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You've Got Mel

PO# 623067
United States
United States
✉ My soul was never meant to be sober so I stay high on spilled ink ✒ https://xxfilesblog.wordpress.com
September 19, 2017
Albuquerque, United States

A year ago today I lost my son, my precious Jordan. It's been a year and the pain is still raw. The tears still flow at the drop of a hat. My heart still aches fiercely. It's been a year and the grief is still new. My sadness is still monumental. My womb continues to ache with the desire to birth life again. It's been a year and every time I see a baby bump my throat grows a boulder and my tears grow rivers, every time I see a baby my heart breaks anew. My grief is still bigger than my joy for others. It's been a year and though everyone else has moved on and put him out of mind, he is still written on all of my thoughts. There is no pain in my life that compares to losing a child and for the...

INTERNATIONAL DAY OF PEACE
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September 18, 2017
Albuquerque, United States

I am. I am. I am.
I am so much more than my body, than my past, than my disease.
I am more than the words I write, the books I read, the songs I sing, the people I love.
I am more than my smile, my tears, my laughter, my fears.
I am more than a woman, a wife, a mother.
I am more.
I am. I am. I am.

- Melodee Korff // I Am More

INTERNATIONAL DAY OF PEACE
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September 15, 2017
Albuquerque, United States

It's been said a time or two
that an apple a day
keeps the doctor away
and though I can't attest to that fact
I will swear by this instead:
a poem a day,
in whatever form you bleed your ink,
keeps the depression at bay.

- Melodee Korff // A Poem A Day

GREENPEACE DAY
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September 14, 2017
Albuquerque, United States

And darling,
when you fall in love,
fall in love with someone
whose bad habits
you won't mind inheriting.
Fall in love with someone
whose mannerisms you won't mind picking up.
Fall in love with someone you won't mind becoming. Because, darling, you'll find bits of him in you:
good and bad.
You'll learn from him
and he from you
so when you fall in love,
fall in love with someone
who will bring out the best in you.

-Melodee Korff // When You Fall In Love

GREENPEACE DAY
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September 13, 2017
Albuquerque, United States

Most days I do okay. I make it through the day without anxiety, depression, the chronic pain holding me back. Most days I manage well enough. Then there are days like today when I lose it; when my weakened immune system takes a hit and I have to go to the doctor yet again. I've been running a fever off and on for a couple of weeks now. First we treated a kidney infection and then last night there was noticeable swelling of my nose and eye and I went in this afternoon to find that one, I have cellulitis in my nose and two, that my vision, which already sucks, has gotten progressively worse. So, obviously not good news but I was taking it all in stride. It's just part of the spoonie life, right...

POSITIVE THINKING DAY
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September 12, 2017
 

Brave looks beautiful on you
With flint in your eyes,
Steel in your jaw,
And iron in your steps.
I know you're scared.
Hell, so am I.
But when I see you don your courage
Like your favorite dress
I know that nothing in this world
Has the power to hold you back.
Brave looks damn good on you!

-Melodee Korff // Brave Looks Good On You

POSITIVE THINKING DAY
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September 12, 2017
Albuquerque, United States

Thought of the Day

I feel like Presidents should have a probation period and if the American people are unsatisfied with their performance then they can give the President the boot and re-elect someone more competent. Four years is a long time to live with a mistake.

-Melodee Korff

POSITIVE THINKING DAY
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September 11, 2017
Albuquerque, United States

There's a monster that comes to bed with me every night wedging itself between my husband and I, creating a divide so great I don't know if we'll ever be able to cross it and find our way back to one another. It holds me hostage from all the things I once enjoyed, beating the smile right off my face. It throws me in a cage of self contempt and tosses the keys at me and watches as I struggle to reach them through the bars of steel, right there but right out of grasp. The monster mocks my feeble attempts and I find myself cowering in the corner, my face in my hands, tears streaming down my face. It's quiet in the way it destroys me: little by little so people don't notice right away but it does...

