|I awaken approximately 4 months ago. I'm unable to recall, my past, family, friends and myself. I'm new, with another setback of recalling the present|
I feel like my brain goes on a attack
Whatever will harm me mentally my brain makes things go away nothing stays
The identity of others and myself are no longer clear
My anxiety goes up and I'm full of fear
Faces and voices are no longer together
Nothing is better
That's not all that disappears
Nothing is as it appears
My language skills are out of the door
I studder and words are a blur
Strange things start to occur
How can this be that I'm a child where things are new but older enough to know it's not true
I wonder if there's any help for me
Will I ever be normal and happy
My mind still wonders
Who am I and what should I do
Because the past is gone and the present to
I barely know myself as there are some days that are blank
I feel like a big mistake, a joke and it's all on me
Sometimes I can barely breathe
There are mornings where I panic because I don't know where I am and who's there
I don't recognize anyone anywhere
I can barely put words together as I studder
A man comes to me and tells me where in this together
I don't recognize this man but he takes my hand and tells me he understands.
He says he knows thing don't seem right but he'll stay with me through the night
He tells me it's okay to cry as he'll hold me close because he knows my worth.
My mind gets empty, but yet I have a nauseating feeling.
It pulls me in different directions
I begin to question everything
Myself, people around me. ..this is not a feeling I would welcome or promote ...
Its like my brain is trying to read a special locked note
Only my sub conscience can see what's inside, probably hurt and pain, but yet it hides everything to keep me sane.
Is it something so bad it refuses to let me peek...are there lies, treacherous mischief and deceit? I cannot fathom what's behind the locked door, but I'm hoping I'll be prepared for what's in store.
The majority of me wishes its kept inside, leaving me with the state of mind to keep me alive.
Is it wrong to feel the need to be wanted...to be yearned for...to be waited for...the thought of me runs through your mind, knowing that we will be together in time.
You will have glances and wants but it will be I that will quench your thirst.
You know I will always do right by you,
No games, drama or unreal tistic tears
For my words will be nothing but the truth for many years
I will turn your world upside down with laugher, praise, caring and understanding
For my intentions will all always be good, I know nothing but the best for you as I should.
The Shell of Me
Hello family and friends! I meet you and greet you with open arms. I smile with ease, eager to please. To learn from you all, on this present day. When you look at me, you see my past. For I see nothing but the present, but know if want last. See, I'm a visitor, an empty shell, that has no connections. I may walk like her, look like her, but you and I know I will never be her...ever again. I'm sorry for all the hurt and pain, but I'm like this, and will always be the same. Your gestures to recall are understandable, but I'm not her, I'm just me...an empty shell as you can see.
I don't really know why I've chosen to write...I'm not going to remember this. I've done videos, sticky notes, audio, etc. No matter what I don't recall creating anything. Every few days I go through a wipe. Certain things stay, like a few names, but sometimes it doesn't match the faces. Sometimes everything feels overwhelming. My voice and appearance looks the same to them, but my actions, send way of thinking are different. How do I say, the person you once knew is no longer. I've watched the tears and sadness overwhelm the face of a connection that use to be. All I could offer was an apology, that could not change anything. I walk with a group of close people I see and feel are strangers. ...