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lettrstob

PO# 546056
India
India
Nomad. Meanie. @lettrstob on Instagram
September 15, 2018
 

Dear B,

I envy lyricists a lot. They have this power to take something so trivial and embellish it in a way that it transcends the masses. Don't you wish you possessed that power? Like you can do so much with it.

..𝘱𝘦𝘩𝘭𝘦 𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘮 𝘯𝘢 𝘴𝘢𝘩𝘪, 𝘱𝘩𝘪𝘳 𝘣𝘩𝘪 𝘬𝘢𝘣𝘩𝘪 𝘵𝘰...
...𝘙𝘢𝘴𝘮-𝘰 𝘳𝘢𝘩-𝘐 𝘥𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘺𝘢 𝘩𝘪 𝘯𝘪𝘣𝘩𝘢𝘢𝘯𝘦 𝘬𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘺𝘦 𝘢𝘢..

𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘧 𝘸𝘦'𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦,
𝘍𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 (𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦)

I think I'll roll over and die now.

-B

NEVER FORGET
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September 14, 2018
 

Dear B,

I was not sure how to react to that. Maybe I needed to hear it one more time, from you. How did you do it, B? Get over everything? Was it difficult? I'm sure it must have been so. How do you feel now? Like isn't there anything that's left? How could you pick the happy memories from the sad? I clearly don't have the heart to that. Call me a wuss. A day passed. Not knowing the answers to these questions was eating me up. I couldn't possibly comprehend the gravity of what you suggested. And that's precisely why I asked you to reiterate what you told me on Friday. You said you'll text me at night 'cause you were running late to meet him. I said I was returning from the farewell dinner ho...

NEVER FORGET
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September 14, 2018
 

Dear B,

A close friend, who was more than a colleague, was leaving for the States and it was her last day in office. After she got done with her formalities, I walked her to her cab, hugged her tight and waved as she left. Needless to say, I felt a little sad to see her go away. It hit home when I realized there's a grim chance of me seeing her ever again. I mean who knows! Just about then, you called. You said you could sense my despair in my voice. You tried to comfort me and you said that it's okay, people do move on and all we ought to do is take the happy parts outta whatever is it that we shared and in the process, move on ourselves. As is customary, I laughed it off in a hope that per...

NEVER FORGET
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September 3, 2018
Pune, India

Dear B,

I've been asked why do I choose to write letters instead of sucking it all up and moving the fuck on. Do you want to know why I write 'em, B? When we buried our relationship, we also had to bid adieu to the our times together, our dreams which were intertwined and filled with hope, hope of spending more time, embarrassing and laughing at one another, of growing in the process and perhaps eventually falling for each other, as miserably as we could. We had to say goodbye to all of that. Maybe I was ready, or maybe I wasn't. But it did end, all of it.

I like to believe that these letters are the flowers I bring to the grave : the grave of our times together.

-B

MAKE IDEAS HAPPEN
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August 31, 2018
Pune, India

Dear B,

I understand it gets awkward for you. When he and I are in the same room. You want to cozy up to him but you don't want to see me hurt. I understand that. I also realize how bad my deceptive skills are. I can't even mask the slightest emotion. Is that what drove you away, B? No, I ain't going there again. I'm writing to let you know, let myself know that it is not fair on my part to impose upon you the fact that I haven't really moved on. Nor will I ask you if you still have feelings for me. I wouldn't want to put you in an odd position. I will swerve things in a way that there'll be no harm done to you.

I have stories I'll never tell you, B.

-B

MAKE IDEAS HAPPEN
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August 31, 2018
Pimpri-Chinchwad, India

Dear B,

He invited me over for a cup of tea and I couldn't refuse because obviously I had no reason, not to. I have managed to avoid talking to you for like a while now for I had no answers to your questions about me feeling low. On reaching, he greeted me and asked me if I needed anything to go with my tea. I refused stating that I had to leave early. Minutes later I heard the door bell ring and I kinda figured it must be you. And it was you. He helped you settle down and went to the kitchen to fix us a quick bite. You were surprised to see me there. The fact that I was in the room alone with you, made me a little uneasy. You started asking about my whereabouts and what I've been busy with....

