|Author Author of The Martens brothers series, Black Guys and Gals, Damaged and McQueen Family series (Marianna Nemeth)|
I want to say it so badly. See your face when I say it. Make you happy.
I am finally happy, I feel like my life is getting better and better. I am achieving things. I feel content beside you. Everything seems to be so great with you.
Just stay like this. I want our relationship to stay strong.
The feeling is there I am just not ready to say it.
Although I feel like I shouldn’t yet.
I don’t want to spoil it.
I always suffer in the dark, cry until my eyes red. After that I am fine, after when I cried my pain out I can be strong again, I can feel strong again.
I just want the pain, the disappointment, the shame to go away.
Walking slowly up on the stairs. I never thought I will end up here. The rehab. A live in rehab. I need to be in here for 90 days, I got fired, I lost everything what I had. I am homeless. All for something stupid.
I turned towards my social worker and she smiled at me.
“We need to go in and check in. They will show your room after that.” I nodded following her inside and everything just went so quickly after that.
In no time I was in my own room packing my clothes out and putting pictures on the desk. I tried not to brake down in crying as I touched my little boys face. That’s all I could do, I wouldn’t be able to touch him ever again. Or my husband.
I looked up when I hear...
Life is not easy.
I just want it to be happy.
Life is something what you need to live for the fullest.
Let me do it then and stop being jealous.
You are going to be our kids dad forever. That won’t change.
But please don’t expect me to live without happiness.
Had my birthday yesterday. It was calm and I am grateful for it. No drama. A simple lunch, couple of birthday cards, my guy with me, my friend with me, and later in the day, my kids with me with a cake.
I am thankful.
Here it is to an other year. :)
6 months next weekend.
I can’t believe it.
I am honestly happier then ever.
Pinky finger update:
Hurts when it’s really cold.
If it gets tired it hurts. Using a splint for a night helps with that.
Happy with the outcome.
I stepped into the room wearing my new red lingerie. I looked into the mirror and frowned. I looked fat and totally not sexy and my next thought was to take the sexy thing off and just put some shirt and short. I wanted to look sexy for him. He loved red lace. He loved it on me. I just couldn’t believe it. I sighed touching the ham of my top. It looked nice, it looked sexy and you can see my nipples.
I was so excited to show this to him. I was so excited to see him tonight.
It’s our anniversary. A whole year seeing each other. Meeting two-three times a week and I enjoyed being with him. He was caring and lovely. I was slowly falling in love with him. I wouldn’t say I am a...
Christmas is soon here and I hope it will be better then the last one.
I am hopeful.
What if I can’t give you everything? You will leave and my heart will be broken again. You just put it back together and I don’t want it to be broken again.
Feeling the pain as I go pale and can’t move is the worst ever at the moment...
Hopefully I will get some results next week.
Pinky finger update:
Bandage off for the daytime, 4 more weeks to wear it at night!
Coping well I guess lol
Don’t blame yourself, baby.
No one knows a thing just yet.
I promise everything is going to be just fine.
Don’t even think about the worst.
Stop blaming yourself, baby.
Yesterday was a day when I realised this could be more then what we are doing.
It’s early, scary but in the future I want it.
I want you.
Moving on with small steps with you is the best thing what happened to me in the last year.
I like it.
Do we actually go anywhere else?
Does our relationship real?
Am I doing it right?
Going slow is okay?
Just to see how it goes at the moment?
You are too good to be true,
You are too good for your own good.
You are much more then I thought you are.
We are more now then friends.
My favourite holiday is Disneyland land because I can feel like a kid all over again!