|i would love to have time to sit and write a book but in the meanyime this will do.|
I found myself in conversation about you today and what we used to be, it almost brought me to tears thinking about it. I still miss and love you in a way, but I would never go back. We were perfect together in every way. Why did you have to control and put me down instead of help build me up. We could have shaken the world together but instead we fell apart. I have not and will never let anyone in like I let you, but I will never let you back in either. I know its not healthy to keep my heart so guarded but I cannot do that to myself again.
On no, thats not the way this shit works. You think I'm the only one in the wrong, I'm not saying I'm not but thats the way you act. Like your wrongs are minor compared to mine. Who gave you the book to judge people from, your flaws go down just like mine. Forgiveness is forgiveness and a lie is a lie, they're forgiven all the same. Judge not says God but its okay, as long as its you who's choosing which commandment to break. I dont live like a saint and never claimed to, I at least know how to keep it real and have character not live like a prude.
You see this thing just started by chance. One day I just looked at you differently, it happened all at once and yet somewhat gradually. You drive my senses wild with your demanding tone and the way you can change it to sexy as fuck. I know as an individual I'm pretty fucked up to want you as mine without being attached. I want that seduction of control over you and to have it from you in return. Dont get me wrong I'm also attracted to your mind, its your body thats forbidden so I must keep it inside. Its beautiful chaos inside my body, and I'll keep it that way as long as you'll allow. Even though I'd love to get to know you better, have drinks, goof off, and do fun shit together. Let's fac...
A thought occurred to me the other day, I write a lot about lust, anger, and regret. Some of these feelings consume me at times but others are just an outlet for pinned up frustrations or needs. Only writers would understand that my words are harmless, and that is why I only express myself here. It is my safe place where I dont have to worry about judgment or explain a random thought. I hope to one day turn my writings into a book whether it goes anywhere makes no difference. Its a goal of mine. I want it to be deep, like the reader can feel what I'm saying, whether it expresses love, hurt, or explicitly. Thats what I love in books, the ability to connect and feel what the writer felt whether...
I'm horny as hell for you. The thought of your body connecting with mine makes me uncontrollably wet. I want to feel your fingers deep inside me and your kiss in places it shouldn't be. Why the hell do you have to be so damn sexy. You really dont have to say anything, just the right look does it to me. Your eloquent words just make it worse, its like the worse kind of torture that can't be undone.
You think you're happy in your make believe world of happiness. Where the fuck did you go wrong? You were telling all the wrong stories with all the wrong lines. You think you took the high road by leaving us behind but you're just a selfish bitch who can't be wrong. There's no compromise or second chances, only if it's you who fucked up can there be forgiveness. Keep loving your life leaving people behind who screw up in life or make a mistake. You'll be left all alone at the end of the day, cause at the end of the day no one wants a bitch that won't stay.
I hope you eat your words of self righteousness, thinking the world around you is wrong never looking at yourself. I really hope you ha...
To feel your warm lips on my neck was riveting to say the least. I have longed for you for so long and to finally taste you brought satisfaction and a deeper want for more. I want to taste all of you and feel you taste all of me. The thought of you inside me still makes me wet and when I imagine you sliding into me it is pure bliss. The craving is stronger and more relentless now that I've had a taste of your seduction. The knots in my stomach never go away, just thinking of you touching me and the eay your breath feels on me. Feel me inside and you will see exactly what you do to Me.
I constantly hear people say, leave and dont look back. Why not move forward while also looking back. How can we avoid the same mistakes, people, or situations if we never rexamine and reflect on the past. If its been ten years, still look back. You might refresh your memory of why you left a situation or maybe someone left you and looking back can allow you to see how much better your life is without them. Always look back and examine yourself so you can avoid repeated disasters and enjoy a fulfilled life. It does a soul good to remember the good things about the people who are no longer a part of your life.
I am full of mixed emotions of what not to do wrong. Traveling through this life we make what we think are the best decisions but find ourselves questioning the validity of our reasoning. Should we walk away from someone because its wrong, and who is it wrong to, and in the same sense should we stay because its "right" even though we arent feeling it.This world tells us how to feel and we base our life on the morality of the world when it is unpure itself. This is why we torment ourselves about feelings and decisions, its something that has been taught. What is wrong with living life in the reality that we only get this life once. Should we not make the most of it without regret........
You played with my mind with tempting words and when I played back you couldn't deal, so much for being real.
This paper and stamp reflects my feelings at this moment, to an extent. I am at a place of numbness and feelinglessness. I want to walk away and start over but am afraid to be making a huge mistake. Im at the end of the waterfall where everything is crashing down unrelentlessly and stepping out seems like the right thing to do. At the same time my world is not crumbling when it should be, I am content. The problem is I dont want content, I want happy, I want fire. I want the fire that you have for me to be in me again, i just fear its too late.
I wish things did not have to be complicated. The want is there, it is just ignored by logic and reason and yet your intelligence and assertiveness that create logic also makes me crave you all the more. Your large build and sexy demeanor play with my senses in an unbelievable way. I cannot stop thinking about how you would taste or feel, as wrong as it is my thoughts are uncontrollable. Maybe want is all I can have. I wont keep pushing, I know it can make things worse or uncomfortable, its in your hands now. Oh how I wish your hands would move, even just a little.
