I lost myself today when I lost it at the grocery store. I need to fall in love with myself again. I want to be more of the person you want me to be. I’m really sorry for letting you down. I’m sorry I’m so selfish.
The thing about me is I’m insecure, I depend on others to tell me I’m great or beautiful. When they do, it’s like a rush of happy comes over me, but if they go awhile without doing it or a bit without talking to me, I start to feel so low and down on myself. I start to cry and it feels like I’m spinning my wheels. Why do I need their validation? I don’t know. I guess it makes me feel good and loved. Maybe it’s because I was bullied as a child and felt so isolated, so it carries forth with me into adulthood. Plus, of course the obvious anxiety never helps. I’m sorry I’m so needy. But thanks for loving me the best you can I guess.
I like being awake when no one else is, because that’s when ideas are born 😍💫
I would’ve taken care of you if I could, been there to put the roof over your head and take away your pain every night. I’m glad you’re ok, but this sucks right now that I have to find out like this. All because of that stupid letter I sent. I was in such a hurry to send it, I ran my car into the snowbank. All for you. Love is weird. Peace, love, and all that. I’m tired. Tired of crying and tired of secrets. Giving away your heart is never as easy as it sounds.
Goodnight all xx
If they all could read my mind they might just break down and cry. The anxiety and suffocation I’ve felt every day since I was a child weighs on me at times. Back then, I wasn’t even allowed to be myself. Now it carries through today where I feel like I have to put on a mask and hide the real me. No one knows but he, who I really am right now. He, the one who I love but I have sinned with. I hate myself some days for it all. But with him my heart feels cared for and in that moment I was so happy and loved. I know I’m wrong, but why is it wrong to just do what feels right and be happy? I’m so scared. These days I can barely stand to be alone without the comfort of another. I want to gain my st...
I love you, you’re the sunshine on my face, taking away all my pain on a cloudy day. Will you run away with me? I want to show up, heart in my hand, at your door and say “I left with nothing, just like you did and all I have to offer is my heart, but will you do me the honor of being mine? You’re all I can think about. You’re the breath I breathe and the song in my heart. I don’t care where we go, as long as I’m with you.”
Part 2 of a previous letter story:
It was half past 10 am on a Saturday and everything was perfect. The shower had been running for a good 20 minutes, but we didn’t care. Two warm gray towels awaited on the other side of the curtain. With a playful look through my blue/gray eyes I asked him if he could give me a hand as I leaned over to pick up the bottle of whipped cream that was perched on the little ledge in the corner of the shower. Just then I heard a faint noise in the distant background that sounded like the jingling of keys... we both froze as I looked up at him with a mouth full of whipped cream.
To be continued...
What’s scarier than Halloween? A FuckBoy. Excuse my language if not allowed. Ladies we all know a dude who comes off super smooth. Your personalities will mesh. He will say all the right words to make you believe you’re actually the one, but he won’t quite commit. Before you go thinking he’s Prince Charming, you might want to check his Instagram. Here are some warning signs to look out for:
1. He always turns the conversation on himself. Your cat died? Oh he had a cat once... zero sympathy given.
2. He posts a bunch of gym selfies or likes an insane amount of other girls’ gym selfies on Instagram. (Mmhmm we all know you’ve checked)
3. He only wants to talk on Snapchat and then leaves you o...
Naked. Vulnerable. Warm. Secure. That’s how love is supposed to feel right? I let the warm water cascade down my body as I closed my eyes and let him kiss my neck, his hands traveling from the sides of my breasts down to my hips, pulling me in close. The sound of a motorcycle revved down the busy street behind my house, but all I could focus on was this moment with him. It was as though time stopped for a second.
To be continued...
Even though I’m broken and bruised, you take this heart like it’s brand new.
You’re so kind to me. I’ve never met someone quite like you. You show me you care in the sweetest of ways. Your uplifting soul makes me feel beautiful.
