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November 14, 2018
New York, United States

Colleen came to my gig today and I was Friends with Greg and a bartender who lied and stank.

Colleen came to the gig today and it was a surprise to hear how many times Will sunk our dusty meadows with a slick meandering. A sunken battleship of delight and happy Veterans Day!

Desert Rain fell months ago upon landing in the new world but Colleen missed it.  But misery gave way to an internal ear hidden deep beneath my portaled wings

Why was Colleen at my gig today?

Wasn’t sure what if a robbery in plain videoed sight was enough to rattle ones cage.  Colleen was at my gig tonight leaving one to wonder if he who lives nearby is Martin Sage.

STAN LEE
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November 14, 2018
New York, United States

Who’s the early bird spamming and then slamming the door?

Door after door.

The early ones rise to feed the flames of our orbit.  The intermingling jingle of our e-commerced walls inside the remnants of a brick and mortar kingdom that is no longer sought or seen.

Why do they rise so early?  The train barely runs.  An L train built for 4 million people is no fun.  But they travel to work.  Each machine they each hold is the same.  A mechanized beast that clings to the cloud, proof positive that god speaks aloud.  

The clothes and temperature lay the only mystifying deed that makes online marketing their true seed.

A seed to success.

A place to call home.

A reason to bitch.

A reason to m...

JOHN LENNON
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October 22, 2018
New York, United States

Dear Dudes,

Or shall I say, duds?

Did it?

I what's got you there.

Or as they said, "I'm what's 'Gotcha here'".

Herndon is a Bellafiore, lord Dickinson, son of a gaunt elder, lost in time.  Penisless....

Here's a period.

Foo fighters are coming to be very "not so good Al".  Said a tainted Rivers Cuomo.

Mario has delights.  He loves dogs 🐶.

French people, or shall I say "Frenchies", love lettuce and tomatoes with onion and melted or melting French cheese.

"Who ate my underwear?" , asked a French police officer.

"I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did".

Said Brett Cavanaugh in a...

WHITE CLOCK
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October 6, 2018
New York, United States

A very very sad tale is about to be told.  If you're sitting down, stand up.  If you're standing up, keep standing up.  

Here goes literally nothing.

Someone threw four rocks at me today and it made me sad.

I cried like a babe, like a baby elf.  Like a baby elf riding on a large guinea pig guided by another baby elf riding on yet another large guinea pig named Tiago.

I can't wait to call Dan Zweebin today and tell him.

"Hey, Dan Zweebin," I'd cheerfully say.

"What do you want!? You shitty douche bag of a baby elf riding a guinea pig being led by yet another baby elf riding on yet another large guinea pig!"

"Someone or someones threw four rocks at me today in front of the court house. ...

HIGH HEELS
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October 6, 2018
New York, United States

Dear Abbey,

"I stole.

I cried and visited Mister Charles's bathroom whilst whistling.

I'll visit your grave.

I traded five baseballs today for firearms😢."

Spoken by an emergency response person who is an excellent person to talk to.

"You're the only family I got", cried one incel.

"Leave him hanging, for he cannot bring the ruckus to a new spot", whispered a Java Script wannabe, Kavanaugh protester.

"I'm a good Catholic.

I coach adult fast pitch baseball.

My big apologies to the hostile ushers at Saint Patrick's Day parade for that yet doth yield only hint of fibromyalgia, and the rewards are great!  Especially if your brain is full of crap.

Susan Collins's brain is full of maggo...

I LOVE SUMMER
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October 5, 2018
New York, United States

Eleven musts for early fall.

Jeb, the barbershop owner and local priest says while rubbing his belly and sipping on his Harvey Wallbanger, "there is indeed a saying up east that states the following.

It's early autumn, and it's time to.

1). Pick apples.
2). Brace for unexpected wind gusts.
3). Vote straight ticket Whig party.
4). Buy new drawers.
5). Sell old drawers on eBay.
6). Delete profiles on your stack exchange and Reddit accounts.
7). Booze it up a bit more.
8). Make homemade chili.
9). Watch meet the press and cry into your beer.
10). Fall in love.
11). Throw the pig skin around and
don't be afraid to get muddy."

Best regards,

Jeb, the dancing priest.

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THE EDISON BULB
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October 1, 2018
New York, United States

This is the worst UX!

🥃
🎶
🍕
🔑❤️🐐🙃😀🤖😉☺️😬🐐🤖

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HELLO AUTUMN
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October 1, 2018
New York, United States

One time a guy Hayes his hair cut.

He moved onto another page.

A life of love.

A life of treachery.

A life of the silent mosquitoes that would have you turn with the Gaul.

I know a few men.

One who drank.

One who stank.

One who knows the game.

There's a farmer nearby.  In the woods of Auesterlitz New York. He's a Red Sox fan.

