During the ages of 13 and 16, my self esteem was destroyed because I was a curly headed hippie that burned sage, studied astrology, and cast spells. I spent a lot of time losing myself in my partners for fear of losing my partner because of myself. Today, I’m embodying my personal magnetism because I have discovered who I am and my self esteem is finally in a good place. Mostly from the irony that everything I have ever been, everyone else is trying to become.
I really didn’t know what to think of you when we first met.
I met you through mutual friends and I knew that you were a guy with a name.
But, other than that, I didn’t know much about you.
I had no idea who you were or how you treated others.
I just knew that you seemed somewhat nice, but also rather distant.
I just assumed that you would be another face – someone to know and possibly remember in years to come.
Or maybe I wouldn’t, who knew?
But, one day something changed and you started talking to me.
Your voice blew me away and I couldn’t believe the kindness you showed from the start.
From that day, our relationship only grew.
I started seeing this funny, intelligent, respectful, and in...
I've never cast a spell on you
If I had, you would be mine
Yet I found myself at your doorstep
Answering the call of the Divine
I was in a place of solitude
Seeking healing from my broken heart
They promised they'd show me the destination of my journey
Yet I stubbornly refused to start
"Maybe I'll go back to the last one
I don't want anybody new!"
But as always, they were one step ahead
Because I was familiar with you
I went with the intention of having fun with an old friend
Yet still full of defiance
Not realizing that I'd played right in
To this heavenly alliance
That first night I lay in your arms again
I felt so at home
It not once crossed my mind
That I'd allowed my heart to rom...
Revenge is a dish best served cold
But my heart is still on fire for you
In spite of the lies you told
And the games you played.
You thought you won
Because I stayed
Not knowing it was to even the score.
See you won the battle
Not realizing you were losing the war
Everything seems strange now. I don't feel the same and that makes me feel hesitant. I'm not sure what to do so I simply live each day in a place of stillness. I'm neither happy nor sad, yet I strive to exist. I want to go out in public, but I want privacy. I wear glasses, but lately I remove them so as to see more clearly. My mind is in 1000 places but I focus with intent. I don't know this me. She's not the same girl she was a month ago... or even a week ago. She is a mystery to me yet I feel like I've known her all along. I can't shake this feeling that she's come to change my life... perhaps for the better. So I'm sorry if I seem far away; it's just that I'm still learning about her. Who ...
I am blessed to have a psychic for a very close friend. She tells me things I need to know and holds on to the things I am not ready to know just yet. I mention to her how although I'm turning 33 this year, I would like one more child, a girl, before I'm 35. She's finally decided to tell me that she's seen two more children in my future, the last one being closer to 40. I wrestled with this information as, one I already have two sons and two I don't want to have my last child so late in life- I had my first child 10 days before my 19th birthday! Motherhood is all I know. This Mother's Day, I've paused to reflect on this information despite my disappointment. I look at the posts on social medi...
Today I looked at my reflection in the shallow part of the river and finally saw myself. Here I am.
Faith Walks: A Spiritual Journey
I am Energy. I can create or destroy.
I am my mother. And all the women who came before her.
I am the Earth. Fertile and giver of wealth.
I am the River. Nurturing and flowing with the changes in my life.
I am the Trees. Restorer of health and vitality. The fruit of my Ancestors.
I am the Moon. A living manifestation of the Divine Feminine and all the wisdom that she embodies.
I am Me. The greatest gift I have to offer the world is my authenticity.
Most nights I fall asleep in the arms of your memory...
...and most nights, it is enough
Because I don't understand my feelings until the ink glides across the paper. Because my thoughts are words that come pouring in from all directions with no actual structure or clear indication of their origins nor destinations without being laid in neat grammatical formats. Because the girls can be unkind and jealousy can ruin your manifestations. Because death seems like the comfort of an old friend when cloaked in lined notebook paper. Because my soul mate's heart cannot handle the weight of all my words like the thinnest sheet of paper can. Because every time I open my mouth to speak, I hear the thousands of voices that told me to be quiet. Because I feel more tolerated than accepted. Bec...
Capricorn Moon (Steady Heart)
Can I shed light on a secret?
