|Hi... I'm Zahra! I studyy Philosophy at university, I love writing and I also an artist!|
An excerpt from the book i am writing:
I know that I exist, I am present. And my words that you are reading are evidence enough for my existence. I don't want to believe that my life is an illusion, though I am captivated by those who do. However, my soul feels uneasy every time I unlearn what I can see. I do not believe that I am asleep, I do not believe that everything that supposedly exists around me is just a part of my imagination. But I do not know.
To find the truth I must unlearn everything that I have felt and seen. But I am young, and now is not the time. I do not have the experience nor wisdom to find the truth. Essentially, I have no interest in finding the truth to my existence...
I can't seem to remember how it starts, but all I know is that day by day my heart sinks, slowly. And I do anything, to stop it from drowning in the sea of misery, but nothing can stop it.
I just want to disppear.
I want a fresh start.
I have writers block. It's like I've been cruising along a highway and suddenly there is an accident and there's nothing I can do but wait for it to be cleared out. That's what is happening in my mind right now, there's something that's blocking me from reaching my creative vices. And all I can do right now is wait...
For now I'm just going to read lettrs written by others and look for some inspiration.
I have so many questions that are yet to be answered. But this one is repeatedly entering my mind and my thoughts. I've been beginning to question the existence of love.
Now don't get me wrong, I do believe that love exists, in many different forms, whether it's unconditional or conditional, love between parents and children and friends. I could list so many instances where love exists. But my mind has been occupied by the thought of romantic love.
I'm not usually one to bother or even think about love in that way, I'm not actively searching for love either. I know what my priority is in my life at the moment, but for some reason I've been thinking. Probably thinking too much.....
A love letter to 15 year old Zahra (me) Part 1
You are passionate, powerful and creative. And as much as you remind yourself of those words you might seem to sometimes forget it. Sometimes being too passionate can hurt you because you're not seeing the results of your hard work straight away. Sometimes being too powerful could weaken you because some people don't like powerful young girls so they'll try and stop you and sometimes being too creative is a struggle because you have a vision but not the skills to follow through.
But that shouldn't have stopped you. That should never stop you and let me tell you something, it hasn't stopped you from being the greatest version of yo...
I have written things, for as long as I can remember... from diary entries, to poetry, and even my own blog. But when I wrote these things I never felt like I was being authentic. There was always something stopping, the fear of feeling vulnerable or the fear of judgment.
I don't like emotions and feelings, well I like talking about it and I love the philosophy behind everything in life, but letting people in is something that I can't comprehend. And maybe that's why the greatest writers are so great, because they allowed themselves to dig deep and with so much courage they shared their words.
One day, I hope to be like them... but until then I'm going to promise to work on my...
Today I woke up feeling peaceful and calm, which is rare because I usually wake up extremely hyper and ready for the day. Recently I've been forgetting to appreciate all the simple moments in my life, I've gotten so caught up in me, and figuring out who I am or who I want to be that I've somehow forgotten the people around me... does this make me a bad person?
You see the struggle I face, comes from within me and it gets tiring being that person. I want to change my life I want to feel all the peace, but I just seem to be missing the mark. Maybe this world wasn't made for peace, why do i have to travel far and wide for it?
I think a lot about who I am, because over the years ...