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Teek

PO# 643487
United States
United States
Oke oka jeevitham idi jaariponeku
July 15, 2019
 

At times I can't believe that's it's been just the three of us. That's it, just two other people who've been with me my whole life. Two other people that I'd call family no matter what. Two with whom I've shared my laughter, my fears, my tears, myself. Two who I've seen struggle and fight, two who have shown themselves completely to be. Two others with which I got to experience going from living in a place where you'd have to  wipe your ass without toilet paper to living quite comfortably. How could I ever repay that? All the people I met, all the friends I made, all the cousins and family members I saw, and at the end of the day I see only two other people. Who'll go there separate ways. Who...

MADE WITH LOVE
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July 12, 2019
 

Quick question before I get started: what's up with Indian movies and flashbacks? I literally can't think of any Indian movie that doesn't have a flashback in it. What the fuck.

Anyway

A friend of mine,who I really admire and look up to, was telling me about his relationship with his girlfriend. They had decided to take a break from each other and go their own ways for awhile. They were in different stages of life according to him, things had been going well for her, she had made more friends and he felt as if he was being left behind and not as needed. It made me think how endlessly messy life can be. It's fascinating listening to others talk about how messy there's is as it shows how even...

MADE WITH LOVE
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July 9, 2019
 

A formal introduction:

My name's Teek and I'm quite human. I come with various emotions, thoughts, hopes. I'm defined by the music I listen, the the books I've read, the parents I have. I'm filled with dreams. I'm also flawed by all means. At times, It's never enough, the work I put in. Will I ever be enough? Can I ever be that smart? What if I can't surpass my parents? Yet I don't need your pity or your comfort. I'm simply striving to be better. Everything is a fight, and I see a thousand ahead I'm all willing to join. Will I win? Not all of them, there's a few I have to lose before I can. But I'm not here to win, I'm here to fight. I am young, I am growing, with much to learn, I'm here to ...

QUOTE ME
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July 7, 2019
 

I gotta stop being so insecure (yuck!). Back to work and getting shit done

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WORLD WATERCOLOR MONTH
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July 7, 2019
 

As I looked across a sea of people -all shades of various brown - embroiled in dizzying, bright colors I'm initially perplexed, why does everything look the same still? Why do people all sound the same? I am cynical yet again. I have a bad tendency to compare myself with others, and so I'm looking around, asking myself how I could stand out. After all, I've spent so much time trying to stand in. Yet when I was mixed in with that crowd, I'm reminded we're all the same, and also different. It all feels comforting in a sense. These people aren't mediocre they're normal people having a fun time, there kids, adults with jobs, elders, each with a unique story, and I'm no different. I can't quite pl...

WORLD WATERCOLOR MONTH
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July 6, 2019
 

I've mentioned before that I'm running out of time. No I'm not dying, but I am running out of time to "discover"myself, and they're quite a few reasons why. With that being said, in no particular order

Reason numero uno: the perfect image + expectations. Everyone has that perfect image in their head which they day dream of and wants to happen pronto. I have a few of these, and when I walk I think of them here and there. In middle school it was being a rapper, wrote like three edgy songs and waited for that contract by Dr. Dre. When I was little It was being super mega rebel star garram babbu daddy who's a popular actor in his local state. Now it's a bit of everything, it's living up to the i...

WORLD WATERCOLOR MONTH
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July 3, 2019
 

I want to sleep. I want to cover myself in the warmest, furriest blankets and curl up tightly as possible. I wanna close my eyes and drift off, so that I can discuss the thousands conversations in my head and heart them slowly fade away. Except I've a habit to make, though I don't know what to write. I'm stuck, I'm bewildered, but I'm trying to push through. I'm trying to finish this, not for you but for me. Because I'm beginning to think you don't just find yourself, you build it too. It's hard though sometimes, to pry open up these thoughts of mine and see what's inside. I hope I can come back to these letters again in the future, so that I can remember what I felt, who I was. Right now it'...

WORLD WATERCOLOR MONTH
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June 30, 2019
 

"Ek a baar Aaja Aaja Aaja Aaja Aaaaaa JA
Ek a baar Aaja Aaja Aaja Aaja Aaaaaa JA"

Random shit like this gets stuck in my head for no reason sometimes ( I don't even know what those lyrics mean). Out of nowhere a random tune pops up in my head, especially during tests. You can't control your thoughts sometimes. Here's one that's been on my mind no matter how much I try to get rid of it. See I have a bit of a identity crisis that comes with being from one country and assimilating to another, and it's intriguing how romance and relationships are viewed when comparing both. Reminds me that I'm not as mature as I thought. I suppose sometimes I'm not sure what to believe when it comes to that topi...

