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Bre S

PO# 598751
United States
United States
I'm still trying to find me, but I'd love to find US TOGETHER
January 14, 2018
 

The thought that I've lost you isn't ignored by me,

The thought that I never had a chance should've never been disregarded by me,

I've become the butterfly with wings, the monkey in play tore off, barely able to crawl along as death still refuses to take me,

With no future that wants the damaged goods that remains of me!

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WHY ME
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January 12, 2018
 

    When strangers online ask me for a picture then respond "cause I wanna know if I'm attracted to you",

   I always want to pull up all the images I can find of every woman, man and child that's ever been beaten, battered, bloody and blue,

   Then I want to ask them if they can see my reflection in any of them, because where my image may or may not be amongst them, a reflection of my inner being could never be more true!
   
   Despite surviving seemingly unscathed, my scars & bruises invisible outwardly, internally still exist through & through!
    
   So before you decide on physical beauty please decide if all the internal scars & pain I hide are attractive to you!

   Then I'l...

FOUR FREEDOMS
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January 11, 2018
 

Dear Me,

    That feeling you get when you meet HIM, EVERY time you meet him, is your intuitive connection and its REAL! Don't doubt your self or your ability to feel HIS soul! You were correct EVERY time! You may regret ever being the one to say goodbye but don't! Don't you dare regret the one time you actually found enough self worth to not accept not being enough for HIM! If you have a need for regret, regret the underage drinking! Regret that he failed to see the worth within me! Regret that he couldn't find it in himself to be true any of the times he came back! Regret falling for him time & again ultimately causing your own heartbreak when he disappeared once again without a trace! And...

HEART
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January 11, 2018
Phoenix, United States

While you may have the satisfaction of talking to me, even if I FEEL like I'm talking to you, I don't have the satisfaction of KNOWING it is in fact you! So basically your able to itch ur craving satisfactorily while I merely get to rub my itch which granted calms it but in no way is it completely satisfying! In fact it's only serving to push me further away! To make me shut down and soon I'll not be able to prevent myself from withdrawing completely! That scares me, this scares me! I haven't been in such a state since my teen years! I mourned your sudden unexplained absence every time throughout the years but the only way I survived those times was because I had forgotten you and was able to...

TRUE LOVE
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January 10, 2018
 

I suppose one day I'll set your memory down & walk away.

If I didn't love you so much I'd wish it was today,

But alas "I hate you" isn't something I can say!

Wish you'd just cum & stay or better yet take me far far away!

Stuck in limbo waiting till either you show you care with words you say,

Or till my heart decides it the final holding on day!

Wish I may wish I might...
Your the only wish I wish for my birthday night!

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LOVE BEGINS
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January 9, 2018
 

It doesn't matter
Cause i don't matter
It never has
i never will

DEFEATED
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January 8, 2018
Phoenix, United States

The only thing I regret about loving you...

...is that I failed to be enough for you to love me too!

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DEVOTED
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January 8, 2018
 

I have forgiven lots
I have forgotten even more!

I'm not sure how to forgive myself for forgetting you before!

Please forgive me for loving you
I sometimes forget my love isn't wanted by you anymore!

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A NEW DAY
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January 8, 2018
 

Despite the fact that I've been true through & through!

Never from me a reason to mistrust was given to you!

I'm still paying the price set by the whores u decided to choose!

Wish I could drown in the bottom of your every bottle of numbing booze!

So when you finished it I'd be the one comforting you as you drunkenly snooze!

At least then I'd get to play a part in your life unlike now as I continue to lose!

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OLD DOORS
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January 7, 2018
 

In my search to discover what exactly makes me crave a specific person,in all aspects of life, especially sexually! I ran across definitions & questions about being a sexual or asexual. Thus propelling me into discovering & researching the different " -sexuality" terms & definitions...confusing to say the least! I honestly had no clue about any of it all & while it opened my eyes & answered some questions, it still didn't offer a correct label (not that I care about labels, I more needed to define to me in order to understand me personally!) representing my sexuality as I identify with it...

The things I never knew I didn't know...

WOW...this is a lot to process & sort out! It def opened ...

ABSTRACT ROSES
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January 6, 2018
 

My favorite story has yet to be written.
It's the story of HIM & I!
It can't be written untill he's in sight,
His job to narrate, while mine to write!
Our story waits to continue from where we left off the last night, loving each other, together we take flight!
Finally things would be right!

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A NEW DAY
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January 6, 2018
 

You...

...Just thinking of you puts a smile on my face!
Your a rare kinda guy!
I enjoyed making EPIC memories with you & look forward to making many more!
I love watching you, especially when your deep in thought!
I love the way you think, it inspires me to aspire to be a better being!
The way you take charge makes me feel protected & safe, let's me know I belong!
I TRUST you in a way I've never trusted before or ever will again!
Thank you for being you, nothing more, nothing less...just exactly & perfectly imperfect YOU!

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YOU'RE PERFECT
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January 6, 2018
 

                  
                    So You Know
          
  I don't want you
Because I need you

I don't need you
Because I want you!

I want you because of
How you make ME feel,

I need you because of
How I make YOU feel!

I want to need you
If you need me to want you,

I need to want you
If you want me to need you!

I need you,
to need me to want you!

Do you want me to need you?

I need you,
to want me to need you!

Do you need me to want you?

I can't need
to not love you,

I can't want you
to not love me,

I can't want
not to love you,

I can't need you
not to love me!

