There is a bitter taste in my mouth
The one I have after biting my words off.
The one I taste after putting away my emotions. I'm in pain. Just not visible on my face.
I hear a constant screeching of wheels stuck in mudroad. Trying to get escape the never ending ever sinking feeling. The feeling of pain undescribable.
My nose is a house of pungent smell. Of slow rotting of life. Of eventual death. Of a callous murder done by me. Of me. I'm in pain. The mute pain.
In broad daylight when the sun shines bright. My eyes, hurt. They are used to perpetual darkness of closed dusty rooms. Of cobwebs and 3 day old coffee. My eyes is accustomed to a mess and loneliness. The kind that I can nev...
We lose people - to life, to someone else, to time, to different circumstances. People start believing that time shall heal us.
Does it really?
Does the void ever disappear?
Day after day,
With you not around me.
I know an year has passed,
And time should have filled up that vacant space,
With memories anew.
But the ache remains the same,
In no way lessened.
I wake up with the thought of your absence,
Piercing my skin like needles.
My heart with spokes of lies.
And it lingers on all day.
I laugh and I always long for you to see me like this,
See me trying too hard to blend in,
To justify what people around me are thinking,
That I have moved on.
You say you're falling in love with me
and that's why you need to walk away now
before I break your heart into two.
Of course, I'll break your heart. I'm an extrovert.
That's what we're famous for doing.
it worries you that I can talk to anyone and make them smile so wide, the ends of their lips have no choice but to touch the wrinkles around their eyes.
It makes you insecure.
You need to walk away, despite knowing that if you leave
my stories will leave me too.
You'll say bye and I'll just open my mouth to try to ask you to stay and you'll hear all my stories shattering inside my chest,
and then as I cry, it'll leave me.
I'll try to find my stories again.
I'll look for it in the los...
"sing to me
like I am your moon
i'll howl into the wilderness because you are
who i miss"
you wrap your hands around my body ,
and I bury my face in your chest.
there's Led Zep playing in the speakers
or Cigarettes After Sex,
because you tell me you can sleep to any kind of music.
we've been doing this since a year
and Google tells me,
it takes only sixty six days to form a habit
and we've done it way longer than that.
i'm terrified of waking up alone,
and so when I wake up in the morning, next to you,
I whisper a 'I love you' in your ear,
not caring if you're still sleeping and can't hear me,
it's a habit.
but we have other habits too,
you sleep on the left side,
i sleep without pants,
and we don't wake up in the middle of the night to pee.
and i know how ...
To The One Who Never Was Mine..
You know how it feels to let go of someone who wasn't even yours at the first place?
Well, here's to this one who made me forget things, forget who I had become and reminded me of who I used to be, and how!
Max existed. But this one, he was there. Let's say momentarily.
He accepted me. I didn't want anything else from him you see. I knew it was gonna end. And I'm just ending it now.
You see we're two different people altogether, so much so like two divergent lines, who can never meet, anymore.
Maybe we'd have rocked the world if we'd met sometime back..
Time when none of us was broken like this.
His lips, my lips, nothing less than an apocalypse. We...
I won’t bore you with my lineage of ex-boyfriends or my musae, although I will say I’ve been a monogamous creature my entire life and love people with that kind of aforementioned intensity.
I have kissed only one boy in college, and in fact in the past 2 years now — and I guess by now, you know who. I have no interest in spending time with people I don’t think can sustain something serious. And the process of trying to find someone who I think is funny and smart and whose parts I want on my naked body? It’s rare. So when I find them, I sink my teeth in.
I’m carefree, YES.
But I feel too much. And I don’t want you to eventually either feel stuck or worse, leave me wanti...
To he PO Box Number that doesn't exist anymore,
Whether it’s supposed to end like this or leave us with more?
The truth that I searched for,
In your self published book of white lies,
The weight of my feelings,
Alone which I couldn't bear.
Darkness has put me under its dreamy spell.
A night so quiet and opaque. Thoughts are loud, yet so vague.
There’s still some noise during this purple night.
Wind doesn’t care whether it’s dark or bright.
It is blowing despite the obscurity.
A sign of great maturity.
Is it time yet?
To stop with the words, the promises,
There are only so many,
Lest we start repeating ourselves if we haven't already,
The stories are all the same now,
One, where we meet and drink and fuck,
One where the galaxies collide,
Or something less dramatic,
Maybe the dogs howl and madmen laugh and strangers profess their love for each other,
Maybe nothing happens,
It's just us, two nobodies,
On our way to nowhere in particular,
The truth is, Max,
I don't remember how or when we met
Just that we did somehow,
The stories are all the same now,
A guy meets a girl in the middle of nowhere
And then nothing happens,
Isn't that a shame Max,
Nothing ever does.
It's one of those nights when I want you to be my bigger spoon and hug me to sleep.
I didn't pick. I couldn't. Because I shouldn't.
Your texts, they make me feel cheap. And worthless.
