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Iv.getmenot

PO# 590479
United States
United States
I awaken approximately 4 months ago. I'm unable to recall, my past, family, friends and myself. I'm new, with another setback of recalling the present
December 10, 2019
East Spencer, United States

Time has gone past and I’m the same you see
There’s no history of the past consuming or leaving me
Things deep inside have stayed locked up for good
There’s no wondering as it should
I keep people at arms length and shoulder high
All fuzzy and warm feelings are to deny
Those places you know to be your home are my empty shells
The only things in my head screams and yells
They tells me to protect, reject the things that cause harm
They will not allow me to get Whipped, Beaten or lashed
No harm will come to me now or the things that have passed
As you see me walk pass with a darkened shade
It’s because of the others that are attached as to how I was made
Creep in my mind if you please
They all ...

VISIONS
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April 6, 2019
East Spencer, United States

I’ve been on my knees and cried,
I’ve appeared to be standing but buckled,
My strength is not measured by my character for I know I can be weak,
I know any day I claim defeat,
I know I cannot see around the corner or walk around with a shield,
For I walk amongst people in a mind field,
I choose not to quit because I know one day this will all pass,
I know one day, just one day I’ll be happy to know I did last,
I may not show it but I have a little bit of hope,
I know one day I’ll feel my life isn’t a joke,
Somewhere in me I know I am brave,
I’ve been walking around instead of being in a grave.

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SHAZIA
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April 26, 2018
Salisbury, United States

The writing on my skin tells a story that's not mine.
There's no way to reverse time.
The memories are lost.
There is no amount of of time to get it back, even with force.
I've wondered if I carve into my skin will the pain take me back to those places that are lost.
Will I lose all of myself?
I wonder what would be the cost?
If you look into my eyes you'll be able to see I'm nothing more than a glitch.
I'm simply not able to be fixed.

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LET IT ALL OUT
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December 31, 2017
Salisbury, United States

Hours are upon all of us
Some of us wait patiently
Others wait with regret
None of us were ever a threat
We all know who’s Year this belongs to, as they’ve always been hers
She’s the one who had held us all together
She never knew of us but together we were all sweet, smart, calm and tough
for the world this was enough we all miss you and hope to make you proud
We know and try to accept your somewhere in a cloud.

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MIDNIGHT
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December 25, 2017
Salisbury, United States

I’ve decided to cut ties
this is best for you and I
I no longer want to hurt or deny
Time is just to short to take all the hate to break down to debate
the deal is this I need to heal to stop the fear
I’m simply okay without you near
I’ll never be what you want and I’m okay with that
I refuse to standby and have you attack
no more dirty looks or nasty words to take
this is my ultimate break
I will not have you see me hurt or shed one tear
I’m simply okay without you near
I’ve had enough we cannot make this work
I will not standby and let you treat me like a jerk
I’m sure within your smiles you’ve told me lies deep down inside I’ve felt it to be true
there no turning back because I’m throug...

CHRISTMAS ICON
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November 10, 2017
Salisbury, United States

I know you are sad
I know you miss her, wish kiss her on her cheek and hold her tight
I know you wish things were back as it was....made right
I’m sure she misses you like she should
I’m sure she feels in you there’s nothing but good
Please don’t hold your head low
It was her time to go
She will always be there for you and by your side
In life she will be your guide
Stay in the light and walk with your heart
You are truly loved and in spirit we will never be apart.

My Lil Princess

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LET IT ALL OUT
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August 31, 2017
Salisbury, United States

Shot down
Looking up with disappointment, regret and uncertainty
Leaving me speechless
Doubting every word I would say next
Doubting my thoughts beforehand
Leaving me in a state of exhaustion
Take my hands, why don't you...since my heart is now broken into a million pieces
My hands will not be able to touch or feel anything that is real
I'll become numb, as you wanted, as you smile
To hear you say "it's okay... for it's better this way

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RECOLLECTION
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August 1, 2017
Salisbury, United States

