There it is
The long awaited answer
The answer that had gotten the hands trembling out of sadness, disbelief, loss, and fear
The gut wrenching feeling of pain
The thought and feeling that you can make it through anything just disappears and looks as if it never even existed
Tears roll down my sad stricken face burns like a billion fire stick fully aflamed and being kept alive for at least a thousand years
I don't have the strength to go through this
I gave this literally my all
Maybe I am meant to be alone
I just wanna curl up and wither away
This can't be life
I fucked around and loved
I fucked around and fell in love
Now I'm caught up
Trying to find a door
Not because I'm not ready
It's because you're not ready
What are you ready for?
You think you got the stamina for this type of journey?
This is not a game
There's no starting over
There's no reshuffle
What you brought to the table will be the beginning and will be remembered
I fucked around and fell in love with you
Now I wait for your messages patiently but impatiently
Now I anticipate seeing you everyday
Your name is a automatic smile button
I dream about you
All of you
Thinking how all of me can't do without you
I'm all fucked up
My inner spirit won't l...
You will always be
For someone if they're not FOR you.
Something can't ALWAYS be "wrong" with you.
Don't chase... accept... realize...
You will suffer if you don't
Sometimes it's easier said than done
But ask yourself...
Are you happy?
Are you important?
Do you love yourself?
Be truthful with yourself for yourself
I shouldn't feel this way
I shouldn't be feeling this way over you
Here I am
I don't think you understand...
I finally felt safe
I finally felt loved
Like someone actually cared for me
I finally felt wanted, genuinely
Was, is, scared to be vulnerable
Scared to let anyone in
But I was almost there though
I opened up my being to you
I gave you my forbidden fruit
You had me in ways no one has ever had me
Mentally, spiritually, physically
I was committed
I was ready for this
I received you
I magically reciprocated
I went to bed with you on my tongue flowing down my cheeks which seeped back in my empty soul because anyway I can have you I will strive to maintain that even if it's thr...
I woke up that morning excited and nervous, a knot in my stomach. I always feel that way when I'm to see you, no matter how many times I have already.
You make me weak in the knees
You make me nervous and smile like a little girl no matter how many times we've soul touched.
I came to you, we spoke, we sat, we laughed, we kissed, we hugged,
I felt the intense heat, love, desire, pulling our physical being together.
Couldn't keep our hands, our lips, chest apart enough to even breath.
I breathed for you
You breathed for me
We didn't want to separate...
We didn't want to leave each other,
Like any other day...
But that day was not like any other day...
It was the day I became stunt...
When you don't want to admit you needed them
When you don't want to admit they were LITERALLY your everything
In that small amount of time they showed you what was meant for you
Then they disappear...
You try to make sense of the disappearance
What you do?
You ask 'why?'
My world is crushed
My world don't make sense without you
I NEED you! 😭
Nothing makes sense
I'm so EMPTY without you
I cry every night thinking about you
My soul cry out for yours
My skin burns
My tears comes out inflamed of pain
The thought of never seeing you again is me living in a never ending horror movie of life
I can't go through the rest of my life without you
How do I breath when I look at you?
How do I move my lips so the words of my soul can come forth to your perfect ears?
How do I not stare at the manmade love that was made for me by man's flesh...
When do I get the chance for my flesh to touch the grace of yours?
Overlapping tighter than the tightest knot
Never letting go
Gateway to life everlasting
My lips on your kneck
On your shoulders
Where I belong
Your tongue wrapped in mine
My tongue wrapped in yours...
Our hands wrapped tightl
Our souls intertwined
Exchanging euphoric languages
When do I breath?
You couldn't understand me if you tried
When you tried, you still fail, you see?
You can only say "oh" & "it's ok" to "sooth"
When in fact that only makes me feel MORE alone
One you're with supposed to be able to understand YOU, you know... like... soul mates do and how real love translates
But it's not like that with you
It's dry, dead, diminish and non existent
That's how I knew, amongst other things... this, us, could never be
No more settling
I want loving
No more guessing
I want reliable
You pretending only hurts us both
You shouldn't have to try
Real love flows
Reality is what reality is
I mourn your name
I mourn your smile
I mourn your voice
I mourn your hugs and your "I'm fine"
I mourn you
A tear for your love
A tear for your laugh
A tear for your "I love you too"
None of this makes sense
How can this be?
