|Queen to my feelings and sometimes a prisoner to them too. Most of what I write, is driven by the happy energy or the sadness that broke me. 😊🤓|
It's hard to be a wandering soul and not catch feelings on the way...
As much as we love our freedom, we still love the idea of sharing our life...
Until recently I've only seen it as an anchor, now I know it's just our human nature to be part of people's life.
We can be in solitude for a while, but when we share em, it's a nice feeling.
So I hope one day I'll catch feelings again.
Remember that time in your life when you were just a child, and you had no friends, you had an imaginary one named Kiki.. Yeahhh... Those were the times where you had so much fun, so much comfort and so much peace.. Technically you were alone but not lonely. It was a blissful time of growth for you. You had no problem climbing that ladder to a better you, better confidence and better work ethics. You've changed so much and measured growth in life on your own terms. Then eventually Kiki wasn't needed any more, You were fine being alone.
But somehow he showed up, he became your Kiki, you always thought you weren't close like friends, but boy did it hurt when you lost him. When yo...
Alone in a crowd,
Alone in a party,
Alone in the house,
Alone in class,
Alone in the car,
Alone in the room,
Alone in my mind,
Alone at the bar,
Alone in the streets,
Alone at the beach,
Alone at the mall,
That's what I feel nowadays,
Tons of people everywhere, and
Everyday I just feel,
Alone without you.
My hands have been reaching out to you for as long as I can remember,
I wish you'll turn back and reach my hands too..
It's been too long since we've both seen each other,
Would there be a chance to mend the broken bridges, and perhaps find closure.
This heart is just as broken as yours,
If only you could give me one last chance to make it right.
Again that's just wishful thinking,
He's too good for a girl like me.
When we first started loving, it was all petals and roses and sunrise and beautiful melodies... We had all the good times to remind us of how much we love each other. How much we meant to each other.
But what about the storm, the hurricane, and the worst nightmares that comes with love, we can't ignore them all can we? Aren't we supposed to take the good and the bad things together. That's how we get our love to be stronger, to make it last longer and to stand imperishable.
That's when you chose to leave, when it got hard and bad. When it sucked for both of us. You just left. And I'm still lingering here . All by myself.
Thank you for showing me that.
Have you ever felt like going full on crazy?
Like crazy falling from a tall building, or go cliff diving or bungee jumping or free falling off a plane?
Those were part my to not do list because it sounds scary as hell,
But right now, I would want to do it, because those crazy things could let me scream my lungs out, cry my heart out and just about let go of everything in my heart or head or mind even...
Where do I go if I wanna let go when I can't do all those crazy things?
Somedays it hurt,
Somedays goes by without even thinking about it...
It's beautiful how our mind works..
When it's sleepy and tired...
No amount of pain and happy moments would affect our lives...
Ignorance is such an amazing BLISS..
I almost forgot that the best kind of feeling is when you're satisfied with being present for yourself at the present moment.
It's funny how we don't laugh at the same jokes multiple times, yet we cry for the same reason multiple times...
Time goes by while we endure the waves of life that crashes and cradles us forth, I can't remember my many many firsts I've had, but I certainly can't forget my lasts because the old me won't let go..
1. The last person who made me smile genuinely, was Jaan, when he was still around with me..
2. The last person I've said I Love You is Jaan. I still say it everyday when I wake up in remembrance of our memories together.
3. The last time I cried was few days ago, when my mind took a trip down the memory lane. I still think about him, I still miss his presence.
4. The last person I've apologized too was him.. I've been saying sorry since the day he's gone.
5. I've said thank you to God every...
Perfect pen pal?
There's no such thing as a perfect being, but I'll describe my perfect pen pal to be a dear friend to me...
That's all I ask for..
Other than that, we could bond over our love for chai, ice skating, Big Bang Theory finale, and lots of non medical school stuff, and any weird hobbies tht you've got..
You've got a friend in me,
Here's a confession I had to make to myself and the world..
I always thought I hadn't had a muse for me to write beautifully again,
But hey I've got it all wrong...
I've never been the type to be so cheesy or expressive wirh the word love, for me it was too cliche and overrated.. And I wasn't sure whether I'll have that same goofy feeling from it,
I was wrong..
Ever since you're present in my life, I've wrote good things about love, my view on it changed, my love for love grew, and somehow I loved it that I've got to see it in your eyes and in my writing again..
You were my muse on love... It was all that happy and sad moments with you, that led to kind words about love.
You were my mu...
The girl that looks back isn't smiling with her eyes,
Why those glassy eyes my child?
Did you get your heart broken again?
Did you break someone's trust and they've let you down?
Did you again try stupid things that made that man leave you?
Did he leave you after promising too many a times that he won't let go?
Did he bailed on you when the going gets tough?
Didn't he said you pushed a knife thru his heart?
Is he the same man you're still crying for?
He's pushed you away so bad..
Why are you still letting down those tears everyday?
When will you learn not to play with people's heart and trust?
When will you learn to be serious about genuine relationships that comes your way...
Why does it take a heartbreak for words to flow free like that..
Musicians, singers, poets, painters and stand up comedians alike, they're living proof of this..
It's pretty undeniable that when a heart breaks..
All the emotions, unwritten words, unspoken truths and all that matters-the things you didn't know existed inside
would float up.. Yupp all of 'em
Quick! Turn them into art before the tears run free and you're back to the beginning- to an empty heart. With a few scars here and there.
I love reading poetry and I love the sweet flow of words and the bitter truth that comes as surprises in between.. Have you seen words popping out from a canvas of brick walls... 😂 😂
Am I high or what?
