|Just another lost soul on this somehow evil planet.|
I have the very bad habit, to feel sad about things that aren't even happening.
For the first time in 8 years, I'm head over heels in love with someone. And everything's great. The guy is great and treats me perfectly well, we have a fun time together, and for the first time in my life... I can say that I'm having a good and fun relationship. Even if it has just started.
So why the hell, am I imagining all these terrible scenarios that could happen? Why am I letting this garbage that are memories of how my exes treated me, stand in between me and my happiness? I'm tired of all the 'what ifs'. It's such a battle to not let these negative emotions cloud my judgement of how things are in reali...
It terrifies me that I'm falling this hard..
But at the same time
It feels too good to let go
My heart is not ready yet to take the risk
But his soul is pulling me in...
And it's making me feel safer than ever
I am so scared to open up again
While scars are still lingering
Over the surface of my heart
I am so scared to love again
While I'm feeling butterflies
And I've been happy from the start
I'm so scared it's all a big lie again
And once more, I will be the one
Who gets my soul shattered
I'm so scared to be screwed over again
That in the end of the day
Nothing even has ever mattered
The moment I stopped looking for love
And the moment I accepted being alone
You came walking right into my life
And you're making your heart my home
A while ago, I was reunited with my former best friend. And ever since that day, we've been best friends again like nothing ever changed. We used to be on the same page when we were younger, and now... We're both adults, and we're on the same page again.
I couldn't be more happy to have my best friend back, as I love him dearly. I normally never take back people from the past, but in this case, it was something else. We never broke our ways because we didn't want to be friends anymore.
Life and circumstances happened and we just parted ways because it was the best choice back then. Just like now it was the best choice, to find each other back and move further from where we left off.
You left me hurt, but not yet broken
You left me scarred, but I'm still open
I'm not yet defect, as I'm still the same
I'm just a bit hurt, from the moment you came
I knew you were trouble, when I looked into your eyes
We even agreed to not involve feelings or lies
So I know this is on me, I'm the only one to blame
I just knew it was difficult, from the moment you came
I thought I could handle this wave of thoughts
Since I'm tough, and I'm the one who doesn't easily love
But you made it through and drove to my lane
And I knew you were going to break my heart, from the moment you came
Happy Father's Day for all the good dads out there, who take time and energy to raise their children and to be the best father they can be!
Waking up with his strong arms around me, as I'm cuddling him tight
He pressed his face against my back, planting small kisses on it
Remembering my promise of not involving love, or think about what might
I'm moving myself to get up and walk away, before I turn into a hypocrite
He pulls me back into bed, closing me in his arms again as I look him in the eyes
Asking me where I'm going, saying he wants me to stay right here
No, we are not ready for love, so I need to go so this flame between us dies
But he won't let me leave, as he feels like we have nothing to fear
Knowing it's just about the attention, and the affection we're showing
It's a bad idea to feel loved and cared about, if...
His eyes are piercing through my soul, as his gaze captures mine
I'm holding in my breath, as he looks down at our hands only inches apart
Telling me he's not ready for something real, asking if I'm fine
Fine with that idea, of keeping a distance from my heart
I smile, as I recognize the look in his eyes like they're about to say goodbye
I'm in the same position, I tell him, since my heart is still recovering
Scars are still lingering there, healing piece by piece as time ticks by
He hesitated, but softly grabbed my hand as his eyes were now wondering
No need to worry for love, I said to him, as my heart is covered with dust
And it was like magic words had been spoken, as his lips c...
I'm getting questions about how OCD works mentally.
For every person, this has a different outcome. One person has a compulsive cleaning disorder, the other just has a lot of habits of touching things, etc. Everyone struggling with OCD has their own mindset and fears who controls them.
For me, it are fears of losing people that I love, or seeing them hurt. So throughout the whole day, I'm having like at least two bad thoughts every minute. The thoughts consist of scenarios of what could happen to someone I love. And if I have an intrusive thought like that, I feel the fear coming along with it and dragging my mood to the ground, giving me anxiety. And that, I feel every minute of the da...
You know what the downside is of being a positive, strong person?
That no one sees it when you're having a mental breakdown and no one's there to hear you scream.
Especially when you have only 1 person around you who understands you, and you have to watch out you're not making her sick as well. So you keep to yourself.
There's no one left who understands it and who listens to the demons shouting at me, so I'm all left alone and it's breaking me from the inside
If you start playing a game, thinking
I'm a fool..
You'll lose. I'll finish it.
I have been punishing myself badly over time that I've wasted on people who didn't deserve it.
I wish I could take it all back and spend it better.
I feel bad because I missed moments with my loved ones, over people who weren't worth it
But at least I'm grateful to spending time with them now, and making better choices
I hope I never let these demons take over me ever again
Dad, it's been two years now,
And there hasn't been a moment that
I honestly missed you.
I haven't been sad of you passing away,
And I have felt bad about that.
But in the end you're just an empty
Rest in peace.
