|"Naïve I was just staring at the barrel of a gun" insta: vishwa3012 (account for the written word)|
"And I'd run to the furthest place I need to just to hear you laugh
Cause I need to find out how it feels to be broken in two halves"
~ More than friends
By Gabrielle Aplin
# Skylark Challenge 83
What is so wrong with believing?
It's scary and crazy and most times a trick played by this lazy mind
But why is that so wrong?
So what if I still dream?
All reality ever did was fail me anyways.
Maybe I need to settle with what I have
Maybe this is all I'll get
Maybe these forbidden fantasies need to take a rest
But then what? Hope and wait and wish for a better future when I can't bother to make this day any different?
I don't want to be safe. I don't want to be "done"
So let me hope for a perilous parody and I'll show you how thorns can make you laugh
It's an enchanting thing- this faith
To be able to follow what never really happened
Innocence looks at you through flaming eyes
As your fingers tremble around tiny scales,
Watch, as your heart spills a beat
Watch the claws grapple with your veils.
Your greed in green, your guilt in gold
Your wins and victories trapped in smoke
His wings they grab your sword of spite
And lost is your head in a dung of might
Don't let yourself in, don't let you win
Let the dragon of your demons fade your sun
For it's a trodden happiness that you lead
And it's a trail of truth that he will make you run
Did you notice how one more second ticked by?
How one more minute, hour, day, month.. year
Ran away from you?
How it all seems to end
When the beginning is yet to come..
Did you notice it at all?
When your eyes started yelling stories
And the crinkles around them added emotion to the bland
Your heart was on fire
Your head put on pause
And everything you had never known
Decided where and when you stand.
Did you ask yourself
Why the new years have lost their shine
And all the forevers seem to be stuck in a dream..
Did you ever wonder?
Well I hope you did
And if you didn't
Remember that your legs are your cane
And your life- your dream
This moment is your new year
And you are your forever
I can't tell you
How to live this life
It's a mystery to everyone here
The ones who claim to understand
The ones who claim to live.
I can't tell you how to get through this
Or how to begin your journey
Because there are no defined routes.
It's a maze and we were dropped in the middle of a cross roads
And you'll have to choose-
Will you be dragged through the mud?
Or will you hold on to the swaying roots
To jump from one toxic tree to another?
See I can't tell you
Because I have made some wrong decisions.
We all have.
And you will too.
But it's ok.
As long as the decision is yours, it's alright.
You need not fret, not now, not tomorrow
For you'll reach the end.
I wish I could see myself from the inside and stare at the darkness and wonder at the light.
I wish I could touch the sparks and copy paste them all over until the dark is but a memory. Then, when it gets too bright, maybe I'll be reminded of why the dark was so necessary.
Maybe then I'll learn to define that black as my own. Maybe then black will have shades.
And the shade that I'm made up of? It'll be so much better than any gold
If I knew I wouldn't fail?
I would open up. Let someone know who I am and not who I let them see. Trust him/her completely and make sure that he/she does the same.
Because I would know that I wouldn't be losing anything and neither would they.
And that's difficult to find in reality don't you think?
White light streams through
Eyes flutter, refusing to open, refusing to close
Wanting to see what lies behind the door,
And not the hidden secrets the shadows might show
But the curious child inside stirs
And the fingers open a vision to un- see
The angel on one shoulder gets nervous
And on the other, a devil laughs with glee
Darkness cloaks the metal floor
Shiny sparkles dance in sudden bursts
Like a mosaic pattern the golden would pour
In a black stage of some embodied curse
Forbidden thoughts enter the mind
Through a curtain revealing ignored words
A smile dissolves in the sands of time
And the eyes stare through the muddy vision
Of a looming colorful and dark hearse
It was like her life had taken a pause. One call, and she could feel the best six months of her life drowning in unshed tears. She could hear them screaming for help, begging her to cry, wail, to say something and get rid of this ennui she had embraced.
