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Note to SELF
Today, on your 24th...
You are still young to miss the joy of sunrises, the warmth of sunsets, the cuddles of the wind, the kisses of the rain.
You'll get through all the challenges and the pain in every phase.
You are never exhausted not to fly half the world to see, take photos and write about Athens, Jerusalem, the old civilizations from the west or express and exercise your skill in English as you drink tea in the UK or walk the streets of New York.
You'll get there. You'll live the dream you had from your 4th Grade.
You possess that young heart while you carry an old soul who always put God first before your self interest.
Remember that above every thing, you ...
" ON HAVING BROTHERS alone..."
I don't know how they do it but I want to thank them for trying their best to understand that I am never a fun sister to have.
I am boring and they love to spend time having fun.
I overthink a lot and they are so cool with almost everything.
I always lock my room's door and own my space when they love to go out and spend time with their friends or whatever, wherever, whenever.
I want everything at home to be in their proper places and they always put everything improperly, always NOT in order.
I developed OCD and they get annoyed whenever I ask the same questions repeatedly, like, "have you locked the door? did you unplug the tv? electric fan? did you...
The thing is, we can't be perfect. We can't always conform to our society. We can't always meet people's expectations no matter how good they must be or beneficial for us. There are things that we can't have, people we can't be with, ink we can't print on our skin, smile we can't always bargain for and a heart we can't carry around begging to be felt and seen.
But you have every moment in your life you can live for. Moments you have to stand up for what makes you happy may it be with or without somebody. Moments you can live a thousand more because it is filled with love you wanted for yourself and a heart that doesn't give up on you because you claim it to be yours, forever. - Lays
To one of my close to ALMOST,
I am a diffucult task to accomplish.
I am a broken piece that may consume your heart and soul to have me repaired.
I am an ego that is too strong to break.
I am a mixture with no identified elements.
I am, your CHAOS and ORDER.
Your DESTRUCTION and PEACE.
Your GRIMACE and GLOW.
Your SORROW and LAUGHTER.
Your PAIN and HAPPINESS.
I am what you NEED and NOT.
What you WANT and NEVER HAD.
Thank you for all the PATIENCE.
" I have chosen to let go of the heartaches, the pain. I have chosen not to go back in the past lane. I have chosen to traverse the road many chose not. I have chosen to close the curtain of the tragic theatrical play. Because today, I write the new chapter of my shortly-cut untold story that time, chances and choices took away when they passed me by."
To Mom on Mothers' Day,
Thank you for teaching me how to listen in silence, to see in the dark, to feel in nothing and love strangely.
But how is that ever possible to write
" I LOVE YOU" in a thousand times with all sincerity and passion and never to move your tongue and have the vibration in your throat to say it out loud?
I hope, every one of us is like the ocean.
So DEEP and has a lot of mysteries.
That even when people might live a thousand years, they will only know 5 to 10 percent of what we are.
That they will think they know us and yet, they don't.
That we could be a beautiful thing to see and love but we are also capable of being dangerous and destructive at the same time.
That we are all capable of giving ourselves the RESERVATION no matter how much we want to love and be loved, no matter how much we want to be remembered and be handed down in stories of every passing generation.
I hope, we don't settle for anything less just because they say we are ENOUGH. Because there is no such thing like E...
" Because seeing the best people I've known, cry from such almost unbearable pain breaks my heart."
How painful it is to learn that somebody who has been kind, thoughtful and beautiful in every way possible she can, is also a victim of the trend?
May the pain every person who had been cheated on do not change them on how they see LOVE and LIFE itself.
It is beautiful until somebody painted it with black or gray. So null and dull for some. But what if, it is what it is to truly find the deeper meaning of it?
Because I did, and seeing my ex (from 3 years ago) last week at F. Tanedo St. got me singing in my head Dua Lipa's IDGAF.
May we all learn to forgive the unspoken apologies no ma...
Maybe not today or this moment, but I hope, in time, YOU will have somebody who will tell you so randomly how much you made a difference in his/her life.
I hope, even when you don't ask, he/she is proud to show you off or boast about your existence in his/her life may you be around or not.
I hope, he/she makes you the best coffee or tea or whatever your comfort food is whenever you hate the world may there be a reason or not.
I hope, you get your couch potato partner who will encourage you to be fit but tolerates you on eating your favorites just because he/she loves you that much.
I hope, you meet somebody who deserves your most beautiful and accepts your ugliest.
I hope, you meet your...
To my friends I might've pushed to their limits because of my OVERTHINKING,
I'm sorry that I'm always worried about almost E V E R Y T H I N G. I'm sorry that I have always wanted to hear from you and make sure we are okay despite the amount of love we always knew we have for each other no matter how far or busy we are. I'm sorry that I always hold on to you when in fact, we are all grown ups and we know the truth, we are growing old apart because that is what would nurture every part of US. And know that, even though I am distant most of the time, I love you just the same. I just can't resist to lock myself in my world.
If writing poetry and essay is innate,
I encourage every woman who would give birth, to take a pill of a gift rare people possesss.
You are a notable story to tell.
A verse to be handed down to generations.
A poem to be recited in the coliseum of love and pain.
Live your WORTH.
Because you DESERVE MORE than all the punches you took the courage to accept.
Wear your CROWN always.
Yours is a monarchy of PURE BLOODED HAPPINESS and MISERY.
An Open Letter to the Guy who
B R O K E my Bestfriend's H E A R T,
" I didn't promise her to be kept in my lifetime,
I didn't promise her all the love in the world,
I didn't promise her to be taken care of 'til our dying days but I make sure that she knows and feels how it is like to be cherished, loved and be taken care of in every way possible I can. So tell me, who do you think you are to take away the glow in her eyes? "
Still, I'd like to say THANK YOU...