MAKE IDEAS HAPPEN
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August 14, 2018
 

Dear B,

Is this all we would be doing for the rest of our lives, B? Pushing each other away, whenever is it that we occasionally meet? And then suffer through that insatiable longing to hold each other or atleast talk or even see each other? Why do we have to fake it when we meet? Or is it just me? And you know I try hard to hold myself back, to not open up like I used to, to not show you my hurt. But I throw the caution to the wind the moment I meet your probing eyes. You don't know how taxing it has been. Oh and I have failed at times. I almost gave up. I was inches away from holding you and crying my heart out.

I guess I'm tired, B.

-B

LOVE IS ALL WE NEED
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August 13, 2018
Pimpri-Chinchwad, India

Dear B

I've this weird thing for sadness. Let's just say if you ask me to choose between a re-run of a sad movie and a new superhero movie, I'd probably have settled down with a box of tissues and a glass of rum already. I feel numb as it is. (And no, I don't blame anybody. It's just how I'm wired.) But heartbreaks? Oh I just dig them. The anguish of having to see your favourite character die or that dog who'd wait for his master's return which wasn't going to happen anytime soon or the siblings who have been denied justice for like, forever : I admit to having shamelessly cried at everything. I won't be exaggerating if I say, they kinda made feel alive.

And what does this have got to do wi...

BE KIND
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August 7, 2018
Pimpri-Chinchwad, India

Dear B,

You say you love my write-ups and I made sure I ran each one of them by you. Not that I fished for compliments, but you said they're heartfelt and that you liked the simplicity therein and I liked hearing it from you. On the contrary, I'm awkward around compliments. But somehow I'm at ease when it's you. Did you know your encouragement meant a great deal to me? I know I used to chide you away or laugh it off when you complimented me, but you should know that I was probably blushing on the inside.

I can't help but wonder. If you were to read these letters, would you fall for me again, B?

-B

SAY HELLO TO SUMMER
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August 6, 2018
Pimpri-Chinchwad, India

Dear B,

I haven't written to you in a long time. No, I have not forgotten you. Nor did I forget us. I've just withdrawn from anything and everything which even remotely reminds me of you. Is it bad, B? Because look at where I am right now. Running back to our thoughts, our memories, over and over again. Mine isn't a cry for help. Mine is a cry dreading oblivion. Yes, when Augustus Waters said that, of all things, he fears oblivion, I kinda got it for I fear the same. Do you not remember things? Was moving on easy for you? I'm assuming, it was not but I had to ask.

Then how did you put our story to rest?

-B

SAY HELLO TO SUMMER
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June 25, 2018
 

Dear B,

You ask me if I don't remember you at all. Are you fucking kidding me, B? How can I not? If only you could see how crazy I miss you; miss us rather! Our memories, you ask? Why do you think I've been writing them, these letters? Yes, I do fear oblivion, but more than that it's the fear of losing our memories that's grappling. I don't want to let them go. I want to hold onto them for a little while longer. They're all I've left of you, of us.

It's alright, B. You don't have to remember our memories. I'll remember them for the both of us.

-B

TEDx
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June 21, 2018
Pune, India

Dear B,

It's funny, you know? These letters that I've been writing, they contain our memories. They contain us, our times. The good ones and the bad. From our first date to those cute little things you do to the times when I first realized that I'm beginning to lose you to our drowsy dance, I've got it all covered. Or so I think. So it's only natural for me to go back to them if things get hard or even when I'm elated. They console me in times of despair and tickle me when I need a laugh. I go and read them once in a while. They make me feel sad and good at the same time.

I bet you would have also found it equally crazy.

