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pebbleslover13

PO# 634921
United States
United States
26💖👑•♍️•Mommy Of 2 👣👶🏽💙•LivingLifeThroughGod•FutureNeonatalDr
January 12, 2020
Rockford, United States

The past week has been so hard on me. I feel like theres been a HUGE distance between me and my best friend. Literally to a point that if i think about it i literally break down EVERY TIME. I miss talking to her everyday and laughing about the dumbest shit... we dont even have each others locations or snap chats anymore 😩 thats how i know things have slightly changed... and it scares me. Because regardless of who has ever came into my life she has ALWAYS been my backbone and my support through anything. But i decided to give her the space she needs only because i know her relationship depends on it and i really need her to be happy and in a good state of mind for my babies 😩😪😔. I try not to ...

A HAPPY NEW YEAR
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January 8, 2020
Rockford, United States

Im tired of always making sure i have everyone as my first option when they have me as their second. Im tired of people being blind to things they shouldn’t. I feel like i lost a person closest to me that i love and care about dearly and honestly cant do much about it. I have been almost completely removed from their lives wether or not they realized it and it breaks my heart. I was an emotional wreck yesterday and cried myself to sleep, and don’t know what else to do. My girlfriend is frustrated with me this afternoon because i honestly don’t know how to be cold hearted, i refuse to give up on people i love and its one of my flaws unfortunately.

But realizing that a person who you would go...

A HAPPY NEW YEAR
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December 4, 2019
Rockford, United States

I hate that everyone around me is so opinionated and likes to put their two cents into my life. I finally found someone that im happy with, someone i can literally tell everything to, someone who wont judge me or bring me down even on my worst days. This women is literally all i think about. But everyone is so concerned about my feelings towards my sons father. And it annoys me. I feel like the only way im gunna be happy and be able to move forward without the extra bs is if im on my own, in my own apartment with my kids and it shouldn’t have to go that far.

I hate that they make her second guess my feelings and what i might do to her. I refuse to leave a women that is all i can ever ask fo...

SUPPORT AND SAVE US!
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November 12, 2019
Rockford, United States

Today has made exactly one month. I can say as time passes me by it gets somewhat easier to be able to block the hurt, to hold back tears and push through my days.

Yes, ive been put through a lot of stress, hurt, disappointments, and abuse. But somehow ive managed to cope with everything and hide away everything that makes me want to fall apart.

Soon all will be gone, and everything will be ok.

WORLD WATERCOLOR MONTH
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October 28, 2019
Rockford, United States

So far its been two weeks and two days... two weeks and two days since i felt like i got a wake up call to my life. That night is a night i hate. Its a night thats hard to forget and move on from. Its a night that reminds me of how hurt i am and how damaged im become. I battle my depression and anxiety more than anything and i feel like everything ive been through has made this so much worse.

But im trying to heal, i have surrounded myself with my friends. My best friend has been such a great supporter. She understands me. She knows how hard this is on me. She knows sometimes i just need the time away and be with her because it makes getting through it a little easier.

Last night i was a...

THE EDISON BULB
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October 15, 2019
Rockford, United States

It’s been a rough four days. Ive been crying and can’t seem to stop thinking of everything that I’ve been through with my ex. Even though we haven’t had the best relationship knowing he was ok with hurting me kills me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a strong, independent and hardworking mama at the end of the day, but there were times that I needed him, there were times I loved him and he made me smile and there were times where I just wanted to cry and run away. To know how far he was ok taking things and ruining everything we had not only opened my eyes, but showed me I deserved so much more.

This isn’t my first rodeo though. I was previously already a domestic violence survivor. I fought my ba...

DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY
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October 14, 2019
Rockford, United States

It’s been two days since being beaten, two days since my life came crashing down, two days of crying, two days of replaying that night over and over and over because it’s all I think about. Two days I just out of nowhere I break down. I cry until I feel like I can’t hurt no more but unfortunately it’s hard because the hurt never stops. I’m trying to heal, I’m trying to smile, I’m trying to be strong. But even those are feeling almost impossible.

I am scared. But I have some kinds of relief. I still get to be part of and love my step daughter, I love her like if she were my own. I’m happy I was able to get out before anything worse had happened, because I couldn’t gotten real hurt and been i...

