|Mijn liefde, mijn leven is woorden en familie. Twitter: @MandiBen IG: roodbennett My life is words.|
In dreams we meet,
it is so bittersweet
In remembrence deep
do I keep,
I hold on tight,
throughout my night...
Till again we seek
and do peek
at another place
and another time.
Things seem bleek at the moment. It feels like after all the physical stresses have been nothing but an end can fix it all.
Everyone else has spoken so, but it seems cliche, it does get better. Just to have the faith takes so much energy to complete.
Soon when you cannot expect it, you will not recognize it. Different will not only grace me, it will hit my life with absolute sublime.
Fear grips me always at every turn, because in the before, it was upside down and cork-screwed. Accept it me! Be capable of joy and peace besides sinking in misery.
I'm tired. I'm exhausted with loads of, I did my very best to self loathing because I cannot do what others can.
I'm also afraid that at some point; sooner rather than later, my body is just going to give it up. How many last minute reprieves can one person make in one lifetime?
Then to get asked, why does it take so long for you to heal? Have you done this or that? I. Want. To. Scream, yes! Yes, I have! 13 surgeries since age 19. Six of those were from life threatening. It has been barely a month since my abdomen was last sliced open, AGAIN. Cut. Heal. Repeat, is how this feels!
IT SHOULD BE ME
My eyes are hurting cause I can't see you. The last time I looked upon your smile, now it's been awhile. My eyes are hurting because the tears cannot shed.
My arms ache because I can't hold you, anger rages internal at all the things I should have told you!
My lips are cold because I can't kiss you. I know it should have been bold in showing just how I need to hold you. I press this lips to pane; staring out at others joy, fist to wall I tell; I miss you!
My heart has broken like a shattered glass; anger consuming but following confusion. How can there be anger, your gone was because of danger.
My life stands at a still as the well's not deep enough for my hell. Fina...
Both Dutch en English; both are pretty "rough"... written in haste after my best friend and mother-in-law died 2 jaaren ago today.
Er was onvrede toen ik werd ontdekt als minnaar van je zoon. Je woede en woorden waren van een vrouw bewaken van haar vogels, Hoe wist ik dat zou je iemand die ik was bedoeld om te weten te worden? Je opende je hart en huis voor mij. Hield me nadat ik zo diep was gevallen. Hoe kan ik zeggen dat door het liefhebben van je zoon, had ik iemand die trouw was opgedaan. Wie was niet alleen zijn moeder, maar mijn kampioen ook! Ik was niet je dochter door het bloed, maar je je dochter door het huwelijk. Ik kan alleen maar bidden dat ik leef elke dag; Ik maak j...
What is most important?
Is it to be humane in an inhumane and insane world?
Is it right to fight the vain that causes so much pain?
Is it weak to take a burden from the meek?
Is it fair that lives are left impaired by acts of evil that are shared?
Why do we sit back and allow these things to proliferate;
When we have the power,
the knowledge to make literate
the ones whose acts bring sorrow,
misery as they launch their attack?
The choices we make, for the choices are in the hands of ordinary folk,
who with simple actions and decision forward...
Changes it provokes.
Only courage need open the door.
It Rides a Pale Horse
Like before but different set of circumstance, dealing with so very serious as to issue a warning! Sepsis was at hand, and the truth was, what was one supposed to do? A pale steed did stand by as its master clutched it's hand,
"She did escape from me again!"
What His Love is To Me
Another month, another year, another smile, another tear, another winter, another summer too but there will never be another you! The love you give me is rare and sublime. To my mind; the only love worthy of that name is unconditional, all the others are like knockoffs of the expensive kind. It's been said to me that unconditional was uncomfortable; I admit my mouth agape at this bent out of shape opinion, I thank the stars that your heart and soul are truly connected, so when words leave your lips, it is not a guessing game. Before I did not like to receive affection, you know the whys of my affliction, slowly you went along till I could accept a hug! Now when you h...
Wonder of Hope
I give you this to reminisce
things to ponder and to wonder.
All of this I give to you
hoping still that you will
manage to continue as you do.
Sweetly said and softly read
Truly all that pass between
all these are gifts indeed.
Renewal of Hope
I have in mind that I do regret, often times from years long spent. It was as happened and nothing can change it; but this is a new chapter, a new fold to step as memories steep. I lay to sleep the imbalance of anguish deep as forward moving one must go as time does flow. Looking forward as I do look back, I reach out to take hold. Only dreaming as I continue weaving to my new horizon and a new home. Clutching with renewed hope, a chance at what may be that chance at a beginning. A thawed heart and now a tomorrow, that is now my forever I impart.
Reflections of a Year: 2017
When something bad happens, something better happens in return because no matter what you do somebody is looking out for you; you may never know who that should be unless you unlock the fragancy.
