Dear Bre S,
There was times of my confusion too, other people pretending to be you.
But then appearing on different sites.
Then when I was worried about you, deeply worried you just disappeared. You've explained that. It was like you made me think you were beyond saving, I didn't sleep for 3 days....my fault to emotional, for someone I've not met. I'm sorry.
Sorry also if I wrote anything bad to you. Or anything construed as bad. Not sleeping still, 2:46 am! Writing is like a photograph, it captures what you feel in that instant.
I'm all good with you,
I like you a lot, quirky, interesting, intelligent, caring yes.
But you know all this.
Dear Bre S,
I written this before.... Greer
Copy text next time!
I have one account, strangest things have been happening, a person might write to me on here regarding there garden as an example, then on another site, where I post things another person sends a letter / text to me with the same items mentioned. So eg. Soneone sends a letter here saying "I love Rose's, koi fish" or what ever, then less than 12 hours later bam on another site with those items mentioned.
If I'm not making sense not been sleeping much got some 72 hour heart monitor thing stuck to me. Testing and results taking ages cos of Corona. Then 2 weeks and re tested. They are just checking as results are weird. If...
Your words opened up the emotions within. Been hurting for so long, still am but just different now. I cant believe a pain I was put through.
The time is 5:02,
Bre S, thanks for saving me,
Cos when I asked google "the time was 5:02."
You did more than any Dr could do.
The most sleep I've had in nearly a year,
Not just that my head feels clear.
For days with a tired mind I've read your inspirational words.
An emotional mountain was torn down, cos I stayed undeterred.
My Jacob Marley chains of pain ripped appart.
My focus centering like a precision of a dart.
This app is the greatest ever.
Thanks to the lettrs staff who are so clever.
I connected wit...
So earlier today my son's father stated he wished I'd hurry up and die so he could have my son, which ok so do I 🤷(the die part not him having my son though) Should that happen PLEASE the one thing I ask, I beg, I implore you...PLEASE DO NOT EVER ALLOW HIM TO HAVE MY SON! I have no proof all I have is a mother's intuition that something is wrong and considering all I went through where malicious lies about me were believed while, funnily enough lies painting him as this great guy and good father were believed, it's not exactly something I can fight without solid proof! I'm currently working on getting it, if it's true! I don't know what to believe anymore at all and I'm even more alone now t...
Growing up I had twin bff's, for around 20yrs or so. I no longer associate with them but that's another story. They both used to ask, even though only one was ever married during that 20yr time frame, "When are you going to get married?" And I used to always respond with "Never, it's hard enough to get rid of 'em when ur not married, just imagine after, I'm good thanks!" Ok so perhaps that sounds mean or like I never wanted to get married however much like most things I do or say that people take in a negative way it's simply my defense. I mean with age comes maturity and my ability to spit out my truths even when they may be painful for me to admit. Yet still if I was asked when I was gonna...
Do not offer me fake support or friendship,
Hipocritically & in due turn,
Also chisel your trophy from my soul...
Your champion chip!
Do you really expect me after having given my all,
After putting my heart and soul in & rememberin to top it all;
That I could be friend-zoned,
Shattered & broken yet still expected to stand tall,
To resist the pull of my realities gravity and not give in to the fall!?
I guess despite how well you know me you TRULY don't know me at all!
Hope she's worth it and she doesn't hurt you,
Since she's everything I'm not & she's the one worth your call!
There is something on my mind and it's not very nice or very kind!
I've no one to help me figure it out and alone I feel helpless and blind!
It's been eating away my sanity for quite some time, always there not even in the back but the front of my mind!
Should it be true I'll gladly catch a charge, if evidence I should come to find!
He used to share everything with me when he was little, oh how those memories make me wanna press rewind!
Is he really ok, is there secret writing on paper where the truth is possibly outlined?
Scared to try since I've failed every time, since my family and the past, in efforts to protect him, we left behind!
I'm not in the best nor even a good state of min...
You have ruined the best thing I've EVER been a part of, the ONLY place I felt I belonged! I would say thing(s) to include you but you made sure I was never actually a part of you, that I never belonged to or with you! Now that part (me belonging to/with you) now that was most def my overactive hopeful stupid imagination, I apologise for casting you in a role you didn't deem worthy of you!
I'm falling apart but you're good though right! Did I ever mean a damn thing at all to you? Highly doubtful! That's my life people who mean everything to me I somehow manage to not mean a damn thing to them! You keep collecting your jar of hearts but they will never love you like I do nor will you ever feel loved by possessing them, or haven't you figured that out yet? Why are you making me pay for what they did? I didn't mean to put you or your family in any danger real or perceived, I only wanted to spend time with you for no reason I can even explain! I'm the only one who feels that connection though I guess so my bad! I'm destined to forever be alone trapped in my own personal hell, no...
You seem to have left some things along the way...
...Was your heart lost in all the friction within the fray?
The end you spoke of just the other day...
...I'll feel the same anyways so you say!
Defeated, broken, battered, crushed, denied, lied to, not enough, sad, sorrow, heartbroken, joke of the day...did you know these would be only some, would you say?