He's full of old wives tales.

"One time, I met an old widow who had sixteen candles up her..."

He was so old. We rendered "unbecoming".

He's not a state senator.

He's not the mayor.

He's not a congressman.

He doesn't work for the government.

He lives in a tree full of bees.

🐝

HELLO AUTUMN
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September 15, 2018
New York, United States

Giles was mean to me today.

Giles yelled at me.

"Pick up that Fucking bacon", he screamed.

"Jam that spoon betwixt thy faithfulness".

Giles is a mean man.  Some might call him a meanie.

I smoked pot with Giles' wife one summer afternoon and she proceeded to tell me his whole ordeal.:

"When Giles was young", said Nester Sweetheart, "Giles frequently had trouble in school, mostly due in part to his excessive farting, forcing gale force burrito laden winds beneath his so called 'arse wings'.  A passing of gas so pure and violent that the hair on his  principal's balls (named Ebenezer and Dave respectively); they would bristle against his dungarees, summoning an unwonted erection".

I cried...

NEVER FORGET
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September 15, 2018
New York, United States

Giles was mean to me today.

Giles yelled at me.

"Pick up that Fucking bacon", he screamed.

"Jam that spoon betwixt thy faithfulness".

Giles is a mean man.  Some might call him a meanie.

I smoked pot with Giles' wife one summer afternoon and she proceeded to tell me his whole ordeal.:

"When Giles was young", said Nester Sweetheart, "Giles frequently had trouble in school, mostly due in part to his excessive farting, forcing gale force burrito laden winds beneath his so called 'arse wings'.  A passing of gas so pure and violent that the hair on his  principal's balls (named Ebenezer and Dave respectively); they would bristle against his dungarees, summoning an unwonted erection".

I cried...

NEVER FORGET
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September 14, 2018
New York, United States

I fell in love with an amazing person yesterday.  The day manager at Home Depot gave me pills that sent shivers up my arse.

"I once was lost, but now I'm found", cried midget Republicans looking for good drinking water while sucking on water chestnuts "unsnarl thy tiny typhoid beard", cried an NFL hating republican with dentures and a subscription to Time Magazine whilst ailing and sipping on Tom Yum Soup.

"Andy, where are the cheese fries?"

"You nasty, ungodly, unforgivable penis hugging republicans who will do anything for a buck, buck sow Walter his quarters for laundry and furthermore, republicans who lack a bold penis mentality, whose lack of crotch stuff leads to hate for no football...

SUMMER IS AN ADVENTURE
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September 14, 2018
New York, United States

I once went to a high school prom dressed in platform heels and a Howard Stern mask while giving people a "funny salute".

Jesus L Ron Hindenburg HIMSELF!

NEVER FORGET
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September 14, 2018
New York, United States

I once caught the mayor wearing a jump suit to an unknown prom within the city limits.

"Why, why, why, WHY!" I could be overheard whimpering in the corner of a restroom of a gas station in Jersey whilst wearing pants and testicles.

"Where are my picket fences and what happens to babies when they become governors?"

I never had a baby but I used to draw pictures of them when they became republicans and it made the general public sad and heave with an uncertainty.

"If these babies were NFL footballers and had big big big footballs", I'd pray to a god of unknown origin but one who'd smell like a beef torta and shell out buffalo chips like they were the last can of sardines on a life raft duri...

I LOVE YOU
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September 14, 2018
New York, United States

I was busted last night like a lead ballon on crack!

Yeah, I voted.  Straight ticket socialist.  

I was caught ball and teering with a few unknown suspects who might have been mistaken for twin Daves.

"Fat David", my mother once called him.

"If only he showered, he'd be a handsome man".  

But Dave ate 29 hamburgers before February.

NEVER FORGET
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September 6, 2018
New York, United States

Most of my manager hey you my pizza sent about talk to my girl

I'm sorry I don't know you too but you don't have a problem

GREAT THINGS
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September 6, 2018
New York, United States

Old  oh he did change up the check

I had sex with the fucking make shit but I wanted to be in the store whole recordAnd the person at the United States and I want

GREAT THINGS
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September 6, 2018
New York, United States

Hey can you girls come in through the fucking train with the cops look at me and now I want lettuce to feel a fuck if I don't work

I need Vicky's up in this shit I like my hip pop song let Crips

Any side jobs in the

GREAT THINGS
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September 6, 2018
New York, United States

I had sex with a fucking foreign agent and I decided that was cool because I would eat pizza at a train station and that I would eat up the game present it

I had two guys that want to make out with me but they were fat and having hersome of the girls don't want people

GREAT THINGS
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September 6, 2018
New York, United States

C couple of times I've decided that that was not yet laptop that nap but not enough Motherfuckers in the hose going where or how we're going to win tunnel and Joseph I am lotta ZCG who is that no batteries Nakamura this Lou Bass is a bitch he's a guy he's a bass player who doesn't know how to play long tongues is a friend of a friend but he doesn't know I don't eat that Jayda

his letter is about Larry Craig.  Who remembers that munchkin?