-B

MAJOR STEPHEN REICH
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June 20, 2018
Pune, India

Dear B,

Changes, a lot of them. We're all affected and moulded by these changes. They're both terrifying and overwhelming at first for you're not used to them. We've changed so much, B. The calls, the visits, the embrace, the connection, everything seems to have gone missing. It's okay. I'm coming to terms with it. Dealing with them at my own pace, in my own way. But you wouldn't let me. Why can't you be okay with my changes when I'm supposed to be okay with yours? You keep complaining about how I've become silent, how I don't fight anymore. You want to know why do I prefer single word replies. Even worse, you texted me last night saying how you guys have been doing so much to cheer me up an...

MAJOR STEPHEN REICH
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June 19, 2018
Pimpri-Chinchwad, India

Dear B,

It was a cold breezy night. My hair was all sorts of messed up and so was yours. We were giggling away on utterly stupid memories. I was sleepy and you were still yapping. You muttered something indistinct and I don't quite remember what. All I did was a smile back. You ran your fingers along my jawline, and pressed your thumb against my lips. Before I could realize what's happening, you cupped my face and kissed me. Shivers, a couple of them ran down my spine. I pushed you away. I was hesitant and awkward. I was restless and confused for I couldn't grasp what just happened. And you. You shushed me and took into your arms whispering, "It's okay." I never felt as secure ever after.

S...

MAJOR STEPHEN REICH
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June 15, 2018
 

Dear B,

Birthday dinners have now become a drag. Everyone keeps yapping about their fortunes and mishaps and a host of other things I'm not really interested in discussing. Not anymore. It was one such dinner. I observed him ordering some Thai dish for you. And it was real good. I ordered some Mei noodles and I could barely eat two spoonfuls. It sucked. When it was time to leave, you picked up your stuff and hugged us all. You opened the door and stepped out. He didn't notice that you perhaps wanted him to walk you till your bike. You waited outside the door for him to look at you. But he wasn't looking. I called out to him and pointed him towards you. The sweet fellow that he is, he went ru...

HAPPY FATHERS DAY!
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June 14, 2018
 

Dear B

It was his birthday, so I couldn't refuse. He made me watch his favourite show, Grey's Anatomy. I was so not in the mood but I had to. The story begins with a couple of med interns trying to make it in the world of medicine. I won't lie. I found the plot a bit overrated. However, there's this one quote that I really liked. At the end of what seemed like an exhausting day, Meredith, the lead protagonist, retires to bed saying, "Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop."

Can you make it all stop, B?

-B

HAPPY FATHERS DAY!
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June 13, 2018
Pune, India

Dear B,

She was more of a friend than a colleague. Alas! If only she could stay. But she was travelling back to her hometown. For like, forever. Now that I think of it, I find almost everything aligned. Everybody's leaving, everybody's going away. Nonetheless, she had to go. All our colleagues got together and organized a farewell for her. Actually everyone needed a reason to drink. So did I. We drank to new beginnings, to the times which lied ahead. Two drinks later, they played that obnoxious hindi song again. Ugh! And guess who did I end up texting?

You.

-B

My Heart
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June 11, 2018
 

Dear B,

I didn't send you cat videos for a long, long time. You like cats dearly and it was an unspoken bond we shared. But I had to disconnect from you. Hence I stopped sending them altogether. However, it was a Saturday morning and I couldn't resist sending you a video of a ginger kitten curling up. You found it cute beyond measure. You then proceeded on to invite us over at his place for he was getting us sweets from his trip back home. It was sweet of him to do so but I really wasn't in a good state of mind. So I declined. You gave me a great deal of crap about how I'm just an unappreciative fuck who doesn't acknowledge his efforts. Like, seriously B? Is this what you think of me?

Two t...