For making her strong -
when she had to deal with your ego, narcissistic behavior, selfishness, self doubts and never ending demands to change the way she deals with almost everything in her life.
For teaching her to be independ...
She sure wants to meet him...
Feel his hand with hers.
Hear his voice close to her ears.
Let her lips touch his.
Cover her body with his warmth.
Be with him for all the joy and melancholy, angst and calmness, fear and courage, love and hate.
But the problem is,
So young and free she is, she falls in love of being ALONE.
So maybe, he must come, must come in a hurry while the door is still almost half open and it's not yet too late to shut her EMPTY.
I wonder if I ever have to apologize for being a li'l not the same with the rest, for being a li'l weird unlike the most.
I wonder if they ever have to apologize for not realizing that my li'l not the same and li'l weird unlike the most comes from a different perspective.
It's sad, most of the time. That people, especially those you expect to understand how you see things, how you do things, aren't able to accept that what they see and get is YOU.
Done are the worries WHO is and WHO will... For there is no sad moment than to die loving and caring for the ones who didn't see and hear your SILENT SCREAMS.
"The clock kept ticking, the time kept passing. But nothing changed. She stared at the clock as it did what it was created to do. Showing her that time was passing. Valuable time, that she did not know what to do with. She looked around ...." and felt the emptiness. Slowly, gently, REGRET hit her straight to the heart and flowed in her veins. "What ifs" flooded her head. "If only" crushed her heart. But time already passed her by. And realized that she was just another passerby in that intersection where she met FRIENDSHIP and LOVE .
Sliced it into four,
Got my slice while you still savor yours,
Didn't want to take another bite on what's left,
For I thought of the two to whom these parts are meant,
Then you smiled with apologies and encouragement in your eyes that lit,
Dear, the old days are gone and our group of four is now down to these two idiots and that's US.
I've always believed that a SMILE is a powerful weapon,
Not to me,
Maybe to them,
But nothing like your weapon of powerful curves can deceive me.
Deceive me that it's no longer there,
Deceive me that you don't hear the same noise in your head,
Deceive me that you no longer see the same face,
Deceive me that you no longer feel the same ache,
Deceive me NEVER.
But I admire who I've met and seen,
I admire the sound you produce when you laugh,
I admire the glow in your eyes when you smile,
I admire the person you carry inside and out.
No. I don't know you.
But I love your eyes.
I love how they show courage while pain is visible.
I love how they show hope while giving up is the only encoura...
On being a daughter,
It's okay to be quiet. It's okay not to share all. But your Mom is one of the greatest walls a daughter could ever have. Somebody who will always be willing to take all the blows than to see you hurting. So open up. Tell her your truths. Tell her what's inside. She needs an assurance that more than providing your needs, she also knows what you feel, how's your day going, who you met, did you make friends. Because more than the material things she gives, what makes her your Mom is when she considers what and how you feel and acting on it like a best friend you always dreamt to have.
On being a sister,
Remember when I told you how your little sister gets jealous of th...
For we didn't realize,
After the million years we patronize,
The selfish intentions
The world population was baptized.
Today is the prolonged agony,
The cries of melancholy,
The thirst for rescue,
When nature draw its due.
No gun to fire,
No shield to hire,
No retreat to shout,
Because the time is out.
So destructive it is seen,
The shaking of the plates no one knows whose within,
When all that stood are on zero ground,
That's when people shout,
"I AM FOULED".
Thenk you for being my rescue when I am so wounded and bleeding non stop.
Thank you for coming when my eyes are tired from witnessing all the pain and angst of the world.
Thank you for never leaving me when no one's there.
You are the best personification of MYSELF .
" She TRIED to be. But she's a mere INVESTMENT that they await to harvest. "
Time flew so fast. She has already pass through the stages when parents worry about their daughters.
She earned her degree.
Managed to have a focus where she wants to be and what she wants to be.
Determined to do what she loves to.
Privileged to keep and be kept by few who loved her since the beggining.
But, it is not what she puts herself into that hurt her, drain her, empty her, take away every bit of emotion that is left inside her. It is that single person she has always loved and wanted to at least see her. One of the very reasons why she gave all her best to somehow meet PERFECTION half way.
She knows ...
And if by chance he thinks that being a STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN is a problem he has to deal every day with you, he must be a fool. A selfish idiot who doesn't have the right to keep you.
I don't know if everyone does.
But I love the NIGHT TIME.
I don't have to make any excuses
to occupy my own space,
to own my time,
to keep myself away from everyone.
I have all the privilege
to ponder what happened yesterday and what's next in line,
to compose myself and recharge.
I have all the courage to accept that the world is a chaos and it's okay to battle and lose at times but never to lose MYSELF.
When you are on your 23rd but it feels like you have lived for 101 years.
They tell you it will all be alright.
They tell you it will all shall pass.
They tell you, "you can do it".
And I tell you,
"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE."
I have never known how to rant but there are a lot of corrupt people around that doesn't deserve where they are at, what they hold on to as a title, how they manipulate the variables and throw all the struggles to people who deserve to harvest the fruits of their labours rather than waking up each day carrying the heavy loads in their shoulders.
It is NOT easy. Maybe, it will never be. No matter how intelligent a professional is. No matter how strong an individual is. No matter how considerate a son or a daughter is.
Truth is, we live in a world of SURVIVAL. A world where there is no bigger truth than witnessing all the corrupt practices and lies, swallowing them, living with them. Thus,...