Thank you for telling me no. Part of me will always wish you hadn't but more of me is glad you did. Its not the way I wanted the conversation to take place no matter the outcome. I wanted a complete conversation and instead it was a broken one, still I am thankful you had it with me. I needed it to wake up. No is forcing me to deal with my feelings and the problems causing them, and maybe talk it out with someone. Right now I don't trust my own judgement because I feel apathetic and want to just walk away. I don't feel there is love anymore where there should be, on my end anyway. I have held it together and tucked everything for so long that I feel like I am crumbling on the inside. I will ...
What is your biggest regret, and what do you doubt yourself the most on?
My biggest regret is not taking enough time for myself to be happy before I found someone who made me happy. I doubt myself the most on my feelings. Should I feel the way I do about things, or am I just a different breed. My own feelings will forever torment me.
What do you do when you go from couldn't be happier, to content, to unhappiness. The normal response is to leave the situation. Its not that easy when your person has not really done anything wrong and still treats you like a queen. I've lost all interest and have become apathetic to life due to my complacent. How do you tell someone you're unhappy when they are still completely
satisfied. How do you tell someone you have promised to spend your whole life loving that you no longer want what you promised you would give. How can I explain something I do not understand myself. I have talked to people and tried different things but all I'm left with is my unresolved feelings and the regret of no...
Please give in to me so I can expel the overwhelming want for satisfaction. You and only you can satisfy my need. I have played it out so many times in my head, that alone gets me dripping wet. You are present in my mind when I am around you and when Im not and the idea of feeling you deep inside me shakes me to my core but I can only imagine until you show me. So please give in to me, it is what I want and what I need.
Just give into me, I need so badly to feel an aggressive, yet gentle touch from you. I am laying it all out on the line and all you have to do is take one step, the rest will fall into place.
I saw a sign today that said "love never fails", and i almost kept it until i came to a realization. Love fails constantly, we just have to be able to understand and change to continue to love. I have seen love fail by pride, by misunderstanding, by greed, lust, insecurities, disrepect, distrust, unforgivness, and misunderstandings. It is all in the extent to which we allow ourselves to be changed by love without changing ourselves that determines the level that love can succeed.
Writing will never leave me. It is where i can make my daydreams a reality, my nightmares make sense, and my fantasies real. I can unleash every thought in my mind without the worry of regret, right, or wrong. It is riveting to express myself so deeply with no consequences. It is the most freeing thing i do, I can be myself or someone completely different and it puts it out there for everyone to see without showing them whether it is who i am or just who i want to be.
It ticks, it thinks, it thinks about thinking . It plays tricks both good and bad. It can make us think we are somewhere we are not, and believe things that are not real. This wonderful and yet dangerous thing holds an unbelievable amout of power over us, and we continue to let it. Our life can be spiraling out of control and it can send us to the depths even faster or pull us out, but who decides, do we or does it? It is after all one in the same, and yet it feels like we have very little control.
Oh how i long for you to touch me the way i need to be touched. I can show you what its like to be quenched if you just taste me.
His hands were firmly on me as he lifted me into the nearest wall and crushed me with his senses. This is what i have longed for and he is finally mine, even if just for a moment. He is filing my desire to touch him and feel his moist lips on my neck causing my mouth to open slightly with pleasure. His lips quickly make their way to mine as his hands move up my neck to clench my hair and control my every move. His body still firmly against mine i can feel him engorged and wanting, and i am wet and wanting him just as badly, and at that moment we knew we must quench the thirst of our desire.
I often wonder the rhyme and reason to my thoughts. Who would fathom the inability to understand themselves? I dont always understand why i think the way i do, and yet i usually understand where its coming from, if that makes sense. I just think i am a pretty screwed up individual who has great people that love me. Dont get me wrong i love them in return but i feel like the love they show me is 10x what i can provide in return even though i would die for them. I am loyal and yet extremely screwed up.
The real Cinderella:
I was so excited to meet you, i remember it well, i remember it all well. You took care of me in every materialistic way but nothing beyond. Everything you did was to make me fail. I was too skinny, i couldnt sing, my hair was too long, and i was loved by others too much according to you. You repeatedly told me how my mother should have prevented me being born.Your daughter was the greatest and could do no wrong, her chores turned into my chores and the rules changed according to where she was in life even though i was older. If she wanted to participate in an activity we were good to go but if i was the only one it wasnt worth the drive. I had to wake up if i heard you u...
I cannot get you out of my head and the want to fill myself with you is overwhelming. Images of what i desire run through my mind constantly and i fear the only cure is to bring it to reality.
What makes us destined for our life we live? It seems some of us can do everything right and never catch a break, and we see others who continually thrive. Do our previous deeds, good or bad determine what is bestowed on us or is it just a lack of oneness with ourself that causes turmoil? Does the universe really give and take or are we destined to a certain path regardless of our decisions.
I want you to not just touch me or caress me, i want the rough version of you. I want to feels your warm fingers inside me. I want your teeth and mouth clenched on my neck, my breast, and anywhere else you want to put them. I want to feel you engorged in my mouth and then inside me, please do anything except take it easy. Make me sore and make me fulfilled. Do this and you won't regret it because i will make sure and return the favor.
The holidays still come without you here, and the seat you sat in is empty still. We miss you daily but these days are especially hard. When the family gathers we expect to hear everyone's voice, and we know them all by heart. We never realized until you were gone because now there is a voice missing in the crowd that we know so well. You never had much to say but when you did it was witty, sarcastic, and somewhat funny. We never thought we would not have you here to miss your laughter and presence so much, its bitter sweet. So until we meet again, we will hold your seat in our heart and always remember that you are better off.