Yet all everyone else will see
is me, single, and pregnant.
While he, the father, goes on
To live his lackluster life.
Free from societies contempt.
Knowing my love will protect him.
Knowing I'll be labeled the whore.
Counting on societies double standards to ...

RANDOM ACTS OF POETRY - DAY
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March 20, 2018
 

Silence.

Lost in thoughts.

You're not one of them.

Peace feels good.

~Jodie Nicole~

RANDOM ACTS OF POETRY - DAY
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March 20, 2018
 

Eight weeks, two days
Deadline has passed,
My little wolf is still here.
Heartbeat is strong,
movement un-felt,
seen on a screen.

One week, one day.
Since I told you my choice.
You are not here.
Heartbeat unheard,
Movement unknown.
Silence, heartbreaking.

~Jodie Nicole~

I LOVE WRITING DAY
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March 18, 2018
 

Dear Universe,

Why?

Jn

I LOVE WRITING DAY
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March 6, 2018
Oconomowoc, United States

My heart is heavy,
my choices few.
My life disrupted,
from my love for you.

I trusted your protection,
your love for me strong.
I trusted your eyes,
when you caressed my face.
I trusted your touch,
as you held me close when I cried.
And I trusted your words,
when you said you'd always be by my side.

Your gentle touch,
comforted me.
Your gentle kisses,
heartfelt.
Youre reluctance to say good-bye,
noted.
Your support,
lopsided.
Your betrayal....

My heart is heavy.
My choices few.
My love disrupted,
for our child in my womb.

I trusted you'd be there for us...
I'm such a fool.
-JN-

PULSE
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February 25, 2018
 

Restless nights;
Long, tired days;
Uncertainty all around.
Courage is key,
but I need to speak to thee.
To hear your choice,
Listen to what you feel,
to help make this real.
Or, curb my guilt,
my need to please,
And to know that
you're still in love with me.

~Jodie Nicole~

LETTRS BLACK AND WHITE
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February 23, 2018
 

Do you still ponder, my love?
Are thoughts churning in your head as you wrestle with, anger and guilt, love and friendship, denial and avoidance..
You & Me

I'm Letting it Go.
My worry and doubt, frustration and acceptance, my guilt well placed.
For I too wanted something different,
A smile from a well placed hand.
The burst of energy you emit when your happy and excited.
Late night converstations, early morning cuddles.
Lack of sleep grumpiness.
Life as we had planned...when you were happy and excited.
Reality on the fringes.

Do you still ponder, my love, a road not taken?

~Jodie Nicole~

LETTRS BLACK AND WHITE
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February 22, 2018
 

What is best for you, my love?
What is best for us?
This little wonder grows, is loved,
Is unwanted...
By you? Or is fear talking,
Guiding your steps.
Maybe reality, for you've always been the logical one.
When you're not allowing your romanticism to take flight.
We've always balanced each other,
Being strong so the other could fall apart.
Only you rarely choose that route, preferring to be my strength, than admit to your own weaknesses.
So what about our little wolf?
Is he the force that will drive us apart?
Forged in love, broken by reality...or a sense of honor.
Unable to look at each other if our little wolf  leaves.
Resentment may grow if he stays.
So, what is best for you, my love?
Wha...

LETTRS BLACK AND WHITE
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February 20, 2018
 

I look in your eyes to see love and compassion, mixed with fear.
The love is for me,
The compassion for my tears,
fear for the words that just left my lips, chilling you to the core.
A spark of happiness covered by the fear.
A desire longed for,met; timing all wrong, panic sets in.
Am I ready for this?

~Jodie Nicole~

LITTLE ONE
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February 14, 2018
 

Is your love, for me an abuse?
Another string on the long line of men who've misused me, with misconstrued honorable intentions ?
Is our "healthy relationship" just another fabrication of my desire to be loved?
Is the one place I feel safe, a lie of my own making?

My walls are my cage, forged for protection, years ago.
Keeping me withdrawn from those around me, safety my crutch, my reason to withdraw.
My reason to never fully open up, self-defense forged from a time long forgotten; a seed planted by I don't know whom, life behind the walls of my own making.
Yet I let you in behind my walls.
Shown you my true self, trusted your love, how can that be abuse?
It's not, except you are unwilling ...

RESILIENT
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February 14, 2018
Lake Mills, United States

Love is the order of the day.
A celebration of relationships,
Hallmark holiday, fueling consumers needs for "romance".
A day for love, a day to remind the lonely of thier loneliness.
A day for couples in love.
Not a day for self love, for who thinks of such things amongst the chocolates, flowers, and candle lit dinners?
Yet, isn't self love just, of not more important?

There should be a day where love isn't about us, but me; where no one is set up to feel left out, and everyone can celebrate love.
Hallmark, chocolates and candle lit dinners,  for one.
Love of self, a concept many struggle with;  and most forget about, when thier focus is on the fairy tale of  "You complete me."

~Jodie Ni...

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY
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February 13, 2018
 

Dear Universe,

Are you giving me a sign?
My heart was racing, the emotions coming fast, as I hold back my tears;
unsuccessfully.
My phone's beeping, notification... notification...notification..
and my pocketbook is slowly emptying.
Anxiety is high, worry higher...am I f-ing up again??
Deep breath, so I can still hear the little voice say,
"It's going to be alright."
Hopes run high, fears run higher.
phone continues to beep...
Another notification, another like...
what's going on?
My writing isn't that good, is it?
Criticism  creeps in, "You're not good enough! You're throwing away money!"
Tears pool as I try to wipe the naysayer away.
Phone beeps again.
Another notif...

DON'T BE AFRAID
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February 13, 2018
 

Dreams,
Windows to our unconscious wants and desires?
Yet, I don't want him; or do I?
The first dream woke me with a kiss,
Shocked by his boldness.
The second included another,
Tumbling in his bed; I, the unwilling voyeur, drawn into the mix as she disappears.
Kisses are not as sweet, desire turns into caretaker.
Is it his supposed friendship I miss?
The desire to watch him interact with others, while also sparing time for me;
Friendship, my ultimate desire,
Attaining that, a mystery blocked by my inability to open up.
Broken by trust one to many times,
Not sure I'd beable to find all the pieces to put myself back together.
Voyeur, with a smile-minimum input
Forgotten.
Safe that way
Dreams...

LOVE YOURSELF FIRST
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