This feels pathetic. Wanting you and hating you at the same time!
the boy I was
head over heels for,
was muttering promises
in between kisses
on someone else's lips.
something inside me
just gave up that day.
SUPERCUT OF MY LOVE
There are words waiting below my tongue
I want to place them on your heart
And tell you
That my memories of you are what make my heart beat at 3AM when there are war sirens blowing in the distance.
That it's your words
Waiting in the hollow of my collarbone
That leap out in my defence
Pick up the fucking call
And tell you
That your voice is the most beautiful sound I hear
In my spring breakdown
And the leaves churning under my toes
In the autumn remind me of the break in your spine,
That there's a whole lot of sky
Waiting to be sketched inside my heart
And it's only you
Who can pick up the pen
And stroke me with colours.
Tell you that heaven awaits me one day
It has always been hard to leave you, my beautiful!
You're like one spoilt personage whom no one likes, but everyone observes from a distance. Everyone talks about you, but no one ever tries to understand what makes you, you.
But I can't forget you sweetheart, because you've given me so much to take along in life!
Yes, you have your lows, your own loopholes, but who doesn't? And you're working towards bettering it, right?
Delhi - you feel like a moment outside time, your past and your present overlapping on a warm summer morning, while you sleep.
Delhi, simplest you are at the summer dawn, yet even in the clear summer sky, you wear layers. Too many, as I try to strip you naked....
Dear Max Rockatansky,
I love you.
I love you a lot.
I just don't like you anymore.
To whoever who asked me to move on,
Did you tell him too - not to look at me from the corner of his eyes while we cross our paths?
Did you tell him not to leave those texts after getting drunk on the bottle of whiskey he shared with you?
Did you tell him not to watch me, observe me, whenever I am with someone else?
Remember? That on the last day, just before our summer break, I left a letter in your name. It was a goodbye letter, one where I penned down everything, each high, each low, so craftily. I think you do remember, and you have read it too, thanks for that, which is why you sent me a mail reading, "What was the letter all about? Self-explanatory, but never could und...
Every experience no matter how bad it seems, holds within it a blessing of some kind.
The goal is to find it.
Strange that my eyes look for you
When I go to places, where I think I might see you
Yet when I run into you
Words refuse to come out of my lips
Your eyes drown out the sea
And I get lost in them..
If only I knew how I'll be able to forget him, I'd have.
They say they wish to know who he is.
Toxic, cancer is what I tell.
The one who called his beard a Pyramidic Face Fungus! That's my Max!
He'll laugh at me if he reads this. For he never knew my love. For whom love was synonymous to stealing away the matte red off my lips, to hold me tight and strong, but only in a room filled with darkness of our reality, to tear open my soul with his gaze, those eyes high on marijuana.
Hey Max, should I stop calling it love?
But for me it only took that gaze of yours to feel entitled, gratified in my own world!
25. It ain't that younger an age, one where I won't understand the depth,t...
An Open Letter to the Men in my Life
I’m leaving a party
at eleven fifty nine,
I’ve had two drinks,
you’ve had five,
you decide to walk
while I book an Uber ride.
You stroll back home
without a care in the world
while I text my cab details
to three of my girls,
so that if I go missing,
they’ll have something to unfurl.
You decide to get a smoke
to keep you company on the road,
while I fish for a shawl
to conceal my tempting throat;
at this hour,
the world is your oyster,
my worst disaster.
You roam around,
embracing the wind,
while I cover myself,
desperate to blend in.
We finally reach home
in the middle of the night-
you, indulging in being alone,
me, heaving an anxious sigh;
I never really understood why I can't get along with people for long. I share good, deep bonds with them, but it's all for a temporary effort.
I've been with this set of folks I've been hanging out lately. But they've been hiding behind a mask which they won't share. They make me feel aloof and neglected. It's weird you see. Very weird..
And that YOU are gone too, the whole yester year feels hollow. The hollowness which I wish to fill with every new face that I see.
Is this all getting on my head?
Am I turning into the Veronika that wanted to lose herself to an OD?
I need to know.
Hey Max Rockatansky,
It's just a matter of chance that I came across this. But I'm liking it, perhaps because I can be as anon as I wish to be and say it out loud, scream it out loud, and no one will know who I am, who you are!
I don't like this. This feeling. The feeling of wanting you back.
Remember all the times that you shattered my trust and tried to win it back?
But do you remember all the times that you shattered my trust and I came running back to you? The times when you publicly called me a 'bitch'? The time when you in utter drunk state bit my arm leaving it bleeding and bruised?
Do you remember that I loved you still and never let go?
It's been months...
Dear heartbreak kid,
Months have passed and I didn't think about you, only to start missing you again. Who should I tell this to? People already think I am insane.
Insane enough to fall in love with you. Insane enough, to lose my sanity for a person like you.
I have lost myself in you once.
I don't wish to lose myself again.
This but always pops in!
Can you make me forget you?