|I'm a real nice person deep down... like really really deep down....|
And maybe i was too blinded by the idea of being in love with you that i never realised that you never loved me. You cared for my well being like anyone who held you in hard times. But i just wasn't the kind you'd want standing next to you or the one you'd go out with. I was more of that flower stuck in a book, covered in dust that you forgot about a long time ago...
An Excerpt From A Book I never Wrote
" The Fall Out"
" Him leaving must've hurt a lot? How'd you cope?"
" I knew it long before than he did that I'd lost him. Everyday i watched him fall out of love with me. The indecisiveness of spending time together, wandering eyes, excuses, that far away look in his eyes. I knew it was becoming too hard for him to picture us, together. It hurt, but i didn't have the heart to let him go first. Maybe it was just me being selfish. Holding onto him like that but i just couldn't let him go when i was used to sleeping to the sound of him snoring in the background."
An Excerpt From A Book I Never Wrote
" Have you ever missed me? The kind where you can't concentrate on anything but the fact that you miss me? No, you haven't because I've always been there before you woke up, after you went to bed. "
" Do you know why? Because i know what it feels like to miss someone so bad that it fucks up your mind. Makes you restless, i never want you to go through what i do, everyday, as i wait on you."
His eyes, were a shade lighter,
the kind that resembled
a hazy sunny afternoon,
surrounded by wrinkles at their corners
every time he smiled at me.
Every time he sighed
nd he called me love,
made my heart skip a beat,
the way he held me in public, proud,
and i knew it was different, better
because he wasn't you..
Driving through the blizzard with the broken radio brought a wave of nostalgia... our last winter together.. incomplete tunes, biting emptiness, foggy road ahead & an immeasurable distance between us...
It took blurry puffy eyes nd your figure walking in the distance for me to realize that all that mattered was how i perceived my reflection in the mirror nd not your eyes...
Standing by the shore as the waves hit my feet
I felt all the weight that was once pulling me
Down washing away, leaving my feet clean n
bare for a new adventure ahead...
The Heart Fable
Maybe it was because i gave my heart away to soon,
To a little boy with wobbly feet and unsteady hands,
For the way it is now covered in dirt,
Covered in dirt i gave it to a man, strong n sturdy, who held it a little too tightly,
Crushing it his palm saying it would make me stronger and i deserved it,
Eons later, walking down the beach, i found a guy with amber eyes and crooked smile, soft and dreamy, too good to be true, a little scary only for me to walk away to keep it from getting torn any further...
Feeling Too Much
Everything is in a frenzy
Like a never ending roller coaster ride
Its like, they all have different opinions
Maybe it was the way you made them feel
Heart; barely pumping
Lungs; burning for air
Brain; stuck in rewind
The ruckus your indecisiveness
Just felt too much
And maybe i wasn't used to feeling anything at all..
The Wicked Witch
The voices are just a mere whisper
Sticks and stones
way too far to reach her
She's a bundle of wickedness
With potions and spells
Sitting high up on a throne
Built from the bones of the ones
That once tried to crush her...
To all the characters i fell in love with,
I never thought there would come a day when i would find somebody who was as protective as Constantine , as cocky as Damon, as sensitive as Augustus and as beautiful as Jammie. Yet here i am writing this to let you all know, i did, he's basically all you blended in a mixer with a hint of that cologne I'm crazy for and a hint of him.
P.s. don't tell him that i only love him because he's your blend. Shhhhh..
You're something more celestial
and I've learnt to never dream of things
that are too far for me to reach
You're like a dream that i live everyday
Talk to, See
I don't even realize
At times that i have my thumb grazing
your cheek through the screen while you talk
That i poke your nose
Every time you make fun of mine
I don't know if it was gravity or the weight of your words weighing down the spoon on my plate, making it impossible for me to lift it up. The intoxicating fragrance of all your vile words felt like a knot in my stomach making me want to puke. Somehow the only thing i remember being on the plate was a bowl full of 500 calories with a side of 230 calories....