NEVER FORGET
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September 9, 2017
Albuquerque, United States

I tuck her in every night
with a smile playing on my lips
as she asks for just one more story,
one more kiss,
one more lullaby.
And I can't say no to those big blue eyes
and that dimples chin.
One more story.
One more kiss.
One more lullaby.
Because I know one of these times
when she asks for
just one more
it's going to be the
last time
and then it will be me asking for
just one more.

-Melodee Korff // Just One More

PARDON DAY
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September 7, 2017
Albuquerque, United States

Never in my life
have my hands
felt the unbearable weight
of being empty
as the day she let go of my hand
to wave goodbye
as she crossed the street
all by herself.
Why didn't anyone warn me
about all the times my heart
would get broken
as I watched the marvel
of my daughter
growing up?

-Melodee Korff // The Weight of Empty Hands

PARDON DAY
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September 5, 2017
Albuquerque, United States

Your mouth
is not a
cemetery
but still it can
bury you
six feet under

-Melodee Korff // Six Feet Under

INTERNATIONAL CHARITY DAY
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September 2, 2017
Albuquerque, United States

I shed my skin
again and again
hoping that underneath
one of these layers
I'll find a version of myself
that I can love enough
to stop trying to change it
to fit into these four walls
we call home

-Melodee Korff // Fitting In

BARBARA BARTKIEWICZ
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August 25, 2017
 

Leave me to bleed.
Leave me to morn.
Another month of failure.
Another month of sorrow.
Another month of an empty womb.
Leave me to bleed.
Leave me to morn.

-Melodee Korff // Leave Me

NATIONAL DOG DAY
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August 22, 2017
 

All of the words sound like white noise,
old radio static,
a coin falling to the bottom of an empty wishing well,
like the unintelligible sounds
from the original Charlie Brown shows.
There are millions of thoughts
running through my mind
but my tongue has suddenly become tame.
The wild thing it once was
is caged behind a wall of paper
just waiting for the inky alphabet
to drip across its virgin surface.
What is a writer without words?

-Melodee Korff // Writer's Block

TOTAL ECLIPSE 2017
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August 18, 2017
 

I filter myself
through adjectives and verbs,
changing the perspective of me
not through colors
but through words,
filling libraries full of rainforests
rather than photo albums full of memories.
I've not been left untouched
by careless, greedy hands
but I am yours
if you don't mind taking the time
to read between the lines
and finding the hidden treasurers
left for you in the margins.

-Melodee Korff // The Unabridged Version

PHOTOGRAPHY DAY
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August 17, 2017
 

Peter Pan was no lost boy.
He was a dad,
a dad who saw time
slipping through his fingers like water,
a dad who wished so hard on falling stars
for time to slow down
that Asteria herself created Neverland
and handed it to him.
Peter Pan was no lost boy.
He was just a dad
who wanted a little more time
with his kids
before they inevitably grew up.

-Melodee Korff // Peter Pan Was Just A Dad

PHOTOGRAPHY DAY
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August 15, 2017
 

What if I told you about the beat up little house that raised me?
The one with the windows shot out by gangs?
The one where no matter how much scrubbing took place
I could always see my mother's blood pooled on the bedroom floor?
The one with the closet I hid everything worth saving?
The one the cops knew like the back of their hands?
The one across the street from the school
where I'd steal food from lunch boxes
to feed my younger siblings?
The one with a Michael Jackson poster laid out on the bed
that I'd lay next to, thinking it was my mom,
wishing she'd come home?
The one where I sat on the front steps
from dawn till dust expecting her to come back,
where I cried when I reali...

MADONNA
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August 14, 2017
 

Why should you be surprised
that my tears
carved the path for change
when it was waters
that carved out the Grand Canyon?
Are my tears any less powerful
than the waters
that fill the ocean's depths?

