Some are born winners.
Some are born quitters.
My family are full on winners.
I’m the only member who quits.
It was beautiful dreaming about having a life with you.
Finding my red string mate with
Bearing my children with you.
It was a bizarre beautiful dream.
너와 함께한 삶에 대해 꿈꿔 본 것은 아름다웠다.
내 빨간 문자열 친구를 찾는
내 아이들을 너와 함께 지키라.
그것은 기괴한 아름다운 꿈이었다.
“Just One Sip”
Should be fine.
The liquid inside that pretty decorative bottle had been offered to me
By my roommate’s Dominican parents-
I said “No me gusta el alcol”-
Meaning “I don’t like alcohol”
Not because I’m underage but because I just don’t like the taste.
If I get told that I will change my mind it pushes a button within.
For the sake of being polite, I keep the eye rolling turned off.
Very little of the time however, having maybe a little “tragito” would be nice.
That can heal me after seeing my soon-to-be divorcées hugging.
The drops running down my throat to replace the tears rolling down my face.
To heal my suicidal thoughts and replace them with thoughts of the s...
There was never
a moment in her life
when she feels so empty about everything.
She’s not reaching a hand.
She’s still super doubtful.
For just a moment, show her what the afterlife is like.
Let her reborn as another for another chance.
She knows nothing is perfect.
But she knows that nothing can be this awful.
She keeps away from therapy.
Instead turning to antidepressants.
As if she doesn’t want help out.
Never have I felt solely empty looking at wedding pictures.
Never have I thought true love could end.
Never have I questioned married people if they like being married.
What would I know if I’m too young though?
What would I know about falling in love at 20?
What would I know from reading about it in fanfics?
What would I learn from heartbreak and divorce from
Only that I’m gaining disinterest.
If that someone really is there on the other side of the world.
Tell him, to stop waiting.
I can no longer see myself next to him.
Brother: Gove me your hand.
I gave him my left hand.
Brother: Feel how warm that is?
Brother: Think about never having to feel that again.
I broke down sobbing.
New York worried me hundreds of times.
After seeing my role models perform live,
giving speeches in their own words about
self love and acceptance.
For a moment they have made me reconsider thoughts to take my own life.
For a moment making my two wishes come true fueled me with some new
sort of new content mood.
For a moment I felt reborn after nine months of grief,
wonders over depression have turned off and nothing else mattered.
Such a sweet moment.
The more pressed together we are,
the more gulps you want to take of myself.
The more my fingertips trail every warm spot,
the closer you hold my face against yours.
The more times this occasion happens,
the more I want to hear you say
I love you.
But you never do.
I will not leave
I will not leave...
Until I truly
feel like I’m ready to leave.
Please tell me what it's like in Heaven.
Is it better?
Are you finally getting what you always desired?
Is everyone there as an angel?
Or is there room to become part of the galaxy?
Can you hear those who love you up there?
Can you show me someday?
Can I really,
Do Anything I wanted
To do what I love,
Just because I love it
When does passion fade?
Can that come back?
Is it natural for that
Passion to go for
I told myself that I could learn
To be content being alone all the time.
I do now.
I told myself that I could prepare for whenever the universe
Says there's no spot for me beside you.
That there's no one to dance to Ahora Tu
Or ”Eyes, Nose, and Lips” to.
That I can learn to live without soulmates if that wasn't for me.
But another part of me aches for that someone.
That someone I can love perfectly imperfect.
Someone I can call my Bachata and Blues.
Someone to argue and later makeup with,
Someone who is willing to put up with my stubbornness
The same as I'm willing to put up with theirs.
For now I think I'm still too young
And too drained.
Originally written July 14.
My grieving for you
Should not be something wrong.
Crying for you should not be an exaggeration.
Should not be overdramatic.
When I started to cry, my feelings were hurt.
I was told that I could not cry for you.
Half a year passed since you left
And I miss you dearly.
Tattoos aren’t labeled as ‘troublemakers’ we see on television.
Tattoos aren’t “non gentleman like” or
“Non lady like.”
Tattoos are permanent body art.
And art have meanings behind them.
Like the person wearing them.
Dispersing for what feels dreadful months.
Nows the time I start using antidepressants.
I thought about them and I might actually need them.
I’m sorry for bringing grief to Lettrs’s feed.
Tell me I’ll be welcomed again.
Lots of love
They think somebody’s forcing venom inside me.
They don’t know the demon is my own figure.
They said I’m young and still learning.
I told myself I should’ve known by now.
Again my vision gets blurred, again my voice cracks mid-sentence.
Again I say “I shouldn’t have come.”
They lose temper.
She wanted to live because self love.
She wanted to die old of age and happily.
She wanted to live because she had no guts.
She wanted to live because she made a deal even before she was born.
In such sort time she evolved into her current form.
She didn’t think the reason was their death because she didn’t want guilt thrown.
Maybe this form is her destined trut...
What do you call...
Making your loved ones satisfied...
By sacrificing your own happiness?
She told me there’s passionate amor and lasting pleasure when we’re together.
She also told me there’s mindless lust and pleasantness when they’re together.
It wasn’t until hours before I broke the silence and I take a gulp of her with all my heart.
“It’s okay. I still love you too.”
Now my mind tortures itself playing the good that could've been
I want to jump off the roof.
Not hoping the jump will kill me,
but more likely injure me and my ''selfless'' attempts
when they are proven to be selfish.
I think about when my brother asked me,
"Do you need to see a doctor Angie?"
I think so. But he didn't know.
"Do you have anxiety?"
I don't think I do. He didn’t hear when I said nothing.
“Do you get depressed?"
I don't know. I think it's all perfect illusions. He didn’t know...
Because I couldn’t tell anyone.
Because I have no strength.
There is no chemical abuse. And there won't be any cocaine snorted.
I have been told that during your twenties, you'll be fucking up the most.
But I've had enough, enough of this fucking up.
I've had enough putting on scenes.
I can't concentrate because my feelings want to pour out.
I can't remember any simple important reminders
Just because my lazy ass won't do it.
I managed to bite back tears. For the first half that is.
Then, I already knew I fucked up when lying.
It wasn't until the work schedules were already mailed
Made me fear it was too late for requesting short vacation off.
Not the vacation was for me, but thats what made my te...
Happy Mother’s to AlL Mother’s
Out there even my own.
Feliz Segundo Día De Madres Amma!
I can’t wait to raise my children with the same knowledge and love and wisdom you taught me.
My first night terror came.
Four deaths occurred for unknown reasons.
Returned home greeted by fifty 9” millimeter bullets on the front yard.
All aiming towards and away of me.
My nephew choked almost twice.
My mother left in the dark night with someone faceless.
Face wet before turning her head away one last time.
Bullets were still there like they were my apparition.
Terrified enough buying mediation, isolation, safety in temple.
Which I only committed out of fear.
Discharged and woke, their was fear at the pit of my stomach.
Hope for reality for beautiful evening and absolute feared to death.
I felt as if someone were about to kill me.
He was my inspiration.
And for myself I kept writing.
He became my motivation.
And I kept writing for him.
He is nearly fading.
And my creativity faded.
Dying didn’t seem like the way to go.
Living didn’t seem like the right moment.
What do you do if you don’t want to live anymore?
What do you do if you don’t want to kill yourself?
She decided herself,
“I don’t wanna live no more.”