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pebbleslover13

PO# 634921
United States
United States
26💖👑•♍️•Mommy Of 2 👣👶🏽💙•LivingLifeThroughGod•FutureNeonatalDr
August 4, 2020
Rockford, United States

My life has been a COMPLETE rollercoaster. I have managed to survive 2 physically, verbally and mentally abusive relationships. Have had 2 children and have dealt with the crap that comes with being a single mom. Been through the storm of having parents who were married and then divorced.  Let go of toxic people I had in my life that were bringing no good to my life and betraying me behind my back. I have been The door mat to some people where I’ve been walked over because of how good a heart I have. I’m the type of person who would bust her ass to be there for someone and care about them regardless of the bad they did, and still get trashed on. But I decided to change that and finally be th...

LETTRS BLACK AND WHITE
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June 28, 2020
Rockford, United States

I need to find a way to fix a lot about myself. Both health wise and personally. This new chapter in my life is something so huge, I really don’t want ANYTHING that could possibly ruin it to happen.

I need to be able to get my health together and try to keep my “episodes” controlled. I need to eat a little better and get into a healthy weight that I feel is better for myself. I need to listen better, even if I feel I do.

Right now, my fiancé is the one thing in my life besides my boys that I have that is beyond perfect. She makes me happy. I get butterflies around her. I get sad and miss her when she’s gone. She’s literally my soul mate. She always has me laughing. When she’s upset I fee...

ORIGINAL
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June 8, 2020
Rockford, United States

There are days where everything seems perfect. There are days where everything has bumps in the road. But days like today, are days I wish I could rewind. Days I want to erase and change the ending. Because days like these make me feel like I need to cry for hours to make the pain go away. I feel like I can barely breathe. I feel like I need to stay away from everyone because no one understands. When I do something I feel I should do or say, 98% of the time I’m wrong, and there’s an argument that makes things so uneasy even my stomach gets nauseous because I’m scared and rattled by what just happened. This is not how I want things. Yes, I’m forgetful of things sometimes, yes, I parent differ...

INKTOBER: NEMOPHILIST
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April 29, 2020
Rockford, United States

So we have hit the 5 month mark 🥰🤞🏽 and I couldn’t be happier. To know that even through the ups and downs, we are still standing strong 😩❤️. At times these days aren’t easy for me to get through, but it seems being able to wake up everyday and go to bed every night with you in my arms by my side makes everything better. There’s nothing I cherish more in my life than you and my boys. I try to do a little more everyday to show you I love you and appreciate you. I know I’m not the easiest person to handle or be with, but you do it flawlessly and amaze me everyday.

I only hope that your as happy as I am, I never wanna lose you. When your away it’s like a piece of me is missing. I feel complet...

SIMPLICITY DAY
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April 20, 2020
Rockford, United States

Finally it feels like everything is coming together 😩❤️. My prayers are slowly being answered. I finally got a really good paying job! And the best part is me and my fiancé work at the same place and make the same amount and get paid the same day. So we are able to plan out our bills, rent, necessities when it comes to our soon to be new apartment, kids, and dog lol. Slowly it is starting to feel like we are getting somewhere. Yes we are still putting up with and dealing with unnecessary bull spit. But one step at a time we will soon be in our happy place.

I’m excited to be working, in excited to buy my car, I’m excited to get this new place for us and the kids, I’m excited to have our begi...

SIMPLICITY DAY
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March 31, 2020
Rockford, United States

It’s funny how a person can say you flash new shit but don’t pay anything when u say you would 🤣 I’m sorry I had obligations to my kids and the only new thing I bought myself was a phone when I got my taxes and also fixed a car I thought would keep me and my kids off the street. At least I’m not the person that would say I’ll never do this to u and do it anyway.  Unfortunately there are times where you just can’t pay something in order to pay something else. And that’s what I did. I took care of what was important because I thought I’d be going to work to pay off car notes and other things like get an apartment for my kids and myself. I’m sorry shit changed, it wasn’t my controlling SO who fo...

