|𝐖𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐉𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐂𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐎𝐛𝐬𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐎𝐰𝐥𝐬, 𝐒𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐬 & 𝐈𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞|
I have not been writing lately.
I have been focusing on me and my family so much and the changes we have made are unbelievable!! To be able to move on from such depression and built up anxiety is a huge accomplishment for me and everyone around me has noticed a major difference.
I have my best friend who has been by my side for countless days, helping me through so much as I have been helping her. I can't imagine not meeting her, these last 4 months have been absolutely wonderful for everyone around me and I know that things are just going to get better from here on out!!
I'm thinking I may keep this lettrs account open but I may not... I have transferred everything I have written to...
I always said that life couldn't get any better and I was so depressed. Even my short stories reflected on this. Well it just so happens that life does get better.
It gets better when you remove the negative in your life.
It gets better when you start being positive and not letting others words bring you down.
There are many people that dislike me but its only because I pushed them away. My ex husband because I left him, I realized what was best for me and the ones I love and my best friend because I removed her from my life, again it was best for me and the ones I love!!
I will always do what I need to do for me and the ones I love to be truly happy and so far I am as happy as I can be...
She contacted me again
She lied to me again
When will she ever learn
When will she realize
I don't understand why she even bothers. She's the one that gave up on me. 20 years later and she still hasn't apologized... She will never see how much she has hurt me. She doesn't truly care.
I used to think to myself... This is the end.
It cannot get any worse from here and it was too difficult to try and make things better. My life felt like it was falling apart all around me. No matter how many tears I held back, my river never seemed to dry up.
I tortured myself and blamed myself for everything that happened, I knew it was all my fault but I knew I had to make some big changes. Instead of continuously putting myself down I started to turn things around.
Things started to get better, but I question myself every day...
"How long will this truly last? When will my river hit another pile of rocks?
There was something about her that made him absolutely crazy.
The way she touched him made shivers run down his spine, just as they did when he touched her in return. There was something about their love that was unbreakable, uncontrollable.
Through the many years they had been together, they still managed to have the sheets fall upon the floor, the room heated with desire. They had many things come between them but nothing could tear them apart. Every morning she woke up and she couldn't believe that he still laid there beside her.
She felt as if his love, she did not deserve.
So many times she would try to push him away, feeling she was never good enough...but he always made her feel...
“Why can’t you just be happy?” They ask, not realizing that the question alone could tear me apart, make me feel like I’m making everyone around me miserable, make me start thinking to myself that I’m useless and alone.
What they don’t see is that the person in the mirror is the only one that truly understands me, but just like everyone else; can’t help me through my emotions. As I stare at my reflection, I wish it could talk but talking to myself has never helped in the past.
Her mind is a free flowing mess. Like a hoarder had resided within her thoughts, bottling up useless emotions and making it harder and harder for her to let go.
Trying to clear it all but she doesn't know where to begin, which mess of emotions she should take care of first. Begging down on her knees secretly hoping someone will come by and clear the mess for her, she can't do it on her own.
I haven't been able to write lately... I noticed that I was always writing when I was in a bad mood or needed to be alone. When I was depressed or feeling like I had no one to talk to... But something has changed.
This month I made a couple new friends, people I have gotten pretty close with and have been able to speak my mind. Instead of just saying "I'm sorry" or "that sucks" they have actually been helping me work through my tough days to the point where I haven't had many bad days anymore.
I've woken up happier and I have gone to bed happier almost every day. I made a change in myself by realizing what was bringing me down and took a big step to change my life.
I've noticed a change i...
Throughout her life she had made many mistakes, destroyed a lot of her own happiness and pushed so many people away...but lately she has started making better choices, even though others may not agree with them. Through these new choices she has made, she's been able to put a new smile on her face, her temper has subsided and people have even commented on how calm and happy she seems lately.
To get to this point, she disappointed someone who she thought was close to her but what she realized is that she will be better without them, just as they will do without her... maybe they just haven't realized it yet.
She was tired of trying to fake happiness that she was even fail...
Yesterday was one of the best days of my life. For so long I had been fighting for something so close to my heart and I won. I fought a battle that tore me apart, broke me down and made me shed many tears.
Yesterday those tears dried up and a forgotten smile returned to my face.
I will always continue to fight for the things I believe in!!
Gaining the strength, I finally released myself from my ballerina stance. Stepping down off my rock, one foot into the white fluffy substance around me, I inched closer to the walls of my forever home. It was made of glass and outside I could see everything, the untouchable beauty.
Laying my hand against the boarders of my permanent home I looked for a way out. A way to be free, but the glass formed a circle around me. Suddenly I could see someone walking my way. Running back to my rock I stood once again, one foot up, one standing. Arms high, hands touching. I stood gracefully waiting to be alone again.
