How are you?
Today is day 14 or 15 of quarantine. I did some school work in the first week but since then all I've done in eat and sleep.
I've gain 1,2kg since march 7th. Not bad but not good,
I don't have the mental strength to exercise.
I start online school next week, meaning I have to get up early again and I have to see other people....
I'm sorry if I'm not making a lot of sense... My mind is... Lost. I'm Lost.
How as been your quarantine or How as this Pandemic affected you?
I am not a freaking brick wall!
I can't support other people's emotions on top of my own!
Just because I don't say anything doesn't mean that I not broken inside.
I don't cry because I'm sad.
I cry because I have so much anger inside me I can't scream.
I'm not needy but sometimes I need someone to talk to.
If I don't talk to someone for w while I feel lost.
I always have a smile on my face so that people won't ask if I'm ok.
I hate talking about my emotions with someone because I feel like their judging me, even if they aren't.
I can make a whole movie on my mind just because someone said a small, insignificant sentence in a tone.
"Do they hate me?"
"What did I do wrong?"...
I´m on a photography course.
My teacher told us to take a self-portrait.
Imeadityli I was like... NO....
But I had to do it.
I struggled so much to take the photos.
Trying to find a way so that I wouldn´t look bad or ugly.
Needless to say, it was impossible.
I grabbed a mirror and photogra+hed my reflection but only my eyes.
I started feeling really bad, depressed...
I started crying.
People say I'm pretty and what not but I don't see it.
I only see defects. My nose, chin, cheeks, arms, tummy, legs, hand...
Loving myself is the hardest thing I'm trying to accomplish.
I´m broken inside.
I feel like I can't be fixed.
My friend has Tarot cards and she read my future.
I asked her to read my love life.
Basically, the cards said that if I don´t take action, stop being a coward, good things will happen.
But I'm too scared.
How can I love someone if I don't even love myself?
I want to find someone to love.
I want to be loved.
When I'm happy, I tried to continue to be like that, but there's always something that wants to take me down. I don't let it.
But, When there are too many things, I start to go down fast.
To get up back again is not the easiest.
And sometimes, I just don't have the strength to do it.
Hi, once more... I haven´t written in a long time.
I need to talk.
Lately, I´ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed with a lot...
I need to talk but the words don't come out.
I need to speak but I'm speechless
I know I have people who I can trust and tell my problems to, but I don't like to bother anyone with my stupid problems.
Sometimes I feel like I'm gonna explode.
But then I see others with bigger problems than me.
I see them crumble down but at the same time, standing taller and stronger than me.