I've never learned to trust or believe anything that comes easy to me. All my life, I've been putting up a fight with fate.. So when you came into my life four years ago.. I didn't believe it.. I was still unsure of you because you came to me too easy.. And I've failed to appreciate you for being in my life.. No matter how much of love you poured into me.. I kept waiting for you to walk away.... although grateful for your presence, I've had that uneasy feeling of disbelief..
Perhaps it was my lack of belief in myself, the lack of confidence in my luck and life..
So it took me to do the extreme mistake to test the waters.. And I pushed you out of my life.. It happened so fast, it took me awh...
I saw you and your friends at the party, I was helping out as part of a crew.
It's been awhile since I last saw you in person,
Yet my heart races and my face lights up seeing the familiar face,
Your lanky tall build, and smiley face, and those dimples that adorns your visage...
Our eyes met, brief greetings were exchanged.
I carried my box of stuff back to storage..
You followed behind, wanting to talk. We rested at the common area, I was asking how were you doing and what's on?
He's not teaching anymore, just started a business and I suppose it's going good.
We were exchanging business contacts, his friend was next to him.. I introduced myself... And that obvious question c...
Been up all mornin,
Staring at the ceiling,
Overthinking has kept me up,
Till the 5am alarm rang,
Time to get up and shower,
Everything is okay I tell myself,
Smile in the mirror for self consolation,
Life's just moving on,
It was three months ago,
That's the last time I've felt any kind of love from someone else than me,
I've missed my home and I hope he's doing alright too.
Goodbye and good morning to me.
Bliss is you sitting in your underwear after a long cold shower.... In this scorching weather...
Along with the silence, some loneliness creeps inside, a little bit of peace and quiet, and the emptiness becomes bearable again.
Have you ever felt so crazy numb ?
And you're stuck with it till you figure out the puzzle to get out of that maze. Sometimes you wish you had some help, but no one can really understand and relate to your unique soul and spirit .. So you prefer to figure it out on your own, which makes the journey longer and you know there's more mistakes, thunderstorm and milestones to pass before you arrive out of that mind maze you've sent yourself into. And the irony of it is, if you really wanted, you could flip that maze upside down and lay a straight path for yourself, but...
You were the reason for my laughter and joy, you were also the reason for the pain in me.. But the kind of pain I would be grateful for because they're mostly just me yearning for your presence in my life.
After a short pause of us, I've just realised you don't really love me like that.. Not exactly like the way you imagined.. I don't know if it's because of the hurt I've inflicted on you or many other listed reasons you have on a pdf document that you neatly typed out for me... But I know now the extent of our bond is superficial enough to be broken by an outsider.
I know that I'm not regretting my past anymore.. And I've learned that you've moved on quite well. I'm happy that we've put th...
I miss the feeling of missing someone, a home to come back to, and someone to speak with.
What did I do?
It's because the words flow better in a paper or a blank canvas.
It's because when my voice fails, lettrs is my medium to communicate,
It's because I trip over my own voice and words when I speak.. At least in a lettr, everything is straight up raw and editable.
It's because when I'm all alone, my voice is still heard here...
And because I love this app so much for the good and bad memories I've got.
Letters can be my medium to my past, my present and hopefully my future growth.
That feeling of longing for someone else than your own company...
Do you know how that feels?
Loving yourself becomes easier when there's someone you could show kindness to.. Loving another is as therapeutic for the soul and for your favorite person.
At least that's how it is for me..
She sits on her table, the windows open, the sun setting down, and the laptop open to the e-book she's supposed to be reading .
Looks to the other side of the room, and sees an empty chair and table, she's always longed for a close friend, but her room's always empty.
Her roomie is always away with her friends, always out, always happy and her company has always been wanted by others.
She doesn't hate her for it, but she sure does envy the girl's chance to meet people who's like her.
Oh well, she says.. Better luck next year, and the books becomes her companion again.
She has thought to herself, that if the lone path has chosen her for life, she'll be a doctor who buries her life with ...
Fleeing is what I do best,
When everything is annoying, I'll cave back into my shell, if someone were to still poke me, I'll go berserk, and run away.
Fleeing is what I do, when things get too hard, sometimes I run away so that I can cry, shout and scream my lungs out elsewhere....in the deepest pit of my mind.
Fleeing is what I do when the person I love so much brings despair rather than love, I run away so that I wouldn't be mean and say hurtful things,
Fleeing is what I hope to do, every time someone or something is ticking me off..but sometimes there's no escape, and my true nature of madness gets revealed, in a way, it's also a form of permanent escape.
Fleeing isn't all bad, because...
I close my eyes, and I see the sun and the sea, I can hear the waves crashing in the distance, I can see you, with your back turned away, you've been turned away in most of my dreams lately, and I've been trying to reach out too.. And then I open my eyes, miles away from you, alone in my dorm, reality checks in and I head to class. I'm still happy to have had that dream, at least part of you is still in my memories, and I know I dream of it because I crave for your company too.
I'm waiting like always, for you..
When I'm all alone in the room, my little devil thoughts come haunting me, to remind me that I'm alone in the room because I have no life outside of class.
But I just realized that there's more to being left alone with your thoughts, you learn to reprogram your mind, and learn to love the "me" time. Cheers to studying in peace and happiness...
I love my space...
What did I miss?
I scrutinized every last detail of your problem, I even asked you repeatedly about what you're going through with,
I literally sat there listening to your story for an whole hour,
Only to realize that I missed the big picture of it all...
It's too late to even turn around because I'm back home..
Realizing that I have to open my mind up to see the larger picture, so that I wouldn't make the same mistakes twice.