-Melodee Korff // One Drop At A Time

MADONNA
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August 13, 2017
 

Insincere smiles
Covered fangs
Your words like bullets
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Fatal shot
Right to the heart
You finished me off
But it was just the start

-Melodee Korff // The Beginning of the End

NATIONAL LAZY DAY
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August 10, 2017
 

We blow on weeds
with wishes sealed to our lips
believing the seeds will land somewhere
and bloom into our wish come true
but we refuse to believe
in our own ability
to make our dreams come true.

-Melodee Korff // Weeds and Wishes

NATIONAL LAZY DAY
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August 9, 2017
 

I never cared if I could bounce
a quarter off your ass.
I wanted to bounce
ideas off your mind,
poetry off your tongue,
forever off your heart.
I wanted to be tied to each of your dreams,
not just your bed.
I wanted the love of a lifetime,
not just the night.
I wanted you.
No conditions but
all strings attached.

-Melodee Korff // All Strings Attached

GERALD R. FORD
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August 8, 2017
 

This grief comes in waves
And it knocks me down
And it's all that I can do to fight
So that I don't drown

Waiting and waiting
For a way out of this mess
But there's no end in sight
And I feel so helpless

I'm just one face in the crowd
Caught in the undertow
Suffering in silence
Lost to the ebb and flow

A fish out of water
I always belonged to the tide
I just never dreamed I'd end up here
Drowning in the tears I've cried

-Melodee Korff // Fish Out Of Water

GERALD R. FORD
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August 7, 2017
 

God, with trembling hands,
created you from
all my broken pieces.
How else can I explain
how being with you
makes me more whole
than I've ever been?

-Melodee Korff // Two Halves Make A Whole

GERALD R. FORD
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August 3, 2017
 

"Do you feel like me?"
It's a question that's been engraved on the seal of my lips,
A question I seek to pair with an answer like a fine wine to a cheese.
I search for it in the eyes of all those I pass.
Do you feel like me?
Has your body, once a place you called home, become a prison?
Do you feel like me?
Has your heart outgrown your body? Has it outgrown this world?
Do you feel like me?
Unnoticed, unwanted, unable to relate to the life you've been thrust into?
Do you feel like me?
I wonder as I watch you what built you into the person you are today.
Did you go through hell?
Was it worth it if you too feel like me.

-Melodee Korff // Do You Feel Like Me?

ANNE FRANK
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August 1, 2017
 

The tide never needed you
to lasso it in.
It came and went
as it wanted
long before you thought
you could sweet talk the moon
into doing your bidding.
What makes you think
you can tame me
when I myself am composed
of star dust?

-Melodee Korff // The Sun, The Moon, The Stars

WORLD WIDE WEB
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July 28, 2017
 

I've never served
in any branch of the
military
but there's a
purple heart
hanging from my chest
from all the times
it's gone to love
and found a war instead.

-Melodee Korff // Purple Heart

NASA
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July 27, 2017
 

His love was like the
freckles
sprinkled across the
bridge
of my nose:
spotty
at best and easily
concealed.

-Melodee Korff // Fickle Love

NASA
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July 26, 2017
 

Look, I'm not trying to coast through life.
I just want to make it to my deathbed
kicking and screaming
and leaving claw marks on everything,
forcing the world
to remember me
when I'm no longer among the living.

-Melodee Korff // Claw Marks

ONE VOICE DAY
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July 25, 2017
 

I fold in on myself
like origami
until all that is showing
are my sharp edges,
trying to protect myself
from this cruel world
but I'm still just a girl
with a paper heart.

-Melodee Korff // Paper Heart

ONE VOICE DAY
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July 24, 2017
 

How many times have I dragged myself
to sleep at night,
pain throwing a rager in my body,
certain that I'd not see morning,
only to kiss the sun the next day
with tears in my eyes,
thankful beyond measure
to live long enough
to suffer through one more day.

-Melodee Korff // Another Day

ONE VOICE DAY
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