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Rupali

PO# 52032
India
India
silence screams
November 15, 2019
 

Panic Situation

A vet received a phone call very late one Saturday night. "Please come quick," a very agitated voice on the other end said. "My dog has swallowed a condom."

"Is he in distress?" the vet asked."

"You don't understand," the voice said. "My dog has swallowed a condom."

"Yes, but unless the thing has lodged in his throat it will probably pass through his system without harming the animal."

"Please come quick," the voice went on undeterred. "The dog has swallowed a condom and my girlfriend is getting very distressed."

Eventually the vet gave in and promised that he would come round right away. He was just putting his coat on when the phone rang again. "About the dog that swal...

WORLD WATERCOLOR MONTH
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November 15, 2019
 

Financial Crunch

For his birthday, little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle.

His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $1,80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw little Johnny heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"

Little Johnny told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an $1,80,000 mortgage.

WORLD WATERCOLOR MONTH
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September 19, 2019
 

On-Board Facilities

A Priest was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Priest if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."

SUPPORT AND SAVE US!
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September 19, 2019
 

Dating an Intellectual

Two hot young ladies are talking one afternoon about the weekend just past. The first named Faba, and the second, Mujo, discussed Faba's last date.

"You know what Mujo, I was out last night with an intellectual type." Faba declared.

"What's that? What's do you mean intellectual type?" Mujo asked with curiosity.

"Well, I mean I was dating a man who is very intellectual and intelligent," explained Faba to her friend.

Mujo giggles, and asked, "So, how was it?"

"First, he took me to dinner. Then he took me to a cinema movie. And then he took me out for a drive. After all that, he took me to his house. He began an intellectual conversation. And finally, he took out his...

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September 19, 2019
 

Three Italian Nuns

At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter.

He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be The first nun says, "I want to be Sunny Leone..." and *poof* she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna and *poof* she's gone.

The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini..."

St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asked.

"Sara Pipalini," replies the nun.

St Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing.

He hands it ...

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September 19, 2019
 

An intelligent blonde

A blonde stopped at a gas station, got out of the car, opened the hood, and checked the engine oil. After a few seconds of what appeared to be intelligent thinking she took the dipstick in her hand and walked over to the attendant.

"Excuse me," she said, "but can I buy a longer dipstick?"

"Sure, ma'am, of course. Why do you need a longer one?"

"Because this one isn't long enough to reach the oil."

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September 11, 2019
 

Who's Horny?

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the st...

SUPPORT AND SAVE US!
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August 12, 2019
 

New Shoes

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas.

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"

Margaret looked him over, "Nope."

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"

Margaret looked up and exclaimed, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!"

Furiou...

WHITE CLOCK
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July 19, 2019
 

Reason Not to Eat Shrimps

Years ago, a man was riding the train from New Orleans, eating a bag of fresh shrimp, ripping them apart, and throwing the shells out the window.

The woman sitting opposite him said, "Would you mind not doing that? It's disgusting to watch."

He replied, "It's none of your business, hon. I paid my fare and I'll do what I want."

And he continued until he finished the bag. Full, he settled back for a nap. The woman pulled out her knitting. Soon all the man could hear was that incessant clicking and clacking.

Soon he said, "Would you stop that noise? I'm trying to sleep!"

She replied, "It's none of your business. I paid my fare and I'll do what I want."

The man gr...

200TH SKYLARK CHALLENGE
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July 12, 2019
 

Hole in One

A Japanese family just arrived in the United states and stays at a moderate hotel in New York. As they ride up the elevator to their suite, a gentleman gets in at the next floor.

Stunned by the beauty of the Japanese daughter, the man tries to communicate with her, only to find she speaks no English. Undeterred, the man asks the father if he could take his daughter to dinner. Having some English experience from his many business trips to the states, the father communicates to the daughter and dinner plans are made.

After dinner, they head up to his suite. Well, one thing leads to another and as he starts going at it she starts moaning "Oshima!". Believing this must mean she's g...

MADE WITH LOVE
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July 3, 2019
 

The Virgin And The Farmer Boy

There was a virgin who wanted to marry a farmer boy. One day, she went to his parents' house for dinner. When they got done eating dinner, they decided to go for a walk through the pasture. While they were walking, they came upon 2 horses that were mating. She looks at them with wonder because she has never seen anything like this before.

She asks the boy, "What are they doing?"

He says, "They're making love."

"Well, what's that long thing he's sticking in there?" She asked.

