|I'm still trying to find me, but I'd love to find US TOGETHER|
I'm the type of person who tries to think ahead a step or two in an effort to make things flow smoother & easier in the long run. Its hard for me to relinquish control since usually it's appears that the saying "If you want it done right...do it your self!" is generally how it works out for me. It's extremely stressful when I'm constantly thinking ahead not only for myself but for those around me who do nothing to even attempt to think ahead for them selves & in fact actually make things harder on me by not thinking ahead or even putting forth the slightest bit of effort. I don't mind taking the lead or helping others but sometimes I just wish someone would step up and take the lead in an eff...
I've never had a need to live my life in secrecy...
...after all who would pay attention to someone as insignificant as me!
I do however believe others have the right to be protected from being associated with me...
...after all the world can be cruel & mean!
Maybe that's why others always wanna be free from the burden of knowing me, can't say I even blame em tbh, I only wish for everyone to find their happy!
Another accident at the intersection by my apt except this time I was walking back and saw the whole thing. The one at fault this time decided to flee the scene while the other car was spinning out (thank God me & Gabe weren't on that side of the street!) I placed the 911 call for them as they requested & got them water in the hour wait. Thankfully everyone was ok, shaken up but no injuries!
Another Ultrasound appointment over & done but the ultrasound tech isn't allowed to tell me the results only the Dr. can but haha jokes on me cause the Dr isn't even in the office today 😣
After living a life on the run with a woman who hated me as she tried hiding from my father (I assume) Now not being able to medically verify my pregnancy and having no way to prove it and nobody to protect me, imagine how scared I am especially after watching "Bunny Lake Is Missing"! What do you want from me? Do you want me to beg and plead? Do you wanna hear that EVERY day without you my heart bleeds? That I want nothing more than a family that wants me!
So last month a tow company tried to tow my car but I stopped the guy and he gave me a phone number to contact should I choose to sell it. Fast forward to last night when a guy knocked on my door asking if I knew who's car it was. I made a deal with him that if he fixed that car he could have my other car free and clear. He was supposed to swing by this morning and I gave him my number. I heard something outside so I went to check and my car was gone. I checked my phone and lo and behold there was a text from the guy who stopped by last night who's number just happened to be saved under Tow Co. which is what I saved the number under the previous month. He called me back and acted surprised t...
Well the Dr said I look 7 months & have gained 35lbs since March 😫 but still can't find a baby😱
If all the hues of every color combined into a perfect prism it would reflect all the beautiful facets of you!
I don't need a man to tell me I'm beautiful...BUT it couldn't hurt...showing me would be even better 😋 (lol just sayin)
One thing about the rain is that it is sure to hide your tears...
Living in AZ there's also something to be said about extreme heat & sweat as it also hides the tears!
It's not like I'm asking for money or the moon...it's not that much, PLEASE!
For you it was a scene for me it's EVERYTHING!
I went to the hospital again, not exactly to prove I'm pregnant as I already know, but because the OB office I went to was having electrical problems so the Dr had gone home & I was having such a heavy period & passing such large blood clots that I was having massive migraines. They did blood work & the ER Dr told me I'm slightly anemic but that there's no possible way I'm pregnant. He stated that no scientific textbook would validate me being pregnant. I asked him if God wrote any of those textbooks & his response (in front of my 11 year old child) was there is no God. He simply doesn't believe. Needless to say I left immediately & didn't even wait for discharge papers. I'm NOT that crazy! I...
Had you not tried to kiss Scott, while I cuddled a parvo invested pigeon alone in the back yard, I'd never have sent you away that 5th of July all those years ago! You were the 1st guy I'd ever dated albeit short lived as it was, the 1st guy I'd ever truly wanted & the ONLY guy I've EVER TRULY LOVED! Even still to this very day!
Scared to say something that will push him away,
Scared of not saying what will make him wanna stay,
Between sadness & desolate aloneness I meander my way,
Wish he would come and take me away!
Am I ever gonna be enough?
The past can't be changed but the future can!