This has to be a joke
Oh no, wait... It's true
But why, gd, why?
Why break me down?
Why break ME?
There's nothing I can do, but,
Tear & Mourn
I search for him in everything I do, everywhere I go
It's like this never ending thought of 'is he watching me?'
'Did he see that?'
A never ending prayer
He tasted me and realized he was parched and starving
we go at it with intent but hold up everyone can fuck but can you make my mind bust?
can you stimulate my mental clit to have me hallucinate and drift?
or all you can do is sit there wishing you was deep inside places you wish you could fit?
I am frustrated.
I am mad.
I am hurt.
I am sad.
I am lost for words.
I am embarrassed.
I feel played.
I feel taken advantage of.
I feel...I am...disappointed.
When you've given someone every piece of you without looking back and they took it and never gave it back but use it to wipe their feet for their stormy weather instead of holding you so close and protect you from the thunder.
Sitting and praying asking...begging...gd to beg you to love me right, love me now, love me forever.
When you made all your choices based on how you feel and not facts. Right there, yes it was right THERE.
When you wake up one morning a zombie feeling your mind body and soul being shattered and eaten alive but yo...
I'm in a hole
standing in a dark hole with walls that looks like dirt...
am I being buried alive?
I feel nothing but cold grainy surfaces around me
where am I?
it's so cold
I don't know what to do
...can't find myself...
I can stop
I can stop feeling for you
I can stop wanting you
as I think to do it the feeling of what you'll feel when I do hurts me so bad.
I don't want to hurt you but you're hurting me.
It sucks when you love someone more than you love yourself.
I want to love me more
I want to be selfish for myself
I want ME
Multitasking with feelings seems so hard
The excuse I give you can myself is 'you need me'
I have needs too.
I have needs, wants, and desires.
Why is this so dam hard?!
This shouldn't be so dam HARD!!
I could have left you.
I could have left you embarrassed and sick to be you.
I could have demolished your mental times 3
but I didn't...
In the midst of feeling like the sky has no stars and I'm solely in the galaxy I was think of you...
How I wouldn't want you to feel my pain.
How I care about your mental.
How I care about your feelings.
How I loved you dearly.
So I sat.
I sat there holding on to nothing but my pain and the embarrassment and how I care about YOU...
YES...even in my darkest of moments you cross my mind and rather I take the pain.
NO I'm not stronger but when you hurt I hurt times infinity SO...I bare it.
So I sat.
Holding in an explosive so rigorous...
The sad part of being in love with someone is when you know for a fact no matter no matter how near or far they are... they will ALWAYS have your heart... your love. No matter how many years you end up being apart from each other...the moment your eyes meet...its the moment of TRUTH that seeps right out your soul and into your eyes and down your cheeks.
I CANNOT hold it in!
I NEED to SCREAM!
This pain in my heart
Drowning in sorrow but I have to stand strong, or, look as though I am...HOW? HOW??
How am I to...?
How can I...?
I'm being eaten alive from the inside out.
When will I heal????
Finally a question a know the answer to...
I cry every night
I day dream everyday
Trying not to be aloof...
hardest thing right now.
I want to punch you in the face but hold you close...
neither will happen because I can't stand to be near you.
There's no such thing as a "perfect" person...
you're NOT fucking perfect and I'm not either but I'm perfect when it comes to you.
I am your perfect person.
I can't for the life of me understand my own mind.
I'm dreadfully in love with you but you love someone else while claiming you "love" me too and you can't get over her.
I don't understand myself...I feel like I'm waiting for you because my heart told me to but my mind is saying I'm "a fool...RUN"
Everyday is a struggle for me knowing you love her and that's where you want to me. I'm the convenience and she's the real deal.
She seems to hold you ways I can't so I think I should leave, stop trying to holding on to a shadow.
I am breathless
I am done
I am speechless
My tear drops and I have had it
I feel like second best.
She will forever win and I'm in the shadows...in her dust and you care...
While you're loving her I'm loving you and so the Question arise...
who's loving us?