|Queen to my feelings and sometimes a prisoner to them too. Most of what I write, is driven by the happy energy or the sadness that broke me. 😊🤓|
If love was anything similar to the way I used to believe.... I hope that eventually we'll find our way back to each other if its meant to be. I've completely let go of you.. Yet my heart still yearns for your presence like its my diastolic S2. I wish its still you despite it all.
My mind races with thoughts...
The adrenaline of putting the words to a beautiful wordy piece of art...
Yet they're just stuck there...like the things we wish to say is at the tip of our tongue..
If my heart would just pour itself out...
It'll be all there..the beautiful feeling of care, self love,
the heart still heavy with pain and loneliness.
All at once..
The face could be smiling..
How long would it take to reveal the real girl behind that thou?
I seldom wonder...
How did a person so close to my heart end up being the reason for my anxiety attacks?
I love him more than anything and its just painful to know that its over.
It hurts so much,
I keep wishing,
I've never met you in the first place.
Stupid love, silly me.
When you try to write something with an empty feeling.... Its all ink on paper, not words from inside.
I would really love to find myself happy again, so that I can write about the thing I cherish so much.
Hopes and Wishes...
Do you wanna travel with me?
Would you want to get to know me for who I am? And learn all the sad and happy things about me?
Would you realise why I might have the sweetest smile is probably because I keep myself happy outside because inside I'm feeling lonely?
Would you spend some extra time with me to learn about my crazy little mind and tiny habits that I wouldn't notice?
Would you perhaps think of all the reasons why you'll like to spend some time with me without hoping for too much?
Will you notice that your presence would calm me down instantly?
Would you get to know me enough to let me into your mind and share your little secrets or feelings just because,
Would you be grateful to have ...
Everyday is a new beginning and whatever regrets you have in the past. It'll fade away over time as long as you'll live to correct your mistakes and be a better person eventually. It takes a long journey for some, and short journeys for others to come to terms with themselves and finally enjoy life just as it is.
I've gotten better at enjoying life but my soul and emotions have been traded for that short happy moments. I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore., but i suppose some sense would catch up to me and remind me of who I am and what's my worth. Seems like I'm in the wrong path again and I hope you'll crawl back out of this soon.
Till then, love you loads and just enjoy your d...
It was like a ghost staring right back at me..
Even thou it was a split second glimpse,
Even if its just a still picture that I accidentally swiped left so fast,
It made my heart pound hard,
And gave way to tears in seconds..
Because that ghost i just saw,
Was my favorite person,
Who's in a dating app...
That handsome ghost...
I want that kind of love.
The kind that where you say i love you to someone with no rational reason, you just feel like you do.
The kind of love where you think of a hundred reasons why you love that person, but you've got to agree that no 100 reasons are gonna justify that love you have inside your heart.
I want that love with someone which would make me love the love i have for myself and us. The kind of love that doesn't just give up halfway through the struggle. The kind of love that would teach me lessons in my lifetime lived. The kind of love i would be grateful for every passing day ,
no matter the pain and hardship because in the end of each storm you'll believe there's a rainbow at...
Everytime my eyes close, they just go back to an image of me being in your embrace. There's nothing else in the world that would make me feel right at home. The tight hugs you gave me is just as symbolic as a ship returning to its harbor after a long long journey away. Now that ship has sailed so far away, it is lost in the sea with no destination but the goal is to move forward in search of another home.
That homey feeling you get when you're hugging someone, I'm grateful for it.
I love you forever, my home.
"Just because you love someone, doesn't mean you get to have them. And just because you can't believe its over, doesn't mean you shouldn't accept it."
Time and time I wish someone would yell that to my face so that my mind would stop with the maybe's and the what if's. I just hope in the course of living life, someone would catch up with me to be there for me in the form of a human, rather than fake friendships and chat messages.
I love all the support I can get from the digital world, but all I've yearned for in life is just that...
For the time being, I've got enough love from myself and my family.
Gratitude makes me believe that someday I'll earn my special someone.
For my future self,...
The irony of a girl,
who sought after some pain,
just so that she could let some tears loose,
Yet, the pain was nothing,
Instead happiness took over at the sight of her memories being permanently etched into her skin.
It's beautiful to her eyes and she's accepted it whole heartedly.
Now she only hopes for more to come.
I've always missed the peace that I've lost along with you.
My mind ,a whirlwind of thoughts,
The good, the bad ,the worst,
Each strand of tots are ropes,
Leaving me to choke on my tears,
There's never a night I've gone to sleep without thinking about you
And how i wish to be craddled back
Into your arms and
Gaze into your eyes,
I wish to be there,
Right away, right now,
Dare I not leave your side for good,
for i know the pain of losing you..
And it feels like an eternity
Of torment and sadness.
I've lost the peace in me, along with your presence in my life....
This moment, this place, this time,
this particular milisecond of a moment..
Its all wrong ,wrong, wrong...
My mind is tired ,my body fatigued and my soul weeping and hurt...
It feels so wrong to be like this,
Hasn't enough time passed by me,
Haven't enough people interacted with me to forget my unfortunate fate..
Haven't i suffered enough?
Why am I here again?
Silence apparently wasn't the answer,
But being silent all this while has driven me crazy and I wish ,
I really do wish, that someone or something could help me with this..
I really don't know what to do anymore with myself.....
PS; How has "sighing" become part of my everyday... And the occasional tears?
Its a lonelier world out there, especially when you find out that he knows you've been hurtin all these time.
Promised myself that i won't revisit the sore thorn in my memories, promised myself that its better to let go than keep harbouring feelings for you,
I truly promised myself to live a better life than before.....