Memories choked her thoughts. Memories of days when she thought that she'll never have to feel people limiting her dreams again. Memories of forgetting herself when she felt two arms and legs spoon her from behind. Memories of spending hours in the warmth of unconditional love and never-ending comfort. Memories she'll never live again.
Her back slid down the wall and she sat staring at nothing, wondering when people starte...
Funny what a few hours could do to you.
Only a while ago, he had a fiancée, a job, a well planned, ready-to-go future. And now? All he was left with was a ring he wanted to throw away one minute and hold tightly while he cried the next.
Well, and a home of course. Which is exactly where he intended to go. Specifically, his orange sofa where he was going to spend the rest of his day watching TV, because it's not like he's going to get any sleep tonight. Every time he closed his eyes, the word "disloyal" flashed and hurt his already tired brain. Disloyal fiancée, disloyal coworkers and friends.
Goddamn disloyal life.
He pushed open the door to his apartment complex and he...
29 June, 2016
He didn't send a letter today, just like he had said. And I knew that when he said "you'll see tomorrow", he meant the café. It's Sunday and the school is closed today so it's the only possible place he could have meant.
So here I am. At my usual time. And I'm not scared. More like nervous and excited because well, I confess, I'm falling for him. Stupid of me, I know, but I was never one for smart decisions. Plus, he knows. So I haven't got anything to lose, right?
I walk in the door, and there he is. Standing near my table, his hands behind his back, looking straight at me. He brings his hands towards me and.. Wow. He's holding a bunch of scroll...
28 June, 2016
I should be scared, apprehensive, worried and all the other synonyms of all these words. A stranger knows my name, has my address. He knows about my love for feelings threaded into words which are weaved into sentences- a love I rarely express in front of others.
But somehow, I'm not. Maybe it's because he seems to really mean what he writes. Or because I've never been approached be a stranger like this before.. I mean, most of the times, first conversations with people who can talk without any worries are hell for me. The other person is wondering how to communicate and behave and I always have to try and make it comfortable for them even though...
27 June, 2016
75 minutes till dawn and I've been awake for the past 43. 118 minutes wasted because I now live the life of the hopeless romantic I never imagined I would become. Oh what a few words could do to you *Sigh*
4 days I've been receiving these scrolls. Every morning a knock brings a package that buries into my head thoughts I'd never thought of thinking before.
Time doesn't go fast enough as I jump from daydreaming to scolding myself and then back again.Then comes a knock, or rather The Knock. A "thank you" and sign later, I'm tearing through the package like a crazed monkey. As soon as my fingers graze the rough think parchment, a smile tugs at my li...
He said he loved
She made again
She was patient
He was flippant
She was caring
He was aggressive
She was optimistic
He was a dream crusher.
She cried for help but nobody came. So she left. Not because she was a coward. No. But because she wanted to prove to herself that she was brave. And to do this, she relied on her own hands to wipe her tears away. She depended on her legs to help her get up. And she did this, to thank and support to the tad bit of self respect still left. To encourage that part of her to not give up. Because she still wanted to believe. In happy endings, in a better future, in a happier happiness. Still wanted to...
I get jealous when the girl in the mirror can smile and doesn't have to feel it trembling and I do
Dear Falling Star,
They say you make wishes come true. They say that when someone stares at you while you fall and then disappear, and makes a wish before you disappear, his wish will come true.
But they also said that my Gran is there in the sky and is now a star just like you were before you fell. I tried talking to her. U wrote her a letter just like this one and tied it to a balloon and let it go up to the sky. But she never replied. So I thought they lied because Gran would never not answer me. But I don't like thinking that because lying is bad and they're not bad and also because they said that lying is bad so who would they lie, right?
Well I hope they were good and didn't lie and ...
And the Sylvan boy came to life when her crooked fingers touched his broken chips
17 years of changing myself. 17 years spent trying to be someone better. 17 years of never being enough. Because apparently, something was always missing. Something was always too much. Something was what they wanted and I could never give. Something something something..
That something was never me.
17 years and I always knew but just couldn't accept. The fault was always in me. You see, I never really needed to try.
So I turned up my aegis and wore my cloak of indifference and put up an expression of confidence and yet and yet and yet..
