|I'm still trying to find me, but I'd love to find US TOGETHER|
ALL MY LOVE & PRAYERS TO MANCHESTER & THOSE EFFECTED IN ANY & EVERY WAY!!
ARIANA GRANDE KNOW THE FAULT IS NOT YOURS...I REPEAT...NO FAULT IN ANY WAY RESIDES WITH YOU (DO NOT ALLOW HORRIBLE PEOPLE TO TAINT YOUR BEAUTIFUL SOUL, YOU'VE GOT A BEAUTIFUL HEART 💖!)
My knight in shiny armor doesn't realize that his armor isn't a mere metal...it's the tone of his flesh that barely contains the shine emitting from his heart!
So at 23wks I'm still having a full on period! It's scary! It's crazy to see a heartbeat & feel the movements inside & yet to be told I'm not pregnant by medical professionals. Granted I haven't been back for a while after the last break down. I guess the worst part is KNOWING I'm pregnant & questioning my self since the "professionals" state otherwise! What if something is wrong! Who do I turn to when no one believes me? Thus far I've gone through it all alone!
How can I convey the fact that sure I'm a strong person...I can & will survive!
I've only ever had the option to be strong, to survive, never was the option to be taken care of, only the care taker!
I've been holding on to this impossible hope that somehow someway it will be my day, my day to be worthy of being loved enough to be taken care of without fear of losing everything all over again (everything being those that I love, few as I have left)
I don't need to win a sweepstakes or lottery cause being loved is worth more than ANY amount of money to me, I may not have money to give but I've got TONS of love that's free!
If it's in fact true that I've gotta go this alone I will...that bei...
In high school I joined N.J.R.O.T.C. (Naval Junior Reserves Officers Training Corps) Partly in an attempt to have an escape from the hell I lived in, partly in an attempt to help with my weight. I would've gone into the Navy as an officer bi-passing boot camp.
My step dad laughed at my attempt & told me I was to fat then had me sit down & watch "Full Metal Jacket"! For those unaware of the content of that movie it's about a man who joined the military while being over weight. He was unable to perform at the level along with the others & the Drill Sargent added extra drills for all in a form of "punishment". This caused the others to torment this man...in one scene they held him down to his ...
Oh well...total disaster anyways, no reason to stick around, not even sure why I allowed even the slightest bit of hope to permeate me...I can't keep hoping it's killing me! I give up I'm sorry!
Am I TRULY enough,
For YOU to love me?
Perhaps it's silly of me,
Maybe futile in any case...
How do you stop the heart from hoping,
When even your brain won't stop praying?
Impossible dreams fighting with a known reality,
Woe is me!
A circumstance perhaps a happenstance,
Can't I be a personal stance?
I can't stop the thought...
...Today is the day.
The day for what though I simply can't say,
Just another day of May?
(Outside of being Mother's Day)
I'll strive to enjoy every second,
Hoping it doesn't finish in a state of dismay!
Maybe today you'll come & take me away,
With a promise that forever you'll stay!
In any case I'll love you infinitely,
Forever & a day!
For someone who knew next to nothing about her heritage...
Finding out she really knows nothing at all shouldn't be such a shock...
Yay, I'm happy to say I'm going to my 1st EVER professional ⚾ game & taking my son to his 1st one too! So excited to share this experience!
Diamondbacks VS Pirates
💖 Happy Mothers Day to ALL 💖
Despite having my celebrations with my child as a mother...
Mother's Day has become as lost to me as Father's Day...as far as belonging to an elder that cares for me! (I still keep waiting)
The COVER GIRL (still holding that cover to this day sadly!)
(That means more to me now than ever b4)
So another negative test result but this time I wasn't even upset nor did I even believe it would be positive (or that I'd be told if it was lol long story) I didn't even go to the ER because of that in any case I only alerted them to the possibility in case of the possibility of any meds or
x-rays...I freakin can't breathe when I lay down! Started as allergies turned into bronchitis & continued to get worse (I can't sleep at all unless I'm sitting upright) They gave me a z-pack which is by far the best antibiotic in my opinion...funny thing the only time I've EVER had it was during my 1st pregnancy when I had allergies in the middle of Dec!
Just some randomness...
For the first time in my life I'm worried about what another person may think about my current hair color...& it's the closest to my natural color that is been since I was 17😏!
How can I convey that the very simplest act of someone thinking of me in a way that leads them to present me with a token of their love (in ANY form) is the best gift I could receive!
I've no bar set on gifts be they of the heart...materialistic or physically!
I've received few throughout life in either case which makes each & every one all the more special to me!
The very fact that someone cared enough to even think of me is beyond my imaginings!