She turned the dial and quickly tipped me upside down, that same son...
No matter how many letters I write to you, I know that you still wont be able to read them but secretly I hope your standing behind me, watching me type each and every word meant for you.
Every now and then I look back at the memories of your 100th birthday and how happy you were to have a plaque signed by the queen of England. I remember the words you said to me when my grandmother was giving me grief about a recent tattoo I got... I can still hear your voice in my head saying "Sweetie it's your body, you do with it as you wish." Than you pulled me closer to you and whispered in my ear "you know what would look really good, a vine of roses on your side, a secret garden....
You don't realize that the world cannot be put on hold just because you're not ready. No matter what the situation everything is going to continue to move along without you. This is not one of your precious video games, there is no pause button to push at your convenience.
You don't realize how much she is going to look up to you but if you keep making promises and breaking them or continue to not fight for her than she is going to start giving up on you as well. One day you're going to realize just how much you have lost because you waste your time on things that do not matter... you waste your time on things that you think matter more.
You cannot see what she is wo...
It's A Child's Birthday Party & I'm The Candy In The Piñata...
I was sitting there, surrounded by so many just like me. Crowded, squished against the walls of this hard paper material. I could hear screams, cries, and beautiful laughter all around me, muffled by the unfamiliar place where I sit. I found a crack in my enclosure and took a peak outside. Suddenly I noticed little kids running around playing tag and eating cake. Adults standing by watching all the fun emerge. I could see that I was high above the ground swaying gently in the wind, a little bit of breeze poking it's way past my wrappings.
From my right I could see a man with what I think children would call a base...
It's true... Love is like war.
Not only because it's hard to stop, but because it is a constant battle to protect the things you don't want destroyed and to destroy the things that try to kill your love.
Your words and your actions are your weapons.
Your tears are the blood shed upon the battlefield.
Your loyalty is the support you give your team.
Your heart is your country, fearing death.
Love is like war... it takes more than one person to be successful.
Love is like war... people who don't believe in you will try to burn you down, creating ashes upon your unblemished alliance.
Make Love, Not War.
Do you ever feel like you're drowning from the inside...
Yeah that's how I feel today and I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it. Constantly feeling like I' burdening the ones around me. Slowly sinking on the inside. Slowly dying by the hands of my emotions.
I'm tired...No I don't mean that I haven't gotten enough sleep, hell I could probably sleep my whole day away if I wanted to. I'm tired of my own thoughts, the images running through my mind while my life is passing me by. My emotions have stolen my happiness.
I'm alone... No I don't mean that I have no one around me... I have more support than I could possibly dream of. But I feel alone in my head, I'm the only one fight my o...
I apologize if my letters / short stories offend anyone. Just know that even though some of these are written through my own emotions or based on my past, some of them are fiction as well and just random things I write. So please do not feel a need to worry about me.
I write many kinds of short stories. At least one of them everyone can relate to. I like to put others lives into my mind set and write as if I was in their shoes.
I always wonder if my readers can pick out my stories between my emotions and when I feel others emotions.
She feels like she's SCREAMING...but no one can hear her.
Kneeling down in the corner of her room, a kitchen knife laid before her. They don't know how much she wants to take her own life. She can hear them, their emotions surrounding her through the walls of the house. The paint peels as she screams back but they ignore her. The door shakes, someone is trying to get in...but she has locked up her emotions for only her to see. This room is her private area, her secrets embedded beyond it's windows and doors.
It's so empty in here. Yet she's surrounded by her favorite things. All she can see is the light shining on the silver blade laying, waiting, craving to share her emotions. Picking i...
There is my happiness...
Standing in the middle of a circle, surrounded by darkness, my memories dancing around it, taunting, teasing, ripping pieces of my happiness from it's being. Slowly I can see it getting smaller and smaller. My circle of memories getting bigger and bigger.
My happiness is stuck in this dance, unable to escape, surrounded by the evil of my past. To the left I can see my mother bring home guys that I've never met. Me and my siblings fighting for our lives while we watch her soak up all the freedom and happiness.
To my right I can see my foster parents, trying to figure out why I'm so miserable... but they could never break me.
Behind me I can se...
She stood still, her hands placed on the counter in front of the sink. The window before her shining in a light too bright, but she couldn't stop staring. Standing in a house so clean and organized but through her eyes everything was still a mess. The warmth of her home was inviting but against the floor her bare skin felt the cold that only she could feel, a darkness only she could see.
The cracks in the floor, parting the tiles so elegantly made her think of the cracks intentionally splitting her heart like an impossible puzzle. If only her pieces were as easy to put together, if only the edges of each fragment were as prominently noticeable.
