I don't know what to do next honestly I'm just about ready to pull my fucking hair out and get ghost foreal.... How come I allowed this to happen? For so long IV allowed men to mistreat me and because I didn't think highly of myself I just let them beat me down more I turned to drugs to be able to deal with words ,numb the pain before it comes . I quit!! if you think so bad of me then fuck off then leave me alone I am no longer going to go out of my way do stupid shit to prove myself to anyone but myself my kids that who will stick by me till the end honestly I am working on myself trying to get stronger but I let someone to close and then he was able to hurt me I never thought I could love ...
Things really suck for me I wish I could go back in time, so much will change
Another night i sit here alone thinking about how messed up my life is i look up above and ask for the answers" oh lords help me find the answers"
Dear Michael Collinsworth,
Im totally lost on which way i need to go...I love you but
Dear Michael Collinsworth,
I waa just about to delete my app and before I did I noticed something in one if your last LETTERS you said if you loved someone you would not want to deceive them....well then when you planned to go to the boats with Jennifer you were set to deceive me then. And when you looked at Angela Harwood instant message when she asked you to bring her a bump and you did it anyway knowing that it wasn't right.....and when you came over to my house and fucked me all night long and you knew the whole time that you was gonna leave and go pick up Glenda and have her moved in with u taking care of your mother..or the text messages I found some Carolyn chick I believe saying she ...
He is that one, that one person thats in everyone's timeline .....the person who changed them and they are never the same. I believed you when you claimed you loved me, I believe you when you said youd protect me, but I didn't know you'd be the one to brake me.... I'm sorry for any pain that I caused you or anyone in my life..... Not everyone gets the opportunity to actually fall in love and feel a deep connection with another human being like feel it thru there skin when they touch you. I did , he gave me goosebumps when he put his skin on mine , his touched excited my body like no others, I craved his kiss ,his touch....at times it was like I needed his cum to live... I always thought love ...
You know what's crazy is that I still love you and I still miss us... With all the mean ass shit said and all the bullshit accusations I still love you. I'm never gonna forget what we had or what I thought we had the chemistry was so strong for me I am so attracted to you. But rejection kinda hurts. I know I wasn't what you was looking for but you were. I miss you mlc . I just don't know where I went wrong but I will always love you
Each day is easier I guess I accepted it for what it is, I finally became so exhausted that I stopped ,pulled away and prepared myself for the fall... I know it is what he wanted and I fought 3 years and that is why today I don't text him, getting use to living life with out him....trying to heal , becoming who I want to be... Humbling myself to discover what I am here for. Dodging all the temptations that keeps coming my way I'm not ready ....not ready to even look at someone believing they might be the one.... There probley not in this area....maybe ...Im. Just giving up on love and if love finds me then its great but I'm done fighting...peace
When I'm gone will anyone notice?
When I'm gone , will he know?
Losing something I wanted killed me....GOD why did this happen? I know that he has a plan and that my soulmate us still out there, I came close to finding him I even thought I found him but I was wrong....he wasn't cause we weren't bestfriends like I thought, he wasn't in love like I thought . I got labeled from the start, not fair...I find it hard to stay around cause I wanted him so much and hurts to see the end of us, I pray to find happiness I pray for strength, I pray that I never get another heart break . I wonder if one day he will know that my love was true? And that I wasn't all that bad like he says I was. I pray that h...
It's hard to accept...
Hard not to want him...
But I have to accept what is not mine.. He can't find happiness with me, felt like a knife ....
Does he feel my heartbreak? Doubt it.. If only I'd never broke trust ,... i learned a lesson, the hard way..
I know we will never be the same , I know I'm Definatly not the same since I lost the only man who made me feel pain ,love ...i experienced real joy, loved being a mother,lover,friend daughter.....but I failed at it. I love him, I hope he finds happiness he will be a great husband,bestfriend to someone, just wish it was me. Good bye. M.L.C.
Xoxo, M.R.J. you will be missed.!