SIMPLICITY DAY
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March 28, 2020
Rockford, United States

While you took the time to enjoy the quiet, I felt it was time I wrote you another letter and spill out my feelings and thoughts for you to read.

So we have made that 4 month mark. And although it’s been a very bumpy road for us. I’m the happiest I’ve been in forever. You make me feel things I didn’t believe I’d feel with anyone. I get butterflies thinking of you. When your away for too long, I miss you and everything about you. I crave your presence, your scent, your voice. You literally keep me sane. Since we have been together I haven’t needed my depression medication as much as I used to. I only cry when we fight ( which is hardly ever ) or when I miss u to a point I feel I need to be a...

SIMPLICITY DAY
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March 28, 2020
Rockford, United States

I’m tired of living under other people’s roofs, I’m tired of dealing with fighting and people being ignorant, I’m tired of having to ask more than once to not touch something that isn’t theirs. I’m tired of being treated like I’m less of an adult then the one I live with just because they are my parents. I’m tired of the fact that no matter who I’m with or how nice one can be nobody ever likes my mother. I’m tired of losing people I love because of her. I’m tired of feeling like I have to stay quiet or move in silence because people are constantly in my business and always have an opinion I don’t care about. I’m just all around TIRED. My now fiancé and I have to live in separate houses just b...

SIMPLICITY DAY
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March 13, 2020
Rockford, United States

While everyone around me is talking about their accomplishments, making moves, making dreams come true, checking things off their list of goals, and spending money the right way. Im back at square one.

So far I’ve been on the hunt for work, although my background makes it a challenge i have been doing job applications and calling places about them left and right. Im determined to get right on my feet and do all things that need to be done so i can be that women I’ve always dreamt i would be one day. The one who buys her own house, car and all the other goodies that come along the way.

Its been rough the last few months. Family and friends have literally dropped out my life like flies. And...

SIMPLICITY DAY
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March 2, 2020
Rockford, United States

While everyone around me is getting good news about things like being pregnant with a new addition to their family, a proposal or wedding or having just got married, graduation for school, etc. im here receiving the worst news today. I was unfortunately kicked from my MA program and can no longer fulfill what i would have within the next few terms i had left.

I feel like I’ve failed myself and my kids and my fiancé. I feel like i could have done better. I just wanna cry. I feel like im never going to reach my goals. Everytime im on the right path and i get close to accomplishing something i dream of it literally blows up in my face and im set 10 steps back.

I should have done better. I s...

SIMPLICITY DAY
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February 19, 2020
Rockford, United States

I literally just wanna cry.. i feel like todays been one of my worst days ever.. me and my gf have been arguing and upset all day. Things have just been shaky and its not like im purposely trying to make it that way... i hate when we are like this.. and half the time its not my fault. Its everyone else’s. Anytime i come close to her blowing up on me, or yelling about something she hates or is upset about its like im meant to look like the worse person in the world... all i want to do is hide, cry, and just lovk myself away from everyone else just until i feel better and can handle being yelled at. I dont like it. It makes me feel shitty. Makes me feel like a child. I was made out to look lik...

SIMPLICITY DAY
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February 10, 2020
Rockford, United States

Everything at home has been very stressful lately, im frustrated with the fact that my car is still currently in the shop, im in the process of trying to go through my stuff and throw out a lot of things i no longer want or need and start getting our things together so we can move at the beginning of the month, im frustrated with having to pace myself through school so i can make sure I graduate on time and pass my classes. It doesnt help that my mom wants to pick fights about unnecessary things constantly at home and i feel like im forever overwhelming my fiancé with things even though she has her own debt to worry about aside from ours we have together to get this place and get out of peop...