MADE WITH LOVE
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October 12, 2019
Rockford, United States

Tonight my entire past nightmare came true. Never in my life did I believe I had to fight with another man the way I did. I’m literally in tears. I cannot believe I allowed myself to let another man get too comfortable with being in control of me enough to put his hands on me. I have let myself get to a point where I’m officially on depression and anxiety medication, I’ve steered away from friends, I’ve probably lost respect for certain people. And in all honesty I don’t care. I’m the victim tonight, I’m the one mistreated, I’m the one traumatized and hurt, I’m the one disappointed and upset. I’m the one who will be paying for this not anyone else. I’m thankful that my children were not invo...

MADE WITH LOVE
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September 24, 2019
Rockford, United States

Something people don’t realize is how serious depression and anxiety truly are. Everyday I feel like I’m having the fight of my life. I feel like I have to fight for my happiness, I feel like sometimes I’m unworthy of being the mother of these two precious and handsome little boys. I feel like I’m not enough to be the best friend I am to a person who means so much to me, I feel like I’m a shit daughter to both parents and not enough of a sibling to my brother and sister.

Sometimes I want to cry and scream and hit things because I’ve had enough. Sometimes my demons get the best of me and I completely break down and shut myself off from the world. I’ve been battling this for 5 years now. And...

SUPPORT AND SAVE US!
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September 4, 2019
Rockford, United States

I think I’ve written lettrs like this more times than I can count. I cannot stress it enough on how I’m feeling like I’m drowning. I can literally feel like I’m taking one step forward and then BAM I’m falling ten steps back.

I’ve been working on my relationship lately. We have both been trying to work things out and try to do better as a couple to maybe become the successful couple we want to be. But there’s more work then we think that has to be done. His level of trust is literally nowhere to be found, and he dwells on past events that don’t allow us to move forward. It used to bother me that he would sit and go through my phone, messages, apps, social media. It kind of mad me upset beca...

LIMITS EXIST ONLY IN THE MIND
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August 28, 2019
Rockford, United States

I may seem like I’m the dumbest person in many peoples eyes with the life decisions I’ve been making lately, but for some reason I feel like things will change. Yes I have thought that maybe I was making the wrong ones here and there. But I need to be able to go about life and make mistakes to learn from them.

I’ve always been the kind of person everyone loves. Easy to talk to, first person to vent to. I have always been the person people take advantage of because I’m so kind hearted and love hard and care about everyone in my life. But things happen for a reason. I never doubt any of that.

I’ve always thought about my past and asked myself a million times why I go through the things I d...

DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY
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August 27, 2019
Rockford, United States

Today is kind of a good day. It’s been so stressful and frustrating this past couple days. I’ve broken up with my bf, gone and reregistered myself in school to finish my MA, moved to and from a new place and currently working on my relationship 😪. It’s been quite the journey 🙄. However things end up going south. My bf can’t seem to keep his mouth shut and just get along with people around us and I hate not having friends or people around me it makes me feel lonesome. But things will happen around me as I focus on myself and my boys. School is first on my list. I’m focused. Graduation is my main goal. After graduating my goal is to focus on getting me and my boys stable and work as much as pos...

DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY
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August 13, 2019
Rockford, United States

I cannot begin to explain the amount of frustration I have had being with this man. I can never do anything without him over reacting and mistreating me or talking down and calling me out of my name. I refuse to allow myself to stay in a relationship where a man thinks it’s ok to treat me that way in front of anyone including my kids.

I love him and care about him and all I wanna do it be all he needs, but he makes it difficult to stay sometimes because I don’t like the way I’m treated. It’s causing me to feel how I used to feel when I was in an abusive relationship many years ago and I don’t wanna put myself through that hurt again.

Sometimes I think I’m over reacting, but I’m tired of ...

ORIGINAL
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August 2, 2019
Rockford, United States

I’m so frustrated with how my current relationship has been lately. I feel like there’s a lot that makes me happy, but then there are things I hate and cannot deal with. The man I’m with means the world. He’s helped me in more ways than I can count. He makes me happy. He makes me laugh. He has been my everything since we have started talking. I wait all day for this man to come home from work just to be with him. I can’t sleep without him. I toss and turn and will be up all night, just like I will tonight. Why am I being punished. Why do I always get screwed over and blamed for things I haven’t done. I just can’t feel myself over the moon happy. I’m tired of having to start over. I’m tired o...

