|I like writing, music, art. Small things in life make all the difference|
Wow it's been a while since I wrote here
I'm just checking in. This quarentine has pushed back my medical appointments which really suck :(
It's put a stopper in my plans
Everything has kinda fallen apart but. I guess when you hit the bottom the only way to go is up!
So uhm. Something could be really wrong and I don't know who to express it too or how so I guess I'm just trying to write it on here.
Never have I experience anything where I've needed to go to hospital. Never have I had to stay over night. Sure I've been there a few times but
Those few times I knew what they were for and all three times I've been was for a potentially broken bone due to my sport
But now I'm going. And I don't know the reason and I don't know what the possible outcomes are. And the scariest part is that it could be really bad. And I'm trying so hard to stay strong and be brave and not overthink it but my anxiety is high and I can't control it. This is so basic but it's so...
I feel like this is going to be a good year.
I have successfully started my new job. After 6 months of hell and training and exams. I finally got somewhere. Even the team is amazing.
I can finally look forward to starting and accomplishing many things. I understand I am young but I feel like I'm finally going somewhere in life. I can do so many things now. And it's such an amazing feeling
So to anyone struggling. Keep on fighting and push through because eventually you'll get to where you want to be, no matter how hard it may feel. No matter how much you feel beat down. The world is at your finger tips and all you have to do is reach out and grab it. If you know what you want fight for i...
To anyone needing to hear this today.
You're doing amazing, if you're still here be proud that you made it through another tough day. No matter how hard it gets, remember you're strong enough to keep fighting.
Someone out there loves you and cares for you. Be gentle with yourself.
Remember to eat
Remember to drink
Remember to take any meds if you need too
And keep holding on because this world would be a different place without you
I feel like I'm a glitch in my own matrix. Like I shouldn't exist or be here. Living someone else's life, with their mind, body and soul. A glitch. Trying to grasp on what is real. I have no faith. Yet, I do at the same time. Shunned for what it is, but that's fine.
I endlessly try to work and reach for goals, but the very thing I try to grab. Is lingering, just out of reach, never being able to grab it and feel free. It's taunting.
My biggest fear would be losing myself in the person that I'm trying to find. Everyday is an internal battle as I strive to move forward and try to become a better person.
But am I just losing myself at the same time?
I kept coming back to you
To feel something apart from the numbness inside
Little did I know, you'd control my life
What was one more?
It was worth the feeling
But now it doesn't help
I need it to feel real and nothing else
It doesn't make any difference
I need to learn to let go
I wish it was that easy
Because without it I feel alone