Maybe it was the way your eyes wrinkled at the corner
every time you smiled
that made me fall in love
with you even more
It reminded me of that moment
when my hands ran along
the length of its surface
and the smell of a new pages
Of the "happily ever after" hit my nose.
Not all superheroes wear capes
Some are dressed in their pyjamas
With a cup of coffee in one hand
And a pen in another...
I Carved Myself
To halt your steps
On that cold winter night
I decided to carve myself
To fit in the Caracas that pleased your eye
Drop by drop
Flesh by flesh
I scrapped off all the parts you labelled
Fat and ugly
Weak and blubbery
Until it was just a pile of blood nd flesh
Only for you to turn around
To point out the tiny scrape i left...
I can still feel the weight of your words
Lingering in the air
settling in the pit of my stomach
hefty and ruinous
coursing though my veins
wrecking everything in its wake,
Like your name
that just leaves a bitter aftertaste...
It only took the sound of her heels
Tick- tocking against the floor
Firm and confident
To silence the buzz in the air
With her Chanel wafting through the
air, intoxicating and addicting
Numbing the senses of the one's talking
A reincarnation of Satan
A Skirt in a room full of suits...
MY SAVING GRACE
I can still hear that sizzle melody
When you tried tracing the path
That i once travelled
Burnt and poignant
With ash covered footprints
Of the faces and places
i left in my wake
for i was HELL FIRE
YOU my Saving Grace ..
I remember the way your tiny hand wrapped around my finger felt Like, so warm and tiny. Wrapped in a soft pink blanket, beautiful and fragile. I fell in love with the way you blinked your big blue eyes at me and wrapped your other hand around my pinkie as if asking me to promise You, to keep you safe.
Days after days I watched you grow more beautiful and mischievous. From trying to stand up on wobbly legs and run to me. I remember that smile on my face when you ran into my arms with your first ever walk. That warmth that spread through my chest, melted that stone cold heart and made it thump loudly.
Now as i place your hand into his, don't mind the tears ...
The Shooting Star
He being the hopeless romantic,
Fell in love with the way,
She tried to reason
With him, the real cause behind
The shooting stars, instead
Of wishing upon them...
I blame all the men that told me
"I was worth so much more"
"That I deserved so much better"
for the way the crevices
that run down my skin
from the path that was once traced
The one's that are too good
to be claimed by anyone...
I think i figured out
what it was about you
that was so darn alluring.
It was your eyes.
The catchlight in your eyes
reminded me of that full moon
with the wolves howling
as the alpha and the Luna became one.
I knew it long before you did, that you were in denial. The way your hands trembled when i laced mine with yours told me how much bigger the voids were that she'd left behind.
The First Time
Oh how i wish i could tell you what the swirls of the black n blue on the canvas meant. It was the only thing I remember that covered your skin when I first saw you....
I've always heard of the 11:11 wishes coming true. But it was 12:13 when i knew I had found something i never even wished for.
I'd love to watch the remnants of all that was once covering my skin turn into ash when your hand makes it way down...
While gazing at the person standing in the mirror. I couldn't help but think of what it was that repelled you so much that you couldn't bear to tell me the stories that the moon heard when you mumbled at night?. Was it my scars that reminded you of your own?.
Maybe it was the way i swayed when the storm came that you thought that maybe I wasn't steady enough to build a home around.
Maybe i reminded you too much of the one that left your heart aching in the middle of the night. Maybe just maybe...
There's a way I'd like to place my arms around you. Like the darkness that holds the stars together. Protecting them against the light that's too blinding.
Hades and Persephone
This tale is about the one who ruled the underworld with a halo of the fire burning brighter than any pyre with eyes that resembled the depths of an abyss.
This tale is about the most beautiful being to walk the earth with a rosiest pink covering her cheeks and eyes that resembled the colour of the brook.
This tale is about the time he left the underworld and ventured the earth and found her walking through the orchids. Like a moth drawn to a flame. The ruler of hell was at the mercy of the naive.
Unaware of the wrath that would unleash on earth he took her with him.
And built her gardens with the pinkest pink and the deepest red there was ever...