Can someone please explain for me,
How is it two people perceive a year differently?
I mean, logically, no elaboration is needed.
But with those hundreds of nights in question,
All I'm left with, is open endings.
How many 'I love you's were genuine?
Come to find out you don't benefit from simple conversation. It's my fault our demise reached fruition.
"You can never be wrong"
"You're the only person I've ever met that I can't have a conversation with"
"You're stupid, why don't you get it"
"All I do is take care of you and spend money on you"
"Leave me alone"
"I don't care if you leave, do whatever makes you happy"
So I stayed
It made me feel like if I can fix or...
I asked if you felt feelings after hearing about my suffering
You said you felt nothing
Why the h e double hockey sticks am I still here
Stress has my conscience a mess
Where I lay my head doesn't always feel like home
Is this stomach trench worth the comfort
I endure this for us
Disgrace covers my eyes
Read that last line a few times
The setting set in
I'm a cheetah with a price tag lower than thrift shops
I'm even half-off
Is this self esteem sucking team worth it
It is for him
They can make his dreams come true, I was never the one for you
I wonder what you gain from shooting this close to home.
Arrows spun twisted around your brothers.
You told me they were blood bound,
After they struck me down,
You made silent sounds.
Ended with, "Good shit".
Basically, you encouraged it.
I separate self from relationship.
Frankly, I'm disappointed to have believed in broken bulbs.
Like there's some residual light shining off the shards of sharp glass.
A finger to prick would do the trick.
Physical pain brings focus.
If I slam my brain it's because you burned it away.
I'm fighting to feel something.
You got yourself too fucked up
Said we’d talk when I got home
I arrive and you’re half a bottle deep
My wounds still weep
Steepin and creepin
Worked ten hours straight
All for that paper
Like this love is up for debate
I beg for reasons not to masterbate
Open up this shell I made me
You cracked clams until pussy became a lame fish for drinkin
Pay attention to me
Don’t make me beg for a home
I live here son
I loved here
I broke here
I’ll die on the roadside by my decaying eyes
If I’m lucky I’ll resurrect with the sunrise
I'd like to rest somewhere safe.
All these scabs and scrapes..
You tear them off like band aids.
I've bled railways out into tributaries.
Rearranged landscapes and heart strings.
All just to find you.
I'd pay a pretty penny for a one way ticket to your bedside...
On our best nights you find me for free.
I think I'll keep riding the red tide.
..I hear sometimes people are found when they're lost.
What is this vortex in my chest?
Swelling and swallowing, each smile I grow
Glum is my tum
And I wonder why you don’t love me like they do.
I hypothesize there’s something stifling your light
Projected down onto mine
Like I don’t make you shine the same
It’s all a form of feeling depressingly nothing to no one
Reality is what I perceive
And I’ve seen a lot of mean
Some of you gave it to me directly
I’m not being fed
Somewhere there’s a screw loose
My repair man is a monkey in leather shoes
No wonder I’ve been nothing but blue
What does a monkey know about living with you?
You walk around like they know you
Cordial conversations and who’s it what’s it’s
It’s like you pretend to be god, but if you can’t forgive yourself then stop wasting our time
Remove and block me online and apologize
It was a mistake
Like pressing the red button on every avenue didn’t make you guilty if you openly told me
You talk shit to so many lost souls, in fear it’d get back to me, you said it to my face.
And apologized saying,
“I’d rather you hear it from me than someone else”
Like I would forgive you for stabbing my back and my eyes at the same time!
That’s why I left you behind.
The story ends with your tail between your legs, I see that’s where it’s always been. Go piss...
I wish you were bothered like me
How do your feelings not make you feel things?
It incapacitates me to consider thinking without oceans of emotion shifting your tide.
What a simple way that must be to live life.
How interesting to imagine no strife.
Are you ever anxious about life?
Can’t you comfort my sides?
I told you I need leveling from time to time.
Gently remind me I’m alive in love, I’ll turn over and kiss the heavens, breathing angel cloud lungs
I’m disappointed in myself
Help me grow in your love
I’ve been losing weight and mind space
We should be moving the other way
My stomach is river stones and queen bed pebbles.
I lived in your bedroom for eight months.
We made a family and placed lots.
Still I can't shake the soft release of your arm.
Your dreams insight jealousy and insecure feelings.
Erupting from my throat like locusts,
I'd accuse you again if I could walk away with clean hands.
I can't trust myself.
You failed the tests I presented you with.
We're both out of luck.
This was supposed to be love.
I thought this was my love.
I felt the change in your muscles.
You can't tell me you fell back asleep..
I felt the difference change on me.
Call myself foolish for begging,
If I push the stone bridge will it collapse in?
I can't afford explosions to sabotage your steps.
All I have is my own strength.
All I have is my own strength.
Remind me how to sleep alone.
If you're not holding me, where is home?
All I have is your strength.
All I have is your strength.
I felt the change in your eyes.
Like the room pressurized and time seized with your pulse.
Do I smell guilt?
Darling, what did you do to deserve this?
Remind me what you said about it back then, and how you swore you never lie.
Do mine eyes deceive me?
You said this bond was bone deep.
Hooked right through your jaw.
Then she bubbled up,
Hurt my heart to hear you mumble her name.