No gift be it simply a hug or otherwise is beneath me & ALL cause feelings of love deep within me!
We are meant to be where we're meant to be when we're meant to be there whether we know why or agree with the reasoning some things are simply more divine than human beings intervening!
I wonder if sleep is as evasive for you... as it is for me without you!?
I talked to a pharmacist about which sleep aids are ok during pregnancy but none are as effective as a single night in your arms!
I took them early since here lately after tossing & turning for hours I'd finally break down & take em between 2am & 4am making me sleep most of my mornings away...I took em @ 10pm & here it is 3:55am & still sleep evades me! (& thinking back how is it that I rarely have to go to the bathroom when I'm with you yet every other time I'm constantly going anymore... although you did seem to need to much more often this past time haha 😜)
Probably doesn't help that my spine is killing me & my ne...
June 15th 2006
One of the best days of my life & one of the scariest too!
5am alone in bed in a fitful period of end of pregnancy sleep, a trickle is felt. Oh damn I'm peeing the bed...or so I assumed. I sit up in panic only to panic more as fluids gushed out! Realization sets in
Phew not peeing the bed but Oh-Crap my water broke! I call my "mom" & despite the turmoil I'm in I even made sure to sit on a towel so as to protect her leather seat. To my embarrassment (not sure why I should be embarrassed about leaking water all over but ya know) the maternity ward waiting room had fabric...FABRIC covered chairs 😣! I get my bed (I'd say "my" room but I had to share with a 15yr old who's boyfr...
A day closer to real life dreams
Even if the actual day is still
a mystery to me😁
My monsters don't live in the dark or under my bed,
They live in the light of the day just inside my head!
I couldn't figure why my throat constricted in pain,
till I remembered you protesting to leave in vain,
as I vividly remembered as I took your girth to mouth in an effort of fulfilling a promise made the night before in the bed we had laid!😋
Let me be enough for you,
As you're enough for me,
In our imperfect perfection...
...a glorious future can be achieved!
Out of sight
is not out of mind
The taste is
-On the back of a magazine on a TV show
So true to a GREAT memory 😋
If I can only hold you in a
plume of smoke...
...let me always be the fire burning within!
I wonder do you know my lack of texting is in no way easy & only done in an effort to give you space but not a second goes by that I do not wish whole heartedly that I was in your arms be it linked walking along a path or in a lovers dance or better entwined after cumming together another time waiting for you to be able to declare as I am yours you are mine...to hear "I love you" would be beyond devine & I'll give you the space you need till you bless me with my deepest desire...it's a bit easier waiting for contact with a time line & thus I wait patiently...I LOVE YOU b4 till & after you're mine!
A person's perception change with life experiences,
A person's truth is perceived by what life has held thus far,
When people change perceptions change,
Some for good some otherwise,
In difficult situations you have a choice to allow it to poison your inner being into behaving as others did in treating you wrong or to absorb the hurt while extending the goodwill they lacked in treatment in you,
I'm not perfect in any way & while at times I admit I have the urge to allow myself that hateful attitude of free will in treatment of others as they hatefully treat me & only in realizing that I'd rather not possess the very traits I hate in others am I able to overcome such urges!
What I once c...
I may be wrong but my personal opinion is the law pertaining to segregation is in place for ALL to benefit from! It's not something that is only there to provide equality to one while oppressing another! As a mother I have never taught my child to view or treat another person as any thing other than a person! I apologize if my opinion that using the N word is degrading & ignorant! The response I get when I bring up the fact that for me to use the word, regardless of connotation or ending letters (gga instead of gger) it's viewed as racist (not that I would EVER use either as I personally believe it's derogatory & disrespectful in ANY form) However take a second & think on it must just from th...
I've only ever had the courage to give something written from deep within my very heart to 1 person, the very person who has the complete power to utterly destroy me, which is ultimately why I chose to entrust him with my very soul, in an attempt to prove that despite my outwardly displayed indifference put in place as protection, he will always be the key holder of what's truly inside me! To give something written about a person to them in person is one of the most difficult things I've EVER done...
My first dance with a man was in a silence where only heart & soul could hear the rhythm & beat which led our feet!
Eternity- Infinite or unending time..."Their love was sealed for eternity!"
Never-ending- Having or seeming to have no end.
Open-hearted- Expressing or displaying one's warm & kindly feelings without concealment.
Unification- The process of being united or made into a whole.
Grandiosity- The belief few others have anything in common with ones self & that one can only be understood by a few or very special people.
Holistic- Characterized by comprehension of the parts of something as intimately interconnected & explicable only by reference to the whole.
Definitions vary based on connotation & perception which is why I li...