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY 2020
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January 12, 2020
Rockford, United States

The past week has been so hard on me. I feel like theres been a HUGE distance between me and my best friend. Literally to a point that if i think about it i literally break down EVERY TIME. I miss talking to her everyday and laughing about the dumbest shit... we dont even have each others locations or snap chats anymore 😩 thats how i know things have slightly changed... and it scares me. Because regardless of who has ever came into my life she has ALWAYS been my backbone and my support through anything. But i decided to give her the space she needs only because i know her relationship depends on it and i really need her to be happy and in a good state of mind for my babies 😩😪😔. I try not to ...

A HAPPY NEW YEAR
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January 8, 2020
Rockford, United States

Im tired of always making sure i have everyone as my first option when they have me as their second. Im tired of people being blind to things they shouldn’t. I feel like i lost a person closest to me that i love and care about dearly and honestly cant do much about it. I have been almost completely removed from their lives wether or not they realized it and it breaks my heart. I was an emotional wreck yesterday and cried myself to sleep, and don’t know what else to do. My girlfriend is frustrated with me this afternoon because i honestly don’t know how to be cold hearted, i refuse to give up on people i love and its one of my flaws unfortunately.

But realizing that a person who you would go...

A HAPPY NEW YEAR
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December 4, 2019
Rockford, United States

I hate that everyone around me is so opinionated and likes to put their two cents into my life. I finally found someone that im happy with, someone i can literally tell everything to, someone who wont judge me or bring me down even on my worst days. This women is literally all i think about. But everyone is so concerned about my feelings towards my sons father. And it annoys me. I feel like the only way im gunna be happy and be able to move forward without the extra bs is if im on my own, in my own apartment with my kids and it shouldn’t have to go that far.

I hate that they make her second guess my feelings and what i might do to her. I refuse to leave a women that is all i can ever ask fo...

SUPPORT AND SAVE US!
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November 12, 2019
Rockford, United States

Today has made exactly one month. I can say as time passes me by it gets somewhat easier to be able to block the hurt, to hold back tears and push through my days.

Yes, ive been put through a lot of stress, hurt, disappointments, and abuse. But somehow ive managed to cope with everything and hide away everything that makes me want to fall apart.

Soon all will be gone, and everything will be ok.

WORLD WATERCOLOR MONTH
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October 28, 2019
Rockford, United States

So far its been two weeks and two days... two weeks and two days since i felt like i got a wake up call to my life. That night is a night i hate. Its a night thats hard to forget and move on from. Its a night that reminds me of how hurt i am and how damaged im become. I battle my depression and anxiety more than anything and i feel like everything ive been through has made this so much worse.

But im trying to heal, i have surrounded myself with my friends. My best friend has been such a great supporter. She understands me. She knows how hard this is on me. She knows sometimes i just need the time away and be with her because it makes getting through it a little easier.

Last night i was a...

THE EDISON BULB
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October 15, 2019
Rockford, United States

It’s been a rough four days. Ive been crying and can’t seem to stop thinking of everything that I’ve been through with my ex. Even though we haven’t had the best relationship knowing he was ok with hurting me kills me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a strong, independent and hardworking mama at the end of the day, but there were times that I needed him, there were times I loved him and he made me smile and there were times where I just wanted to cry and run away. To know how far he was ok taking things and ruining everything we had not only opened my eyes, but showed me I deserved so much more.

This isn’t my first rodeo though. I was previously already a domestic violence survivor. I fought my ba...

DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY
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October 14, 2019
Rockford, United States

It’s been two days since being beaten, two days since my life came crashing down, two days of crying, two days of replaying that night over and over and over because it’s all I think about. Two days I just out of nowhere I break down. I cry until I feel like I can’t hurt no more but unfortunately it’s hard because the hurt never stops. I’m trying to heal, I’m trying to smile, I’m trying to be strong. But even those are feeling almost impossible.

I am scared. But I have some kinds of relief. I still get to be part of and love my step daughter, I love her like if she were my own. I’m happy I was able to get out before anything worse had happened, because I couldn’t gotten real hurt and been i...

MADE WITH LOVE
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