He stood there staring into...
Your love is like a heavy rock,
No one can remove it from where it belongs.
Your heart is like a star in the sky,
It shines for everyone to see.
Your soul is like the whisper in the wind,
Sends a shiver down my spine.
Your voice is like falling rain,
I can't help myself, but listen.
Your arms around me, holding me tight.
Please don't ever let go.
Your skin against mine, keeping me warm.
The cold unable to find it's way.
Your fingers gently sliding down my spine,
Making my body feel intensely weak.
You whisper in my ear, a sweet "I Love You"
Making my heart feel like stone...
Forever buried in a garden, planted just for you.
"I Love You Too"
Hello Again Beautiful Butterfly,
Not to long ago you let me catch you and now you're living in my world and im there to help you as you help me. But always know you're free to go whenever you wish. I will never stop you from spreading your wings.
Its sad to see that right now you dont want to fly too far, you seem so down and your wings dont seem to be as bright as they usually are. I can tell that you've lost something you cared about truly. Just know im going to try my best to help you shine like a fairy in the sky again!!
I can practically hear her screams trying to break through her skin. Her emotions dont only show with the faintest of sadness lingering off the corner of her mouth but through her thoughts that I can almost hear from the other side of the door.
She's been broken down so many times by people she trusted or had hope in, that its practically become routine.
"keep stomping on her dreams" she can hear them demanding from the depths below her feet.
Her friend standing by her side, watching her tears fall, watching her heart break but standing there with a sad look practically matching hers in realization that there is not much she can do to put her friends pieces back together.
Feeling like a puzzl...
"I've been trying!" She said, as she wiped away a tear from her eyes. "I dont think there is much more I can do to put a smile on your face."
She felt like she was dying inside trying to make the man in her life happy while losing her happiness in the process...
"How can I keep this up?" She asked herself again, her heart feeling weak... Well what was left of it.
Im surviving each day, away from you
I escaped from your strong grip
I erased my emotion from your world
I broke through the abuse.
I am stronger than you but you may be tough strength prevails in many different ways
I was able to leave from your hold
your words no longer scared me
I was a coward for so long
Now I show others how to be brave.
I know I haven't written in a little bit but I have some wonderful news to share.
I finally built up the confidence to start writing a novel and I've been working hard, planning, writing out all my details and ideas.
last night I was so proud of myself because I completed Chapter One of my novel and im still on fire!!!
I want to say thank you to everyone here, you've all been an inspiration to me and for that I am grateful. I can't wait to share my novel with you all and dont worry ill start writing some more ASAP. I realize I've been slacking on here!!!
Feeling like you're constantly being stabbed in the back... But not by others. Twisting your life and dragging the blade down your own spine. Standing tall through everything that's ever tried to pull you down. Everything that's tried to help you push the knife in deeper seems stronger but now you're trying to pull away and unable to overcome the multiple hands that are forcing you to keep a tight grasp on your weapon.
You bend and break due to the weight pushing you from behind. First your knees hit the floor and before you know it you can no longer stand. You realize you're no longer in control.
You bleed and scream on the inside until the hands of your failures think they have finally br...
Your story...is it true?!
When you're in your eternal sleep, surrounded by the fine handcrafted structure of your forever bed and your family is expressing words above your body, will there be someone shaking their head...Will they be doubting the words that once flowed from your lips?
When you're soul is separating itself from your body and you're still holding onto that secret, what will you do? Will you continue to hold onto your words, will you bite your tongue even in death?
Is your story good enough?
Is it going to be memorable?
You see those flowers... you may not be able to touch them or smell them but I hope you realize that someone laid those there for you. ...
I made a giant splash
As someone threw me into the ocean
The water submerging my body
As I sank deeper towards the sand
The rope wrapped around me
I cant breathe, I cant feel but im strong
Im not cold, or scared but I'm falling
sinking into an abyss with no limits
I hit the ocean floor with a thud
A sound so loud yet no one can hear me
The sand around me making a cloud
Its thick, but eventually it settles
I lay there waiting, holding on tight
until I feel a tug on my rope
Releasing me from my resting place
why would you want to pull me back
I'm an anchor and all I do is hold you down.
Dear Secret Keeper,
Staring down at your wings, you may be getting annoyed with my constant need to vent to you. I keep thinking if I share any more of my emotional rants that the weight is going to keep you from flying, but you're the only one that will listen...
They said don't talk about it...
How could they think that would be so simple?!
They said don't listen to them...
But that's all I ever hear.
Their words are like daggers...
A stab to the heart.
Emotional damage, that tore me apart.
I'm alone. Fighting a war by myself...
I chose today to be the day that I finally put that fancy little lock on my journal...closed it up for good. The leather strap binding it ...