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RexEverything

PO# 639702
Australia
Australia
I write. I drink. I overthink. I let my feelings slip, but never my mask. Feel free to add me as pen pal, if you like. I’m happy to write you.
February 14, 2019
Hackham, Australia

This pain,
it does not dissipate.

It sits in
my stomach and
rusts.

Corrupts.

Never going to
go away,
I know.

Fated to taste
it’s taint
whenever I hear
your name.

Such bittersweet
memories
remain.

CRE140218

PHOENIX
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PO#639702
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0
January 27, 2019
Hackham, Australia

.
“A MESSAGE TO YOU, RUDY
(ANOTHER FOR THE LIST)”
.
I have
a dozen
unsent messages
I’ve never found the courage
to forward.

Such a
fucking coward
I am.

Messages attempting
to make amends
and mend
the fractures cracking open
in a friendship
that was once so strong
and meaningful.

They stockpile
in my archive,
sitting uselessly invisible
and
doomed to fruitlessness.

Stupid me
I scribe them
so carefully,
only to let them
fester
in a stretching
unspent letter
list.

I sit here
wishing to reach out,
wishing to
fix things between us,
but can’t
find the guts to do it.

Too scared
to ruin it.

Too scared
you’ll reveal the truth
I’ve dreaded every evening
when I’ve
written a note
and read it
over ...

PHOENIX
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PO#639702
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January 25, 2019
Hackham, Australia

.
Be kind.

Love openly.

Always know your worth.

Always know you have worth.

There is no such thing as someone who isn’t important.

Everyone matters.

Show compassion.

Appreciate everyone you know.

Never turn your back.

Never stop caring.

Always be the best of humanity.

There is nothing weak about showing your emotions.

There is nothing wrong with feeling sad.

Don’t be hard on yourself.

Never believe you don’t deserve goodness in your life.

Everyone has the right to be who they want to be.

Everyone has the right to be loved...

Just a few things I’m slowly teaching myself this year.
To whoever reads this, I hope you feel the same.
You deserve to.

CRE250119

PHOENIX
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PO#639702
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0
January 24, 2019
Hackham, Australia

.
*untitled, unfinished*
.
All the fights I’ve
Fought.

All the fucks ive
given.

All the women I’ve loved
and lost
and driven away.

All the drinks I’ve
finished
and
the drugs

I’ve poisoned
my system with,

The happiness felt
and the lows
survived

and the cards I’ve
been dealt

are each
tiny brushstrokes
on my canvas
of life.

Slashed across,
great paint trails
spattered and
blotched

and
left with
reckless carelessness

to dry.

CRE240119

PHOENIX
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PO#639702
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1
January 21, 2019
Noarlunga Centre, Australia

.
OF THE LOST FRIEND.
.
I can’t listen
to Tash Sultana
anymore.

Her music
reminds me
too much of you.

And if you’ve
truly gone
away,

cut me out of
your life
with jagged
rips
rent by blunt scissors

snipped
with angry conviction

and not a
pause for
hesitation,

the rough-hewn
edge
fraying on my side
is all
the reminder
I need.

Not to be forgotten.

I won’t listen to
Tash Sultana
willingly
ever again.

She’ll only
remind me how
our integral friendship
ended

and I’ll be
forever lost
to knowing
why.

Forever wishing
I had
never
let you inside.

I’ll build my wall sky high.

CRE210119.

PHOENIX
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PO#639702
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January 20, 2019
Hackham, Australia

KALOPSIA, I SUPPOSE...
.
Fated to be
forgotten.

Disassembled in
the
mist of yesteryears.

Memories
all get
lost in fog
eventually.

You’ll forget
me
slowly
as the passage of
time does
it’s job.

I see it
from a
different angle
always.

Waving in
futile
desperation as
the shape of you
fades
and drifts away.

It always happens
to objects when
you get close
for a moment
and then
dissociate.

Kalopsia,
I suppose.

Connect just
long enough
to ascertain
detail
before
dissipating.

My fate
is to be
forgotten.

Eaten to
nothing
but tiny
scraps of
broken retrospect.

I used to be
whole
to you.

Now I feel
like
bits
steadily
disintegrating
on the non stop
turn
of fortune’s wheel.

When once
my presenc...

PHOENIX
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January 18, 2019
Noarlunga Centre, Australia

.
NIGHT MOVES.

A cloudless evening unblemished,
untroubled
by intrusive kisses of wind
and frozen like a painting framed
by the edges of the horizon.

The darkness of midnight
is my security blanket
as I stretch out tired legs,
wrap its swarming black mass
around my body
and languish in the warmth
of hoarded memories,
of absent adored people
and the smooth,
velveteen textured shape
of life defining moments
I never should’ve let slip behind me.

The inked-in skyline
and starlit ceiling
and deathly still silence
of a neighbourhood sleeping
lulls me sweetly into
somnolent drifting
through the convoluted mind field
inside
in which I bury my true self in.

A cigarette and a scotch
scorches the th...

PHOENIX
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January 17, 2019
Hackham, Australia

.
SOUND.
.
There’s music in my movements
and a large heart
beating these beautiful
bass lines eternally.
I feel too much too often, certainly,
but I love long,
with purpose
and dance on down my timeline,
each step lightly touched
with kind, uncensored empathy.
I’m big on old songs
and strong sentimentality.
Nobody can ever take away
my humanity.
I’m a new-wave, post-punk, Brit-popping
two-tone psychedelic entity.
Every soul met
has some merit
and everyone is a friend to me.
This
is the sound of harmony.
Listen to the music
of life
like me.