I missed you like you have NO idea but sadly I still miss the you from back then! He made me feel wanted even though we never even touched. He made me feel valid and heard. He SAW me. He didn't make me feel alone or lonely. He didn't make feel unwanted or burdensome. He didn't leave me so shattered and worthless feeling. Despite leaving me missing him it was a warm caring "miss you till we meet again" kinda miss not this gut wrenching heart sobbing failed to measure up to his desires kinda miss! Of course I'm alone dealing with it all at that go figure cause he's preoccupied enjoying her as she is no doubt everything I am not and thus the one he desires!
You say you expect things to be different when you come back and yet you don't even see that they are! Maybe not how you or I might want but different none the less! Can't you see how much your destroying me? Can't you see my spirit dying? The light in my eyes, the laugh in my voice, even the very happy you at one time gifted me! Can't you see I only want to make you happy? Can't you see I'm not the same as the others? Can't you see to cause you pain, would only cause me pain!You're doing a fine enough job of that already I don't think you need much help in that department! Can't you see the lies are what keeps US apart and makes US fight? I don't want to live like this! I don't want to ha...
Your so busy chasing everyone else you don't even care that your destroying me! If that was your goal you're on point!
30 minutes for him to make this anything other than simply another "Unhappy Anniversary" Vitamin C (good band & music even if some is sad)
Barely opened my eyes, hadn't even gone to the bathroom yet & stupid me decided to check my messenger...blocked yet again! I'm done! I can't keep holding on to what apparently I'm not meant to have! Holding on to someone who apparently doesn't give a damn about me! I'm not making anymore fake accounts just so I can talk to someone who so obviously doesn't want to talk to me! I don't even do that shit...EVER! I'm NOT a fucking catfish nor do I care to spy on anyone! The way I see it is if it's something I need to know the universe will find a way to tell me and when I'm actually ready to process that info then I will! Like the fact that the "accidents" people who have hurt me have been havin...
I hate that you don't know me, the real me! If you did then you would know just how REAL I TRULY am! You would know that I am unlike any others! You would know that despite being a pawn in your revenge game or whatever the hell it is, and even without an apology or the truth from you, I still forgive you, I still love you! If you knew me then you would know just how immense and intense my love for you is! If you knew me you'd know just how much it's killing me for you to not be here! If you knew me at all you would know that I'm laying here in your sweater that still holds your scent hoping and praying you might actually care, that I might finally be worth the truth...to be worth being lo...
Your so busy trying to connect with another person online...
...that you fail to connect with the person in your presence!
Every morning he set off about his day.
With the many women that were his prey.
All of which, one day, would beg him to stay.
He knew he wouldn't as he was 100% committed...
To the excitement and thrill of the game he loves to play!
Tonight, or rather last night as it's almost 2:30am right now, is the last night that I'm going to allow myself to sit here hoping for something I'm never gonna have, from someone who is too preoccupied with whatever else he's hoping for with whoever else! I'm letting go and as much as it's killing me it's more than likely not even gonna bother him at all! More than likely it's what he wants anyways...I've NO clue as to his actual thoughts or feelings about me, only my perception based on how he treats me, so it's really silly of me to continue holding on when he apparently wants others more!
Perhaps I'm wrong about who you really are, if so my apologies, however if I am in fact right then EVERY SINGLE bit of EVERYTHING written by you to/for me truly means absolutely NOTHING! I know I care too much! I'm also stronger then I used to be when it comes to standing up for ME! It was NEVER about the speaker to me just as it's not about the bike! It's about what I mean to you and how worthy you feel I am for the TRUTH! You say I think too much, God what I wouldn't give to stop or hell even lessen it all tbh! However that simply isn't possible! Especially & more so when there's lies! So if you would STOP lying and be honest, hell maybe actually talk a bit, that would lessen my need t...
The abhorrent look upon your face, when your awakened from sleep, as I reach out for your embrace, leaves me feeling shattered as if I'm an unwanted undesired hideous creature...a complete and utter disgrace!
That's the look that haunts me every minute of every day that I sit alone holding myself wishing to be anybody but me!
Out in public it's easy to smile and pretend that I like me and that I'm happy as can be! Making others happy truly enlivens me, makes my soul feel peace! But once I'm alone and the mask comes off that's when memories of the disgust on your face at the thought of holding me take over! That's when smiles are replaced with sobbing cries muffled by...
God why, why the fuck does it hurt so fucking bad? It's not like I didn't know it would happen! It's not like it's a surprise! I know I never meant a thing to him nor would I ever, but damn it still fucking hurts!
Spent the last couple days (well more than but only a couple are relevant here) in my feelings and not getting shit done and now I've got like 30 mins to clean up my back patio area... Oh well such is my stupidity!
How do you expect anyone to be loyal to you...
...If you can't even be loyal to yourself!?
Contradictions, narcissistic and hypocrisy are the only defining adjectives that I see defining your words and your actions!
You can't expect to ever be someone's one and only while pushing them away, running away and sleeping with EVERY female who catches your eye!
Should've listened to your mom as mother's know best... I chose to hope that perhaps you were more, that you were better than, but you chose to constantly kill that hope while destroying me over and over again!
My fault though cause I knew! I KNOW! Yet why then? Perhaps I'll never know! All I know now is ...