Tasting the sweetness of life, you must have the power to forget; forget what darkness plagued, remember whose the light. I don’t need to see the sun again, there is enough illumination in your eyes that is luminous to all the world. With love not something you speak and it happens. It is truth that is felt deep in our hearts, I experince it with you. As this oude year completes; new year is unfolding, like a blossom with petals curled tightly, concealing anticipation w...
Only a few people have known what happened December 5 th, earlier this month.
That Monday my stomach kept hurting and steadily got worse. In the early evening, I was doubled over, and I began to sob in the sharp, unrelenting pijn ripped me apart it seemed. I told my husband to please take me to the ER.
After we got to the hospital, they began to rush me around into different tests. Before I knew it, I had a nasal tube to relieve the pressure in my stomach.
Long story short; I had a burst appendix and an intestinal blockage...my life was in peril and my surgery was long. Much has happened and issues where I must let things go; anger, panicking, and fury. This is a repeat...
I have been mostly silent, here and there, not writing the truth as I have in past pursuits.
What matters on any day; Christmas, Hanakaha, and other yearly events,
that should bring joy and happiness!
Everyday it should be; people giving, overflowing with good deeds.
I am the same as most anyone
The holidays always brought great fun!
It was a time of year; I was not afraid not aware,
that the day after could bring tremendous despair.
Stare your own life in yours and others' hands and you will come to understand.
Whilst Merry Christmas and Happy New Year ring 'round upon lips,
It is just a yearly "fix".
Walk your talk
Talk your walk,
but please remember, people talk.
Keppe Gelukkig Kerstfeest,
All I know is that I drifted off to slumber deep and it was your voice that was my keep. Peace was in my store and I am safe all the more. A smile often graces my lips as I hear whispers of your kiss upon my ear.
Returned Love Reincarnated
I lay here and shut me eyes; to describe the pressure is not really possible. Meeting aspects of yourself that you had no clue but to stand by.
Heart cannot stop beating too quickly as needs begin to aquire. Only to find the best way to reach out and say; we are intertwined.
Years have passed and in no way has the paramount between these two as I share with only one other. My mind boggles because, I contemplate, a missing piece too?
It all sunk home from a freak difficulty within my shell. Tears were shed by the man but in private's stead. I just seem know that she too let salty water run channels down her patrician face.
How much can one be truly- deeply lo...
The Little Birds
I wander by a large tree with a large branch,
A perfect and sturdy place for a nest, I think.
I watch day by day as mother bird adds her twigs
mother bird also adds all that time to make home.
A few days pass and I see no mother bird
I actually worry and wonder, did she work for what?
On my way home I see, mother bird in her tree,
besides being home she has a flighty, fluttery mate,
Now in their home is four beautiful eggs I peak.
Mother is now ferocious and her babies to be are hers!
Smiling I walk back along the path wishing to see
how her little baby birds will be!
They sit and keep their precious load warm,
both mum and dad because it takes two for a chick to grow...
A softer touch
a slip of skin
can't to speak
when to seek
moment is reached
this is heaven.
I don't need to be jealous or someone to be jealous of me. I don't need flowers at my feet nor do I need the sun or stars wrestled for me. The only things I prefer is a deep understanding; of the one who has my heart, the well being of that soul I seek. I do not need the accolades but just the chance to say the simple things; feelings are for the other alone, ik hou van jou❣️
I try to muster up the courage to not feel defeated, but it is very difficult to deal with this.
The same stories but different days; for that matter different years, but results the same.
Stubborn arrogant ways stuck in men who cannot change.
A real shock would be, if the father of my three would know what "daddy" means!
Violent actions but mostly violence spoken ,
It had to appear we were not as screwed up as one drew near.
Truth was and still remains that a joke has always been played,
Upon our three,
Time has just flown by and yes, you take for granted the why's.
Maybe it is not as bad as it seems; I can't unsee what was seen when two of three arrived.
Now it is this over here, ...
Walk in Thy Shoes
Walk a mile the saying goes
so why would you be an utter troll?
What's the point in being cruel?
When you do so you are the fool!
To tear down another soul you
become a member of
self-inflated elite in a sesspool
Take yourself and your conceits,
shove them away as you shove your humanity for inhuman's sake.
Give your thanks for freedom's fun,
gratitude for what has won!
Close Never One
Give me the day and I can give you fun.
Give me a week and I can give you the sun.
Give me a month and I can give you the moon.
Give me a year and perhaps you will care.
Give me a life and maybe to share.
You never know...like staring into a mirror, what stares back. Is that really where you're at? You have my all and that is enough. Perhaps in hindgsight, that is best. Truly, the two are the close but perhaps just perhaps that is what is in the fold. Always close but never one, what then? Oblivion?