Under the water comforts me so
With every wave I feel like I crawl to the ocean floor
No more surface as I can barely take it anymore
The surface always being panic and fear
There is just to much to deal with being real
So many problems to face, fix
It devours every part me
It chains me down, not letting me be free
I’m unable to fix what you can see
I’m not able to turn the past around
I can barely stay on ground
If you could just understand what it’s like to be me
There are things even I’m unable to see
I know I’m far from being that normal you use to see
Please try to accept me and all that you see

It isn't easy being me

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CHOOSE YOUR WEAPON
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July 22, 2017
Salisbury, United States

I’ve had a rough life
I’ve been beaten, whipped, verbally and physically attacked
My mental state before then would never come back
I’ve been left to defend myself against people who said they loved me
That was a lie as I could see
I wore my pain inside, and it build
I thought it would never come out, as it was hid
I tried to move on and let it all stay behind
Behind my eyes I was no longer alive
I had found someone that seemed somewhat like me
He loved me and all I could be
My health started to deteriorate and my mind started to turn into crap
Soon he would no love me, and there was no turning back
As my body was crumbling nothing was the same
The man I came to love and wed
...

RESPECT
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July 21, 2017
Salisbury, United States

I feel like a monster because, I’ve swallowed all the good in me
The moments where laughs and smiles came so easily
Tears of pain would mean release at the end
Now, there’s nothing more… not even a friend
My face is always stern
There’s no more to yearn, only things I’d like burn
I’m not settled In a place I’d like to be
There’s only a shell of me
I can’t see the world from a good emotional state
There no love in me, only hate
I’m to the point of always watching out for me
This needs to be done in order for me to be free
The love, hurt and lies …this is what killed me inside
There’s no more trust or connection...not even a reflection
Just a place to sit, in an empty body whe...

WOMAN
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July 19, 2017
Salisbury, United States

Everything is closing around me
I’m unable to touch or feel
Nothing seems real
I’m living someone else’s life
They only see her, not me
Where am I meant to be
I feel like an old house in this body
I creaking is the arthritis in my hands
The foundation is the heart that decided to stop in the hospital and has never been the same
The windows is the brain that makes me feel like I’m insane
What am I do to when the host is gone
Everything feels like a storm

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SEE IT SHARP
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June 20, 2017
 

I'm but a lonely person who craves to be loved.
My strength is what blocks me from obtaining this
I feel I'll be for ever stuck in this abyss
no one will say I love you I want my life to be with yours
I'm a fool for wanting this because for me it doesn't exist

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SELFIE DAY
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May 18, 2017
Salisbury, United States

I struggle with the fire in me

The fire in me wants to fight

I want to keep calm and make things right

Within wants to tear it all up and make everything bleed

I want to pick up the tissue wipe away the need

Within wants to embrace the power, take what it wants

Tear away the insides of hope

I want to embrace the peace, while I search for a release

Within me it screams, there is no hope, there is no calm...the world is nothing but harm

It says you can't make peace with yourself...you'll never be at rest

You need to keep your guard up and hurt everything in sight

Nothing you do will make anything right 

The fire builds up and begins to consume me but, some of me is still in the li...

FACE MELT
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May 14, 2017
 

There are secrets and lies

It covers the truth like a warm blanket at night 

It keeps you going knowing you think you right

Your hurting someone while your cozy throughout the night

It gives you pleasure knowing you can and have the control

You like to switch things up like you've always been told

How does it feel knowing you cam crush the heart of another

You can walk away and never look back

The tears you've created you seem pleased

You've gotten what you could ever want

You've watched me bleed

This towel on the floor is all that is left, for its wet and dirty all from being abused

This is all from being used 

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DARK NIGHT
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May 14, 2017
 

I want an outcome 

I wish to be done with all this mess 

My mind my body is in distress

The misery of not knowing leads me to a dark place

In this place there's no escape 

I get taunted everyday of not knowing will any of this will stay 

Will it be settled and clear

Will there be any near...me

Am I to be trapped in this place

Will there ever be an escape 

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ANGEL OF PASSION
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April 30, 2017
 

Hello Mr bad man
Yes I know who you are and what you've done
Your a bad man whose done bad things for fun
While she was alone she was breaking inside
She started to feel like she was no longer alive
You separated yourself to have another
You yearned for her like a lover
You sat back and watched the one love you bleed
She was the one you need
All the memories you both shared
All the thoughts that were bared
They were gone in instant when you decided to stray
You killed her inside instead of just letting her go
She'll forever know she was your foe
At the end she had no one
That circle of trust that was promised was broken
That ring was just a token of what was never to b...

