As i open up and paint the map of my thoughts to you
You scrapped it all out, chucked it aside and left me blue
Approached gently and made every possible turn less sour
You went around it and stabbed me in the back then screwed me over
I thought you were wise enough after all you've been through
Guess i was wrong, you're just a vessel filled with issues
With the restless beasts that dwell deep within
I'm pretty sure they are why i wasn't as keen
Now i'm back to where i was, i gained nothing but a loss,
Every effort got destroyed, heck i should have left you to the void.
Didn't know it'll be this hard.
As if we're together but falling apart.
Things said and done, leaving everything behind.
Instead it lingers through your soul and mind.
Never letting you rest easy eventhough nothing is left inside.
Guess that's just how it is, having no reason and choosing no sides.
Nothing more, always lesser. Sure. It's been repeated over and over again. Try to make ye feel better by beating others down. Don't worry, one fine day ye shall be repaid, tenfold, twentyfold, ye shall be begging for mercy. But then ye shall realise it's too late. And I leave you as ye are. Beaten down to the very core ye shall be broken, never to stand up again. All ye words shall be unspoken. Ye behaviour and attitude shall be forecasted. Ye shall burn to ye own ground by ye owns' mistakes. Ye shall perish at ye owns' hands.
Seeing people achieve something in their daily lives is inspiring. Especially when they are friends you know of.
But as proud and glad as I feel seeing them strive for the better, I feel like I'm being left behind slowly but surely. And this feeling definitely suck.
Being stuck where I am now brings me at a disadvantage no matter how I see it. Maybe I'm narrow-minded but right now I can't help feeling hopeless.
Everything seem so far out of the way compared to what I had hoped for when I was young. Life sure is harsh.
I do hope I'm able to keep my head high and continue paving down this road I'm walking on. As long as I feel this dissatisfaction and uneasiness of being left behind, I do t...
Eight to nine months, caught on these feelings, sure ain't fun.
I may have lost a little face, but i've also lost yet a little more faith.
As much as i kneel and pray, i didn't expect it'd turn out this way.
As much pain as i get used to, this is one i can never pull through.
For now, i'll keep this mess under my sight. Cause times like this i go through sleepless nights.
If it's meant to be, it will be. But to me, you're all i see.
I'll be selfish on my part, and you on yours. I'll wait till our stars, align on the same course.
Till then, i wish you the very best. While i continue to struggle through this unrest.
Is this a call of desperation, or is this fleeting moment of emotions something that had remained dormant? The only way to find out is to get on with it.
"I feel like i'm always dreaming" - just some things that can't be controlled. This fire keeps me up through the day, almost raging yet is fearsome to some. But at night, it becomes luminescent, looking gentle and radiant in the gentle night sky.
This is a long shot at what i'm about to do, but this is all i know from where i stand and where i am. So let me brave through this violent ocean, let me conquer it and let me gain heaps and bounds of experience from this never ending hurdle.
When the time comes, i'll be sure to stand tall and ov...
It's been a long time since i've been here.
So much stuff happened in so little time. The thing is, we only go through with what has been going on around us but take no effort to really see what is really happening.
This is just a thought i couldn't really describe so i think writing it out here is the best for me.
It hit today, moments ago. We often overlook the things people do for us. We get so stuck in the things going on in front of us, we don't really take a look and understand what's done for us.
How can one sacrifice so much, even at the risk of a life and yet they are returned with nothing but pain and disappointment? How can one strive everyday, just to make sure that the person...
The only problem is me. I'm the catalyst of bad huh. I'm selfish, I'm thoughtless for the people who I care for. I've never done anything for them. Sure. That's just awesome.
I don't even know what to say. I'd rather just keep quiet, act stupid like you say I am, and let the mocking come as always. Cause when I argue my point of view, you get pissed and say it's irrelevant.
There is no point for me to say or do what i want to do, you'll be against it either way. Just do the way you want it. yeah, you think for everyone else. you do things for everyone else. great.
sorry if any of you wasted your time reading on this teenage life crisis shit. just needed a rant somewhere.
As time goes by, I feel betrayed. The deeper you get yourself into trouble , the more shit you put me through with you.
The more lies you tell me, the monster that has been created within you. It's scary you can turn a knife towards me, metaphorically. When all I did was be by your side when you needed me.
When all I wanted was a response from you. It doesn't hurt if you take some time, a minute or two. But all you did thus far was ignore them and you made me look like some fool.
And after all these years the friendship between us I still hold it tightly. Thinking we could share the moments we used to have back then which shone so brightly. The image of how its' been last time is still so ...
I have come to a conclusion. On what it's about, I would say that it is the resolve that I will be keeping with me.
"We're giants in a little mans world." - In this vast place we live in, it is smaller than the dream and goals we have in mind. What's stopping us is our own limited mindset we set for ourselves.
The higher we set a goal for ourselves, the bigger the effort we put in to realise and achieve the goal we set. Worrying about falling back harder only limits us, limits me to what I can really achieve. Therefore I will see to the end that I accomplish this goal that I have in mind.
I don't want to be amongst the crowd. I want to be on the outside, where people notice me and acknowl...
Why do i get this feeling, that as hard as i give, i won't go far? its like i'm pushing all these thoughts up the hill, only to get myself tumbling down together with this negativity.
it is so hard when i set my mind to it, but i get my ass served back to me saying its not good enough. i used to recognise myself, its funny how reflections change.
just want to let this all go, and let it be.
"The least you could do is roll me down the hill & not leave me hanging at the summit. Bruises & broken bones will heal for sure. At least I know the wait is over." - Syafiq S.
Trying to put in effort only to be left hanging at the end. What's the point of taking a step forward and then only to be pushed three steps back?
The only bother I have right now, is none. Should have been that way all these time.
Why is it that we are called humankind, only to realise that we all have our selfish desires?
Been so long since i had this feeling,
Unsure of it, oh.. so thrilling.
Feels like a trip down to memory lane,
So surreal.. I hope I'm sane.
I'm convinced, this feeling is great,
So i'll just leave it up to fate, or so they say..
Sooner or later I'd have to make a move,
So i'll just hope it'll be a cruise.
After all this while, I think I will step out of this line
Because I know, either way, it will be fine.
Whether it come to an end or fleeting butterflies,
At least I know I gave it a try.
Time to set this feeling loose,
Cause there's a limit to how much I can give for as an excuse.
I'll be in touch, to what I have contained,
So I think I'm ready to move on from this feeling, that is ...
The scary thing about someone who is so collected, is that they too can erupt once they hit a certain limit. Maybe it's true, that to resolve something, letting it out was better. And its best if it was done before its kept in deep. I should start talking things out.
"Sometimes when you write, you should learn to read it to yourself." I guess writing is a platform to express to oneself more, since we can only feel what we write. I should learn to express myself more in person rather than using mediums as means to let others know what I want to tell them. Body language definitely plays a big role in communicating and I surely lack that quality of expressing myself personally.
All these pent up emotions, swelling up in the soul. The feeling of uncertainty following everywhere I go. Not a single doubt, that these raging storm stirring inside, has been driving me into constant distraught, emotionally and mentally. But, as negative as it is, it has made me struggle to where I am. I may not be there yet, but I sure am closer to where I plan to be. But to be able to help others before self, no matter if it is slight, brings me great comfort. And I will put on the same constant face, just to be able to see that the ones I truly cherish are better off than they were before.