“If there’s a reason I’m still alive when everyone who loves me has died....”
“A Scorching Memorial”
Today marks two months now,
Your brothers of 10 years went on in your honor
The emotions through your smile couldn’t be seen
Until you left...
Now we can see the emotions past them.
It’s just four of them now
They carried four roses
And five mics stood and only one stood alone.
She wanted to disperse.
She questioned herself how she was living one day more on Earth.
She felt like suddenly fading.
Then she remembers her loved ones.
Her moving and breathing loved ones.
She promised to stay.
At the end of the day,
Only Riches matter.
Which is fine but,
Why should I let go of something I love?
Why should I break the brush that painted the smile on me?
Just to become rich?
Because that’s all that matters to you.
One minute she is lying on the couch
Feeling a heavy stone on her heart Hundreds of questions through her Mind rolling back again.
Papers of storyboards abandoned on
The coffee table.
The next she is standing on her feet
Shining in flames dancing in them Burning like a lit up sage
Moving around exuberantly
Speaking and singing with all her heart
And soul out.
Sometimes she wonders if her depression is an illusion.
Or if she has some sort of split personality.
My heart will always break for you.
My eyes will always draw close to welling up.
But my smile will always be for you
I still can’t believe you’re gone.
If you appear in my dreams again I’ll get as close again.
And this time I will hug you as tight as possible.
I love you and I miss you.
We weren’t doing much after we arrived from work, it was late.
She wanted to fall on the bed to sleep and so did I.
Until my Instagram woke me up more despite John Legend playing on her phone.
We didn’t make it to the bed since we settled on the couch with my legs propped up and her on top.
The couch blanket covering us.
Suddenly my fingers are trying to untangle out her hair, after mistaking my lap for her pillow.
I turn my head from the screen to her snoozing, continually scratching her hair.
Her body covered by her oversized cotton sweater.
A corner of my lip pulls up.
You sudden movement startles me when my fingers still hold your hair.
“Now You are My obsession...
Honestly people are different when they’re sick.
I called out for you “Papiii!!”
You walk in our bedroom, “Yes, Jagiya?”
You shook your head rapidly then walk out “No, you’re sick.”
When you were sick you pleaded me to be the one to embrace you.
“Sing me a song then come on! I haven’t worked all day!”
I stay on the bed with my eyes remain on the doorway you just walked out while our Cocker Spaniel approach my thighs.
“You seem to love me more.”
“More to Heaven”
If I had the chance to serénate ‘Tu Voz’ anonymous.
Your voice that makes me feel pink
And manages to make me smile faintly.
Your voice that touches me.
Your voice is the voice that has the ability to make me fall.
If I come off too rash stop and forgive me, before my heart truly pours out.
When José Luis wrote Tu Voz for Celia he wrote the song for her because he wrote it about her.
When I decided to watch you stood behind a microphone, there was a handsome angle of you.
And like Celia sang the emotions I feel for yours...
I’ve heard many wonderful voices,
But I don’t know what it is about your voice that made me sentimental.
The upbringing vocals where your voice rises, put a halt on my heart.
I don’t know what’s about your voice that made me fall in love.
That always puts me in the mood to listen.
And your beautiful writing in Hangul.
The voice with neutral colors of warmth and the voice perfect for winter.
Imagining what it would sound like in Spa...
The several times I let myself into a bed resulted into mindless lust.
As I lay upon my bed and face out the window.
I’m Only dreaming of making love.
My alarm rang five in the morning and it was very dark.
But I didn’t care,
My only thought glued to my desire to have you.
I turned to hug you and
You snaked your arm around
me, connecting our lips together.
Drinking each other wholly
on top of our Queen sized bed
Once again under my white comforter.
Don’t let me love you at night.
Don’t let me love you in the morning.
Months ago I knelt down on her bedside
Wetting the sheets with bombs of salt water squeezed from my curved orbs.
Feeling all the wrong having to let go of her hand.
The next month news of him broke out.
My heart trumps herself to death until truly broken for good.
Controlling my master to fall onto the ground sobbing endlessly.
I try to learn smiling again until she’s returning to the yearning verge for her life.
