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Maud Elisabeth

PO# 167745
Netherlands
Netherlands
Just another lost soul on this somehow evil planet.
January 12, 2019
 

I still see the scars lingering on my face when I look into the mirror
They turned vague, but are still visible because the cuts were deep
I can still see the bumps of where my bones have been broken, and feel the stinging pain
I still have uneven patches of hair, and a sore headskin of where the hairs had been pulled out

When I look in the mirror, I can still see the bruises along my cheeks, I can still see my swollen face
I can still see the prints of the fingernails which had dug deep into my skin, and blood running out
I still see the bitemarks all over my arms and legs, and the bruises of black and blue coloring them
And I can still see the sore red wrists, full of scratches and bruised...

PLAYTIME
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January 3, 2019
 

I found my love in music and songs that touch my heart
I found peace in the books and the silence it brings
I found a home somewhere burried in the darkness of my soul
And I found happiness in my scars and wounds

Even though I feel numb, I also feel alive now more than ever
The pain lets me wonder if life is worth living for
But the feelings do make me feel alive, even if it's for nothing
And that keeps me standing, wandering around without a purpose

Even without setting goals or making steps forward
At the end of the day, I'm still able to live a life
And it may have brought me down many times
But I'm still fighting, until I can't fight no more

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BECAUSE I CAN
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January 3, 2019
 

I wish everyone a happy and a blessed New year! I hope you'll find joy, love, and peace in every step along the way. Because you deserve it! And thank you for the makers of Lettrs, let's enjoy another year full of writing! ❤

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HAPPY NEW YEAR MY FRIEND
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January 3, 2019
 

The moment you get to know your true self, and you know how faithful you are and how honest, you'll realise that there's not many people left on this planet who share those traits with you.
Everyone has their own standards of trust and loyalty. For me they are pretty easy, or so I think. You can call me old fashioned, but if I like someone, wether he lives far away or not, I give my all. But I never met anyone who would do the same for me.
A lot of people call it "caging someone". But that's not true. I'm not caging myself, if I really like someone, I focus all my attention on him. It's my decision to not go behind his back to talk with other guys, and to not find attention at other guys. I d...

FOLLOW YOUR HEART
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December 19, 2018
 

I'm getting tired of the questions of why I'm alone.
Let me tell you why.
Because every guy I have ever met, thinks it's cool to hang out with me, and I'm pretty and fun to be with, but when it comes to commitment, they all run.
And I'm tired of opening my heart to the guys I like. Because I'm sick of being used and played. Yes I know I'm cool to hang out with and I can be a fun, loving person. But I ain't showing that to no one anymore, not until someone's actually interested in me and is planning to stick by my side, to share a pure love together. I'm getting too old for stupid games and mindfucks.
I know for a fact, based on the people I know, that I'm the most loyal and faithful person, a...

CHRISTMAS FLOWERS
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December 19, 2018
 

I'm at that point in life
Where I want to be alone
With just my family surrounding me
My pets by my side
And no man around to interrupt
Interrupt that peace
It's time to protect my heart
Better than I have done before
Letting the wounds close up
Letting the scars heal up
And finding back
My piece of mind

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CHRISTMAS FLOWERS
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December 16, 2018
 

I recognized it in his eyes, the pain and the sorrow
Such a lovely guy, but the scars were written on his face
Not that he looked sad or weak, no... The opposite
With a  fierce and strong gaze, he captured mine

With only so little time, we wouldn't waste it to borrow
I looked in his beautiful eyes as I recognized this gaze
It's a feeling of recognition, similar pain and a share of heart
As I got lost in the moment, feeling our hearts align

Wanting to hold back, because of what the past has taught us
Waiting and preparing to run the more we spoke and listened
But somehow I felt it deep inside, the spark of trust
His eyes spoke more than thousand words, as I saw his soul

I was falling, but t...

MERRY CHRISTMAS
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December 16, 2018
 

Feeling weird and lost, somewhere in a dark and cold place
Used to it, stumbling through the darkness and falling down
Knowing I'm alone, there's no warm or familiar face
Seeking comfort in this nightmare, knowing that I'll drown

Lots of souls around me, but not one that I'm attached to
Similar faces and similar hearts, they are all the same
Like zombies walking on Earth, brainwashed without a single clue
I'm suffocating, getting caught up in the flame

Rather be alone, because I'll be sure no one can hurt me
Making sure my heart is safe and my mind is free of stress
Fighting the demons within seems to be my only destiny
Until the last breathe is taken and my soul can finally rest

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BECAUSE I CAN
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December 15, 2018
 

Anxiety showed me how bad and terrifying the world is
But it also gave me my own little space
It brought me lessons to learn and demons to fight
And it creeps up on me, giving me sleepless nights

The demons make me weak and tell me to give up
But my heart grows stronger and that brings me luck
The love in my soul is bigger than the fear in my body
It will shine through the hell, no matter how cloudy

Acceptance is key, for what shakes you till death
Because if you rather struggle, you'll be out of breath
Not matter the trebmles, the white noise and the demons within
Your soul will let you survive for all its love it's brought in

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MERRY CHRISTMAS
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December 15, 2018
 

The day I decided to rather be alone than with people around me
Was the best day of my life
The sacrifice I made, wasn't a sacrifice after all
It was the best life choice ever
First you have to close a door, before another one can be opened
And if you dare to take that step, you'll realize what true freedom means
Put yourself first and don't be scared to be alone
Because it's worse to feel lonely while having people around, than to feel alone when being by yourself.

