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June 11, 2019
 

my last words to my last mistake:

i never learn do i? even after you mess with my brain twice i allow you to do it a third time. only this time i know i’m not the only one fucked up. you said you would stay with me for a long time, you never planned on leaving. i said you couldn’t be sure of when you’d leave me, that it could be the next day. little did we both know that i in fact would be the next day that i began pushing you away. you wanted something from me that i couldn’t provide and you just couldn’t understand that i wasn’t able to provide what you wanted me to. my lack of answers pushed you to your breaking point. however, i never caused you to say what you did to me. i never provoke...

PASSION OVER PERFECT
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February 20, 2019
 

hey...
yesterday you said how i make you so happy. i’m glad that i do but i don’t think you understand how happy you make me. the last person to show any interest in me fucked me over repeatedly, and for some reason i kept going to them. i have only myself to blame and i know that. a week after i decided i needed someone new to cloud my thoughts you came waltzing into my life. i seriously couldn’t stop smiling yesterday. you’re just so sweet and kind and it’s been forever since someone has been like that. you call me pretty, and beautiful, and goofy. you always joke around with me and i absolutely adore it. you’re seriously the best... please don’t break me.

-words i write but won’t send-

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WHITE CLOCK
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February 5, 2019
 

you know those people that your eye catches within a minute? like i could be basically anywhere with hundreds of people and somehow i’ll still be able to find you immediately. i’ve come to notice that you can do the same... i’ll walk by in the middle of my friend group, hidden from the world, and you can still find me every time i pass by. i saw it twice today, the look on your face when you find me is something resembling pain or regret. regret of the pain you caused me multiple times, the pain of knowing what you did. i hate that. i hate that you basically feel anything because of me... stop feeling regretful about what happened. it pains me to know that i’ve caused that, and you know that...

SLAPPIN' THE BASE
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February 1, 2019
 

i saw a picture of you just now... i wasn’t expecting it and it took me into captivity. i could physically feel my heart stop, i forgot how to breathe for a second or two. i don’t regret what happened.... but i can’t help but think that maybe if it didn’t happen, if i chose to stay inside that night, that we’d still be friends. i miss you more than ever. every second of every day i miss seeing your name randomly popping up on my screen. and i can act as strong as i want, i can say how much i don’t miss you, how much of an asshole you are, how much i don’t need you... but by the end of the day it’s you that my mind wanders to, it’s your picture that took me into captivity, it’s you that stops ...

LONE SOULS
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January 28, 2019
 

walking in the snow all day brought simple questions to my mind... what if it was you walking beside me instead of who was? would you have made a track through the deep snow so my ankles wouldn’t freeze? would you have called me names and smiled bigger than ever like you always used to? i’m not fully sure what would happen if it were you that froze out there with me, but i do know that a big part of me wishes it were you that i was with all day. that you were the one i cuddled up next to on the couch when i got home. that i could hear your voice jokingly call me “dummy” just once more. i miss you more than ever at the most inconvenient times everyday.

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MARTHA LUCIA
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January 27, 2019
 

from the very first moment i looked into your eyes all i saw was emotion. the thing you lacked in showing everyone, i was able to see in those five seconds. even when you were with other people and seemed to not have emotions near them, i could see through your “tough guy” act and saw what you were hiding. i immediately noticed when something was wrong with you but i never did anything about it, and i’ll forever hold a grudge to myself for not being able to make sure you’re okay.

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CHIRAYU
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January 27, 2019
 

i think and i think and i’ll never stop. no matter how much i wish i could just erase you from my memory i have to come to the conclusion that you happened. i can’t forget that you weaseled yourself into my life just to waltz out of it like a coward. the thought that i actually gave you a second chance humors me because you did the same thing you were “sorry” for two weeks earlier. however, i put no blame nor hatred towards you, i can act like i wish you were gone all i want but in the end i’m well aware that you taught me a valuable life lesson. you fully showed me that nothing is permanent, that people can drop you at any second of the day. and that i can’t let people leaving unexpectedly ...

POOJA WAHANE SUBMISSION
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