You listen like you actually want to hear what I have to say. You are passionate. You’re strong yet loving. You love a little trouble. ;) You know how to comfort me so well.
The biggest thing is you’re always there for me. You make me believe that you will stay. You make me love myself more. I love you too. I hope we always stay close.
Having a big heart is a blessing and a curse. You feel too much, love too much, but it means you care whole heartedly. You take on other people’s emotions as your own. Sometimes by doing so it causes stress because their problems begin to feel like your own. The weight of it all is a heavy burden to bear. However. I wouldn’t change it. I wouldn’t change me. I love having a big heart and I could never stop caring.
Lady Feather ❤️
I'm the type of person who attracts the type of people who drive me insane, yet keep me sane at the same time. That's what happens when you form a deep and personal bond with someone. Maybe that's what love is. Sometimes you care so much, you wrap your fragile heart in paper and carefully hand it over to someone, knowing full well they have the power to protect it or break it as they see fit.
I attract the type of people who have stories to tell. The ones who are unique and different and are kind enough to prove that all people are not the same. Those types of people can hook you in like a good book. They share little bits of their story at a time and keep you coming back for more. They keep...
Dear Mr President,
Your entire campaign is based upon making America Great Again. Since when did "great" equal "hate?" I'm sure you have your reasons. Why was the world "great" back when there was segregation and discrimination?Do you really want our future American families to grow up in a world where we are afraid to be ourselves?
We are living in a world where we are limited from being able to fight for our country based on what you think transgender means. Transgender is when a person is born with thoughts of being someone else. It's when a soul is born into the wrong body. If you did a little bit of research, you would understand more.
Since when is it ok to focus on what's outside ...
One day it's I love you forever and I can't imagine anyone more perfect for me. The next reminds me of the complicated mess we are in. Then it's telling myself I hate you as insomnia yanks me to both sides of the bed and turns my heart in knots as I cry into my pillow. But, that's love talking and I know I could never let you go.
The truth is, people are going to judge you no matter what. You might as well live as if there is no tomorrow. Do we live to please others or do we live to be happy? I say, do what makes you happy. Make as many happy moments and memories as you can. Fall in love, be reckless. That's how you learn, how you grow. If it isn't right, well you will figure it out. It's all part of a beautiful journey. Enjoy the Ride. Have a beautiful 4th of July weekend. ❤️❤️
I hate anxiety. Today it was really bad for some reason. I had a job interview for a job I went into knowing I probably wasn't qualified for. I got really nervous.
The interviewer began by asking me a question to describe a hypothetical situation I had been in and I froze. My brain couldn't even think of a similar situation. I panicked and had to leave because I felt so embarrassed.
I am normally smart and quick witted, but some people make me so nervous. It wasn't a panic attack because my breath was ok, but it was close. Maybe we all have panic attacks in different ways.
Can anyone else relate?
Like snowflakes cascading from the sky to land gently on cold cheeks
Like leaves held by tiny gloves behind closed eyes being blown away like a birthday candle
Like two warm bodies cuddled up by a crackling fire under a summer night sky
Like a budding lily wet from the morning dew thawing itself in the light of spring
So I have gotten a couple of letters asking if I am single. While I am flattered, the answer is no. :) I am actually married. I have a loving husband and the spot of best guy friend in my life is taken. :p
I can also be horrible about responding to private letters. I am a little shy. I will try to work on that.
Thank you to those of you for reading and following. I will try to keep you entertained with more letters and random thoughts of the day about my crazy, fun, confusing life. ;)
Lady Feather (Heather)
Life's expectations can be unrealistic sometimes. You may judge something so hard until it happens to you or a loved one and then your perspective changes.
What's important is to understand why it happens. You're spirit has a way of leading you to what makes you tick. We all make mistakes in the journey of life to find ourselves. We all just want to be happy and loved for who we truly are.
It takes such a long time to learn who you truly are. As soon as you have it figured out, you can meet a person or fall into a circumstance that leads you to change your opinion.