NOBODY IS PERFECT
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June 10, 2018
 

Dear B,

My fondness for cats seems to be growing. Now I don't mind them nibbling at my feet or a bite or two, every now and then. Luca loves it when you pet his stomach. Belly rubs are synonymous to signing a bond where you agree to pay undivided attention and accept eternal slavery. Well obviously there's that occasional yawn and the back stretching in the shape of an arc. And if you feed him mutton, his purrs are worth the wait. Did you know they also snore? Luca has brown eyes, and brown whiskers too. His golden fur could give Persian cats a run for identity.

He reminds me of you in ways I can't possibly comprehend. You nuzzling against my nape, that bite on my shoulder to end arguments ...

NOBODY IS PERFECT
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June 8, 2018
 

Dear B,

I've been listening to Hannah's tapes. Boy was she troubled! I don't quite relate to the entire series but yeah there's this one part that gets me every time. It's when Clay visualizes Hannah recording those tapes. It's the Hannah inside his head.  'cause I see you too. Right across from where I'm seated right now, the table besides the glass window. I see you holding me softly, and I feel the warmth of your skin. You take a sip of my cup of black tea and you wriggle your nose. Your probing eyes, trying to get stuff outta me. I see it all. Just about then, my tea gets served. I thank the waiter and look back at the table, besides the glass window.

The table is empty.

-B

NOBODY IS PERFECT
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June 7, 2018
Pune, India

Dear B,

I clicked my cup of black tea and I scribbled a little something on top of it. "You're definitely my cup of tea" is what I wrote. Few minutes later, you replied, "You are." I didn't quite understand but I didn't delve any further. I simply said that I'm no Earl Grey tea. I didn't quite like it so I deleted the text and wrote, "But you like Earl Grey, don't you?" Then I wasn't sure if I wanted to know the answer to that question. So I deleted the text again and wrote what I had written earlier. Instagram allowed me to delete the former two messages but your notification panel showed you all three. You wrote how I asked you to atleast try Earl Grey tea for once. You simply complied and...

NOBODY IS PERFECT
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June 5, 2018
 

Dear B,

Five months ago, we were to meet at his place for the first time. You had just started seeing him and you wanted us to meet. I had come down from a trek and as luck would have had it, I reached prior to you guys. His was a sweet place. Blue lights adorned his room. He had a bed by the window, overlooking the Baner hill. I'm guess mornings must be mesmerizing over there. I freshened up and we got to talking. He seemed like a really nice person, B. He was insightful and heard my rants patiently. Upon your arrival, we raised the roof, as was customary. After we got done with dinner, we booked our cabs because it was getting late but you decided on staying back.

When we hugged that nigh...

WRITE YOUR OWN STORY
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June 4, 2018
 

Dear B,

It was the 4th of May, last year. It was also the second time we were meeting. We met via a common friend two weeks prior to that. But this time it was just us. I wore my grey shirt and I never wear shirts. When we met you asked me if I were always a blabbermouth. I admitted to being one, without an ounce of shame. The sangria and pasta was really good but the time we spent was even better. Post our dinner, you also offered a ride back home. On our way we passed that cute pizza place and we planned how we'd raid it one fine day. I hugged you and I got down.

Few minutes later I realized I dropped my phone in the cab. But you had left already. I didn't even remember your number and I...

WRITE YOUR OWN STORY
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June 1, 2018
Pune, India

Dear B,

We went to see off an old friend for he was moving out of town. I left an hour early since you hate it when I'm running late. My pool brought me to my co-passenger's apartment which also was where he stayed. I clicked a picture of the building and I sent it across to him to which he replied I nearly missed you because you were there since the night before and you had just left. On reaching, I ordered myself some black tea and sat beside the glass door. I saw you come in but you got lost in the crowd. Moments later, you held my waist from behind and stood right next to my ears and whispered, "Hey Bun".

After we were done, we stood at the stop while we awaited for our cabs. You took m...