"Oh, uh, that's his rope," he answered.

"Well, what are those two round things on the other end?" she asked.

He says, "Those are his knots."

She says, "Oh, okay, I got it."

As they c...

WORLD WATERCOLOR MONTH
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June 21, 2019
 

She's Not My Wife

A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."

"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"

His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It Worked! The headaches are all gone."

The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful."

His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of Fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?"

The husband agrees to t...

LIMITS EXIST ONLY IN THE MIND
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June 21, 2019
 

Aging Gracefully

A Woman in her late thirties is at home happily jumping unclothed, on her bed and squealing with delight.

Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18-year-old."

The husband replies, "What did he say about your 42-year old arse?"

"Your name never came up," she replied.

LIMITS EXIST ONLY IN THE MIND
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June 7, 2019
 

Dads Fault

"Late again?" Miss Crabtree scolded Little Johnny.

"It ain't my fault," said Little Johnny. "This is my Daddy's fault. Im three hours late cause Daddy sleeps naked!"

Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for over thirty years but had never heard that one before.

"Exactly what does that mean, Johnny?"

"Well, Miss Crabtree, a coyote's been hangin' round the ranch lately. He's killed six hens and Ma's best goat. So last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his gun and told Ma, 'That coyote's back again. I'm a'gonna git 'im!'"

He told us kids to stay inside and he ran out naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt, no nuttin'!

He crawled out...

MADE WITH LOVE
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June 4, 2019
 

Italian Nuns

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter.

He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be.

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren.." and *poof* she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna and *poof* she's gone.

The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini..."

St. Peter looks perplexed, "Who?"

"Sara Pipalini," replies the nun.

St Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. St. Peter reads the paper and st...

MADE WITH LOVE
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June 4, 2019
 

Wife's Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard the garage door open.

"Hurry!" she cried. "Stand in the corner!"

She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move," she whispered. "Pretend you're a statue."

When her husband entered the bedroom, he asked, "What's this, honey?"

"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths have one in their bedroom. I liked theirs so much, I got us one, too." Nothing more was said, and they both went to sleep. About 2:00 AM, the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen, and returned shortly with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

"Here," he said, giving the food to the statue, "y...

MADE WITH LOVE
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May 28, 2019
 

Do it... or Walk Home

Josh lusted after Linda. When she finally agreed to go out with him, he took her out to dinner and then afterwards, drove her five miles out into the country, parked, and said passionately, "I want you right here, right now. Do it... or you can walk home!"

Without saying a word, Linda got out of the car and walked home.

A month later, after much apologizing, Linda agreed to go out with Josh again.

This time he drove ten miles out in the country, parked, and begged, "Please. I must make love to you right now. Do it... or walk home!"

Again, Linda walked home.

Two months later, after even more apologizing and gifts of flowers and jewelry, she accepted another invitati...

ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS
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May 7, 2019
 

Anything For You

A Male mosquito to its wife: Darling I will hunt a Lion for you.
Female mosquito: Ok fine, now go to sleep.

Male mosquito: I will bite an elephant and bring his blood for you.

Female mosquito: Sure love, go to sleep.

Male mosquito: I will drive you around Paris in a Mercedes.

Female mosquito: Hmmmmmm... ok, go to sleep...

Male mosquito: You don't trust me? I will get you a 100 gms Gold chain....

Female mosquito: You idiot go to sleep...

Male mosquito: Honey I'll do anything for you.

Female mosquito: You silly son of a bitch... how many times have I told you not to come home after biting a politician.

FOLLOW YOUR HEART
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May 7, 2019
 

Aggressive and Hostile

A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light. The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo! 

So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.

The tirade goes on and on without the officer saying anything. When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to the 'violator' for his signature. The guy ...

FOLLOW YOUR HEART
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May 7, 2019
 

An Atheist Meets God

An atheist was fishing on Loch Ness when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. With an easy flip, the beast tossed his boat high into the air and then opened its huge mouth to catch him.

As he sailed into the sky, he cried, "Oh, God! Please help me!"

At once, the ferocious scene froze!

As the atheist hung there in mid-air a booming voice came out of the clouds, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"

"Come on, God. Give me a break!" man. "A minute ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"

FOLLOW YOUR HEART
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April 23, 2019
 

Changes in Sexuality

One day a father and his ten-year-old son were on the bus, when the boy noticed a redhead with huge breasts... "Hey Pop," the son cried, "look at those boobs!"