CRE170119

PHOENIX
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PO#639702
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January 10, 2019
Noarlunga Centre, Australia

.
Three years ago, almost to the day, my best friend gave me a book.

It was called “Chapter One”, written by the creator of ‘Thank You’, an inspirational not-for-profit organisation.

In the book, one particular stanza jumped out at me:
.
“How would you live your life if you had no fear?
What would you say?
And what would you do?”
.
I’ve never forgotten it.

It’s a stanza I’ve spent the past three years trying to answer.

I still don’t know.

Truth be told, fear got a strong grip of me in those three years. A lot happened. Some good, some really wonderfully good, but the bad overpowered.

The fear dug its claws in.
It beat me. It broke my heart. It crushed my spirit. It made a nest inside m...

PHOENIX
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January 5, 2019
Noarlunga Centre, Australia

.
FRAGRANCE.
.
I still smell
your fragrance
in old
memories.

A welcome scent
still lingering
when
all else has
long
since
dissipated.

A whiff
of
lost happiness.

Takes me back...

PHOENIX
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January 3, 2019
Hackham, Australia

I wear a mask.
You all see it.

It’s the jokes and bad puns and animated nature I put on around other people.

It’s the stoicism and inner strength I display to give the appearance nothing phases me or hurts my feelings.

It’s the eye contact I give, the straight back posture I maintain as I walk, this suggestion of confidence in my presence.

It’s the care with which I jail my emotions, squirrelling them away where nobody can see them or touch them, use them or disregard them.

It’s the clothes I wear, t shirts boasting acclaimed bands and pop culture references in order to trick people into thinking I have personality and taste and edge.

It’s the wisdom and advice I offer, the pretence I k...

PHOENIX
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January 1, 2019
Hackham, Australia

.
BETTER LIVING THROUGH CHEMISTRY
.

Someone asked me once
why I drank,
why I took all sorts
of drugs.

I glared at them,
eyebrow raised
defiantly.

A real
‘are you
fucking serious’
look.

Without
mincing words,
I told them.

People.

It’s people which make me
drink and
get high.

People who
come into my life
and make an
impression,
mark my carpet with
their dirty, stinking
footprints

like they
intend to stay
a while,

leaving territorial
pissing
announcing their
place.

People who
convince me to
let them in past my walls,

then
the moment I
get comfortable with
their presence,

they split.

Don’t even think
twice about it,

they bolt
like startled alley cats
and leave me
with their
baggage ...

PHOENIX
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PO#639702
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December 31, 2018
Hackham, Australia

.
BUTTERFLIES AND HER.
.
Sitting in the silent
still
darkness
writing my life away.

I find myself spending
so many
empty unloved evenings
like this now.

Oh yeah,
too many to count.

Slumped in the
lowly depths of the Universe
as it
turns and undulates
around me
quietly expanding
in the infinite black of
space.

A pitch black I’m used to now.

That thick black dark
you only get embracing you
after one am
on slow and sombre nights alone.

Oh yeah,

there’s that familiar twist
in my acidic
scotch stomach again,

the same old heavy breathing and
I lean back
struggling to swallow my sadness.

It used to be known as butterflies,
but I much prefer
to label it as it should be known:

anxiety.

The ...

PHOENIX
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December 31, 2018
Noarlunga Centre, Australia

.
OF HAPPINESS AND HOPELESSNESS
.
I’ve collected
so many
names,
I realise.

Some names I
remember
forever.

Some have been
forgotten
in time.

There’s been so many,
it’s hardly
surprising.

They number
into the
hundreds,
I figure.

Haven’t the chance
or the heart
to count
them just yet.

All ages
and cultures,
religions,
colours,
sexualities and sexes.

A real
proper,
twenty first century
melting pot of
humanity.

All on my list.

People I’ve loved and
lost.

Fucking hell.

I hate
endings,
yet I collect them
endlessly.

Everyone I know
goes away
in the end.

I try to
celebrate
the moments we shared,

but it’s
fucking difficult when
the conclusions
hurt so much.

Among the
numbers are
childhoo...

PHOENIX
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December 30, 2018
Hackham, Australia

Trust is a precious commodity.
At least, it should be.
I envy people who offer it with abandon and confidence, like free cups of tea given to any random visitors into their inner sanctum.
I envy them, because I was once like that. When I was young.
When I was naive.
I would put my trust in anyone. Anyone who stuck around for a moment. Anyone who spent their valuable time on me.
Too keen. I’d trust too many interlopers who’d then take that trust and leave.
God damn, that depletes you. Sours you. Bruises your skin like soft fruit treated too rough. Batters you black and blue and leaves you in excruciating pain, writhing through the gutter’s dust.
I reached a point a few years ago where my trust...

PHOENIX
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December 30, 2018
Hackham, Australia

So,

here we find
ourselves

again,
woman.

You,
me,

clothes strewn
violent
back and
forth across
the
living room floorboards,

whiskey
spills
on sticky
surfaces

and wet marks
slicked
on sheets
between

our ugly
naked
truths
while we sleep.

This
is fine
by me.

So,
woman.

Be here
in the morning when
I wake
and...

shit,

reckon
I’ll
take care
of breakfast.

We’ll
get up
late
like monarchs and
feast

on eggs
and

slow rolled
cigarettes
and

mid morning,
somnolent
hangover sex.

We live
the
hell out
out of
this
hand we’re dealt

and throw
our last
two bucks
down.

We don’t need
luck
when
love
counts the rounds.

-CRE301218

PHOENIX
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