Recovery through ...
|I’m a mixture of darkness and light, trying to find the colours of life!|
It took me a long time to get over you, good things always take time bitch.
Well I looked my demons in the eye,
Lay bare my chest said do your best to destroy me.
See I've been to hell and back so many times, I must admit, you kinda bore me!
There's a lot of things, that can kill a man.
There's a lot of ways to die.
Yes, and some already did and walk beside me!
There's a lot of things I don't understand,
Why so many people lie
It's the hurt I hide that fuels.
The fire inside me,
Will I always feel this way?
The idea that women are inferior to men is absurd. When a man is born of a woman, how can he be superior and she inferior?
It’s easy to fall into old patterns, to rely on someone who has proven unreliable.
Meri zindagi ne mujhe khud se itna door hai fenka..
Ke itna bura waqt maine kabhi nahi dekha.
There’s darkness in this club but I have light within me. There’s noise in this club but I have peace within me.
There are couples around me but I’m happy alone.
There are people sharing their experiences but I’m sharing loneliness alone.
The taste to feel life has just started or has it gone?
I just know one thing now, that she used me to feel less broken. She used me for her entertainment. She used me to feel whole again. She just fuckin’ used me.
I saw her as soon as I was crossing a road in some county. She just got newly married, and it was her husband with her and her mother-in-law maybe. They clicking pictures, maybe they were on a vacation. And I visited the city coz of my work. I saw her and she saw me. For a second, she didn’t realise it, but then she got it. She smiled and she said something to her husband and then she came running towards me. I was blank and numb. As I knew her since years but I was meeting her for the first time after we broke contact.
She looked at me the same way she used to look at me. And I realise I never moved on. I’m still madly in love with her.
We talked for some time about how’s life and there was...
Lagan jo tumse lagi thi,
Aadat ab woh mujhko nahi hai.
Chubhan jo mere seene mein thi,
Jaanejaa woh bhi jaa chuki hai.
Chahun tujhe ya bhulaa dun,
Tujhe kadar nahi - Roohaan
I don’t know if it’s love or punishment, the pain is growing day by day!
I don’t think there’s any solution.
My heartbeat is super slow and my face has almost lost all that glow.
Here I am, wanting to be with her..
And there she is, not giving a fuck.
Even if I die for her, she won’t care.
Nobody can hear me shouting, as I’m shouting within, and I’m weak now, wanting to cry but I can’t.
My arms are craving to hold her once.
Incomplete are my desires, and broken is my heart.
And she still has this big wall of insecurities and doubts.
Even if she thinks she’s winning! She’s just losing me.
I wish I could meet her once, talk to her once, just like old times. But she won’t dare.
Someone from her family went through my profile and liked something, and I just found a reason to talk to her once again! Talk to someone I love the most.
It was a negative conversation but still it was so heartwarming to get a reply from her! But I just can’t let her know that, so I had to be an asshole.
I said some things which I shouldn’t have!
And she had to reply rudely, and she said she has better things to do.
I was really happy listening to all that. Though my heart cried a bit. But anything from her is my everything and in the end it’s all about her happiness.
If she’s happy without me. Then I have no problem at all.
She doesn’t want me to text her again!
But she doesn’t k...
Oh and now I know what love is!
And I know it ain't you for sure.
You'd rather something toxic, So, I'll poison myself again and again!
Till I feel nothing, In my soul.
I'm on the edge of something breaking!
I feel my mind is slowly fading!
If I keep going, I won't make it, And I know I won't make it.
And it's all because of you.
All because of you.
She will never know what she lost and I will never forget what I could’ve had.
PS I wish I could meet her just once.
The TEN YEAR CHALLENGE made me realise something weird.
10 years ago I had my first break up and I was heartbroken for the first time!
I literally ignored my family and kept on giving myself the importance.
I was an asshole.
After that, whatever happened it changed me and made me who I am today! I started caring for my family and I started working on my dreams, their dreams etc.
That bitch never cared about me and I stopped caring about my family because I was so stupid!
After 10 years,
Someone broke my heart again and the way I was reacting to it made me realise that I’m becoming the same asshole!
This bitch never cared as well!
Sorry for using the word bitch! But some girls...
It’s my birthday today and I would like to share something that I learnt last year!
