|I'm still trying to find me, but I'd love to find US TOGETHER|
A lot of people are scared of death.
Not me though!
I wonder how many people are like me?
For me the life I have to live before my death is what truly terrifies me!
So after so many failed attempts at trying to prove I'm pregnant, I decided to just wait it out. I figured either the time would pass & I wouldn't actually be pregnant or the scenario I'm more positive about would be my water would break & I'd just go into a hospital. Only thing is since I have no medical care or knowledge of what to do or not to do since I am still having a monthly cycle. It's funny how people think if you have a period you can't be pregnant. I in fact KNOW that's not true cause I had my period the first 3 months of my pregnancy with my son. While I did in fact have a full on period with my son, it only lasted the first 3 months so I didn't have the concerns or worries that ...
One of my favorite things in the world is an EMPTY notebook...
...cause it's so FULL of possibilities!
Growing up my brother & I used to pester my "mom" with questions about our father. One of the bits of info she could actually remember (at this point I'm not sure how much she actually forgot) was that my father shared the same front teeth as we both had. I say "had" since I no longer have it. She said my dad didn't like to smile cause of it. I however cherished it. It made me feel connected to someone I so desperately craved a connection with. When I got my wisdom teeth they pushed my front teeth to where now I have a complete gap instead of merely the hole I had before. I'm still not ashamed or embarrassed by it at all, only deeply saddened that I no longer share that trait.
So I keep getting notifications for loans & as much as I need one, as much as it would help at this point I have no means to repay it.
That being said time is running out! I may not medically be able to prove I'm pregnant thus far but I personally have known since I was about 2 1/2 months. I tend to not show at first. I suppose I carry in my back which I'm guessing has something to do with the fact that I've got a tilted uterus (I barely found out that bit in July at the age of 36 😕)
*on a side note & completely unrelated my son saw 😕 & read what I wrote in the parenthesis above & asked me why I used Gene since he might mess up lmao #theemojimovie😂*
My son's father moved out THANK GOD!...
My dog Bandit is so protective of my belly that sometimes he won't let me touch it! LOL!
I'm not the best,
I'm not the worst...
But I try my best
not to be my worst!
Let me start by saying that I'm TRULY sorry for what they are going through!
That being said what right does she have to not only speak about drug use in front of my child, but to also blame EVERYBODY he's EVER used drugs with for his demise!
My ex's mom works at CVS in the area I live in & while buying laundry soap she tells me her son is dying. I asked what happened & she stated that his heart is failing. She then proceeded to tell me that EVERYBODY he's using with (keep in mind I've not even seen him since like '99 or so) as well as EVERYBODY he's ever used with is to blame & she hopes they all get to know what it feels like to lose a son! Mind you she told me all this in front of my s...
Its times like these that make me truly despise all the things your money can buy!
Damn you for making me feel like she had a valid reason to run...
Damn you for being the reason I feel like I might need to run!
As lonely as I am,
As many guys who hit on me... even still as I feel more hideous daily,
All others fail miserably in comparison to him!
For some reason I keep waiting. Even with the realization sitting in the back of my mind that if he cared he'd show me instead of completely blowing me off. Regardless of his doubts on the paternity (I've NO doubt who the father is 💯) or even validity of my pregnancy. Whether I'm in fact pregnant or not which I also have NO doubts about! Is it that hard to take 5 seconds outta his busy schedule to simply text Hi? I'm not even mad about it all, simply devastated that I don't even register enough to spare a minute or two. Two weeks have come & gone in fact two months have come & gone with only one message showing he cared. I keep thinking perhaps when the baby(s?) comes he'll come around but h...
I'm the type of person who tries to think ahead a step or two in an effort to make things flow smoother & easier in the long run. Its hard for me to relinquish control since usually it's appears that the saying "If you want it done right...do it your self!" is generally how it works out for me. It's extremely stressful when I'm constantly thinking ahead not only for myself but for those around me who do nothing to even attempt to think ahead for them selves & in fact actually make things harder on me by not thinking ahead or even putting forth the slightest bit of effort. I don't mind taking the lead or helping others but sometimes I just wish someone would step up and take the lead in an eff...
I've never had a need to live my life in secrecy...
...after all who would pay attention to someone as insignificant as me!
I do however believe others have the right to be protected from being associated with me...
...after all the world can be cruel & mean!
Maybe that's why others always wanna be free from the burden of knowing me, can't say I even blame em tbh, I only wish for everyone to find their happy!
Another accident at the intersection by my apt except this time I was walking back and saw the whole thing. The one at fault this time decided to flee the scene while the other car was spinning out (thank God me & Gabe weren't on that side of the street!) I placed the 911 call for them as they requested & got them water in the hour wait. Thankfully everyone was ok, shaken up but no injuries!
Another Ultrasound appointment over & done but the ultrasound tech isn't allowed to tell me the results only the Dr. can but haha jokes on me cause the Dr isn't even in the office today 😣
After living a life on the run with a woman who hated me as she tried hiding from my father (I assume) Now not being able to medically verify my pregnancy and having no way to prove it and nobody to protect me, imagine how scared I am especially after watching "Bunny Lake Is Missing"! What do you want from me? Do you want me to beg and plead? Do you wanna hear that EVERY day without you my heart bleeds? That I want nothing more than a family that wants me!
So last month a tow company tried to tow my car but I stopped the guy and he gave me a phone number to contact should I choose to sell it. Fast forward to last night when a guy knocked on my door asking if I knew who's car it was. I made a deal with him that if he fixed that car he could have my other car free and clear. He was supposed to swing by this morning and I gave him my number. I heard something outside so I went to check and my car was gone. I checked my phone and lo and behold there was a text from the guy who stopped by last night who's number just happened to be saved under Tow Co. which is what I saved the number under the previous month. He called me back and acted surprised t...
Well the Dr said I look 7 months & have gained 35lbs since March 😫 but still can't find a baby😱
If all the hues of every color combined into a perfect prism it would reflect all the beautiful facets of you!
I don't need a man to tell me I'm beautiful...BUT it couldn't hurt...showing me would be even better 😋 (lol just sayin)
One thing about the rain is that it is sure to hide your tears...
Living in AZ there's also something to be said about extreme heat & sweat as it also hides the tears!
It's not like I'm asking for money or the moon...it's not that much, PLEASE!
For you it was a scene for me it's EVERYTHING!
I went to the hospital again, not exactly to prove I'm pregnant as I already know, but because the OB office I went to was having electrical problems so the Dr had gone home & I was having such a heavy period & passing such large blood clots that I was having massive migraines. They did blood work & the ER Dr told me I'm slightly anemic but that there's no possible way I'm pregnant. He stated that no scientific textbook would validate me being pregnant. I asked him if God wrote any of those textbooks & his response (in front of my 11 year old child) was there is no God. He simply doesn't believe. Needless to say I left immediately & didn't even wait for discharge papers. I'm NOT that crazy! I...