Who shoould a person believe?
The ones she grew up with telling her she's immature
Or the ones she can confide in telling her she's mature
How to get rid of the feeling that eats you up on the inside?
How to okay with the decisions that are still made without you being asked?
How not to hate other people?
How not to hate family?
How not to hate friends?
How not to hate yourself for not being able to do anything about anything?
How not to hate the fact that your opinion doesn't matter?
Waiting for the golden times
No tears left to cry doesn't really seem like a state of bliss
Still happens to me
These are the times when I wish I had a sibling or two
Not because I'm lonely or something
But because then there'd be someone who can just make it all okay
Or make it all worse
So that I could make it better myself
Might like it here
But still can't feel the sense of belonging
Can't feel what's inside
What I feel is what I should
What I'm expected to feel
Hating myself for not being okay
For not feeling anything to feeling everything
Crying inside way too much
But can't have a tear come out of my eyes
For someone will notice
"When someone makes you feel like they don't care, believe them"
Some are like me
Who do care
And can show it too
But choose not too
For I know the uncertainties the future holds
For I know how much showing all the care would just make me more and more weak second by second
"You should be"
"You have everything thing most of 'em don't"
I guess they don't get the hunger I have for a certain set of things
For some people too
And then there's me
Trying to cut the noose
But every single fucking time I do that
It just gets tighter
Suffocating me even more
On the edge of the cliff?
I already jumped and now just falling and flying and falling and flying.
Hey babe, just in case you didn't notice, not all days can be sunny.
Some are gonna be rainy as hell.
Some are gonna be white.
Some are gonna be black.
Some will just be grey.
You don't have to be grateful for each day.
But at least acknowledge the fact that you have got another chance to be happy or even sad each day, everyday.
Here comes one of those days once again when I'm feeling a lot more than I should
And it terrifies me and eats me up on the inside knowing that it's just some little things affecting me
And then comes the thought of some really terrible circumstances that I don't know how I would handle emotionally.
You are lovely
And everything you can ask for in a decent person
But you dissapoint me
You make me sad
And it ain't your fault
It's just me feeling hell of a lot of feelings
PS : You = World
Yes, I'm aware of the dissapointment people feel because of me
Just for once I just expect to be understood a bit
If not, I expect someone or maybe all the people who get dissapointed because of me to understand the reasons that lead me to dissapoint them.
And then there comes a time when people demand something
And you dissapoint them
But because of your insecurities
And if you tell them about those insecurities
Or even try to
They tell you they won't care
But how do you expect people to not care about the things you care about?
Or even know that they don't or won't care?
That's what I welcome with open arms
Every time you go away
Every time I know it might take a while for you to come back
And yes, no one in this world now can be worth it more than you
Somehow she has this thing stuck in her mind
That pretence is a way out of most of her problems
Which are just synonymous to her feelings
I don't know why
But I just have this habit of making people happy
Their littlest of smile can make my day
Knowing that it was because of me
And that's maybe enough to explain why my pain ain't something I share much
Once upon a time
Then heard that person
Asking me to "fix" my flaws
My desperate need for love made me stay
A little growing up later
Knowing more of my flaws couldn't be handled by that person
Who can't even tolerate the natural ones
Loving myself is easy
But doing so in front of others
Or even letting them know how much I love myself
Makes me wonder about what they are thinking of me
What they really think of me
They are holding on to me now
Don't know why
It's such a weird feeling
When you just know
That no one's going anywhere
That some people are just here to stay
Some just don't need the "work" to be put in a relationship
My downs are my downs
You are my love
I would rather lift myself up
Before I bring you down with me
I guess that's what the person inside me wants
For maybe I can lift myself up with you and hold on to you truly
He calls himself an outsider for me
Tells me that's what I treat him as
Only if he were to know how much I wany him to be there
How much I need him
Is it lying or even pretence if you're laughing with someone at your lowest?
Not letting them know how you feel?
That one "I get it" though
That's all one needs to hear
It makes a lot of difference
When said by someone who actually means it
There will come a day when you won't need anyone to talk to
You will miss people
Or maybe just that one person
But being in your own company will be comfortable
It will just be enough
There we were just smiling and being happy genuinely
Don't know when it all became a facade that can't seem to exhaust us
I'll never say that it's anxiety
It's already used (or should I say misused?) too much
If not by me then the ones around me
So if call it anxiety, they may take it as the kind that they have
Just how when one says pink, everybody has a different pink in their mind
Maybe some pinks may match
But that needs comparison
Can we do that with anxiety?