WRITE YOUR OWN STORY
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May 17, 2018
Pune, India

Dear B,

You were going away to attend a friend's wedding. You had already handpicked your kurta way before it was actually time to make a move. He had offered you a matching chudidar from his wardrobe and you were overjoyed. However two nights before, when you came to stay over at his place, he couldn't seem to find it. You were annoyed and a little worried. Luckily, I also happened to own a pair and I offered those. You hesitantly said yes. I immediately got it ironed and even carried them all the way to office in a hope that you might come down to collect it. Later you said you are not coming because it was too much of a distance for you to travel just for some wedding apparel.

Funnily en...

LOVE IS ALL WE NEED
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May 16, 2018
 

Dear B,

Our chat backgrounds. Have you noticed them, B? Yours is a picture which I clicked on your birthday. You had worn blue and you met us post your office. You still looked cute despite the weariness. I was high on my rum, as usual. It was a good day. I made you a card with an orange cat on it. I have never been a cat person. I've always found them needy. But you love them. You squeal at the sight of them. You want to own like thousands of cats. Perhaps it would be the other way around 'cause cats own their hoomans. Anyway, your love for cats knows no bounds. Aren't you an adorable kitten yourself?

Do you know what my chat wallpaper is? It's a cat gazing away into the sunset.

-B.

LOVE IS ALL WE NEED
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May 15, 2018
Pimpri-Chinchwad, India

Dear B,

You keep asking what's wrong with me. You seem to find my silence unsettling. You urge me to react, to reply, to atleast utter something. You ask me out to movies and for coffee. Do you not know how hard it is for me to say no to you? Why do you have to make it any more difficult than it already is? More importantly, why do you have to ask me the reason for my withdrawal? Don't you know it already? Don't you see I'm reeling in pain and that I'm torn between crying my heart out to you and pretending that everything is alright? Since when did you become so impervious?

When I refused your offer for a movie, you said you don't see what's wrong with two friends watching a movie together?...

LOVE IS ALL WE NEED
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May 10, 2018
Pune, India

Dear B,

I deliberately sing them wrong, the songs. I know it irritates you if the lyrics aren't what they're supposed to be. You'd be pissed beyond measure if I were to repeat my mistake. But I used to do it anyway. Because when you sat there, crossed at my ignorance, I couldn't help but fall for that plump red face. You'd be cussing but only in the cutest way possible. You'd call me an idiot for I'd keep forgetting the lyrics and you thought it was futile pointing out the correct lines to me. I'd love you even more.

Last night, you were angry for I didn't return your texts on time. I was in a little pain, B. A little, but yes. I had popped two pills and I had phased out. When I regained my...

WRITE YOUR OWN STORY
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May 8, 2018
Pimpri-Chinchwad, India

Dear B,

I have been scrolling down my gallery for the past three hours. I'm planning on assembling all our pictures. You'd call it a total waste of time but it has been on mind for like, forever. Oh and the loot was worth the effort. I now have that picture with us on the balcony gazing the setting sun. I also have the one where you held me from behind and rested your chin on my shoulder as I tried to click a sad selfie. I have your perfect shots and the funny shots in between when you were getting ready for the former ones. Additionally, I also came across the nudes we exchanged. I think I almost died of embarrassment. But, my favorite of the lot, was the picture from the first morning you ...

WRITE YOUR OWN STORY
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May 7, 2018
Pune, India

Dear B,

You were traveling back from a marriage. It was 2:00 at midnight and you couldn't really sleep. I asked you about the proceedings of the wedding to which you replied 'amazing'. You went on to fuss about how your friends didn't quite get your asymmetric blue kurta that you wore to the reception. If only you could have heard your own voice! You were adorable beyond reason. I asked what is it that you like the most about the weddings. You said it's the attention that you get, how everyone's at your beck and call, how you're being tended to, the ceremonies before, the hullabaloo, all of it. You also added how you kinda want to get married. I joked, asking who'd want to marry someone like...

WRITE YOUR OWN STORY
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