Broke my back bone to whisper, beg, explain my suffering.
How can you love me, and her too?
I'd never leave you.
You defend a bond that's been years dead.
Break me and I fight for healing.
She broke you and kept you under her thumb,
Three cheers for the broken heart king.
He swore off romance and loving.
Now I'm trying to revive his last breaths of life.
Give him a chance to thrive.
Know a love that won't desert his kind.
I adore the sides.
A to B
And everywhere in between...
We clothed our bodies in red
Not for blood
Not for glory
For the hope that one day we will all live in love
We marched down Main Street for weeks
Narrow alley ways
Capital buildings and church steeples
More often than not
Hope is preyed upon by the selfish, the lonely
Our group slowly dwindled down to two members
The weeks of protest brought sickness
Death by control officer men
We fought peacefully..
The two stared into one another
Searching for some secret
A thread of danger
None could sense either
It appeared they were in good company
They knew the dream to love lives on
The city blocks wailed
Rejoicing in their fight
We fell apart that night
I could never have anticipated the reconnect
Like you ground my soul to star dust,
Only to smash my bones back to concrete foundations.
To love is to hurt, but to heal and become stronger with one another-
That is a lasting forever lifetime kind of love.
I learned the pain was more deep than physical scars.
His jowl sang ancient songs of war
Icarus soared and still fell in a pool of wax tides
We soar and fall
Just enough to uncomfortably grow
Enough to rise back together to healing love
Dreams were born from old buried mood swings.
My tantrum was tamed and I mourned a dead grave.
No more shall I speak of old names.
It's about us, together, these four...
Today I discovered a tiny colored hair on my clean laundry.
It burned your name.
Fiery and short.
My eyelids shut
As if closing my vision erases the memory.
Trying to shake off the nightmare simply, like it’ll disappear the same way sleep holds dreams. And waking life pleasantly washes them away. Day to day. Living separate life’s under threads of godly veils.
You’re testing my lesson in forgiveness and patience.
I’ve always been the one person who had reserves stocked and ready to heal.
Feeling your betrayal coat my skin in muck reminds me how fucked I’ve become.
I could punish myself again.
Refrain from feeding, call it religious fasting.
I can blame my empty pockets and Je...
I always wished I made your hands feel full with out referring to my attitude.
If the curves were enough don't you think I'd feel the love?
I beg to feel touch
I cry under pillows in efforts to silence moans of foreign loves
I simply am not enough
My name is not the one you call
I don't know if it ever will be
If you didn't lie so hastily
Maybe this wouldn't feel so sharp to me
If we had fluid connection don't you think I'd feel comfortable to sleep?
All these stubborn answers for listless questions
This isn't some test for passing
It's my soul
If you don't bring fire and sweetness I fear I'll be lost entirely
I thought you asked me to stay because you lo...
Live with me
She laser etched this wish into the back of his head
No amount of coercion can harmlessly join two units
If it's selfish, it'll crumble like dust and old fast food receipts
You could feed me more healthily
Had the idea crossed your mind
Do you desire to nourish or satisfy a minimum qualification?
I put myself in your shoes.
I do this when I feel blue.
In efforts to understand the truth.
In efforts to comprehend how you easily lost.
I can't build a scenario that paints you pretty
It's like truth crept in and suddenly my lesson didn't match the text book.
I turned in assignments in a foreign language
I expected you to wear your Katie shoes for this event
I was elated by the idea of you.
Resting beside you each morning.
Entranced by the notion I could be the single boat to sail your ocean.
What an insane wish to commit.
I always knew better than this.
A sinful way to selfishly transform him.
Become a butterfly from fly larvae toe juice.
Guts torn open under surgery lights.
My songs are seasons to immortalize our kind,
The over feeling leechy Queens.
We're the life of the party,
Until they stop watching.
We grow into the wall and watch the watering hole swell.
If I drink more, maybe I'll be numb like them.
If I smell this, and smoke that, I bet I'll forget my past.
I was elated by my time spent with you.
Each day golden, sp...
My mind is a bullet from Clark's eye
Light speed washes memories
I thought I wanted to keep the ones of you with me
Until you unveiled your secret
I feel separation start to brew
No children in a future for you
My mind is molasses mush pie
I'm slowly crawling
Surrounded by fleets of marathon runners
And PTA moms
If you're not running
You're in the support line
I don't fit anywhere inside their parade time
I'm the gravel
Exoskeletons and bruised fruit pits
I feel useless for this
I've felt listless without a purpose
I love you in each second I find the time
I wonder what it's like to be the apple of your eye
Sparkles shine when I remember you're alive
It's a m...
What is this swirling vortex in my chest?
It swells and swallows my regrets.
Feelings of painful learning, permanent.
I tore down my walls.
I sang every fear and insecurity out of me.
No one's listening,
I'm not learning.
Hypothesize how my heart grew to this size-
Despite the years of missed feedings.
Even though I felt the cover receding,
There was no human to comfort my needing.
I still wonder why you don't love me like they do.
Every evening spent beside you,
Except maybe two..
I drove home in a fury.
Replay the screaming and how you shut the door on me.
Never even asked if I still had feelings.
Discard me for irrational thinking.
I'm always swimming in clouds