Larry Craig was a Saint until he wasn't one.  That said, he led four lives.  One, a ball boy, two, an a copy editor for Baskin Robbins, three, a Saint, four, the absolute worst guy you shoved a small man on the train and later rebuked said small guy g...

GREAT THINGS
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September 5, 2018
 

Bob Woodard is a national treasure who chronicles the most important events that our country faces. Since "All The President's Men", his laser focus on the presidency has resulted in over a dozen books that have shed light on the men who have run the country and the controversies they created that gripped our nation.  For over forty years, he's unveiled the truth in a non partisan fashion.  In an eloquent manner, he describes the behind the scenes interplay surrounding the presidency and the nature of delicate negotiations which presidential advisors navigate to move forward certain agendas which may or may not be in the public's interest.  Often times, his books are a bitter pill to swallow ...

#REBUILD PATRIOT'S DAY
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September 5, 2018
New York, United States

Salty Chips?

Digs in like a Kelly Gruber or the speed of Gary Petis!  Like a bad flu!!!!

KISS KISS
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September 5, 2018
New York, United States

Item dot not available....

Are you?

ORIGINAL
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September 4, 2018
New York, United States

"I don't depend on my pants to cause me problems. That's for my shirt to decide.  I mean, just listen to this: my cat is a butt poking fool with an appetite for cheese, hot dogs, and Reddit articles about lobster boys.  Have you seen them lobster guys gather around the docks at lunchtime?  My pants give me problems from time to time, sure, but my shoes create other problems for me too.  More inspiration is required to figure out why.  My cat thinks so and I agree.  I think those food loving, no pants wearing lobster boys have deep problems of their own which cause my very own pants to tense up."

"Why", asked Mr. Bonobo.

"Because I said so", whispered a frowning Craig K. of Union Square Del...

GREAT THINGS
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September 3, 2018
New York, United States

Dear Charles Ives,

I had a great life, I mean, I had a great love of Ives.  Charles. Not a Gold Struck of a Gold Shlagger, but a beef cake.

My days ate my future. My cat ate my pants.  I know not yet what lies asunder but this I know. People propose things that your fingers should never know!

Put your hands in your basket.
Stretch your legs and feel your man breasts.  Make breaststrokes with your mommy.

Put your head between your hammerhead shark of an orchid like miles davis AKA david lee Roth crotch lookalike contest and break wind til Bryan yells "that's enough you punk bastard; skybox and all with golf clubs up your anus, drop and give my 50 dollar bill a bowl full of jelly with Wilt...

MAKE IDEAS HAPPEN
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September 3, 2018
 

Dear Charles Ives,

I had a great life, I mean, I had a great love of Ives.  Charles. Not a Gold Struck of a Gold Shlagger, but a beef cake.

My days ate my future. My cat ate my pants.  I know not yet what lies asunder but this I know. People propose things that your fingers should never know!

Put your hands in your basket.
Stretch your legs and feel your man breasts.  Make breaststrokes with your mommy.

Put your head between your hammerhead shark of an orchid like miles davis AKA david lee Roth crotch lookalike contest and break wind til Bryan yells "that's enough you punk bastard; skybox and all with golf clubs up your anus, drop and give my 50 dollar bill a bowl full of jelly with Wilt...

MAKE IDEAS HAPPEN
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September 3, 2018
New York, United States

Sometimes I like drunk people who love to be proud of themselves.

One time a met a hooker who had a thousand dollars.

I love old people with money and lots of pets and went to Loyola.

I had a foot doctor who was so proud he shot him self in the foot because, "what the hell", said grandma with a bad ulcer.

There were so many old people at the May Day Parade that Hulk Hogan had to change his own dirty disharmonious diapers!

One time a dove took forth and hit my ear and I lost my composure and my computer.

"They'll never fire me", cried my friend with a pellet gun and a bottle of home made gin as he entered the tarmac.

THE END.

1).  Big Red.
2). Frankie Bag of Doughnuts,
3). Am orange ho...

YOU ARE AWESOME
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August 31, 2018
New York, United States

Several days ago, I had an interesting thought. What if I could jump off a moving train and then land on a large dog. (I do have that dog). I'll chase a cat and that cat would jump into a pool and then I'll have the dog that I landed on also jump in the pool.   This would help me forget what I was doing in the first place.

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MAKE IDEAS HAPPEN
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August 30, 2018
New York, United States

You goofs!  Where did they come from?  Weekend getaway gone!  Summer vacation, gone!  Pizza and breadsticks, gone!

The goods shall never be in trusted to the goofs!

SPEED IT UP
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