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Taunting my determination , pursuing my defeat
Why does my smile cultivate indignation?
When I lay my purpose aside to the deafening chants of my failures and fall to my bruised knees in broken despair why do you pound your tongues around my inadequacies and gloat in a victory dance. Do you wish only to see me fail? When I gasp a breath of renewal and pull myself out of the pit of self demolition, once again finding strength to fight loose of my inner demons why do you chain my mistakes around my neck and stake me to the ground? What about my obstinate spirit that despite the army against me both in my own mind and in your eyes makes you turn green with disgust? When a smile extends across ...
My mind is lost in a dysfunctional world
Spinning and stirring it never stops
Where is the broom, how much does it cost
When did I last eat, am I failing them
Why does she hate me, why doesn’t he choose me, am I perfect enough
You step in like cool breeze on a blazing hot day
With your eye full of love and lust
Your mouth trembling with guilt while pressed on mine
Your tongue licking up the drizzling pain my heart leaks
You’re my kryptonite dressed as my hero
Softly soothing my wounds while ripping open my scars
My heart strings hang from my spirit cut by the curse of an empaths walk
Constantly breaking for another’s pain
Wounded by desperation and shackled with guilt.
When I think of you and I and what we represent
When I try to put words or things to our love
I do not see things cuddly and sweet
I don’t think of puppies licking and kittens pouncing
No rainbows or spring showers dance in my mind
Or flowers and strolls on then beach in the moon light.
Baby we are hotter than they hell fire that stirs at our feet
We are not sweet like sugar or fragile like hearts
unknowing of pure brokenness
We are not bound by silks soft caress or tender touches before we kiss
We aren’t delicate or naive or pleasing for the eye to see
Baby, We are fire on a hill side both beautiful and wild
We are thunderstorms and lighting crashing into the dark sea
We are wild horses...
Your fingers dance on my skin to the chorus of an old country song that leaves you wanting to be loved but hanging from a noose. The way you gaze into my eyes like you want to devour my soul and lick my spine from the bottom of my shallow desires to the top of my pride makes me melt like the last icicle hanging from the rickety railing on my vintage heart. Your words seep into my spirit covering the devastating reality with poetically mesmerizing verses covered in fear drenched tears flowing from your eyes. The way you pull me in with your need for my uncompromisable love, enchanted by my unconventional display of affection and falsified strength makes me fall around your finger like a silk s...
The waves keep crashing onto me smothering me with their force.
There has been a storm over my head for way too long
Constantly banging and crashing and crushing everything dear to me
I can’t catch my breath when there are no breaks between
Just take me! Sweep me out to sea
This steady downpour is slowly killing me.
I can’t let go without breaking inside but, for you I will.
My dream of walking to you on a bed of pedals visits me at night but, now drowns in the tears I have cried. They drift into the arid ground of hopes gone dead and cursed fairytales. Escorted by my heart that I will never feel again because all it does is ache for you. Like a birthday wish come true you opened my gift I had tucked away for only you. And as life has its ugly misfortune you returned my offering into my broken hands. Goodbye my sweet fairytale man. Goodbye to my heart I won’t take with me. Farewell to all the hope that i had. So long to my forever that has always been damned.
Why when you are go missing
My heart goes desperate for you.
Why when you don’t think of me
My mind races thoughts of you.
Why when you sleep so peaceful
I am awake frantic for you.
Why do you torture my devotion
When all I want is love from you.
Shackles hold me in this house
Chained by fear and doubt
To leave the place I feel safe
By walking into hell
Look me up, looking me down
howling all around
Panting, foaming at the mouth
Not a boundary to be found
Whisper my name through your teeth
Looking down your nose
Drive a stake into the ground
Tie me in defeat
Throw stones at my brokenness
Light my flesh on fire
Taunting me with your judgment
Curse my legacy sour
melting in anxiety
Crying for sanctuary
I cannot seem to get out
Let me slip back into bed
Where I am safe here bound
Dreaming of outside my prison
Feeling free to be me
No one sees me no one cares
I just stroll about
Let me stay anchored in my fear
I’ll not shed...
Heavy visions never flee blocking out the joy
Present sorrows blanket tomorrow’s
Warming my self neglect
Silver lining, the suns not shining
On these roots of regret
Rhapsody of love
The torture you bring
My most guilty pleasure
When you make me bleed
Tie my wrist behind my back
bring me to my knees
I beg you have no mercy
Even as I plead
Passion built on fire
Fueled my obsession
You’re power I am craving
I Dare you to fear me
Strengthen from my shrills
They will not last too long
Before you loosen your grip
And strum out your final song
Dreaming dreams of make believe
Escaping my reality
Let me stay where you remain
In my bed where fantasies are made.
A scarlet letter bleeds from my chest as it paints my legacy red. I’ve fallen into the most beautiful hell where I found myself bound to what is not mine. His eyes see right through me where others cannot see. His hand they hold me the way others only dream. His tender lips melt onto mine the way dew floats an a rose and the way he speaks to my spirit with laughter makes our hearts dance. I feel safe, I feel sorrow he cannot be mine. His love runs deep into my body and binds me to his side. His tortured soul longs for rest he only finds when he can close his eyes. I miss him when his body is tangled up with mine.
I miss him when he is away to his other life. I burn for his attention though I ...
Your absence is felt by my body like trying to breathe beneath the sea. I keep gasping for
air to find you not there and now I’m drowning in a sea of dry streams and suffocated dreams.