Time is precious
Don't waste it on people who don't deserve it
Cherish it more
Spend it on positive things, and positive thoughts
Give energy to people who give you energy back
Use its power
To refuel yourself and bring you up higher
Learn to love
Love yourself to the fullest
I'm just tired of everyone and everything
Just want to be left alone, in the silence
Don't pity me, for me being all by myself
It's what I choose, it's what I embrace
Don't offer me help, because I don't want it
I'm better off like this, keeping the peace
Resting my mind, and recovering my soul
Just let me be me, that's all what I need
They say heartache brings us closer to our souls
But why does the soul want me to suffocate
If a spirit is supposed to be free and careless
Then why does mine lock me up behind gates
If love is a beautiful thing, then I never had some
Because for me, love means heartache and to suffer
It means endless nights of tears and hurting
It doesn't brighten my soul, but it makes me tougher
I wouldn't say that the pain and ache was worth it
As the scars still linger deeply on my heart and soul
At least I'm still breathing and holding it together
Keeping my head above water, as the sea tries to swallow me whole
Your eyes are devouring me whole
I can feel your soul chasing me
All I need is for you to come closer
Your love is making me feel free
Words say less than your laugh
As it lights up the room whole
Touch me blindly with your lips
Because my mind is on a stroll
I want you to see my dying light
As it shines for you one more time
Intwine our souls and body
I need your hands into mine
I still see the scars lingering on my face when I look into the mirror
They turned vague, but are still visible because the cuts were deep
I can still see the bumps of where my bones have been broken, and feel the stinging pain
I still have uneven patches of hair, and a sore headskin of where the hairs had been pulled out
When I look in the mirror, I can still see the bruises along my cheeks, I can still see my swollen face
I can still see the prints of the fingernails which had dug deep into my skin, and blood running out
I still see the bitemarks all over my arms and legs, and the bruises of black and blue coloring them
And I can still see the sore red wrists, full of scratches and bruised...
I found my love in music and songs that touch my heart
I found peace in the books and the silence it brings
I found a home somewhere burried in the darkness of my soul
And I found happiness in my scars and wounds
Even though I feel numb, I also feel alive now more than ever
The pain lets me wonder if life is worth living for
But the feelings do make me feel alive, even if it's for nothing
And that keeps me standing, wandering around without a purpose
Even without setting goals or making steps forward
At the end of the day, I'm still able to live a life
And it may have brought me down many times
But I'm still fighting, until I can't fight no more
I wish everyone a happy and a blessed New year! I hope you'll find joy, love, and peace in every step along the way. Because you deserve it! And thank you for the makers of Lettrs, let's enjoy another year full of writing! ❤
The moment you get to know your true self, and you know how faithful you are and how honest, you'll realise that there's not many people left on this planet who share those traits with you.
Everyone has their own standards of trust and loyalty. For me they are pretty easy, or so I think. You can call me old fashioned, but if I like someone, wether he lives far away or not, I give my all. But I never met anyone who would do the same for me.
A lot of people call it "caging someone". But that's not true. I'm not caging myself, if I really like someone, I focus all my attention on him. It's my decision to not go behind his back to talk with other guys, and to not find attention at other guys. I d...
I'm getting tired of the questions of why I'm alone.
Let me tell you why.
Because every guy I have ever met, thinks it's cool to hang out with me, and I'm pretty and fun to be with, but when it comes to commitment, they all run.
And I'm tired of opening my heart to the guys I like. Because I'm sick of being used and played. Yes I know I'm cool to hang out with and I can be a fun, loving person. But I ain't showing that to no one anymore, not until someone's actually interested in me and is planning to stick by my side, to share a pure love together. I'm getting too old for stupid games and mindfucks.
I know for a fact, based on the people I know, that I'm the most loyal and faithful person, a...
I'm at that point in life
Where I want to be alone
With just my family surrounding me
My pets by my side
And no man around to interrupt
Interrupt that peace
It's time to protect my heart
Better than I have done before
Letting the wounds close up
Letting the scars heal up
And finding back
My piece of mind
I recognized it in his eyes, the pain and the sorrow
Such a lovely guy, but the scars were written on his face
Not that he looked sad or weak, no... The opposite
With a fierce and strong gaze, he captured mine
With only so little time, we wouldn't waste it to borrow
I looked in his beautiful eyes as I recognized this gaze
It's a feeling of recognition, similar pain and a share of heart
As I got lost in the moment, feeling our hearts align
Wanting to hold back, because of what the past has taught us
Waiting and preparing to run the more we spoke and listened
But somehow I felt it deep inside, the spark of trust
His eyes spoke more than thousand words, as I saw his soul
I was falling, but t...
Feeling weird and lost, somewhere in a dark and cold place
Used to it, stumbling through the darkness and falling down
Knowing I'm alone, there's no warm or familiar face
Seeking comfort in this nightmare, knowing that I'll drown
Lots of souls around me, but not one that I'm attached to
Similar faces and similar hearts, they are all the same
Like zombies walking on Earth, brainwashed without a single clue
I'm suffocating, getting caught up in the flame
Rather be alone, because I'll be sure no one can hurt me
Making sure my heart is safe and my mind is free of stress
Fighting the demons within seems to be my only destiny
Until the last breathe is taken and my soul can finally rest
Anxiety showed me how bad and terrifying the world is
But it also gave me my own little space
It brought me lessons to learn and demons to fight
And it creeps up on me, giving me sleepless nights
The demons make me weak and tell me to give up
But my heart grows stronger and that brings me luck
The love in my soul is bigger than the fear in my body
It will shine through the hell, no matter how cloudy
Acceptance is key, for what shakes you till death
Because if you rather struggle, you'll be out of breath
Not matter the trebmles, the white noise and the demons within
Your soul will let you survive for all its love it's brought in