|I m making a part of me immortal by writing it down. Ig: @a_flightless_bird__|
Once an author told me that the thing that is worse than having cancer is watching someone you love suffer from it.
It has been a while now, although I m rarely around to watch, not a second pass without me being aware of it.
I never told you about the nightmares I have, I wake up with a thought that I have lost you. The lizards on the wall, the darkness, the crowd, all my fears fail in front of the fear of losing you.
I have always been a strong girl, not as strong as you. I know when you see me , you see dad in me more than your own reflection, way too emotional right?
But I always saw you as my strength, you always had my back. I could come crying to you , I use to ,not anymore....
I wasn't damsel in distress,
Even when i was fragile,
I never needed rescue,
Even when i was caught up
In my mind.
I wasn't weak,
Even when you and I both felt, i was.
I wasn't giving up,
Although i thought of it a thousand times.
You by my side, was a roller coaster ride.
But no such ride is led by one or followed by another.
You were the one who saw me survive,
Saw me fight,
Lose and win,
Tears or grin
But to say i wouldn't have, if it wasnt for you,
I get strength from the love i give,
The naivity with which i forgive,
The care which is very rare
And the smile that comes even when nothing is fine.
Isn't it unfair to hate someone for no reason at all? Like that person has done nothing to you and yet you can't stand the way they breathe.. Like why they are even breathing??
You feel guilty at times, deep down you know there's nothing to hate in that person. The person has done nothing to harm you.
But you can't stand him/her because of the way someone else is with that person.
Stop playing it over and over in your head, you think of possible interpretations and each time you revisit it, the possibility of one of the many interpretations strengthens and then you come up with a self declared conclusion which can be far away from the truth.
But you already have strayed too far.
Don't get tricked by your own brain.
Give it a break!
It wasn't a news for her that things happen when you are drunk but for her, it didn't happened because she was drunk on alcohol but because she was drunk on love.
Alcohol just gave her the courage to do it.
Arya never knew, what she did would be labeled as a "drunken mistake"
Thats not new either, "caught up in the moment"
The night was lit, alcohol made them come closer than they should be, hands entangled, lips inch away from each other. She could hear his breathe, he could hear her heart beat and before they knew they were sneaking out to someplace away from the crowd, the fear of being caught just made it more tempting.
Their lips matching a rhythm, his hands carassing her body, ...
I don't know why, i don't know what and i don't know how you find your way in, I had those walls around me, but i should have known better or maybe i was too late to watch GoT. I should have known that ever wall that withstand everything can be freezed to collapse but I still wonder how you managed that? My walls were not there to protect me from cold but they were holding the cold within.
Or just found a little hole to sneak in?
Or you convinced me to open the door, that must be the case, knowing you I can say.
I can say it was nice to have you there, it is always nice to have someone who is warm and comfy..
We had the level of comfort that people envy.
We had... H...
The biggest regret of my life would be letting you call me your everything while you treat me like nothing.
You know what is wrong with these books and movies and stuff?
They teach us to wait till the end for things to become right and us to become happy.
Afraid, scared, trembling
I let the door open
I saw them all passing by
Stopping at the front
But they continued to walk away
I waited and waited for them to be back.
It was not just that,
Then all my feelings left,
All the tears walked away
Taking all my strength with them
Leaving me all empty and numb.
The air around is too thick to breathe,
The vision has got blurry
There is a constant ache somewhere in my head.
Pain feels like an old friend,
Giving up is so tempting.
I no more care for anything.
I no more feel living.
I felt hot,
Suffocated and hot..
I felt it burning under my skin..
I felt cold,
Teeth chattered, ice cold..
And i felt numb,
Like I am nothing,
I felt like my body won't work at all.
I was afraid to walk, i may just fall.
I kept the smile, when i felt like crying.
I look for a hand, I look for an arm
I look for someone to hold my all..
I was left hand stretched,
I was left clueless.
On everylast night I lie awake, thinking or preparing most precisely to face the journey away. I preschedule my tears of goodbye to a night before so when the time to leave comes I can be the grown up kid.
I never say I miss home, I dodge the question with humor and "I got no time" kinda replies.
I dread coming home too, it makes me weak, tempts me, my home may not be a castle but I have been a princess. A princess who chose to be nothing but ordinary because she is that. Ordinary.
But not in her home, not in her castle.
She eats what she likes without moving an inch,
1/2 a minute of tantrum and her wishes fulfilled.
She is awarded with applauds on every fucking thing.
A world where she doesn...
Is it hope? In the way i hop!
A smile? That's mile wide?.
Is it you? Truly true?
Is it me? Or we?
Is it the way i look at you?
Or the way you look my way?
Is it the heart that races
Or the maroon laces
That binds me with you..
Is it how you make me eat?
Or the way closeness makes me skip a beat?
Is it possible to put into words?
As if my stomach id full of a flock of birds.
You! Found me!
You! Healed me!
And you wrote your name
In my heart.
Scored a bullseye with your golden dart.