She ran for a reason, although I only recently realized she was in fact running, considering how much she hated me I can only assume she wasn't running to protect me! At least now it makes more sense as to why I never felt like she wanted me around. I don't agree with what you did but I also don't hate you for it either. I've only ever wanted to belong, to be wanted, to be loved!
In the beginning I was desperately trying to prove my pregnancy not only for proper medical prenatal care but so that I could have a valid reason to be sober. It may sound odd, some may disagree or judge my reasoning for using & for my reasoning on being sober & that's ok. I couldn't get the verification yet I still personally put in an effort to be sober, with every negative test result I'd kinda spiral down that dark path once again for a couple days then I'd sober up again till the next attempt. The worst episode was back in April! That scared me so bad that now I'm terrified to even attempt to prove it anymore. To the best of my calculations I'm now 26 weeks. I started my period yesterday...
Reach out & grasp YOUR star,
Be YOU cause that's who YOU truly are...the best YOU anyone could EVER hope to be by far!
Don't keep YOUR magic in a jar, let it out for the world to see...the world goes round because of people like YOU & ME!
So on Monday my son's father went out of town for work. Despite the AC breaking & temps exceeding 100° inside (during a heat advisory no less) & even the poor turtle dying cause of the heat, despite ALL that & the mess this place is (being as OCD as I am living the way I've been living, pretty much sums up how I've been feeling internally the last couple years...lost, hopeless & a HUGE messy failure...the harder I try the worse I fail!) Despite ALL THAT...it's literally been the most relaxing, calm, enjoyable week in YEARS...all because he wasn't here! He only wanted custody to try to keep me, but he can't have me, so instead I swear he is literally making my life a living hell on purpose! ...
Earlier I saw my nephew's "doppelganger" on "The Patty Duke Show"...I've never even heard of that show b4 today!
It's one thing to be taken care of by someone because you're loved,
It's another thing to be "bought off" because they want nothing to do with you.
Being irrational isn't exactly easy to combat even when you're aware of it & especially when you're on hormonal overload!
I'm so lost & drowning in the hell that I'm living in! I HATE my son's father! I see no plausible or possible way to move since I have no income & no way to obtain one, I have no daycare & after my son's assault I mentally can't just leave him with just anyone! I've got 7 dogs, 6 of which are pups, 3 were nursed back to health by me after getting parvo, 1 was a rescue after being taken from his mom too soon & not receiving proper care (they were feeding him condensed milk & didn't even know to "diaper" him) the 2 youngest didn't have any health issues just my mental issues of separating "family" kicked in, I gave away 1 from each litter then had a break down & cried for days after 😰! Where do...
So there was an accident at the intersection by my apt...a TWO way stop. It was loud enough for me to hear inside. Two males were standing outside their driver side doors arguing about who's fault it was. I told them both it was the fault of the one who failed to yeild for the stop sign, as the other driver had the right of way, at which point the one NOT at fault fled the scene 😣! I believe he was an undocumented immigrant and that's why he fled. The one at fault was with his mom & NEITHER had their licenses nor insurance. I'm not exactly the type to "snitch" & had the one's at fault not given the plate number of the guy not at fault to the police I'd have kept my mouth shut...HOWEVER not on...
There's only ever been one TRUE love in my life, one which I compared & held everyone else in a standard to, ALL others have failed where only he has prevailed!
I only wanna forgive & pray to be forgiven as we continue this life we're livin!
I'm his till my dying day even if he chooses not to stay my heart & soul true to him will remain & NEVER will I EVER stray...not even on my loneliest darkest days!
The ONLY compass in life that I truly need...
...is built into the palm of your hand!
My reality in perceiving myself is that I honestly don't know how the world views me.
I can say that once (before I knew anything I think I might know now)
I was talking with a man at the bus stop (I generally talk to anyone & everyone who will engage with me lol) He made an odd comment that surprised me & confused me as well!
The comment being "Wow, your exactly as he described you!" At the time I was completely unaware of who "he" was! I'm still unaware of exactly how "he" described me!
All I know is that despite the fact that I'm a bit of an odd ball & keep people guessing on what I'll do next (never realized anyone cared to watch or figure me out before tbh) I apparently s...