If you can
replace the I's & Me's
With You,
If you can
Replace all the You's
with I's & Me's...

...T...

I WANT YOU
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January 5, 2018
 

I've needed someone on my side, a shoulder to lean on throughout my life. However always failing to have that or anything similar even I had to put up a brave front & pretend I didn't need anyone while my eyes held the truth all along! I didn't have anyone who cared enough to even see the shattered reflection I carried in my eyes, the window to my soul! I'm even more alone & in need of that shoulder to lean on right now that I'm not sure how to deal with it all! I have a habit of destroying myself before something else gets the chance & right now I'm being backed into a corner, about to enter destructive mode! I've never felt this great of a destructive need before & I fear it May very well b...

A NEW DAY
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January 5, 2018
 

So one of my fave sayings;

   Cry me a river, find some wood, build a bridge & get the fuck over it!

Had to evolve to include the internet trolls which exist in our online society today!

    
    Cry me a river, find some wood, build a bridge & go troll under it!

Is what I came up with! Haha self amusement at it's finest!😂😂😂

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DEAL WITH IT
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January 5, 2018
 

Dearest You,

                You are 1/2
                 of
                   the equation
                       that completes
                            the WHOLE
                             of
                                ME
                                   2/2!

                  Sincerely,
          (the)  {MISSING}  (part of)
                       {YOU}

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ALL MY HEART
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January 3, 2018
 

Do you ever sigh
In the sound of my name?

Imagine me standing
With you in love & fame?

Exhale as deeply as
When it was for me you came?

Pace restlessly back & forth
For a love you failed as yet to claim?

Realize both love infinitely
Yet separate hearts full of pain?

Feel dry & parched cause
I'm not there to dance in the rain?

Wonder the ability of one call
Turning insane back to sane?

Search for me to
End this wondering game?

Do you even remember me
Does my absence cause you any pain?

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WOMAN GHOST
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December 31, 2017
 

               3 months 28 days in...

                          M{U}E

               2 day 8 months out!

     
     That's what 2017 was for ME!

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MIDNIGHT
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December 30, 2017
 

I suddenly realized,
I didn't know what was sadder...

The loss of hoping...
             OR
The hopeless lost!

Perhaps the saddest being both,
as both encompass me!

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NEVERENDING HALLWAY
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December 30, 2017
 

I'll NEVER understand why the very person supposed to be there to protect an innocent, becomes the one to take that very innocence!

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BORDERLANDS
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December 28, 2017
Phoenix, United States

Lily-livered paper tiger! When did you become such a timorous pigeonhearted recreant? When did you become such a travesty to the real you? This isn't an acute situation it's chronic!  I love the way you love me and that is truly ironic!

CHRISTMAS ICON
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December 28, 2017
Phoenix, United States

Back in 2003/04 I ran into someone I went to middle school with & later the same alternative high school. I was surprised he remembered me to be honest as I've always felt that I was the forgettable one! The forgotten! I was not popular in any sense. I was overweight & dealing with a lot of abuse at home as well as the teasing at school. He was the one who brought up the fact we had in fact gone to school together. Like I said I was amazed he even remembered me. Not in the best of ways to be sure but even still amazed to be remembered at all. He commented on how different I was being that back then I was a mean bitch. I had only started to become the real me at that point & to be honest I was...

TIME
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December 25, 2017
Phoenix, United States

It sounded so much better in my head. I swear it did!
The letter I sent granting him one last final wish.
A beginning or end to all this.
Stuck at a crossroads stuck in limbo.
My own personal hell in love with the devil only seeing his halo!
Not worth a reply not even a simple hello! How sad am I to have allowed myself to sink this low.
Didn't I learn this lesson before when life dealt me those lesson filled blows.
Full of naively hoped for granted wishes proving I'm just as they labeled me...GULLIBLE!
HA a wish I offered to grant, silly me for not realizing he had already granted his own!
He had everything his heart desired, he already chose!
I was just a spot he had to fill just ano...

THAT'S GREAT
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December 24, 2017
Phoenix, United States

Something is wrong with my head, no not mentally even though something is wrong there as well, I'm talking about the large lump that has been forming & is now protruding from where previously there was a literal dent. Along with the pain & tenderness there, there is also 2 other spots lower along the ridge where my skull ends & also a ball shaped knot the size of a shelled peanut only round in shape instead of oblong, in the right side of the back of my neck! I hurt so bad & I've got a slew of other symptoms I believe are related to if not caused completely by whatever is going on with my head. I haven't had any recent head traumas so no culprit of recent can be pin pointed. I'm currently str...

CHRISTMAS ICON
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December 24, 2017
Phoenix, United States

Dear Santa,
      For some reason as of late I've been having flashbacks of years ago in Utah. The memory of the 3 of us kids (my sister, brother & me) sitting at the table waiting on breakfast. All of a sudden my mom's boyfriend at the time (either Ernie or Jim, I believe more that it may have been Ernie though) burst through the kitchen door, bringing with him a gust of frigid freezing cold air that was filled with the overpowering smell of blood & death! He didn't even struggle as he carried the carcass of the deer he had killed to the kitchen table. With one smooth motion he swung that deer up over his head and allowed it to slam down on the table in front of us kids. I was horrified at...

CHRISTMAS ICON
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December 23, 2017
Phoenix, United States

US
Unique
Soulmates

YOU
Yogic
obstreperous
Ultimo(English not spanish)
Malthusian
Eternity
ME

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CHRISTMAS ICON
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