LIVE AID 1985
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April 27, 2017
Salisbury, United States

I laid on his chest 

My mind for a moment was a rest

I could breathe

I  felt he knew my need

His embrace was strong from know harm 

It's like, he knows me beneath this skin

I felt like I breathe...again

I don't want to walk away from his arms,  his embrace 

He leads me to escape 

Escape the twisted take of how I came to be 

A piece of him...it's within me

Pieces

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ANGEL OF FAITH
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April 27, 2017
Salisbury, United States

She hates us
We disgrace her
She wants us to disappear
She wants her mother to reappear
She wants to yell at her for all the things she did wrong
In her eyes its been way too long  
She wants to scream at her and make her cry
She wants to make her feel like she wants to die
There's no more hugs, no more cries
There's only hurt inside
The pain she goes through is so severe
She pushes ever one away, and refuses to have us near
The person she wants is no longer here to listen
She's not here to wipes her eyes and say everything is okay
She not here to keep her demons or her daughters demon at bay
We don't want to sleep knowing she's in such pain
We wish we could take the pain...

ANGEL OF PASSION
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April 20, 2017
 

A wish, a thought of something nice

A thought that would maybe make us think twice 

There are so many wants

So many needs

I doubt at the end they'll be nothing to please 

We mix our wants at times with desire 

To be looked upon, to be admired 

You ask for just 1 wish

I'll give you this

A mind not so troubled 

When I wake I'm forever humbled 

To take the mind that once were 

To have this twisted present as a blur

To be able to recognize myself 

To stay in better health

To hold a child that I no longer see as mine

To be able to give her a mother's time

This is my one wish you see

To go back and be a better version of me

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ANGEL BREATHING
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April 20, 2017
 

A Bleeding Heart

I show myself when no one is around
I show myself when your out of town
For your actions lead me heartbroken I feel like in your eyes I'm just a token
Something to say I was just here But as you continue to walk away I'm in fear, I thought everything was going alright
Lately only to me your always upright
No matter what I do nothing feels right
I miss when things were okay
I miss when you said you would stay
Now I see you, and all you do is  walk forward and fast
I know you no longer want me around
Some how I've broken you and you've cast me to the ground
I'm sorry I can't bring the person you want back I know you need her in you life
A piece of her leaving stri...

MELODIC ROSE
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April 20, 2017
Salisbury, United States

I wake up with noise in my head

Voices scrambling to be to picked first

I've felt like my head is going to burst

I can't seem to get my thought threw

Every thing I see feels untrue

The doubt in my mind spreads to everyone 

My nerves are right

My body temperature is high

My heart feels like it's going to let me die

These moments are hard to past

Nothing I take slows it down but, makes it last

Am I doomed to be stuck in feeling that makes me want to give up

Is there any good luck 

I warn myself that I'm in a danger zone

There's no one to talk to that will be able to put me at ease 

No one to take this disease

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ANGEL OF PASSION
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April 18, 2017
 

Different version of previous writing...its called Comfort

The lights are always bright

As the dark comforts me 

It doesn't remind me to see 

I can find my way around by touch 

For me, this is enough

There are no reflections that keep me down 

There are no shadows around

I can speak comfortable with no fears 

I can be myself,  as I've been for many years

It isn't for the people around to see

This darkness is only for me

Let me stay in the darkness where I'm not confused for another

Where my presence don't inflict pain
To not to strick tears of a lost one
Yes, I'll hide in the dark
This is create for all us a new start

I leave you with this...my pain is real. For I wake up in a...