You are conscious again, she put her faith higher even though we’re too young to loose her.
At first my little gullible self
Tells me that she’ll be okay
But your shattered heart suggests preparation for another breakup.
No one is prepared to loose two important...
Please don’t let me
my eyes closed while
kissing your knuckles
your gaze burning down
on me “lovingly”.
Please don’t let me
feel you holding me
Under the blankets
In bed facing towards
The window or
connect lips together.
Please don’t let me
love you at night.
Reading the last sentence of his
Made a piece of my broken heart drop.
It dropped of my sorrow for him.
It dropped because of shock to find where he stood.
In the ending he feared most.
He was such a Romantic much more than I.
It was unbelievable to see how his true love had been trampled on.
I’m truly sorry.
The flame is burning it’s last hour this evening.
You have myself on you as we wished.
The memory of sucking air off each other now empty and sloppy.
I want his lips touching my shoulder.
Not your hand trailing down past my back.
His nails digging into my hips,
My arms wrapped around his head, his handling my shoulders, my legs hugging him as he pulls me closer.
We’ve never been a couple,
Especially when my body’s on yours.
Not even considered friends anymore.
You bend my arm behind my back, preventing me to touch.
Your contact with my hair no longer entices me.
I don’t want you.
I don’t want you..
More pictures sent to you.
“Ideal Cold Night Off”
How long has it been?
Since the last time I...
Snuggled under my blankets
In nothing but a long sleeve
Shirt draping past my waist
While writing on my Docs?
With a movie and a hot tea?
Thank you for visiting my dream.
I was close enough to hug you.
To know how genuine your smile was.
To see you run and sing at an black arena.
You are always loved and missed.
And I still yet can’t believe it.
Raise another shot for you.
Your school bully hurt me to a point to encourage you to fight.
Then I think about how you’re treated at home.
I never knew your biggest bully is me.
You would play and care for your Roo,
But that black dog hauled over you,
Threw his massive weight on you.
No matter where you planted
That black dog always followed you.
If you were with your life long brothers,
That black dog stayed behind.
During the doctor visits they fed treats to the black dog
Instead of taming him.
The black dog hiding behind your pretty smile.
The black dog
You controlled the black dog on your own.
Only one thing i wanted to do left to your black dog.
That big black dog behind your pastel colors.
That big black dog that scaring you entirely.
That big black dog who burned my heart with hatred. That black dog winning over your life tainted on your body.
Being serenaded the birthday song,
Nineteen days before my birthday,
My name written in Ketchup with a heart,
Being welcomed walking in the party,
The way a smile is painted on my lips.
They’re the reason I stay.
My sweet little girl.
My weeping girl.
You outshine the light in my life.
My beautiful girl.
My weeping girl,
You rule over most of my tides.
I look at the sky and long for your
Your tears never stop.
Your heart never beats.
I do hate to slowly walk through the healing stage,
However I’m only smiling because of you.
Only for you.
“Another For You”
I want to run my nails along his back,
I don’t want to rub your shoulders.
I want to lock fingers with him,
Not hold your hand.
I want his three words whispered to me,
Three words which I’d whisper back to him
As I cup his cheek before
Drinking him again.
I don’t want your dirty mumbling words that I wish you wouldn’t say a word.
I don’t want your hands holding my head down so my voice is blocked and my hands on your hips.
I mostly speak the truth.
" Breaking Mother's Heart"
Miles away to give a hug of comfort...
Miles away to give a grateful kiss for the long effort.
A duty worth more of twenty years
and a higher level of responsibility....
The punishments, the wisdom, the falls, and the numerous reconcile.
To have been her first daughter, I had to be the one to answer a phone call with her sobbing.
You are not the rebel who can hold on
You are the bigger one, you are simply Tom.
All you do is throw poison more than you throw kisses.
You can think the only solution is to make up
You are a the same as her, don't you think you're setting up an opposite scene.
Cruelty hides anywhere,
The only warm present
To provide right this moment
Having ‘my son’ play in my
Arms and making him smiles
He’ll cherish for life.
And the beautiful glowing aura of ‘my dear brilliant niece.
And the fierceness of my older prince outlaws.