I find my inner light
Waxing and waning
With your presence in my life
Journeying through rocky terrain, the river of my soul is drained dry.
I long to drink the calming waters of your heart
when the tides of mine get low
But how will you look at me
when I'm too weighed down to lift my head and climb?
What will you think, when my emotions ebb and flow?
Will you stand unwavering in your commitment,
determined to overcome any obstacles,
or will the cold make you give up and go?
And when my heart is completely hidden
after being reduced to only a sliver,
it's because I fear that moralistic ambition
Has handed your darkside the scyt...
I'm looking at the constellations on my wall realizing that no matter what, I've always had the moon and the stars in my room. Even when I was 12 and painted my room this really bright yellow. I had a garden border too. I remember my mom thought it was really funny and tried to talk me out of it, reminding me of when Pop picked out that yellow paint for the house in Rocky Mount. I still wanted it because secretly I always loved the yellow. It's how I knew which house was mine. Even after a day in the woods, in the dim street lights of the suburbs, I could find my way home. I'm glad she let me paint my room yellow. And I'm glad I was brave enough to do it.
... ya'll don't mind me. I'm just a ...
I dreamed you had me blindfolded and my wrists tied to the top of the bed post. You circled me as I stood there turning my head attempting to figure out what was gonna happen. Just as slight panic started to set in, you bit me at the top of my right ass cheek. I yelped a little bit and you pulled back and kissed the same spot. I heard you start circling me again and after the 3rd time, you struck me across my ass. You walked back and forth, smacking me across my ass each time. I slid down to my knees and apologised for my smart mouth earlier. You cupped my chin and said if I was sorry to make it up to you. I replied, "Yes, daddii of course." You bent down, kissed my mouth, then stood up witho...
Damn, he's amazing. Again, I'm caught off guard by a man that was supposed to fulfil my carnal desires and nothing more. I had the feeling 3 years ago that he desired more than sex from me, but I pushed the idea out of my mind. I was fresh out of a 4 yr relationship that rocked me to my core and was not ready to be heartbroken by another one.
This time he lured me in with promises of warm, sunny beaches and a series of euphoric romps in the bedroom. Before I knew it, I was laughing and enjoying my existence on this planet more than I had in a great while- sexual encounters aside. I enjoyed the waves caressing my thighs and the sun beaming across my shoulders. He captured the ...
When I was a child
I thought nothing of journeying
Into the wilds of the woods
Wherever I found an opening in the foliage I would slip in
And whilst inside, I would find familiar paths
Long walked down by my ancestors
But every now and again, I would stray from the beaten path
To venture into the unknown
Never deterred by the tangled underbrush
I would just charge forward,
Creating a new path
Secure in my Deep Knowing
That whatever I may need,
The Creator would provide
As had been done for those who came before me
Damn I wish I could feel your skin sometimes. That your touch would be more than a longing and mine more than a whisper. That I could look over to the left and see you looking at the road ahead, your bottom lip tucked in like when you say 'uhmmm' which I find so playfully sexy. I would be glowing in your presence- my eyes lighting up at the sight of you so brilliantly that you mistake it for the reflection of the stars. A stark contrast to the endless void of the night laid out ahead.
My finger would dance lightly down your forearm, feeling the hardened muscle toned from years of labor underneath a silky layer of skin the color of my morning tea.... reverse imagery of the man himself. I woul...
I'm jolted awake from the descent into Las Vegas.... one more plane to board before we get home. I wake up and see you grinning. "You snore." "Yo daddy snore," I replied and stuck my tounge out. "How about you just wake up sleepy head so you don't make the whole plane late," you retorted. Ironically, we deplaned only to be met with news of a layover... there would be 5 hours until our flight arrived. You were already impatient thinking about the 1000 things waiting to be addressed upon our arrival but there was little more we could do besides make the best of the situation.
I picked a quiet spot in the corner of the President's Lounge for us to sit where you could plug up your laptop and get...
She walks up to him as he's sitting there and comes in as close as she can without physically touching him. She allows him to take in the comforting aroma she carries on her hips. She kisses the top of his head as he raises his exhausted eyes to meet hers. She wordlessly kisses him once on the lips, her fingers delineating his neck before extending them to give every inch of muscle in his upper back a deep tissue massage. He loosely wraps his arms around her legs and allows her to take away some of the day's pains. They have intimately conversed without an utterance.