BOB TAYLOR
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April 18, 2017
Salisbury, United States

The lights are always bright

As the dark comforts me 

It doesn't remind me to see 

I can find my way around by touch 

For me, this is enough

There are no reflections that keep me down 

There are no shadows around

I can speak comfortable with no fears 

I can be myself,  as I've been for many years

It isn't for the people around to see

This darkness is only for me

Let me stay in the darkness where I'm not confused for another

To live to be free

To just be me

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BOB TAYLOR
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April 16, 2017
Salisbury, United States

I watch from behind two window's, never to touch or feel
I'm afraid I'll never know what's it like to be real
To listen to conversations that I'll never be able to contribute to
To be worst than an outcast as I'll be seen right through
I'm in this mind, I know you can hear me talk about how I feel
If only I could just be real
Please say that you need me to come out
I feel closed in, shut out
What I am is not what I want to be
I just want to be free

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HAPPY EASTER
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April 16, 2017
 

I watch you walk closer to me
Our life together flashed before my eyes
How can this be...a future with me?
Your smile seemed brighter the closer you got
My lips trembled, my heart felt like it it was pounding through my chest
How could I prove to you, I'm not like the rest of
The damage that was once were, that knocked you off your feet
For I was the one that helped picked you up, to walk to a different beat
Yes, I enjoy laughing and smiling with you all the time
Deep down, I wish you were mine
To always be there for you as before
But this time, forever and more
You are the light that once appeared in my dark room
I really hope one day we'll be together soon
Sincerely the light yo...

HAPPY EASTER
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February 22, 2017
 

The truth has come but I'm not happy
I went in with confusion and doubt
I didn't know what all this was about
The news felt unreal, as this is a big deal
The rest of my life now doesn't feel free
I feel I'll never know me, or truly be able to see
Who am I and how and why has begun
Everyday feels like a curse to not remember what has been done
Did I do something to piss someone off
I now feel truly alone like being outside of the glass
This is not a symptom this will last
What is this new lives within me and how do they feel
Probably just like me, unreal
Are we to fight for a position at any cause
Am I sit back and see the lost
Have they been taken from a life they once knew
Are we all doomed ...

ANGEL BREATHING
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February 22, 2017
 

Tear me down and break me
Peel off my skin and let it burn
Slap  my face till I turn
Tell me I'm no good and don't belong anywhere
Tell me I'm all used up like tissue on the floor
Tell me I deserve far more
I'm a piece of left over fabric on the floor
I'm been run over, stepped on, left to shred and become nothing more but a waste of life
Tell me I'm never to live a single moment as a mother, friend or wife

I can't give you what you need, for I'll stand here and just bleed... Your words not mine

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ANGEL OF PASSION
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February 22, 2017
Greensboro, United States

I'm but a face of torment for him
A life that was harsh
It was full of heartbreak's smiles and cries
Leaving nothing but dead inside
I've arisen and have been banished to the pasts hole
I'm not able to start a new...for its the face that shows threw.

The face that shows, but I am not

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Hurray for Hollywood
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February 22, 2017
Greensboro, United States

Your words would go through me like a beating heart on drugs.
You would soothe me with every touch you would give
I've become tied up in what you would say like us being together and no one else
I would only know happiness because of our interaction together
This is me with my heart on my sleeve leaving no room for tears or fears or lies
You are what lys beneath my skin to hide
Am I wrong for feeling this way
Are my thoughts puffs of smoke waiting to escape with each windy day
Am I to find that you don't feel the same and I'm the one to blame

A kiss goodnight

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Hurray for Hollywood
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January 10, 2017
Salisbury, United States

There are times I feel alone and times when my ears rings with voices
Sometimes I listen and sometimes not
They all know what to say
They say keep calm and we'll make everything go away
They never ask me of my troubles for they already know
They are there when I'm very low and feel like I have no where to go.
I start feeling like a lost cause for I have nothing to give
They ask me to trade my life for them to live
See these voices can seem light, nice and friendly
But they turn when I say no, and turn deadly
They say dark things and touch my hair, and tells me they know I'm scared
They say do as I say, and everything will be okay, but you must promise not to leave, but stay in order for thi...

LETTRS BLACK AND WHITE
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