|Drifting aimlessly through the dark, looking for direction.|
I'm sorry dear, but I can't help those who don't want it. If you're not trying, I'm not trying. I don't want to see, "I have nobody"s. You had somebody and you ignored that or walked away.
Just thoughts/clearing my chest
Some days are just harder than others.
I wish I was better in every way, in my mind, in my heart, and in my acts.
I'm sorry that sometimes I'm as easy to love as it is to hug a cactus.
But some days are just harder than others.
I hate it. I hate this feeling.
Like I'm not enough for myself. Like I'm not enough for everyone else. Like I'm just a drag.
Ever feel invisible?
All the screaming in the world and you'll never be heard.
It's like one giant glass box and I'm stuck inside.
It's great, I'm fine, really I don't mind.
Spoiler alert: I'm lying.
Why is depression so depressing?
I'm stressed and upset and it all builds up. I feel like a kettle for tea, under pressure and needing to scream.
I want to do it all. I want to study for my tests, I want to clean the whole mess.
But instead I just sit here and stare at a wall. I just sit here not washing any dishes at all. I sit hear not sleeping, or eating.
At least I'm being depressed and that's something after all.
Don't be hard on yourself,
Why do I ruin everything I touch?
You make me so happy,
But you hate my guts.
Today was a good day,
But you didn't get out of bed.
You have so much energy,
But you don't do anything at all.
Every day is a struggle. Every last one. I wish I knew how to deal. I wish I were normal. Im sorry im too much. Im sorry I suck. I try my hardest and it just ain't enough.
You're an emotional rollercoaster. But I no longer subscribe to your ride. So why do you come trying to make me partake of this awful affair?
Goodbye doesn't last, and you're full of lies.
Holding a grudge is too much energy, but why can't you just keep your distance?
Im not who you think I am. We don't match. People change. The truth is you're abusive and I don't want you around.
I don't care who you're with. I don't care what you're doing.
Leave for good.
Sometimes, the concept of time makes me sick, but I guess that's just my Anxious Mind.
There are so many things I want to say. I want people to know the truth. But people don't understand. They don't understand that some days you just can't do it. They don't understand, that sometimes it hurts too much. Sometimes there's just too many things to say so you say nothing at all. Sometimes it stings on the inside. Hard . Sometimes it makes you sick when nothing is wrong.
Sometimes you hate yourself and all you can do is hide it with pleasantries.
Tired. Tired of being tired. Tired of feeling this way. Just plain tired.
Everybody else. They get to be emotionally tiring, they get to lash out, act out. But not me. But not me..
Keep your composure, I don't want to hear it, "they're going through a hard time"...
At least theirs will pass. At least it's a fleeting emotion, or something upsetting.
It's so much harder when it is yourself you fight.
So I've tried my best to turn around my thought processes and write happy things here for the world to see. But the reality of the matter is sometimes, you need a place to go to let everything out. The nasty ugly things. The dark haunting thoughts in the back of your head that you try your best to hide. The "I never would have thought..." Sorts of things.
So the fact of the matter is, I've not been doing well, and this is my way to let it out. Let it out without judgement or questions.
Sometimes I wish my mother would just realize that it's not my fault I'm alive. I didn't have sex to create me and I do not owe her anything because of it. I didn't ask for this. Yes, she does so much for me, and yes, I want to do so much for her. But I also have to be responsible. #Rant #FeelingGuiltTripped
It's amazing how it's always the people so very close to you that hurt you so deeply. Maybe because they know where to stab?
Sometimes you just have to lose yourself. Sometimes you have to let your heart wander in the dark. Sometimes to be stronger, you must allow yourself to be broken.
Sometimes you have to wake up tomorrow morning and feel stronger.
It's just a day. Today is just a day. Tomorrow is just another day. You'll make it through even if you don't think so. Relax and Breathe. You got this. Your hard work and diligence will be rewarded one day. Find joy in the little things. Smile. Today is just a day, and you got this.
If left in the sunshine for long enough an ENO will hatch a stress free college student. Keep calm and final on!
Lots of Love,
So spring is in full swing. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and the college kids are hammocking :) It's a beautiful day and the world is your playground, make use of it. Carpe Diem.
Lots of love,
Smiles are a beautiful thing. Lately I've been exploding with them. The best feeling in the entire world is when your heart smiles. When your heart decides to smile, embrace it. Let it be. Let yourself be happy. Don't worry. The world still turns and life still continues. But when your heart decides to smile, take the time, make the world stop, and let your heart smile.
Lots of love,
So I've begun writing again. I have a local writing pad on my phone. I feel like every now and again, I might want to share what I am working on, so I will pick lettrs back up again. Hopefully this time my writings will be much happier 😊
Things are perfect in the land of love. Or so they seem. Most of the time everything is swell. Love and care, that's all you ask for. Love and care, that's what you receive. How can it be that everything you need, and everything you wanted, can not fill the gap in your heart. It's hard to explain your feelings and emotions, but it's even harder when people see through them, or do not understand. I love him, I do. But my heart will never get used to missing the person who saved me from myself. I feel as though I betray both men. One is gone from this earth, and the other is doing his best. I love them both, and I need to let go and be happy. Why can I not let go and be happy?
I love him, I d...
I feel as though my being happy will hurt some people that are close to me, and their feelings. I have been containing this for almost a week, and now I am going to shout it to the world. None save one, know me personally, so it can't possibly be a problem for you. I HAVE SOMEONE SPECIAL IN MY LIFE, AND I AM HAPPY. HE MAKES ME HAPPY AND SMILE AND FEEL AMAZING!!!!! He is my boyfriend. This for me as some of you know or will know after visiting my fridge, is a big step in hopefully being normal and happy again. I am pleased to call him my boyfriend. :)
Don't you worry your pretty little mind. I'm fine. My friend wrote a poem, I'm pretty sure it's title "I'm Fine" if not it repeats that line a lot. That's how I feel. If I'm not now, I will be eventually, and that's enough for me.
No matter how hard we try, nothing is permanent. Memories fade, wood rots, rocks crumble, Paint bleaches, metal rusts. Not even nature remains the same. In no way can anything be permanent. Not the things we say or do, the people we change, or any way we try to leave a sign of our existence. No matter how hard we try to hang on to something, eventually you have to let go.
It's amazing how well you know people; you talk to them every day. Your friends know you like the back of your hand, right? But if that were truth, wouldn't someone notice? You talk incessantly, but no one notices your silence. They just over look it. Until they need something. People care, really. That's what we are told anyway. Nobody cares; slap a smile over it, and everything is good and right in this world.