Every time they spoke, it was like the connection only got stronger. In time, what was flirtatious play developed into something a little more. Not a relationship, but not a friendship. Just their ship. And they were having fun navigating the waters of pleasure. Like all trips in the water, you must make landfall to refresh and renew the crew.
Their stay on land was nothing short of an adventure itself. There was the awkward initial meeting where she buried her face in his neck to hide her smile. They took each other in with gentle caresses and silence. Comfort was felt instantly. Land can be rocky- they had a period of misunderstanding that drove her to throw her tears into the river and al...
You came through the door and flung your keys on the counter. I looked up from my notes. "Why is it so quiet here?" you asked, "Put on some music or something." I turned in my chair so my whole body faced you and let one of my legs fall to the side so you could catch a glimpse of the pink lace panties obscured by the t-shirt I borrowed from your drawer. "What do you want to listen to?" I asked. "Something I can make you cum to," you replied while peeling your shirt off and flinging it in my direction. I grinned and put on a playlist as I watched you head towards the shower.
As you were rinsing off, I stripped down and adorned myself with a set of dancing bells- the silver cowrie shell belt a...
There's something about the way I love him. Unconditional. Unwavering. Unintended. He was supposed to be a fling, a mere sexual encounter with a book boyfriend. A fantasy fulfilled; another thing crossed off my bucket list. 4,288 miles and a year later, all that has changed.
I felt things shift the moment I laid on his chest in a quiet hotel room on the side of a sleepy mountain. Breathing in his essence, his wonderfully flawed essence. Filled with determination... and stained with another woman's lip gloss. As time has gone on, we have encountered the things necessary for us to prosper on our journey of togetherness- drawing us nearer and pushing us further apart.
We haven't spoken in mont...
Death thinks it took you from me. I guess he didn't know I keep a piece of you hidden in my heart. Sometimes I have to scurry away to find you, but you're always there. Hidden behind Mickey Mouse cups, zebra wallets, cans of ravioli, and lifetimes of secrets. I can find you there in old chair vs new chair races to the park on Anita St, late nights giggling about high school gossip, and early mornings of sneaking you my salmon patty before church. In the off road, behind the backseat, liquor induced, r&b steeped adventures, I've kept you. In the early morning hours, in the late night hours, I call out for you. The piece of you that your murderer stole. The detective in me listens, the ...
These past months have been your longest and hardest. You have been killing yourself too much, and faking your smile every single day, that you have forgotten where your happiness really is. You have forgotten where you should stand, what you should feel, who you should love. You have been blinded by the intense feeling of bliss and deep attachment with a person who will never feel the same way. You were not yourself for the longest time, because you loved. Pointlessly, you loved too much, even if you knew it wouldn't go anywhere. You were addicted with the feeling. He became a drug, your drug of choice. He was your pain reliever, your sleeping pill, your antidote to the pois...
how have u been? I havent talked to u in ages, have u found a way to feel complete yet? Its good to have my man wrap his arms around me and to wrap my arms around at night. At night, i feel the warmth of 10,000 embers burning solely for the coolness of my skin. I remember when the coldness of the world set in, u were forced to rely on traditional methods: heat, blankets, memories. Memories i will keep if i lose him . Memories that speak of warm fires, glowing in this man that builds things with his hands. Hands that run the length of my body, in awe of one of the few things he loves and did not build. Strong hands, warmed from the embers of our love, heating every inch of my b...
I see him on the screen
spewing hatred out of his big mouth
the idea that any one person is above another for any reason is just vile
I am ashamed of my countrymen
to allow this projection of our stereotypes on display for a world that he clearly has very little respect for... forgetting that we are a nation comprised of all the other nations!!
he declares war on his citizens with our own people...
Orwell's Napoleon that claims to have the alchemical touch of re-blending the melting pot that has coagulated in the overfed propaganda... I weep.
I weep for my children that I have birthed and any yet to come.
I weep for the nightmares of being Anne Frank in a Hitler controlled land that I se...