The father, a religious man proceeded to send the boy to an all male military academy, in the hope that he would get some manners.

Six months later the boy came home and the father decided to take him on another bus ride.

Again, a woman with very large breasts sat across from them. To see if his son had learned any manners, the father exclaimed, "Look at the boobs on that redhead!"

"Boobs my eye," the boy replied with a smile, "get a load of the a** on that bus driver!!"

HAPPY EARTH DAY 2019
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April 15, 2019
 

Bricklayer's Accident Report

Possibly the funniest story in a long while. This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of our Workers' Compensation board. This is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure....

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident.

You asked for a fuller explanation, and I trust the following details will be sufficient:

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed...

MAKE IDEAS HAPPEN
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April 15, 2019
 

Time Saving Techniques

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution: "You don't want to try these techniques at home."

"Why not?" asked somebody from the audience.

"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"

"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked.

"Actually, yes", replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in eleven."

MAKE IDEAS HAPPEN
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April 15, 2019
 

For English Lovers

Interesting read for English lovers...

Once Ishwarchandra Vidyasagar jokingly asked Madhusudhan Dutt, "As you are a master in English, can you make a sentence without using 'E'?"

He wrote this...

"I doubt I can. It's a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It's as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap.

"And, anyway, what would I gain? An award? A cash bonus? Bragging rights? Why should I strain my brain? It's not worth it."

MAKE IDEAS HAPPEN
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April 15, 2019
 

Humorous Ponderings

When you are bored just think about a few things that don't make sense... like...

If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

Do twins ever realise that one of them is unplanned?

Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?

Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.

The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims".

100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

If you r...

MAKE IDEAS HAPPEN
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April 10, 2019
 

The Ultimate Revenge

A superintendent of a large, snooty apartment building got the ultimate revenge when he was called for the umpteenth time to fix a tenant's clogged toilet.

Going to her apartment, where the female tenant happened to be giving a fancy dinner party for other tenants in the building, the super had to endure her telling all the assembled guests that he was a complete incompetent idiot.

Furthermore, she got them all to go to the bathroom door to watch his lumsiness. He didn't say anything, but merely concentrated on fixing the toilet, while she kept on complaining about the bad service. So busy was she complaining, that no one noticed when the super reached quietly into his...

ORIGINAL
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April 9, 2019
 

Fucking Season!

Lena and Sven got married in St. Paul. They planned to honeymoon in Lena's aunt's cabin in Duluth. They caught a bus that was filled with deer hunters.

About 30 minutes out of St. Paul the bus broke down right next to a nice hotel. Sven said to Lena, "Lena, there's a comfortable hotel right here. How about consummating our marriage?"

Lena replied, "No. I vant to wait till ve get to Duluth."

The repaired bus took off. Fifty miles down the road it broke down again. This time it was next to a good looking motel.

Sven turned to Lena and asked, "Look Lena. There's a nice motel. Can ve consummate our marriage?"

Lena said, "No. I vant to wait till ve get to Duluth."

The bus wa...

ORIGINAL
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April 9, 2019
 

Keeping the Faith

A couple are sitting around one evening and the man says to his wife, "Marsha, we are about to celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary. We've had a wonderful life together, full of contentment and blessings. But there's something I've always wondered about. Tell me the truth. Have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

She hesitated a moment, then said, "Yes, Sidney, three times."

"Three times? How could that happen?" Sidney asks.

Marsha replied, "Well, do you remember right after we were married and we were so broke that the bank was about to foreclose on our little house?"

"Yes, dear, those were really difficult times," replied Sidney.

"And remember when I went to see the b...

LETTRS 2019 STAMP
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April 4, 2019
 

Anyone available for human exchanges of talks/ideas/moods/anything....?

POETRY MONTH
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April 4, 2019
 

Beauty Pageant - Final Q and A

The SETTING: Miss Universe Beauty Pageant Q & A Portion.
The FINALISTS:
Miss America
Miss Spain
Miss Britain
Miss Philippines
Miss Iran
Miss India
QUESTION: Miss America, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
Miss AMERICA: Well, I would say that male organs in America are like gentlemen.
QUESTION: Why do you say that?
Miss AMERICA: Because it stands every-time it sees a woman.....
(Applause!.... Applause!)

QUESTION: Misss Spain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
Miss SPAIN: Male organs in our country are like toros in our very own bullfight.
QUESTION: Why do you say that?
Miss SPAIN: Because it charges every-time it sees an op...

POETRY MONTH
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