Yet I broke inside. The shell of the egg was still hard, but the yolk? Destroyed.
And then I decided to get out of my world and look...
It makes the chaos look quiet
And the silence seem so damn loud
The colorful looks pretty
But it fades into white
And just when you think it's over,
It explodes into red and green and yellow and blue and black and brown and purple and golden and silver and then..
Then when it gets too much for you,
It becomes white again.
And the chaos that was about to get to your head,
It looks so
A color of rambunctious peace
And tranquil havoc
That's the color I like
A dream faded behind the edges of skepticism and what-ifs. Hope withered. His smile turned upside-down and the sky shed tears that he refused to unlock.
Behind the prickly bushes, a dog cried quietly. But those soft whimpers were heard by another broken soul.
Gentle, cautious footsteps led the boy to the bushes. And there, a moment occurred that gave birth to a memory that lasted forever.
Two pairs of eyes shared unspoken words and helped each other smile again.
Isn't it crazy how the eyes can see and understand secrets before the brain could catch up?
SKYLARK CHALLENGE #2
No I haven't reached the pinnacle just yet.
I'm still stumbling.
Still flailing around for clues, for paths. Still searching, still seeking.
And what did you do? You threw stones at me while I climbed my way up, and laughed when I fell.
You don't have that right. To carve through my mind with your sharp claws and stamp all over my will.
But keep trying, why don't you!
Because I won't stop. I'll walk fifty more steps for every wound you cause. I'll laugh along with you and then laugh more at the look on your faces.
No I won't stop. Not till I reach my destination, or after that.
Because I WILL reach it.
The days felt like paradise.
The nights better than any daydream
Hope bloomed for more such days, it showed on my face.
And just like that, poof! He was gone
She: Oh? So you'd do anything I ask of you?
He: Anything at all. Just say the words.
She: So if I ask you to act like.. say my favorite superhero, would you?
He: Yeah of course. Who is it?
*And just like that, poof! He was gone*
Breathe, girl. Breathe.
So damn high
Still hardly halfway.
Breathe, just breathe
It's visible now, the pinnacle.
Know what that means?
Almost there. Yayy
All you gotta do is
Breathe and breathe.
The rocks are sharp,
The climb so long.
Still, go on.
Breathe, love. Breathe.
Can't reach this one.. Arghh!!
Arms flailing, head spinning, suffocating
Wait! Rock, close.
Calm down. Hold.
Oh god. Head still spinning, still panting.
But not falling anymore. Phew!
Breathe ok? Just breathe.
Have climbed this high, can do the rest.
Still have fifty lives to live.
Have fifty people to make proud
Have you seen a night sky?
The dark and bright
The portrait of stillness
Inspiring feelings of flight.
Have you ever seen a night sky?
I reach out my hand
And with gentle sweeps of my fingers,
Swish the stars around.
But of course they don't move.
They don't really have to.
A smile has already bloomed
And dreams have already taken their positions
To glide and slide
And dance beneath my eyes..
So you see,
The stars need not roam
And the sky's fine with it's monochrome.
It's dark and bright
It's a portrait of stillness
That inspires flight
And that's all it needs to be
To make everything alright.
Have you ever really seen a night sky?
Every time a person leaves you,
Every time you leave someone,
But at that moment, it seems important to go.
"Meant to be"
So they still go
You still go
And it still hurts.
Years later, a memory comes out of some forgotten crevice of your brain.
And it hurts again.
But you've found happiness somewhere else. Maybe not the same, but it's there.
And somehow you know that they're happy too.
Maybe that separation was not meant to be.
Maybe it was.
What matters is that they're happy.
You'll never know whether that moment is supposed to be blamed or accredited.
But you do know that meeting just once again will do you good
Do them good.
Yes tears w...
She used to love being herself.. didn't worry about a thing, wasn't scared. Never even knew the word insecurity, didn't need to.
But suddenly, that word was all she knew. It haunted her, taunted her for all she was.
And those little symbols became her clutch. The means to determine how much love she "deserves".