PANTHER PEAR
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June 27, 2019
 

Life is like rain, sometimes it pours so heavily you feel your world start to sag as it floods your world. It rumbles, cracks and roars so loudly it distorts your mind, at times even striking so hard it shocks you to your core. But like rain does to a plant, it does makes you grow. I hope this drought ends, because I need some heavy rain to finally change.

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ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS
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June 24, 2019
 

Every once in a while I'm reminded I'm running out of time. Some things you can afford to fail, but you can't afford not to try. Because when you do, you might realize it's too late. Drawing and gymming reminded of that again, I feel mediocre right now even thought it's pure joy to stuff three dimensions into two, because damn I'm out of practice. Even when things are starting to fall into place I'll always find a way to keep being cynical. Sitting around like a fat fuck for most of the day doesn't help either.

There's a line in a song I'm listening to right now that goes "happiness is a hot potato that you can't posses for long, just pass it on like a song", perhaps that why I'm like this. ...

LETTRS 2019 STAMP
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June 23, 2019
 

I wonder what would have happened had I stayed back. Had I not come here, what would I look like? What would I say? What would I wear? Who would I be? I'd like to think it's either a long and happy life because of the way things are, or a short one, because of the way things are. I'd be happy perhaps, that I'd be surrounded by family. Happy because I'd likely have friends like me, people all around that are like me infact. Happy, because I'd likely be married, have kids, a job. But Is that worth sacrificing where I'm now though? who I am? All the people I've met so far? Because had I stayed, love likely wouldn't be found, I'd be given, like all the generations before. That life, would all be ...

LIMITS EXIST ONLY IN THE MIND
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June 20, 2019
 

And when one thing ends another begins. Change is rolling through and I have alot to think over these next few weeks and months, alot to change also. I haven't quite found my passion yet and I've still plenty room too grow so at times I feel aimless and lost as the wind. You know what bothers me though, and this has nothing to do with anything I said previously, but why the fuck is there an extra "e" in omelette? Why do silent letters even exist if they're silent? You don't put a mute kid to go third in a debate lineup. Aye Saala... (listening to roobaroo while writing this so why not?) there's quite a bit floating in the air over what's going to happen next , I'm excited, scared, and not at ...

LETTRS 2019 STAMP
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June 18, 2019
 

One day I hope I'll find you again. So I can say goodbye, properly this time. I can never recapture what you had, the frenetic energy you brought, the joy you emitted, the care free nature you so easily presented. I'm not you anymore, frankly I'm not sure what I am. I'm bogged by work, I'm tired out of my mind, I'm alone at times. I used to despise you, because I felt your the reason I'm like this. Now I envy you, I cherish you, because now I wish I could give zero fucks again. I'm not you anymore, but I won't forget, neither you or the subtle lessons you showed by simply being you.

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BE YOURSELF
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June 15, 2019
 

Whatever happened to me? Why do I feel so unmotivated as of late? As I flip through my old notebooks I wonder where this person went, the one that loved reading books, solving puzzles, tinkering with hardware, that wanted to rap. Perhaps I let my fears materialize and my spirit to deteriorate. I believe that for ever person they're different versions, and feel I never got to say goodbye to that younger me. Things changed so quickly. Maybe that's why I can't focus as well anymore, it's all coming back to haunt me. And this version of me right now, this akward shell I put on, this one is way past its due date. I have to go now. I have to grow now. So before I do, before it's my turn to take car...

PASSION OVER PERFECT
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June 13, 2019
 

Often times I feel trapped inside my own thoughts, I just walk and walk and walk without doing anything at all sometimes. I'm wandering around the streets as long I'm wandering across my mind. I try to push them away as far I can everyday, but I can't deny them, I can't deny myself again. I turn 20 in one year. That's two centuries, in which the first half was jack shit and the second half was jack off (hehe). And somewhere along the years, I got caught up in work, I got stuck in school, and I got lost. So now I gotta find myself. I'm giving it one year, one year to grow up, grow big, and be me or else go home. I am unfathomably scared  that I won't be able to deliver, but I have to. "To live...

FEEL IT WRITE IT
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