ORIGINAL
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July 22, 2019
Rockford, United States

The last time I was “Broken” I was in a very dark place. I was pregnant with my second child and had just found out i was pregnant. I was living with my child’s father at the time in my apartment with my 4 year old and I was in school at the time and working.

I had sat down and talked to my child’s father about my pregnancy and told him I was keeping the baby not only for the fact that I don’t believe in abortions, but also because I loved him and my child and I knew that if we decided to do that he would regret it later down the road and so would I. It would have put me in a more serious depression and I didn’t want to go through that.

After hearing he didn’t want my child more than once...

ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS
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June 1, 2019
Rockford, United States

I’ve realized I’m more damaged than I originally thought I was. For me, being in a relationship is hard. Not because I can’t manage to be in one without problems, but because of my past relationships, I’ve come to realize that what I’ve been through in my past definitely has an effect on me.

I get nervous and battle my depression and anxiety DAILY. It’s not easy, some days are better than others. But I keep myself as busy as I can to avoid feeling that way.

When I’m in a relationship I’ve noticed I’m constantly feeling like I’m walking on eggshells. I’m constantly trying my best not to ruin anything. I don’t wanna do anything to my my significant other feel attache, upset for any reason....

ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS
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May 26, 2019
Rockford, United States

They say a drunk man speaks a sober mind. Tonight my hunny decided he and his cousin were going to venture out on bikes and ride to a bar for a little bit and come back home. When they started taking longer than usual I started to worry. So he calls me and asks me if I can get him but I was half asleep so I said no he said it’s fine we will ride our bikes back. I laid down for not even 30 min at the most and I had a dream something bad happened to him I was sleepy but couldn’t sleep because he wasn’t home. Unless he is working I can’t sleep and even then I don’t sleep very long because he’s gone. After picking him up tonight I go to get him some cigarettes and he tells me he loves me ❤️ idk ...

WHITE CLOCK
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May 17, 2019
Rockford, United States

When your away, all I do is think of you.
When your busy all I want is your attention.
When your mad all I want is to fix it make it go away and be happy again.
When you smile I smile.
You have literally been my rock.
I’m the type of girl that loves hard and falls even harder. I’m sensitive, I’m not perfect. I forget things. I try to do my best.
I love you and all I wanna do is spend the rest of the days showing you how much and why I love you. Showing you what a real women is. Showing you that you no longer have to do things on your own. I wanna glow up and grow with you. I wanna make memories. I wanna vent, go on vacation, cry, sleep and everything else I can’t think of ❤️ your my everyt...

FOLLOW YOUR HEART
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May 8, 2019
Rockford, United States

How soon is too soon?! How do I say it? How will he react? I don’t wanna scare him away... but I am really really really certain of how I’m feeling 😭 these are the thoughts that run constantly through my head. Me an my baby have been talking for a few months now and have been officially together for a while. But I recently started falling for him and not only do I care about him but I honestly love him. This man has done for me what NOONE have EVER done for me before. When he told me let a real man show you how to love you, I didn’t think he would really manage to do it and then some. I’ve been the happiest I’ve ever been before and I’m always hearing about how happy I am and how happy they...

ORIGINAL
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May 1, 2019
Rockford, United States

When I feel myself get into these dark places I know and recognize emotionally it’s so hard to keep myself from completely shutting down... lately I’ve been tested and honesty I’m barely keeping up with myself... having an abused past isn’t easy. I didn’t realize it until this week that I had it from anyway I turned and sadly still do. Usually I have enough strength to keep myself from completely breaking down, but I’m managing to keep my head up and turn my head the other way. I wish life was easier than what it really is... I just wanna cry...

CREATIVE WRITING
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April 24, 2019
Rockford, United States

Being a mom can be challenging at times. Sometimes you wanna cry, sometimes you wanna run away, sometimes you just want some space to think without having to be interrupted by a child who needs you all hours of the day. This week has really been a challenge for my love and I. Between a child who is sick af, to a child who acts like he’s going on 15 it’s been rough. Although I can say it’s been interesting seeing my boys grow and learn. I love being a mom even with the wild rides. Atleast now I am not parenting alone. I finally have that support of a man who wants to be there and care about me and my boys. I’m forever grateful for all the guidance from the man above because without him we are...

HAPPY EARTH DAY 2019
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