Life is a journey, not a destination. You have to smile and enjoy the ride, otherwise you'll end up letting it pass you by. ...
Just to See You Smile
Just to see you smile, I would bear all the pain. I would put my feelings aside and walk tall through the rain.
Just to see you smile I'd let you be yourself even when it was tough. I would love you always even when it was rough.
Just to see you smile, I would hold your face. I would take your hands so you'd never feel out of place.
Just to see you smile, I will always be your friend. Even though I will love you until the very end. Xx
Don't label me as "the quiet girl." I am shy but I can't stand when people call me quiet. Social anxiety is a real thing. If a person doesn't smile, it is incredibly hard to approach them.
If someone does not give off a good vibe, I feel very uncomfortable talking to them. I seek the souls who want to learn my story. The ones who yearn to read my book instead of stopping after chapter one.
I want to read your story too. Just please don't toss mine away when it gets complicated. We all have issues big or small. If you can find those amazing people to share your journey, the ones who love you for you and who truly understand you, then don't let them go. Don't ever waste an opportunity to te...
He told her she looked pretty. She pushed him away. He said he would do anything for her. She told him not to. He smiled at her. She looked away.
She knew she was wrong. The sadness inside was rising to the surface. The guilt of her mistakes was consuming her again. She knew he deserved way better. Yet still he stayed, never giving up on her. She truly wished she treated him better today.
Just give her time. She still loves you. She's still inside there somewhere. She's just confused right now. She's lost and drowning. You will pick her up again when it all falls apart because you always do.
However, she didn't mean to take you for granted. She's just lost in her own problems right now. S...
It's way too cold. My spirit is starting to freeze. All I do is destroy everything and everyone I love; even though I love too much and too many.
A tear slides down my cheek. I am overwhelmed. I don't know how much longer I can keep this feeling to myself, even though it's probably better that I do.
I feel like I'm starting to get depressed. I am tired of feeling empty and hurting everyone.
Thoughts from the coffee shop:
Today is a new day. You can't beat yourself up for every choice you've second guessed. Even if it was a mistake, it is still a step in the walk of life. You can always improve yourself to be the best person you can be.
You will never get it perfect, but if your heart is full and your mind is open, you can make the most of every day or even make someone else's day.
Hmm hope this all doesn't sound too cliche...
Anyways, have a wonderful Tuesday!
Get out of my head
I'm drowning in you
The thought of your bed
The feelings that grew
I shouldn't be here
Inside of this place
Think I need a beer
To stop time and space
Bridge the gap between
The real and the fake
Though it is not seen
My heart you did take
"Well, what IS your type?" he asked her with a mischievous grin.
She said, "I can't stand people who don't smile. You have to be able to laugh with someone over the stupidest things. I can't explain it. You just have a connection with them that makes it feel like you can tell them anything in them world and they will listen and keep it safe. I can't stand the people who are uptight and don't have a sense of humor and a good smile. You have to keep it real you know?"
Your name grazed my lips. The sound sent a wave of desire inside me as my heart rate sped. My fingers trembled, weakened at the thought of your gaze. Your sly smile hiding behind my eyes, invisible to the world.
My soul is a caring, but complicated one. There's the "normal" me that most people see. The newlywed wife with the glow in her eye, the supportive one. The quiet one. The girl who always has a smile on her face.
Then there's the other me. The "real" me? Maybe. More like the "raw" me who is so filled with emotion and sometimes laziness and recklessness. Raw me is complicated. She likes to keep things to herself, and is independent with the urge for adventure, but only on her terms. Yet, deeply caring and wanting to protect those she loves.
I'm not in love with either side of my soul. It could use a lot of improvement. I learn more about myself everyday and become stronger. I wish I was more ...
The air of possibility is on the horizon. I can sense it, but I'm cautious.
Is it right? They say if it's right, it will feel just like breathing. This feels pretty close, but the horizon is blurry.
Maybe the best things to come are unseen. Xx