Love is the biggest pain for me. When I love, I don’t hold anything back. I love so hard when I love others. I love so hard when the love is gone, I come crashing down in a fiery blaze of heartbreak and sorrow that consume my very mind, heart, and soul. My love is my tragic flaw.
To combat this, I recommend to love yourself first, love God, and then love others as God loves you. But don’t rely on them for your happiness. Even if you don’t have God, you still can’t rely on a person for your happiness. If you can’t love yourself, you can’t love the person you’re with wholly. Love yourself first. Make yourself happy first. Then love others and make others happy.
As I write, I sit here thinking of all these things I want to ask you, but I can’t yet.
Like how are you doing?
Are you okay?
How’s your day been?
What’s going on?
What are you doing today?
But I can’t yet, and it hurts, so I’ll store these questions in the back of my mind, or perhaps on a little notepad, put them on my desk next to my bed with Rose, and ask them myself every night before I go to bed.
I hate this right now.
Without you in my heart, I’ve gotten to know God more. He brings joy, hope, and happiness into my life. He has brought me comfort through all this pain and turmoil the last two weeks.
You said I was dependent, and I didn’t listen. Without you, I’ve grown more independent and care for myself. I’m working on me now. Making choices for me.
With you, I felt a second love and compassion. I felt good about myself and my looks for the first time in forever. You gave me confidence.
With you, I learned new things. You pushed my boundaries and tested my limits. You pushed me out of my shell and gave me many memories.
Without you, I’ve learned how to live for myself.
With you, I want a second chanc...
I started as a seed in your hands, full of promise and potential. I grew in your arms, rooting myself in you, dependent on you for my emotional and spiritual nourishment.
Like a virus, I let you consume me. I let your presence take over my thoughts and drive to do what I do. I let it control my emotions and my feelings.
Like a snake, my doubts and struggles choked the life and joy out of me until there was nothing left but despair and worry of how I was going to get out of the snake’s grasp.
I let you in the darkest corners of my heart, where nobody had gone before. God worked to let you in to turn the lights on for Him so He could break the chains and make that space in my heart habitabl...
My favorite word right now is ‘faith’. It carries so much weight and power, and applies to any one idea or being. It’s a giver of power to weak knees in time of struggle and need.
It’s so hard to not reach out
Send a letter
See you at work
Stop by your house
I respect your request for time apart
And in this time, I believe I’ve changed
It’s allowed to me reflect on myself.
No more dependency.
No more anxiety.
No more doubts.
No more lies.
My faith has grown stronger.
My love has grown bigger.
My trust has increased tenfold.
I’ve prayed for you every night, and will continue to do so.
I was not then the man you deserved.
But I hope and pray for a second chance; I haven’t lost my faith in us.
You know I want you
It’s not a secret I try to hide
I want a second chance
To do you right.
I’ve realized all the wrong I did
All the unnecessary stress
All the unwarranted worries
All the expectations.
I never should have expected the same love back that I give to you.
I never will expect the same in return again.
But I will always give you the love you deserve.
I still love you and will always love you.
I’m waiting for you.
All the anxiety,
All the worry,
All the doubt,
When really I had nothing to worry about.
When there was frustration,
When there was sadness,
When there was happiness,
I loved them all the same.
Never did I think I was settling,
Never did I once want anything more,
I would trade my world for you,
And I still would too.
My feelings won’t be locked away,
They’re a part of who I am.
They won’t hide, or cower, or falter,
Because I still love you so.
All the conversations I’ve had,
With friends, parents, and coworkers,
I’ve come to realize I relied on actions more than words
To know you loved me too.
And so I deeply regret all t...
But I’m going to pray for you.
When I look at her
I can’t help but see
A future together
And the couple we’ll be.
I think of you always
Like a single song
Stuck on replay
My feelings are strong.
I think of the memories we’ve already made
Ice skate, movies, puzzles, and games
Dinner dates, breakfasts, haunted houses, all these memories I wouldn’t trade
For we have so much time ahead of us and such a strong flame.
I’ll admit when you go out of town, it’s hard for me
Because I end up missing you so dearly
And wishing I could be away with you doing all those things
But I know you still love me, so I wait for you.
So when you get in a bout,
And feel quite down, or don’t really feel,
Honey, you can count on me without a doub...
Upon these cold, rainy, winter nights,
I dream of nothing more than to be at your right,
With a blanket atop and some hot chocolate in our hands,
I dreaming of nothing more than being your man.
I want nothing more than to walk through life with you, like walking through a never ending garden of beauty, and I’ll hold your hand the whole way through.
I’m an absolute basket case
A train wreck of emotions
A ticking time bomb, waiting to explode
A constant hurricane of feelings
An avalanche of thoughts
A flood of insecurities and self doubt
But still you love me.
Whenever I look at this thing on my wrist, I see more than just strands and a heart.
Grey and black. The colors of the strands of this bracelet. One color to represent each of us. Two strands entwined to created one single braid. A metaphorical and physical symbol of us.
