Apparently the only way to have friends now a days, is to be fake as fuck and not yourself. Because the more I'm myself, the less people I have in my life. If being me isn't good enough for you, then your most definitely not a friend. I'm not going to drink just to seem cool, to have friends. I'm not sorry that I'm such a strong empath that i cant watch live action shows, I like anime it teaches me a lot. I probably won't be alive if not for Naruto, I keep beating myself up thinking its my fault that no one is around.
In five to ten years, I want to save up money, plan two tiny houses, find where I want to put them, buy a camper, buy a piece of land, fix the land, start building both tiny houses, start a small farm, and start traveling. I want to live
Where do I start, I'd have to start with my son. I've waited 6 plus years to have a kid, all my friends know what I went through. At least I thought they know, but by the time I got what I always wanted everyone disappeared. I have the kid I've always wanted and I feel like only close family is actually enjoying him, guess what if he doesn't remember you who's falt is that not mine. I'm going to enjoy him to the fullest, I need to remember I don't need friends to be there for my son. Because I'll be there watching him grow, like I wanted. I shouldn't give a shit if I have friends or not because I finally have him.
First day of work training tomorrow morning at 930 in the morning, I'm nervous but excited. I really want to do this, I want to be proud of myself. And save money, get things I want. Maybe a tattoo, blah I'm not really ready to sleep... but I need too :(
Trying to do the right thing, the good choices. It's hard and it hurts, I know it wasn't going to be easy. But I didn't know it would hurt, I'm trying to think positive right now and even that is hard. All I want is one thing one easy thing, but it's not easy. It cost money, energy and time. And lots of it, I know that. I can see that, I don't have $10,000 yet to properly raise a kid. I know that too. which entails I save save save. And that's not even all of it, you should always have money saved for emergency's. apparently I'm the only one thinking of what it entails to have a baby, it's sad but true. You need money for a baby, which means you need a stable job.
I'm scared of hurting him... I like my boyfriend a lot but I don't love him, I grow up with this plan that I wanted to Be a single mom but now I have this great guy that I really like. I'm confused but he does make me happy and I make him happy, he's already said I love you and I feel bad for not saying it back. I know in my heart that I care about him but I'm not to love quite yet, love to me is something strong its a strong feel and emotion. I want to feel that real emotion all those feelings you get being in love, the butterflies, nervous, miss them. I was a little surprised that I missed my boyfriend as much as I did, he's still new and I already care about him that much... WOW
I know I'm supposed to be happy but I'm not, I hurt. today I went on my Facebook and poof the first thing I see is a ultrasound pictures, I want to be pregnant so bad. I know I'm 23 I shouldn't want a baby yet but I do, I'm ready. like I want to cry right now how is it fucking far, I'm 23 with zero kids. almost all my friends have kids even two, and I'm here ready for just one.
it's November 24, 2015 I have a boyfriend now, his name is David. we've been dating since October 21, 2015, we both have a lot in common like shows and stuff. I won't lie its different having a boyfriend but I like it, like I feel comfortable around him.
I know life isn't supposed to be easy but why does it have to be hard and scary, and all because of alcohol. People say weeds dangerous puff lol ya ok, alcoholics are scary and dangerous not only to themselves but to other people. There are probably million of cases of drunken crashes or hit and runs, no but what about potheads? Oh lol heres a saying I saw on facebook (DRUNK DRIVERS RUN STOP SIGNS STONERS WAIT FOR THEM TO TURN GREEN) in my eyes some of the smartest people I've ever met were stoners and then you've only heard of stories about how smart drunks were. :( which hurts for me to say because one of my family members is a alcoholic/stoner, but it got so bad they had to go ...
Please don't get me wrong I want friends but I want friends that stay, not disappear or run away or had to leave but I can't visit. I'm done one more person looks me in the eyes and tells me "I'll never leave" or "besties, BFF, girl friend" or even gives me a nickname then leaves, no talking, no texting, no hanging out. all because they got a GF or BF, had to move, ran away, or something else. I kinda understand the moving one but I don't like phones and video chat hurts too much seeing them, and the fact that I can't go down there and visit makes me angry. I think getting a GF or BF is fine, if they still took the time to text me maybe hangout a few days a month or something an...
I'm tired of this, of all of this
I'm tired of trying, crying, waiting, wanting, changing, fading.
I'm tired of being someone I know I'm not.
I'm tired of being tired
Being tired is tiresome
Thank you for giving us good luck this week, like please all I'm asking is don't hit us with a strike of bad luck. I thank you for the good luck but we don't get it much so be nice, like we don't need the 1 2 3 bombshell boom bad luck. And please don't like someone die around us or someone we love, you can make it tough on us just not bad luck... Please.
This is a song I started writing on a random day thinking about you, I did that a lot I wanted you as my God daughter. You mean a lot to me and I miss you!
You have that small little finger wrapped around that one finger of mine.
You have that look your mother gives oh so well, but you make it you're own.
You have that perfect little smile that doesn't only light up the world, but makes it better.
You make the world a better place.
Better then ever.
You make it perfect
Even though you're growing up way to fast.
But you're still that little girl wrapped around that one finger of mine.
I'll always be there for you, always
Growing into that perfect girl, you're meant to ...
I'm a very open person maybe a little too open, but I like being honest to the fullest. Sometimes it shocks people, but I don't care it's me deal with it.
I think I'm going to use you like a diary for now on, it's been making me feel good letting everything out and I mean everything.
Dear Mother Nature,
I've had baby fever for as long as I can remember, bad thoughts have gone through my mind but I didn't follow them. It was when I lost my virginity that's when I just didn't care, I was 21 when I lost it so why not. I told the guy I was doing it with, he found it sexy. Well I did get pregnant but I miscarried, I wanted to get pregnant again but I was put on birth control. I see all my friends with kids or are pregnant or getting pregnant, it hurts like kills me inside every time. I want it so bad but I know I shouldn't not yet, I need money and lots of it.
Dear future me,
I truly don't see a future for me, like I don't see anything which hurts. Then again everything hurts, sitting alone listening to music hurts, sitting with people I love hurts, no matter what it is I hurt I ache. I don't want to feel this way so I fake it but it doesn't work, which makes me angry really angry. Angry at myself for not being strong enough, for not being the me I remember. Ok I'm going to stop writing this right now, because I'm breaking down.
Want a real pen pal on here? I'm welling and open.
Well I know you can't really control your dreams, but come on I have some weird dreams. Like I had a dream when I was younger that was really really weird, it was about my childhood crush. He was Pregnant, he was really pregnant in the dream. In the dream he ends up going into labor right in front of me, well he thought he was only having one wrong he had three babies. But the dream ended with him asking me out lol, I said yes.
The morning I wake up after that dream I know I'd never forget it, I remember what my mind remembers. I did lose stuff tho, small stuff like how the babies came out or even what the babies looked like.
A little while after the dream I looked it up onlin...
Ok so I thought friends were supposed to be there for you through thick and thin, bros before whores, what ever other sayings say lol. Making friends for me is hard in my mind, because I've been hurt so many times by "friends". I just don't understand WHY we need friends?