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HUG ME
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October 10, 2018
 

When I met you, I did my best not to fall in love
I was still broken and hurt and I wasn't ready for something new
But you held on to me, had patience and showed me you cared
I wasn't alone anymore because of the love I got from you

So I once again opened my heart and pulled you in
Told myself it was okay, and that I should try and take it easy
And for a moment it was fun, together laughing and playing
Until my fear became true once again, and you took it all away from me

All this time you were there, telling me to come along
To trust you and to hold you, and you showed me it was alright
But in the end you left me because in all if the sudden you weren't sure
And now all there's left, is da...

WHITE CLOCK
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September 27, 2018
 

I am so done with people trying to tell me how I need to handle my mental state.
If I tell you that I want to stay home because I love to stay inside and be on my own, who the F are you to tell me otherwise?
I am not feeding my depression by enjoying alone-time and being at home. YOU are feeding my depression, by being so negative and trying to control my life.

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HELLO AUTUMN
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September 26, 2018
 

Today, I appreciate that I have a nice family surrounding me
That I woke up this morning feeling good
And that I can fill in the day the way I want to
That I have no stress at the moment, and that I can be ME.

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HELLO AUTUMN
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September 24, 2018
 

There s a difference between hearing and listening. Find someone who listens to what you say. Because people who only hear it, might as well not understand it and let it pass by them. While people who listen, actually care to understand you and process what you say.

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HELLO AUTUMN
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September 24, 2018
 

My mom passed this one through to me:
"You get the treatment which you allow. Don't accept bad treatments if you deserve better. You're worth more than that."

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HELLO AUTUMN
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September 20, 2018
 

You are so full of jealousy, so full of hatred towards everyone
Insecure about every body part and characteristic of your soul
One moment you are full of arrogance and proudness
And the other moment you swallow everyones energy whole
Torturing us with your negative attitude and stories for pity
Trying to make us feel sorry and making us helping you trough
While actually you have a life that's too good to live, with no worries
Good education, a nice family, with caring people around you
You are abusing our loving, and trying to control our behaviors
Misleading me, and with gossiping you try to trashtalk behind my back
Because you don't want people to like me more than they like you
While I was...

BE KIND
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September 20, 2018
 

I feel comfortable in my own skin
Happy to be me, blessed to be alive
I am thankfull for my family and loved ones
Grateful for this time I have with them in my life

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BE KIND
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September 19, 2018
 

It's funny how you keep writing poems about my hateful words and how I turned the relationship bad with calling you names.
While you were the one laying your nasty hands on me and my throat, punched me in the stomach, and put a hand over my mouth when I tried to call for help.

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BE KIND
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September 18, 2018
 

A relationship should be fun and joyfull.
If you are having more struggles
and bad moments, than good ones,
then you may want to consider
if it's worth it at all.

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BE KIND
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September 17, 2018
 

I only had men in my life who were scared of my independency
Who saw how strong I was and who saw I lived freely
But instead of letting me grow and be the flower I am
They decided to cage me and to leave a brand
They held onto me roughly and said it was to be my tree
While in the end they only wanted to have me and tame me
But honey, a flower is meant to be taken care of softly
If you pluck it and cage it, it will only die, you have to let it be

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NEVER FORGET
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September 17, 2018
 

I can smell the wind again
Hear the birds tjirp
Enjoy the butterflies
And the doves flying together
I feel alive again
Breathing in and out
Feeling the fresh air
I want to enjoy this forever

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NEVER FORGET
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September 13, 2018
 

Dear people who claim they have OCD because they like to be tidy and sometimes check the locks twice.
Do me a pleasure. Go check the doors 5 times, lock it and unlock it ten times, then walk the stairs for anorher 5 times, open and cloae the bedroomdoor 2 times, go lay in bed and step in 3 times, then move the blanket over you for like 10 times, and then when you finally lay down correctly, go run downstairs to do it all over. And imagine with everything you repeat, something bad. Something really bad that terrifies you.

That's, OCD.

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NEVER FORGET
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September 10, 2018
 

You make accusations that I was such a bad person and what kind of crazy person I was. And how you luckily knew how to escape from my world in time.

While I find that funny, it also sickens me. You are such a vile, manipulative bastard. I am the one who is lucky enough to be having the balls to have lefr you, and lucky enough to have escaped from your isolation, manipulation, and dictatorship that you called a "devoted relationship"! And I'm 'lucky enough' with the few scars I still have left on my body because YOU were such a psycopathic abuser!

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GREAT THINGS
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September 9, 2018
 

I miss the times when I could write about everything and nothing
The times when I was younger and didn't have so many scars
I miss the words being put on paper with a smile and relief
Instead of feeling like the words have been put behind bars

I miss the floating between worlds and happiness over nothing
Smiling in the rain and traveling without worries
But now every place has it's own memories and curses
I only want to cleanse my soul and forget about these

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GREAT THINGS
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September 9, 2018
 

I have two arms and two legs, and a brain to think with
I have had a nice playful past, with lots of things I did
I graduated from two schools and attended a job
Don't have a criminal record or encounters with a cop
I'm member of a loving family, and have a great mother
Also part of a great friendgroup with my awesome brother
I do not have much to complain as I live life with joy
So I won't let this happiness be taken away anymore, by no boy
Not anymore. It's MY LIFE.

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GREAT THINGS
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September 8, 2018
 

You left me with PTSS and OCD
But it's still better than how you used to treat me

You left me with nightmares
But at least now I am surrounded with people who cares

You left me with scars and hurt
But now the thoughts of you will get blurred

I left you and I will never come back
For I am worth more and now I'll travel on the right track

GREAT THINGS
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September 7, 2018
 

                 

                    The day I left you
                    is the day I got my
                   freedom in life back

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GREAT THINGS
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September 7, 2018
 

The only man in my life who shows me a good example of how a man should be, is my brother. I look up to him and I admire him for who he is.

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GREAT THINGS
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