Khi daag hai kaali shiyahi k
Kahi ansuo ki boonde bikhri hai,
Kahi hai wqt se padi silwate..
Toh khi kuch kataran, kuch chila hua bhi hai..
Toh khi koi sabd adhure se hai..
Kora kagaz nahi me jo tum ao or likhdo khudko..
Kahi jagah banani hogi,
Kuch bate mitani hogi..
Dhundhli pade kuch khwabo se,
Dhul udani hogi..
Khi sip do tum chedo ko,
Sametlo kuch bundo ko..
Apne naam jo agar karna hai..
Toh meri har khami apnani hogi..
बेचैनियों से लड़कर आंखे बंद जो की,
तेरे चेहरे ने आके उन्हें भीगा दिया |
ना सो पाये, ना रो पाये,
बस करवटे बदलते रात गुज़र दी |
No I don't.
I m there right in front of you.
Yes I do.
As if i m not even there.
You walk all over me,
To someone else,
All you need is one wispher, one call!
And I disappear for you.
Till the call ends,
Then you are back
To find me waiting for you.
No. I don't.
I pretend to not be there,
I see it all, i notice
But i disappear, yes i do.
Because its better that way,
For me. For you.
Piece by piece,
Day by day,
Peeling off my skin,
Burning my flesh,
The acid of restlessness.
Stop don't bother!
I'm done defending,
I'm done fighting.
Take my sword,
I'm all yours to slain!
I may not be the person you hope a text from at 4am.
But i am that person who texts you at 4 to check if you're alright.
I think that happiness is a scary thing!
As you grow up, as life starts getting complicated and multifaceted, happiness also becomes rare and unattainable.
So when you are actually happy to that level,
When it reaches From your lips to your eyes, when it vibrates through your body, when no part of you remains untouched and for that one moment you feel nothing but happy. It's scary, its fucking scary because you know the moment will pass and it will haunt and it will not come back soon.
Happiness is a scary thing because when you know what it means to be truly happy. You refuse to settle for less, you daydream of the dsy you were truly happy.
Happiness is a scary thing! One moment its there ...
You think i am too emotional
What you do not know is
I can bottle up my emotions to
Spread beauty on the paper.
May be all i crave is a person who wouldn't let me lie awake on a stromy night and sleeps peacefully.
Maybe all i need is a warm embrace to sleep in.
You created your own wings to fly but they shackled your toes to the land,
Right and wrong you once believed in, tell me, my love
Now where they stand?
You crossed rivers, climbed many hills
But still got trapped against your will?
The date is mocking,
Are you celebrating?
The consensus of pretentious independence.
Don't dig too deep, you'll hit the graves,
Waking up the buried is not sane.
You go back to that place,
You go back to that phase.
You never get over it,
You just run for the time being.
I think of you, every now and then.
In this way or that.
To be honest, I m tired of it.
Tired of all the memories,
Tired of biting my pillow, muffled screams
The dry tears and aching throat.
The fucking helplessness and miserable soul.
And yet my thoughts wander back to you,
The memory of having you and losing you.
The thought of you with someone else.
The sheer bitterness of agony,
The cracks in my heart.
I know you never promised
"till death do us apart"
The pain hit home,
Awakening the buried bones,
The haunters of past,
In my head they now march.
The ghosts of insecurities,
Burns the lamp of vulnerabilities.
I screech in pain,
I cry out of misery.
I think of you and
PYRE OF REGRETS .
Piling up one by one,
A new day, a new one.
one from the broken heart,
One out fury.
Vulnerabilities and misery.
A few made out of
Of love and hatred
And many just
By letting it be.
So lets create a pyre of regrets
And let's cremate all of them.
My wings won't weigh much,
May be then
I can fly away!
The tiny drops of ink splattered over the page,
Refusing to put those words together,
Not again, they pleaded.
But the pen scratched a mark on the skin,
Took the blood as ink
And completed another story of
Todna munasib nahi,
Jodne k kuch kaabil nahi,
Bas chand dhago me atka hai yeh
Rista tera mera....
Vo chand shabo ki baate,
Kuch sawalo me toh kuch bahano me
Vo adhuri mulakaate,
Kabhi nazare mili toh muskura diya,
Kbhi nazaro ne khwaabon me mila diya.
Wo kuch kadamo k fasle, na tum tay kar paye na me.
Ab ek dusre ki baahon ki panah kaha..
Wo sath gunjti hasi kaha..
Kuch Yaadain hai jo apni h,
Kuch dhaage h jo abhi bhi bandhe h khi,
Bas unhi k sahahe kuch hai,
Kuch toh hai humare darmiyan.
It's just that one moment, one unconscious moment when it comes back crashing on your head.
One little moment of weakness where your one thought leads to another and it reaches to the darkest or when you are half asleep and you open your eyes to a little beep of your phone and something suddenly hits you
And then its all your strength v/s that little moment.
To know that you'll always have these scars and they will bleed time and again but you feel like you don't care anymore you just start to live with them is it how it is supposed to be? moving on?