I have to stop having the urge to text him.
But my mind goes back to old habits of when I had control.
In a second, just like a snap of the fingers... the lights flicker in your mind and make you question our relationship. You question whether it is the right time but you have never stopped to question why the stars would align so perfectly for such imperfect people. You say we are too young and it all happened too fast, but I only work in extremes that are extremely unforgiving. In another life things may have worked out just the way you want, and maybe even with another girl. But I thank god every day that I met you when I did. Because sometimes people aren’t called into our lives to find us, sometimes they are there to find themselves.
My thoughts will run around, make some sound, drive me near insane.
Because in the end, after all, whispers are just screams into the brain.
Why care what others say when Millions tell pluto it’s not a planet, but it just keeps spinning in its same old ways.
I want to be the strawberry crushed between your teeth.
The sticky sweet smear of smile spread across your cheeks
What I mean is
I’d love to be destroyed just to see you smile.
We are both afraid of water; but I find my self crossing oceans for a man who wouldn’t jump a puddle for me.
Here’s an idea;
How about you completely mess with my emotions, make me fall in love with you, and kiss me with poison on your lips... just so you don’t get your hands dirty.
There is nothing I want more than to lay next to him, have him whisper sweet nothings, and fall asleep to his heartbeat.
He looks at me with swords in his eyes.
Not the kind to fight back,
The kind to fight for. Fight for me. Because he knows I am worth fighting for.
Let’s hide and laugh and tumble around.
Let’s leave this place and do everything we have ever wanted to to.
Because everything is better with you.
I think God was sleeping when I asked about you, dad. Because I haven’t felt your presence in a while. The loneliness eats me alive and it seems like you are the only one still listens, even though heaven has you plenty occupied. Just thinking about you, let me know when there are vacancies up there.
There we were.
Laying in bed.
Laughing like no one was watching.
Smiling like we never would again.
Because it was you.
And that’s all I needed.
The sensations of his lips linger on mine like the aftertaste of a happily ever after destined to come true.
My heart stops, and falls in love... but then as soon as it’s over, it just falls.
I asked you what the name of the park was that we went to about 6 months past, and I expected you to forget, but when I asked, you answered “which one”, and that’s how I knew you still cared.
8 minutes of genuine kisses and devoted hearts is not enough to stop one from completely falling apart.
I have stars behind my eyelids,
Which is why I close my eyes when we kiss.
So I can find the universe smiling back at me knowing that I have found the one.
My name is Merideth.
And my favorite past time is putting trust into people who don’t deserve it.
Sometimes I want to fly
But I don’t know if I can, with wings that tremble with worries of yesterday and tears packed for tomorrow.
I am just an anxiety ridden caterpillar waiting for my wings to drag me down.
So many people, but I still feel lonely.
So many ears but I still go left unheard.
So many voices but I still can’t find my own.
So much pain but I still can’t ask for help.
The crowd sounded like bumblebees on the night of your memorial.
The air smelled like all the regrets of those who didn’t get to know you any better than a simple “hello”.
Your body lied cold and motionless on a warm night full of movement.
And in all those people.
And all that talking.
I was the only one who cried.
-To someone who will take the time-
My pleads don’t echo in his head. My begging doesn’t bounce off the walls. My pushing only lead to his pleasure. All I asked for was a friend, all he asked for was a photo. All I wanted was to help, and that I did- helped his cause. Like when he asked me to get him off in the parking lot. Or asked me to close the door. When he told me to be quiet. Or possibly when he told me to back down, all I did was help. Help his cause to get away so he didn’t have to hear the silent screams of a broken girl who is too polite to notice the danger of the bouquet of roses he embedded in my hands... because I was to encaptured by the gift and kindness to acknowledge that ...
We get so caught up in wanting the extraordinary moments in life that we forget to capture the ones that keep us ordinary.
You know it’s okay not to be okay,
But at what point did your levels of “un-Okay” exceed what was acceptable?
I cared all at once- which is why I don’t care at all now.
Because I work in extremes, and they are extremely unforgiving.