Life is a mixture of emotions! Every emotion has a value.
One should not run away from it.
Your emotions will help you find your true self. Your emotions will help you find your true love.
No matter how hard it is to be happy or how hard it is to cry! Go ahead! Laugh or Crumble, it will only help you.
Keep moving ahead, as opportunities come and go!
People, come and go!
But the time will only pass! It won’t go back so, feel satisfied in every situation.
Think positive, think neutral and actualise that whatever is happening, it’s opening you up.
The more you feel, the more you can express!
I have decided to finally let her go !
I want her to leave my mind.
I just know one thing that, I never loved anyone as much as I loved her!
So a part of me will always want her..
A part of me will always love her.
I’m a mixture of darkness and light, trying to find the colours of life!
My true goal is not merely to survive but to thrive!
Only this makes me feel alive!
Today I found out that my health is degrading. Mental as well as physical. I never really was one of those crazy guys who ruin their life over a girl until I fell in love. No matter how smart you are, our end up falling for the wrong person! The more they ignore you, the more you fall in love. It’s fucked up!
Screw those girls who tell you they love you, and then they abandon you! It leads to this disaster.
This is because I truly and deeply fell in love.
Never trust anyone!
And all those efforts were merely nothing maybe that’s why my life became so tasteless.
All my life I’ve been trying to please people around me! I tried a thousand times, but nobody really cared! I realised this a thousand times, but I didn’t give up!
I kept on loving’ em with all my heart. I know I’m stupid but I still felt good about it.
They kept on using me as a toy and I got used to it. Every time I thought maybe they’ll understand this time, but they never gave a flying fuck.
I kept on waiting..
I told myself that there’s always hope and we all always find light at the end of the tunnel. Until you realise that you’re the light!
I didn’t lose anything.
Eventually, they ended u...
After ruining my soul and burning my emotions to death for so long, which led me to think that, maybe I have forgotten what it feels like to be happy, she wished me a happy new year!
Staying close to your parents and staying close to god around New Years, gives you immense satisfaction. It gives you a boost to start your life with a strong and a new hope. No matter where you are, it’s always home with them! One should always believe, that there’s always someone looking after you. Some things which we think, are not happening?
They are not happening for a reason. Maybe something better is about to come. Hang in there and don’t give up on yourself. Positivity is everywhere, you just have to feel it. Never ever lose hope.
PS Gosh, this smells like home!
Some people can see the dark circles under my eyes while some still see a glow on my face but no one can really see my broken dreams .
I wish I could tell myself that I will have a happy new year!
She abandoned me yet again!
These New Years come every fucking year but the feelings which I have for her are precious and delicate!
She has a habit of killing my emotions in a fraction of a second.
She says she wants me to be happy, but how the hell am I supposed to be happy without her?
She did the same thing last year before New Years.
As much as I wanna hate her for abandoning me again, my heart never wants to let go of her!
But it’s heights and my feelings?
They may fade-away!
So I will stay on stand by mode but I will take no more load, I will actually change my road where she won’t have my heart code!
First girl killed the kid in me and I became serious.
The second one died and I became critical.
The last one just left and I died within.
Hope is all I need, to survive.
So I guess she never valued my emotions and I wasted my love, care, affection and most importantly, time. Though I don’t regret anything but a pinch of wasteful spending hurts coz it was for the wrong person!
Maybe this is a sign, maybe I will never be able to give away my true self to anyone.
Maybe I will always be alone in my mind, trying to make everybody happy!
Maybe there’s no one for me who will see the pain in my eyes and feel the love in those unsaid words.
Maybe I should stop thinking about love and start thinking about life.
The understanding I had for that someone was out of the world.
The tuning we had was tremendous. But she’s still an immature girl who is scared to co...
Coz the last time you told me you loved me.. is the only thing that echoes in my mind ..
You gave me hatred and I accepted it coz I was the one to blame to make you happy ..
So here I am.. talking to you after a disastrous year.
Everything seems fine and we’re best friends again !
I’m sorry for that night when I lied to you.. but it was for your mental satisfaction.
You don’t know but I go back to that January every now and then..
It turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you..
Wishing I’d realised what I had when you were mine ..
I’d go back to that January, turn around and make it alright again..
I go back to January all the time !