Her laugh was contagious from what I recall and her eyes beamed of joy. She was always surrounded by ones she adored and made sure no one felt ignored . She didn’t need makeup or highlights in her hair. Her beauty shown from within her and her heart was spilt everywhere. I remember her innocence, she was so sweetly naive. She saw the good in everyone and all were worthy it seemed. I can almost hear the silly giggles she would frequently belt out, she thought she was funny that is no doubt. My Lord how she felt everything so deep it’s no wonder she began to always weep. I watched her light dim from within and how her patience began to wear thin. I began to miss her at the parties where she re...
I can’t sleep tonight, I don’t want to close my eyes. This is the first night I know you aren’t coming back. I don’t think the reality is fully set in, I’m still smiling and walking about. I miss you but a hopeful missing you like it’ll be replaced with holding you soon. Maybe I can’t sleep because I know tomorrow will bring me one blink closer to the truth and I want to stay in a lie. If I drift off
to dream land I will wake up in a nightmare I’m unable to escape. You aren’t here with me, you left me all alone. Tomorrow’s maybe has been lost in my imagination just to cope. So many questions I’ll never ask, so many answers that are too impossible to grasp. Wake me up a millionaire, wake me up...
So I had this epiphany a couple weeks ago realizing what a great battle our daughters face. They live in a world based on comparison and perfectionism. They live in a world of instafame, filtered faces, photoshopped bodies, and who has the newest cell phone. Reality has taken a backseat, true beauty has been filtered out and things that are most important have been robbed from their lives. That day, as I was on the verge of tears putting on my bathing suit I had purchased last year when I no doubtably weighed a solid 15 pounds less I happened to glance at my 3 year old watching me. Her sweet face with chubby cheeks and solid little body perfectly made but very different than mine. In that mom...
I have a 12, almost 13, yr old son I rarely get to see. Though I legally have 50/50 custody with my ex he has taken control of my son so that even when I do get to see him it is a time full of him screaming hateful things to me and his siblings and wanting to go back to his dads when he doesn’t get when he wants.
I have absolutely no say in his life. I get to sit here and plead for time with him. Even on Mother’s Day weekend I am told “I have plans” by my 12 yr old.
I am powerless to this man because for the ten years I was married to him he practiced his theory “you tear them down so you can build them up”. For 10 plus years he tore me down until I was a walking corpse of medication mixed ...
One. The loneliest number of all
Have you won your battle watching my fall
Knives slide in my back like butter melting into a heart attack
Tears flow down my cheek into a river of words I do not speak
Syllables dancing on the ledge of my lips
Suffocated by fear and worries with an eclipse
Heart beats fading into a deaf ear
He spread my legs caressing my fear
Tickle my hopes and licking my shame
She spits her hate and curses my name
Suck me dry and leave me to die
Dehydrate my soul, pluck the sliver from my eye
I gave you my heart, Saw no bad in you
Birthed you into life, loved you out of the blue
Our bloodline the same, my spirit you wanted to tame
I gave you my loyalty, I would’ve taken y...
Days spent dreaming
Nights always spinning
Waking up to you
A glimpse at forever
Staring down our never
Sleeping without you
Walking away disgraced
Hiding within our lies
Clinging to my half of you
I dont Want To.
I don’t want to write another pathetic note
Another poetic expression of the broke
I don’t want to spell out pain, love, or heart
Or any other word of how you tore me apart
I’m tired of the way my words look smeared with tears
Stained with how you played me and justifies my fears
I dont want to waste my art on how I ache
Or how you took me for a selfish ride
No more crying or listening to sad songs
No more writing how my heart longs
I don’t want to write a word about you
Or how you hurt me like you want to.
Why does Love have to be so god damn painful
Why when it’s real it can gut your insides out.
Why is it so addictive when you know it always destroys you.
I am exhausted, nothing is real
My heart, my soul, I cannot feel
Will forever never end.
Carrying these bags beneath my eyes
Seeing double while painting between the cries
Will forever never end
Wearing this burden has taken a toll
Shattered and broken, a blacken soul
Will forever never end.
Love you tender, love you true
Loving me is torment, my disaster you knew
Will forever never end.
Waking up from another sleepless night
Keep your focus, keep the fight
Will forever never end.
Endlessly needed, endless lies, endlessly defeated by inevitable goodbyes
Will forever never end
Days and years that broke my heart
Violated my story before it could start
Will forever never end
Ironic desires, an...
How she floats on the golden floor of heaven
When she moves her body, you will beg her for more
But, if you dare to breathe her in you’ll suffocate on her fear
She doesn’t know how to contain her own savage spirit
So she feds her brokenness on the passion of your soul
The resilient rhythm of my heart beats deeply to the your symphony of lights. The majestic show that dances on the walls echoing the ribbons of rainbows cascading from dangling diamonds the gentle sun has kissed. What beauty they carry in their rare strength and captivating sparkle that makes us all forget. Such magnificence brought to life through millions of years of traveling through the heat, and pressure, and raging earth to be a trophy, a treasure, a symbol of love. Precious diamond in the rough I’ll wear you in my heart. You've come so far and survived the hard worlds mission to destroy your shine before you were a glimmer in my eye. Beaten and broken before the light was seen. Your e...
“Push harder” as I remind myself who i am.
“You’re stronger” as I remind my body what it is.
“You are best alone” as I remind my heart how it feels.
Remind myself that I am the second place winner. I am the second runner up. In life, in love I am number 2.
Work hard, work better, make the money so you can live in poverty.
Be pretty, nip and tuck, paint on your face to remain second in the race.
Love strong, love loyal, love those who need your love to keep them with their number one.
Push yourself girl! Push harder, scream in between the breathes and cry between the pushes. Feel you muscles tearing and ruining you working wrists. Fall down and melt between the moments of success and rememb...