I've never been the optimistic one. I always see the bad in everything. I ruin just about everything good for me. I second guess just about everything too. I have a hard time trusting people. I rather shut down than talk about things. I don't believe true love exist. I push people away. I think I'm better off alone. I have a lot of regrets. I'm not afraid of dying. I'm not easy to love. I'm extremely unattractive. I'll never be enough for anyone. I have a lot of insecurities.
You put me through hell, but through hell I'll always love you
-I love you my little man
Out of all the feelings in the world, why must I feel like this one.
It happens after giving birth. No-one really knows why it happens but a lot of women go through it. It's like this sinking feeling in your chest, like the whole world's problems are weighing down on you. It's like you can't breath and you only have a limited supply of air pockets in this deep ocean your life feels like. It's like you can't figure out why you feel this way or how it got to this point, but here you are...there. You have this beautiful life in front of you that you made and it's not enough to put a smile on your face. It's like you have this beautiful life you made in front of you but it's surrounded by this dark cloud. It's like you have th...
I moved again. It started off rough. I actually regretted it the first week. Bad things just kept coming my way, I thought nothing good was going to come from moving here.. I'm starting to realize maybe I'm right. I'm stuck in a house with no friends here, just like I was in TX. At least when I moved back home I had people who cared, who actually couldn't wait to see me. Though it was only a few months of knowing them it felt like I knew them for so much longer. I guess I miss them.. Now I'm in FL, and I feel so alone. The one person who's suppose to make me feel less alone is causing this feeling. Why did I think things would change? Why do I keep putting myself back in the same misery? I ha...
It sucks not having anyone to talk to. Constantly having to pretend everything is fine when in fact everything is falling apart. Not having anyone to relate to, everyone being in a different chapter of life as you. So we just bottle things up and hope for the best. We don't see anything wrong with the silence, the anger that builds in us, the crushing feeling of the world we carry. We don't see anything wrong with the feelings that come with the bottled up feelings. We bleed to know we're alive. We cry to know we're alive. We scream to know we're alive. But we do everything in silence because we have no-one..
There is no we, only just you. You fix this, because I'm done.
I've sacrificed so much for you, where's your sacrifice?
I'm at this point in our relationship that I can't even care anymore. Things aren't going to change, not even when Lukel is born. People say babies test relationships, well if anything else puts anymore strain on this relationship we are definitely screwed. I remember telling someone we were at a 7/10 in our relationship, that was last week. I told my therapist we were at a 5/10. I realized now that just because at the time of the question just because we are either not arguing or arguing shouldn't dictate were our relationship stands as a whole. We are a solid 4/10, we aren't enough for each other and it's sad we had to bring a child into this world knowing that.
Where do I go, when I have nowhere to call home?
I don't really nowhere to go, I don't feel like I belong anywhere..
I'm fat, and my body disguises me. You use it and toss me to the side like I'm worth more to you when I'm getting you off. No wonder my body doesn't respond to you like it should. Its not me, it's you...
I'm tired of waiting for something that'll never happen..
I'll never be enough for you. Even when I try my hardest I fall short of your expectations. I'm not sure what you see in me and it's gotten to the point where I don't care. I should probably focus more on trying to own up to my own expectations of myself. They're a lot more obtainable..
I've never wanted to hurt you so bad in my life like I do now..
3 more days until I leave.
8 more days until you do.
I keep telling myself to breath, to relax, to just ignore the negativity but it's so hard. For the longest that's all I lived with. Negative thoughts, negative emotions, negative outcomes..I just lived a negative lifestyle..
Spending time with you means more to me than it does to you..
It's too hot to cover my scars with a hoodie. I hate when the weather doesn't agree with my mood..
I will always be the blame for your misery. If that gives you some kind of closure for your life before you met me then so be it.
19 more days..
You don't want me to stay here because I'll be alone. It's ironic because I feel alone here with you more often than never. I'll be alone wherever I go. It doesn't matter how many people I'm surrounded by...
I've been wanting to move from this state since I got here in July. Now I finally get what I want but not under the circumstances that I imagined. It all happened way sooner than was expected. September turned into August. August turned jato July, and now July turned into February. Back to VA for 3 months then off to FL. I don't wanna live there either...I just want to sleep this all away..