Our two lives, two souls, two bodies, two hearts, separate yet entwined with one another. When one of our lives changes, so does the other. What impacts one of our lives impacts the others.
And even though sometimes it really hurts, and sometimes it’s really hard, especially the days when I don’t see you, I’m always grateful for the time I get to spend with you, and the days ahead we’ll have together.
The feeling of butterflies in my chest when I think about you never go away 🦋
She looked into my eyes, into my very soul, and said,
"Each day we go farther into our relationship is uncharted territory for both of us. But we have each other so that we don't get lost. We're doing this together."
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. But with communication, faith, fun, love, and a common purpose, there can be a strong, healthy, lasting relationship.
My heart and mind are at war.
My mind is telling me lies planted by the enemy.
Terrible, terrible lies race through my mind, tearing me to pieces.
But I know it's an assault, an attempt to tear down the stronghold that God is building.
But yet, in a way, they're doing their job. Casting doubt and fear into me, pushing me to tears, keeping me from sleep, throwing me into a spiraling descent.
But my heart knows what's true. I have nothing to worry about with us. What we have really is love, and I do not have to fear losing you. God has the truth in my heart. I know she is faithful and I do not have to worry, as I trust her with my life. Knowing these things and praying brings me peace. It fen...
A Sweet Reminder
It had been a long time since we had this kind of night.
The "us" time we hadn't had in a few weeks.
Perhaps a few weeks too many, but tonight was a sweet reminder.
A sweet reminder of your touch.
A touch so gentle, yet contains the ferocity of a lion; so tender, yet contains the strength of a warrior.
A sweet reminder of your passion.
A passion so fierce and steadfast in the hardest of situations; so filling and rejuvenating.
A sweet reminder of our love.
Your soft lips upon mine, the loving embrace of each other's arms, the fiery passion in the room.
A sweet reminder that we can get through anything. That we are inseparable, and that no time or distance is too great....
How radically can someone's life change after meeting the girl of their dreams they never knew existed?
The way that you smile captivates my heart
And the way that you speak captivates my brain
The way that you love is a whole other form of art
We're moving together through this life on a train.
A train where we are merely passengers
And God is our conductor
You and I, no matter whatever
By Him, will always be together.
For our love knows no bounds, it has no borders
It reaches far beyond space and the stars
Unbending to the views of society and onlookers
For this is who are are.
Like a song or a dance
We change tempos constantly
Some days we run and we prance
Other days, we take it slowly.
Every time I go to bed
You are the last thing on my mind
And even when the night is dead
I'm with you for so many reasons.
Not because I want a girl to do things with for a little while.
Not because I feel like I have to this day in age.
Not just because you are beautiful.
These reasons are not good reasons for me.
No, I'm with you for so much more than that.
Your personality is so unique and beautiful and perfect for me.
I can see a forever for us. I want to make a life with you that we both enjoy and are proud of.
I can see us owning a home, having a family with dogs.
I can see us singing and dancing around the kitchen as we cook, laughing as we make fools of ourselves.
I can see us going out or staying in and having a great time, whether it be watching a movie, playing gam...
The smell of her and her hair
The blue in her eyes
The happiness in her smile
And the joy in her laughter.
Her simple amusement
Her fiery love
Her unbreakable faith
And her compassion for others.
How she carries herself daily
How she makes conversation with ease
How she dresses so casually but so amazing
And how she looks so beautiful, even when disheveled.
She doesn't need makeup to look beautiful.
She just is.
She doesn't need dresses, skirts, or cardigans.
she is beauty.
"This is happening.
I am here and I am looking at her
and she is so beautiful.
And in this moment, I swear, we are infinite."
Perhaps one of the best and truest quotes from a coming of age movie. Heck, I resonate so well with this movie. I was in some of Charlie's shoes at one point.
Perks of Being a Wallflower
This garage is different now,
It feels a little vacant.
Though here I sit, painting and listening to that same playlist again,
It's missing you, and us singing to the songs of love.
I can't wait to get out of here,
All that I've experienced in this apartment.
Although my time here has been temporary and coming soon to a close,
The memories that have been made here are permanent.
And my favorite ones are the ones that we made together.
From that first night we finally locked hands, igniting a great fire, to sitting in this garage and lying in bed together.
Those ones will last forever.
I hate the pressure and expectations of society today. It expects you to know what you want to do when you start high school, so you can plan your classes around that field, whether it's STEM or the Arts. So much pressure.
To know what college you want to attend when you start high school, so you can plan to get there and get in. To take as many AP classes as possible, get the highest ACT and SAT scores known to man. So much pressure.
I took my first campus tour yesterday, of my second school of choice. I didn't like it at all. I realized it wasn't the school for me, and I no longer wanted to be in that field of study after that tour. So much pressure.
I don't know what I want to do with ...
You somehow always find a way to amuse me.
Whether you're trying to or not.
Whether we are together or apart.
Like the other morning, I found a strand of your hair hanging from a shirt in my closet.
I laughed to myself,
and I smiled with the biggest smile ever.