But i just can't help going to that grey area... The pain still has a thousand memories of you my love,
And i wish i could be with you again
Whatever happened to taking chances in love and mending what's broken...
I just need you yet its impossible now.
Does it make sense that i kinda miss you so much?
Despite all the heartaches and dissapointments , along with my denials and such...
I miss you,
I miss the inseparable long hugs,
Kisses on the forehead,
The angle of your face from being in your embrace,
That happy smile you give when you see me,
And the way your eyes lit up when I'm back...
I wish we could have been in that bubble of peace a little longer.
Just like that last brief hug, my memories of your face and embrace is fading slowly, pretty soon I'll probably forget you all along, physically but nothin can take away the sweets and sours we've had in our brief lifetime together. I love you.
Lots of love,
I guess life is to celebrate every kind of emotions that comes our way,
Every form of love and affection should be celebrated because you'll never know which ones last and which one don't...
It's hard to be a wandering soul and not catch feelings on the way...
As much as we love our freedom, we still love the idea of sharing our life...
Until recently I've only seen it as an anchor, now I know it's just our human nature to be part of people's life.
We can be in solitude for a while, but when we share em, it's a nice feeling.
So I hope one day I'll catch feelings again.
Remember that time in your life when you were just a child, and you had no friends, you had an imaginary one named Kiki.. Yeahhh... Those were the times where you had so much fun, so much comfort and so much peace.. Technically you were alone but not lonely. It was a blissful time of growth for you. You had no problem climbing that ladder to a better you, better confidence and better work ethics. You've changed so much and measured growth in life on your own terms. Then eventually Kiki wasn't needed any more, You were fine being alone.
But somehow he showed up, he became your Kiki, you always thought you weren't close like friends, but boy did it hurt when you lost him. When yo...
Alone in a crowd,
Alone in a party,
Alone in the house,
Alone in class,
Alone in the car,
Alone in the room,
Alone in my mind,
Alone at the bar,
Alone in the streets,
Alone at the beach,
Alone at the mall,
That's what I feel nowadays,
Tons of people everywhere, and
Everyday I just feel,
Alone without you.
My hands have been reaching out to you for as long as I can remember,
I wish you'll turn back and reach my hands too..
It's been too long since we've both seen each other,
Would there be a chance to mend the broken bridges, and perhaps find closure.
This heart is just as broken as yours,
If only you could give me one last chance to make it right.
Again that's just wishful thinking,
He's too good for a girl like me.
When we first started loving, it was all petals and roses and sunrise and beautiful melodies... We had all the good times to remind us of how much we love each other. How much we meant to each other.
But what about the storm, the hurricane, and the worst nightmares that comes with love, we can't ignore them all can we? Aren't we supposed to take the good and the bad things together. That's how we get our love to be stronger, to make it last longer and to stand imperishable.
That's when you chose to leave, when it got hard and bad. When it sucked for both of us. You just left. And I'm still lingering here . All by myself.
Thank you for showing me that.
Have you ever felt like going full on crazy?
Like crazy falling from a tall building, or go cliff diving or bungee jumping or free falling off a plane?
Those were part my to not do list because it sounds scary as hell,
But right now, I would want to do it, because those crazy things could let me scream my lungs out, cry my heart out and just about let go of everything in my heart or head or mind even...
Where do I go if I wanna let go when I can't do all those crazy things?
Somedays it hurt,
Somedays goes by without even thinking about it...
It's beautiful how our mind works..
When it's sleepy and tired...
No amount of pain and happy moments would affect our lives...
Ignorance is such an amazing BLISS..
I almost forgot that the best kind of feeling is when you're satisfied with being present for yourself at the present moment.
It's funny how we don't laugh at the same jokes multiple times, yet we cry for the same reason multiple times...
Time goes by while we endure the waves of life that crashes and cradles us forth, I can't remember my many many firsts I've had, but I certainly can't forget my lasts because the old me won't let go..
1. The last person who made me smile genuinely, was Jaan, when he was still around with me..
2. The last person I've said I Love You is Jaan. I still say it everyday when I wake up in remembrance of our memories together.
3. The last time I cried was few days ago, when my mind took a trip down the memory lane. I still think about him, I still miss his presence.
4. The last person I've apologized too was him.. I've been saying sorry since the day he's gone.
5. I've said thank you to God every...
Perfect pen pal?
There's no such thing as a perfect being, but I'll describe my perfect pen pal to be a dear friend to me...
That's all I ask for..
Other than that, we could bond over our love for chai, ice skating, Big Bang Theory finale, and lots of non medical school stuff, and any weird hobbies tht you've got..
You've got a friend in me,
Here's a confession I had to make to myself and the world..
I always thought I hadn't had a muse for me to write beautifully again,
But hey I've got it all wrong...
I've never been the type to be so cheesy or expressive wirh the word love, for me it was too cliche and overrated.. And I wasn't sure whether I'll have that same goofy feeling from it,
I was wrong..
Ever since you're present in my life, I've wrote good things about love, my view on it changed, my love for love grew, and somehow I loved it that I've got to see it in your eyes and in my writing again..
You were my muse on love... It was all that happy and sad moments with you, that led to kind words about love.
You were my mu...
The girl that looks back isn't smiling with her eyes,
Why those glassy eyes my child?
Did you get your heart broken again?
Did you break someone's trust and they've let you down?
Did you again try stupid things that made that man leave you?
Did he leave you after promising too many a times that he won't let go?
Did he bailed on you when the going gets tough?
Didn't he said you pushed a knife thru his heart?
Is he the same man you're still crying for?
He's pushed you away so bad..
Why are you still letting down those tears everyday?
When will you learn not to play with people's heart and trust?
When will you learn to be serious about genuine relationships that comes your way...