I'm thankful for this day , I'm thankful for the strength God gave me to go thru this day with out crying or getting angry thank you cause there are times that I can't help but remember the stranger I once knew ,I hope my spell was broken the one he had over me. Cause today wasn't hard to get thru like all the other times he dropped my heart on mudd. Good luck stranger
Thank you God !!!the blessings show me I'm gonna be okay fasterbthen I thought :)
GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THING I CAN NOT CHANGE, THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN, AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. I need strength in my walk God , I know my side accept his doings know that it's not my fault cause I did right by him. His version and mine are different his dirt is dirt just help me know I'm a good girl and some people have problems that I alone can't help No matter what I do I'm not a failure just haven't found my spot yet lessons learned is molding me still for the one who will love my crazy. In Jesus name Amen
Imma do my best to not beg like I use to, not let it bother me like before, I failed to show him my love again I have no friends he was my best friend but he don't love me anymore
DAY 2: Why does it still hurt? When I know he doesn't want me? In my dreams I want to stay. It's hard to face my day, depression is smothering me it's hard to think I can survive this time. I loved him I'm dying inside I feel, how does he not care. I wish he loved me. I'm hurting bad can't even hide my pain
I have stopped feeling, I have to !! He don't think the same as I do... Love ....real love you can't just drop and walk away like you do over and over...i was STUPID to think it would be different this time, I can't do it to myself again. I will break this spell I have some how that he has over me. I'm closing up my heart cause I wanted real love, but what I got was fake , unstable love. Hope you find what your looking for, you believe I'll be here waiting for you to want me again like before, but I won't let you stab and twist again to mid fuck me. I loved you with everything in me and you couldnt love me the same .... So I'm letting go ...so I can one day move on
Man we miss you Noah, and I know you still here around, I know you want justice for your murder and we haven't gave up !! You are not forgotten about. I hate that we didn't talk much after you and Tab split we was close at one time. Every time I come into ore city ur memories flood my mind and I am so sad that your life was taken and you were so young. And your babies have been robbed of life with you and I just get over the thought of it. I just hope you know we all loved you and please watch over all us while we are still down here on earth
Your sister n law, Meagan
jhell it's final plan are in motion got to change things around my mind set is totally what controls my future. I can do this yes I can for my children and for my life its gonna be bumpy but it's worth the fight. The one I love u hope you find happiness and experience love. You are special to me I wish we were different but we both have to want to be together and both have to put in effort to stay together , but your effort hasn't been showing and I finally seen what you been doing so I'll leave you alone like you want. Stay safe and hopefully you think of me from time to time anyway . Good Bye M.c xoxo
I Miss him but I will not text him or call , I told myself to let him go that's what he wants I mean can't force love.. So I'm trying to find other things to do to keep me busy .... Which is helping me not think about him so much.... Getting out doing things and today I did think about him a few times but I feel like I made more progress on my brick wall today cause I wasn't the fucked up girl he claims I was and he never really ever seen my worth so I'm letting go amd yes I have found it so hard to cause I truely loved him with every inch of my body and soul and for that not to be good enough that shatters me so I will never let any one close to me again ..... I pray to God I would be patien...
Here I am again alone in this house. I understand what's going on and I have to accept it, cause it's happening weather I want it to or not. But I see who is here for me and who isn't it hurts but I learned so much. Every night I lay here alone another brick goes up I'm tired of not being good enough or not trusted or not really wanted. I want a best friend a lover amd a real connection to someone... I have became stronger I know cause I go alone at night more now then I have before and I have been able to really discover myself amd the things I actually enjoy doing... I have felt love and I know how awesome it can feel amd then I know how sad and painful it can get, but I tried and but I hav...
Well here I am , seeing things in a different light.... Guess is what they mean when they say " you live and you learn" cause I sure did learn alotgg discovered what love is and what love is not.... As much as I wanted him to love me.... He just couldn't .... It wasn't me who destroyed things cause I did right by him he nip picked at things on purpose to start a fight and he would blow it up way bigger then it should have been, then when he gets caught doing something fuck ed up he downplays it like nothing... I'm not stupid and then his actions lately has really opened my eyes to see the love he had for me are gone and he says I did it to us when I know what I did but a lot of the things we...
I hate how i feel right now ... I hate not seeing what i did wrong ,shit just dont make sense to me. I rack my brain trying to fine where i went wrong...I miss my best friend , i miss the times we were happy together, but if your done then i need t0 do something different i dont need to rip off the scab over and over thats painful , it kills me to think your be out if my life if thats what u choose
I have one question? What's wrong with our government? Why are they against us?why do they feel like they are God and they can hurt our children for the all mighty dollar which is the root of all evil!!! This is out of hand and the ones who are not standing up for our children and allowing this to happen will have their day before God but I will stand and fight for my children untill the day I die. Vaccines are killing our babies or injuring them please people educate yourself on what they put inside vaccines they are hurting and killing our children!!! I will not sit and so nothing I will be my child's voice !!!
Every single day that passes by i grow founder of you. What are we? Why are we still here together? Why do we run back together every time? Its love i love you and its real things will get better for us. We are meant to be and we will be ! Once you accept it we will find happiness beyond what we ever can imagine, strength that can go up against anything . I love you
Why do i feel so tired, like i cant get up out of bed like im completely useless how does a 33 year old feel like crap so bad God please help me !!!
Well I made it, I'll never tell you but I loved you more then I loved anyone I never felt love like I felt with you but I seee
Im alive still and i havent begged u or even bothered u much, things are getting easier for me , i had to accept that you didnt love me thats why you make stuff up on on me i cant make u love me i hope u can find that person who u can actually trust cause loving untrusted is not good. I hate that you believe ur lies that you may actually think of me that waz i wish things were different i wish u could feel ny live i have for u but maybe it not where were suppose to be and so i take it as a lesson that had to be learned i love u still just got to follow the road God needs me at and stop trying to run upriver ill never forget u MLC
I am about to go up against my biggest demon so ill need your help MY God i need you to lead me thru to freedom please i scared but im ready , i have lost so much of my life to this demon that i am going to fight for my life its going to be HARD but its going to be worth it please pray for me
Guess when i go to prison it will be easier to move on... But they wont hold me forever even tho to me it will feel like it. I dont ever want to fall in love again the pain it has caused me id rather never feel it for another one. Ill never trust anyone again secret life is in everyone ill just stay to myself giod day